Identity Issues

This is what Bruce Wayne should have told Jack Drake in Robin #125.

All characters are the property of DC Comics.  No money is being made on this story and no infringement of copyright is intended.

"I'm going to expose you to the world!" Jack Drake announced.

"If that's what you decide to do, I won't try to stop you," Bruce replied calmly.  "But I hope you'll give me just a minute or two to explain why that would be a terrible course of action."

"Alright," Drake said grudgingly, "you have two minutes."  He looked pointedly at his watch.

"First," Bruce began affably, "what do you think will happen if you tell everyone I'm Batman?"

Drake was taken aback.  "Well… the police …."

"What do you think the police will do?  Arrest me?  But the Batman has not committed any crimes.  At least, none the police are aware of.  After all, they could arrest him any time he answered the Batsignal."

Drake looked nonplussed.

"I'll tell you what will happen.  First, I'll sue you for slander and since…"

"Hah!  You wouldn't dare!"

"… you don't have a shred of evidence that I am Batman…"

"You want to come back to our apartment and see the Robin uniforms hidden in my son's room, Wayne?  Or read this war journal?"  He brandished the notebook under Bruce's nose.

"Jack," Bruce replied mildly.  "You may have proof that your son is Robin, I wouldn't know, but that is not evidence I am Batman."

"Who else could it be?  He spends all that time here, it has to be you!"

"I don't know who Batman is and neither does anybody else.  If you try to convince a jury on that I'm Batman because your son is Robin, there'll laugh you out of court.  And," Bruce's voice suddenly turned cold, "I will take every cent you have or will ever earn.  If I let you keep a cent, it will only be out of sympathy for Tim and Dana and solely at their discretion.

"And then there's the criminal charges."

"What?"  Drake looked confused.  "I thought you said…."

"Oh," Bruce laughed.  "The police won't arrest me.  They'll arrest you, for 'willful endangerment'."

"What?  I… I don't understand," Jack replied weakly.

Bruce shook his head in bemusement.  "Jack, Batman has a lot of enemies.  Your accusations will put me, and everyone I care about, in danger.  Since you ought to realize that obvious fact, your actions would constitute 'willful endangerment'."  Coldly, "I will pull every string I can to get you convicted with the maximum possible sentence."

Affable once more, Bruce continued, "Of course, being a billionaire, I'm already surrounded by top-notch security.  And, after that… incident last year with Vesper, we've tightened up the security.  So I, personally, won't be in much danger.  But if your stupidity gets Tim or someone else killed, that will make it voluntary manslaughter."

"Tim?  What do you mean?"

"Jack, you used to have a brain.  People may not believe I'm Batman on your say-so but they will believe you when you say Tim is Robin.  Besides the evidence you say you have, they'll figure you know what your son is doing.  Besides Robin's own enemies, lots of Batman's foes wouldn't mind getting back at him by killing Robin.  The Joker, for one.  Although he might think it would be more fun to start by killing you and Dana in front of Tim first."

Jack slumped against the mantle piece.  "Dana?  Good God.  I… I never thought of that."

Bruce gripped his shoulder reassuringly, while gently removing the journal with his other hand.  "Jack, pull yourself together, man.  I think you need to go home and think about this.  Come see me tomorrow, or the next day.  You're always welcome here, you know that."

As they watched Jack Drake's car disappear down the hill, Alfred asked, "When do you think he will realize he no longer has Master Tim's war journal?"

"By the time he gets home.  Were you able to get a hold of Tim?"

"Yes, Master Bruce, I contacted him immediately after I called you.  He should be home by now and I imagine by the time his father is home, the hidden closet will contain only 'girlie' magazines and perhaps a few pornographic movies – the normal things a teenage boy would hide from his parents.  Mr. Drake will have no evidence to support his wild claims and I am sure Master Tim will be able to handle him."

"Good.  In a week or two, I think a 'head hunter' will contact Jack about a job opening at Wayne Tech."

"Won't he realize it's a bribe?"

"Of course, but it will be sufficiently divorced from me that he won't feel he has to refuse.  That will give him another reason not to talk and leave him with less time to spy on Tim."

"Master Tim may have to give up being Robin for the time being."

"Probably, until Jack gets too busy in the new job.  I remember what a workaholic he was and I doubt that's changed.  In a month or so, he will be too busy to pay much attention to Tim.  As long as he's careful, Tim should be back as Robin shortly.  Which is a good thing.  Who could possibly replace him?"

"Perhaps, the Spoiler, sir?"

"Really, Alfred, that joke is in poor taste."

"My apologies, sir."

Author's Note: I really am a fan of the Spoiler.  Really.