DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the crazy shit ms. rowling created.
warning: casual man-sex. don't like gay people, or promiscuity, don't read. that simple.
one should also note that this does not make sense, and i acknowledge and am perfectly fine with that. best read if you're confused already.
"Potter."
"Malfoy?" Harry stepped out of the shower in the quidditch changing room, soaking wet and naked.
"I just thought to tell you that your parents are dead, your friends are poor and racially inferior, and that scar is really, terribly ugly."
"You have stupid hair," Harry pointed out, reaching for a towel and drying off his face, leaving the rest of his body still exposed.
"True," Draco reasoned, sizing up the situation and Harry's member, all the while humming the tune from an old mentos commercial (after all, Draco was quite the mental task-master), " but you live with filthy muggles who hate and abuse you."
"Your father reeks of gross-superiority."
" Your owl reeks of bird poop."
Harry blinked. This was obviously going too far.
"Now listen here, draky-poo, one more owl comment and I'll be sending you out of here fatter than a two legged dog strapped to a rocket strapped to a cannon ball strapped to ... to... YOUR FACE!"
Draco blinked. Than they both blinked, in unison. Draco snorted, "you mean faster, dumbass."
"What?" Harry asked slowly, swinging his head violently to the side as he said it.
"You said fatter, instead of faster. It was quite funny actually, hahaha."
"Alright, I have a few questions I need answered," Fred Weasley asked, stepping out of the shadow.
They stared at him encouragingly.
He took a deep breath and began, "why, Malfoy, are you in here? Why, Harry, are you not asking the same question, and are you two real, or is this just another hallucination?"
Harry could smell trouble. Oddly enough, it reminded him of the stench of whiskey and peanut butter, mixed together in a glass bowl and molded to form sand castles, minus the sand. Draco, apparently, had interpreted the scent as something else entirely, as he began to take off his clothes.
"If you were hallucinating, would I be naked right now?" He asked energetically, hooking his thumb inside his panties and ripping them off violently.
Fred pondered.
And, Harry realized, it was true what they said about feeling a lot more naked when somebody else got naked with you. Then Harry started to wonder whether 'they' existed or were a figment of his imagination, made up to kill time between empty brain waves and seduce unsuspecting Slytherins. He decided to find out.
"Hey, Draco, you know, I feel a lot more naked now that you're naked with me!"
"Is that some sort of muggle lyric you're reciting to me in a vain attempt at seduction?"
Ah, now he remembered where it had come from. Or was that the elephant...
"Er, no," Harry replied, looking stumped, "I think that was a rejected thought that came from my brain that I decided to spew at you in a vain attempt at seeing if I could seduce you."
"Oh, well in that case, shag me senseless, you sexy man-beast!" Draco cried, jumping nakedly onto naked Harry and sending them both tumbling to the ground.
Fred cheered, " WOAH! Nice move, I'll have to try that one on the quidditch field! I know Oliver will love it, despite his having left the school years ago and come to think of it, what the hell am I doing here?"
"I don't know... but wanna join us?" Draco panted, from somewhere beneath Harry's gigantic... masculinity.
"Well, okay," Fred sounded unsure as he started to take off his shirt, "but I have to be back for dinner, we're having spaghetti tonight."
"With meatballs?" Wood queried, strolling in already half naked and looking dead sexy.
Light shone on him and a gust of mysterious air tousled his hair.
"This is turning into a really bad, cheesy gay porno, super quick!" Harry exclaimed, grinding his hips in a thrusting motion as a rather catchy song came on an invisible radio.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, as their surroundings had invariably changed from the quidditch changing rooms to a peaceful cabin in the forbidden forest.
"Who is it?" Draco called, sweat gleaming and sliding down his lean, naked chest.
The sweat called nervous.
"Mary-Sue!" came an annoyingly melodious voice, "I was walking through the woods, feeding carrots to homeless gophers when I smelled man-sex. May I join you?"
They all stared at one another, in turn, then, in perfect unison, turned back to the door.
"Acutally, Mary-Sue," Harry started, sounding nervous, "we were not having man-sex. No, we were having a sleep over. Boys only," he added, sensing her excitement grow, even through the wall that was separating them.
There was a low, angry growl, and an angry thud. Mary-Sue had, in a horrible fit of rage, collapsed at the front door, her heart no longer beating.
"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore cheered, apparating into the room and rasing his hands triumphantly at the naked orgy going on before him, "you have defeated the evil Mary-Sue, who, incidentally, turned out to simultaneously be voldemort in disguise, mine and Professor McGonagall's love child, Snape's long lost twin, and Hagrids childhood babysitter who evilly sat on him. You da man."
He winked and blew a kiss for no reason, the twinkle in his old-man eye suddenly seeming creepy and ridiculously inappropriate for the situation. Then he dis-apparated, leaving the four seemingly random strapping young lads to the deed that lay before them: Butt-fucking until the cows came home. And might I add, there are no cows currently attending Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
warning: casual man-sex. don't like gay people, or promiscuity, don't read. that simple.
one should also note that this does not make sense, and i acknowledge and am perfectly fine with that. best read if you're confused already.
"Potter."
"Malfoy?" Harry stepped out of the shower in the quidditch changing room, soaking wet and naked.
"I just thought to tell you that your parents are dead, your friends are poor and racially inferior, and that scar is really, terribly ugly."
"You have stupid hair," Harry pointed out, reaching for a towel and drying off his face, leaving the rest of his body still exposed.
"True," Draco reasoned, sizing up the situation and Harry's member, all the while humming the tune from an old mentos commercial (after all, Draco was quite the mental task-master), " but you live with filthy muggles who hate and abuse you."
"Your father reeks of gross-superiority."
" Your owl reeks of bird poop."
Harry blinked. This was obviously going too far.
"Now listen here, draky-poo, one more owl comment and I'll be sending you out of here fatter than a two legged dog strapped to a rocket strapped to a cannon ball strapped to ... to... YOUR FACE!"
Draco blinked. Than they both blinked, in unison. Draco snorted, "you mean faster, dumbass."
"What?" Harry asked slowly, swinging his head violently to the side as he said it.
"You said fatter, instead of faster. It was quite funny actually, hahaha."
"Alright, I have a few questions I need answered," Fred Weasley asked, stepping out of the shadow.
They stared at him encouragingly.
He took a deep breath and began, "why, Malfoy, are you in here? Why, Harry, are you not asking the same question, and are you two real, or is this just another hallucination?"
Harry could smell trouble. Oddly enough, it reminded him of the stench of whiskey and peanut butter, mixed together in a glass bowl and molded to form sand castles, minus the sand. Draco, apparently, had interpreted the scent as something else entirely, as he began to take off his clothes.
"If you were hallucinating, would I be naked right now?" He asked energetically, hooking his thumb inside his panties and ripping them off violently.
Fred pondered.
And, Harry realized, it was true what they said about feeling a lot more naked when somebody else got naked with you. Then Harry started to wonder whether 'they' existed or were a figment of his imagination, made up to kill time between empty brain waves and seduce unsuspecting Slytherins. He decided to find out.
"Hey, Draco, you know, I feel a lot more naked now that you're naked with me!"
"Is that some sort of muggle lyric you're reciting to me in a vain attempt at seduction?"
Ah, now he remembered where it had come from. Or was that the elephant...
"Er, no," Harry replied, looking stumped, "I think that was a rejected thought that came from my brain that I decided to spew at you in a vain attempt at seeing if I could seduce you."
"Oh, well in that case, shag me senseless, you sexy man-beast!" Draco cried, jumping nakedly onto naked Harry and sending them both tumbling to the ground.
Fred cheered, " WOAH! Nice move, I'll have to try that one on the quidditch field! I know Oliver will love it, despite his having left the school years ago and come to think of it, what the hell am I doing here?"
"I don't know... but wanna join us?" Draco panted, from somewhere beneath Harry's gigantic... masculinity.
"Well, okay," Fred sounded unsure as he started to take off his shirt, "but I have to be back for dinner, we're having spaghetti tonight."
"With meatballs?" Wood queried, strolling in already half naked and looking dead sexy.
Light shone on him and a gust of mysterious air tousled his hair.
"This is turning into a really bad, cheesy gay porno, super quick!" Harry exclaimed, grinding his hips in a thrusting motion as a rather catchy song came on an invisible radio.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, as their surroundings had invariably changed from the quidditch changing rooms to a peaceful cabin in the forbidden forest.
"Who is it?" Draco called, sweat gleaming and sliding down his lean, naked chest.
The sweat called nervous.
"Mary-Sue!" came an annoyingly melodious voice, "I was walking through the woods, feeding carrots to homeless gophers when I smelled man-sex. May I join you?"
They all stared at one another, in turn, then, in perfect unison, turned back to the door.
"Acutally, Mary-Sue," Harry started, sounding nervous, "we were not having man-sex. No, we were having a sleep over. Boys only," he added, sensing her excitement grow, even through the wall that was separating them.
There was a low, angry growl, and an angry thud. Mary-Sue had, in a horrible fit of rage, collapsed at the front door, her heart no longer beating.
"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore cheered, apparating into the room and rasing his hands triumphantly at the naked orgy going on before him, "you have defeated the evil Mary-Sue, who, incidentally, turned out to simultaneously be voldemort in disguise, mine and Professor McGonagall's love child, Snape's long lost twin, and Hagrids childhood babysitter who evilly sat on him. You da man."
He winked and blew a kiss for no reason, the twinkle in his old-man eye suddenly seeming creepy and ridiculously inappropriate for the situation. Then he dis-apparated, leaving the four seemingly random strapping young lads to the deed that lay before them: Butt-fucking until the cows came home. And might I add, there are no cows currently attending Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.