Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the Angelverse. Any originals are mine.

A/N: This is in response to the And Babies Make Nine challenge posted by Kat at chocolate covered strawberries.

Also, this story will by no means win any Pulitzers -- it's just a fun little thing that I'm doing because I thought the challenge was interesting. It takes place at the end of Expecting in season one. Instead of the demon spawn disappearing, the girls go into labour.

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The second the liquid nitrogen hit the demon, Cordelia felt the telepathic hold it's spawn had over her disappear completely. And the first thing that entered her newly free mind was Ew. She was currently standing in a vat of the most vile, rancid, nasty goop she had ever seen -- God only knew what it would do to her tan.

Then her anger took over and she climbed out of the pit, trying valiantly not to breathe in the smell, and marched over to Wes and Angel. Wesley backed up as she approached, but she barely noticed. What she did notice was the big pulley hanging on a rope, and the fact that it was directly in line with the frozen demon daddy that had knocked her up. Grabbing hold of it, she reared back and let it fly, feeling immensely gratified when the Popsicle Papa shattered.

"I hate dating," she commented idly. "Can we get out of here? I need to take the world's longest shower...." She trailed off at the looks her partners were giving her -- or rather, her stomach. Looking down, she gasped. "But....how? They were supposed to go away when the...."

Wesley jumped in, sensing that Cordelia was on the verge of panic. "Theoretically, yes, the spawn should disappear. Perhaps it just takes a little time."

"And if it doesn't?" She demanded shrilly. "What then? Am I actually going to have to give birth? Or-" She paused, her mind finally coming to the conclusion that Wesley himself had drawn. "Or are they going to die... in there? Are they going to die inside me and just stay there!?"

Angel started forward, stopped, totally unsure of himself. "Cordy...."

"What?" She snapped. "What's going to happen to me, Angel?" Her voice wavered near the end, a sign of genuine fear -- something that was rare of Cordelia Chase. The vampire sighed and then reached for her hand. "I don't know, Cordy, but we'll figure it out. I promise."

Marginally placated by the promise, Cordelia felt some of the fear abate. "Damn well better be soon. I can't st-" She stopped mid-sentence and clutched her abdomen as a sharp, piercing pain took control. "Ow." The last time she'd felt anything remotely similar to it was when she was run through with rebar in that factory in Sunnydale, and she had absolutely no desire to reminisce.

Immediately both men were at her side, firing off questions left and right. She ignored them until the pain faded. "Guys, I think I'm in....in labour."

If the situation hadn't been so damn unreal and absurd, she might have laughed at the identical expressions of horror on her friends' faces -- only because she knew it wasn't about her giving birth to demons; it was about the fact that she was giving birth, and they had no idea what to do about it.

And then the situation only got more complicated. As the guys argued over their limited options, a voice from behind spoke up. It was Serena, the woman who'd introduced Cordelia to that scum Wilson Christopher in the first place.

"Hey, um.... we're in labour too."

As one, the three of them swung around to see four women with varying degrees of pained expressions on their faces. Angel and Wesley literally paled to the whitest shade Cordelia had ever seen on a person (dead or not), and she did the first thing that she could think of. She laughed. She laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks and her sides ached.

Then the ache in her side turned into a contraction and her laughter transformed into a gasp of pain.

"Hospital. Now."

Immediately both men objected. "But they're not human..." Wesley admonished. Angel nodded his agreement. Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Fine. If you guys want to deliver multiple babies from five women at the same time, be my guest." Cordy figured that that was the exact moment the gravity of the situation fully dawned on the guys. They exchanged one brief look and replied in unison.

"Hospital. Now."

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"I am never having sex again!" She said it with fierce determination as yet another doctor 'took a quick peek inside'. "Men should be castrated just for what I'm going through."

Half the OB/GYN department was currently in her room, and every one of them twittered at her exclamation. All new mothers said stuff just like that, they said. But once she saw the face of her little miracle, all thoughts of abstinence and castration would fly right out of her head.

Cordelia was immensely glad they'd given her the drugs already, because if her entire lower half wasn't numb, she would have gotten out of her bed and strangled them all. Plus, the no pain thing was pretty great too.

Angel was also in the room, but she'd made sure he didn't venture past the middle of the bed. Just because every other person who walked in the room got to take a look at her goods didn't mean he got to. Still, she was glad he was there for support. She didn't think she could do it without him. He'd been handling most of the questions by giving short answers to the serious ones and stonewalling the frivolous ones asked out of curiosity.

And there had been a lot of them.

From the second she and the other women had been brought in (it had taken two trips) they had been a curiosity. No pre-natal medical history on any of them, all multiple births, all single women, and all in labour at the same time.

Thankfully Wesley had managed to cover with a fairly convincing story. He'd said that they were members of a support group catering specially to single pregnant women with multiples. The due dates had strictly been coincidental. The hospital staff had been too concerned with taking care of the women to ask too many questions, and in fact had had to send two of the girls to other hospitals because they didn't have enough staff to deal with all five. Cordelia had been whisked away, Angel close on her heels, while Wes had graciously offered to take care of the paperwork.

Two hours later she was laid up in a hospital bed, numbed from the epidural, and just about ready to push. All things considered, the doctors informed her, things were progressing very quickly.

Cordelia didn't bother to repress the snort. They had no idea.

And then, just like that, the doctor planted herself on a stool at the base of the bed and told her to bring her knees up to her chest. All Cordelia could do was stare. "What?" The nurse on her right mistook her confusion and grabbed her knee, demonstrating what was to be done. Cordelia felt paralyzed with shock and dully pulled her left leg up to match. Angel held her leg in place while trying to keep his eyes on hers.

By that point she didn't care what he looked at. She just wanted the entire ordeal over and done with.

The doctor smiled up at her. "Ready?"

"No," she whispered. She wasn't ready for it -- she didn't want it; she didn't even want children. At all. Kids had never factored into her life plan. Step-kids, maybe, but that was it. And because of that, she actually hoped the babies were demonic, no matter how many lies and stories they'd have to tell, just so long as she didn't have to be a mom.

"Okay Cordelia," the doctor said. "Push."

And so she did. She pushed and pushed until the cows came home until finally -- finally! -- Doc exclaimed that Baby A was crowning! Silently she locked eyes with Angel and pleaded. Mercifully he understood and looked down at said crowning baby. Through the haze of pure physical exertion, she tried to study his face, but all she could see was awe.

Awe didn't explain anything. She could have been literally pushing out a litter of kittens and he'd have had that stupid look on his face.

"Well?" She prodded quietly as Doc said to stop pushing. Angel's mouth was still hanging open as he replied, "It's a..."

"Girl!" Doc exclaimed, finishing his sentence and holding up the slimy yet human infant. At the sight of the pink face, Cordelia could only think one thing:

"Okay," Doc said cheerfully. "One down, five to go!"