WARNING! Spoilers for episodes 19-26. I think that's all. Maybe some extras
thrown in as well. ;
Disclaimer: I don't own trigun nor do I own the song "Who wants to live
forever". Those belong to Nightow and Queen. I'm just a loving fan.
(A/N-This takes place around the end of epsiode 25. The night before Vash
set off to find Knives. And this is my first Trigun fanfic and my very
first songfic so cut me some slack please.
This fic is in Vash's POV. R&R please, )
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I stand on the cliff that overlooks the desert and the town of Oreal as the sun is setting. One thought keeps running through my head. One person, to be more specific. She has helped me, watched over me, followed me... Even when it could have meant her life. Just a half-hour ago, she saved me from death...and from my guilt. She opened my eyes on things as well... Meryl... In the begining, I would try to ditch her, but no matter how many times I tried, despite how many times I told her to leave for her own good... even when I yelled at her, she still followed me. But now I find that it's comforting. I'm happy to have her follow me, and I almost can't bear the thought of her leaving... But...
There's no time for us
It's I who has to leave now. Tomorrow, I have to set off to find Knives. A part of me wishes I could just stay and live with her... Live with Meryl? As a friend... Yeah... Hmmm... But even if we were more than that... There's no time... Not enough time.
There's no place for us
And if I could make time, I couldn't settle down... No, because I will allways be hunted. I know I said it won't be over 'till I find him, and settle things... And I know that day is tomorrow, but there will allways be a bounty on my head... Probably for the next hundred years. Which means there's no place I could stay in long enough. I would never be able to have a life with Meryl that way. I know she'd allways follow, but I couldn't do that to her. That wouldn't be the life I'd want her to live. Moving town to town with an outlaw. And yet,
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
From us
I still wish... It would be a dream to live a normal peacefull life. And to live it with her... Yeah, a great dream, but that's all it is... And it just slips into the fog. The void that isn't reality. That dream might never be... Will never be because of who I am... and what I am. Immortal.
Who wants to live forever
I've lived so long now... It feels like forever. Knives once said that the beauty of being a plant, and what seperates us from the humans, is that compared to them, we live forever. But who wants that?
Who wants to live forever....?
I don't. I've lived one-hundred and thirty years now... That's longer than Meryl will ever live. And what do you know? I hear footsteps behind me and can only guess who it is. I can't help but let a knowing smile spread across my face. I turn to look at her. Upon seeing my smile, she smiles as well. She's standing ten feet in front of me. Her smile then fades.
"Vash... You scared me today. If that man would have shot you... I..."
She looks away from me now. I wonder what she's thinking... Maybe she feels the same way I do... No... Not Meryl. She can't even stand me... Though she did save me today. Maybe. If that's true, that she does feel the same as I do, then there's a chance we could be... No.
There's no chance for us
It would never work. I'm a Plant, and she's human. We haven't any chance together... None at all.
My eyes catch the look on Meryl's face. A look of confusion and concern. Oh. I now realize my expresion on my own face has seemed to change into a sadened and serious one. Being the cause for her concern, I feel I should apologize to her.
"Sorry... And... Thank you Meryl."
I smile again. A way to show that what she did for me today meant a lot. She stares into my eyes now, I can't help but stare back.
It's all decided for us
As I stare, I think some more about if we even have a chance... I can't help but wonder... Rem always said the ticket to the future is always blank... But it doesn't always seem that way. Fate seems to have a firm grip on us at times. Like things are decided for us already. As if the decision was never ours in the first place. It really seems that way with her... Meryl.
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
She's looking down now, her gaze no longer upon me. Now there's an akward silence between us. I feel I should be the one to break it. I walk over to her. I say her name softly. She turns and looks up at me with those misty- grey eyes of hers.
"Your welcome..."
Welcome?? Oh... I see. She's responding to my thank you. I now notice it hasn't been that long since I said it, but it still felt like it. I had forgotten. Was lost in thought, as I seem to be a lot lately. She smiles a small smile, I smile back. The look on her face is soft and she's just staring in my eyes... Then she blinks and her look changes a little... To a more casual one.
"Well, I just thought I'd come up here and see what you were up to... I mean, you're still hurt. You should be in bed..."
She's concerned again... I gently put a hand on her shoulder. I smile at her. A soft smile... She looks a bit confused and nervous. She's now staring at my hand... Wondering what the gesture meant. Why had I done that? Also... Why isn't she slapping me?
Who wants to live forever
I relize how comfortable I am this way. Her look now reads the same. But... the same thoughts from before come rolling back into my mind. I'm immortal...
Who wants to live forever?
Which means if it's love I'm feeling for her right now. And if that look of hers means she returns my feelings, then I would just be going against all the points I made earlier. The points I told myself. I'll live forever. She won't.
Who dares to love forever?
"Vash?"
She's noticed the now stressed look apon my face... I remove my hand from her shoulder and turn away. I don't know what to say to her... I...
"Vash... I... I mean..."
I turn back to her. She seems to be struggling to say something. I listen.
"I... I've been thinking... Thinking... oh, it's stupid."
She whispered that last part in an irritated tone... Irritated at herself, I think. Could it be the same feelings? Could she want to say what I so desperatly want to say? I start to say it aloud. Start to voice my feelings. She turns to me, she seems to be hoping I say it. She seems to want me to say what she cannot. "Meryl, I..." I start, now's my chance... A smile starts to spread across her face, she's coming closer to me, she's inches from me now as I try to tell her, but...
When love must die
No. I jerk away from her and turn my back on her. All the memories come flooding through my head. The innocent people; Brad and Wolfwood. It'll end like that. It always does. And I never want to hurt Meryl. If we were to love, it would end up dying in one of two ways. She watches as she grows older, but I stay the same. She wouldn't want to love me then. Or, it could end with her death... An early one. No, I never want that to happen. I feel something wet drip down my face. A tear. I'm crying?! Yes... The thought of living without Meryl... IS that unbearable...
But touch my tears with your lips
I feel a hand on my shoulder suddenly. A little surprised, I turn around and see Meryl look at me with concern, hurt, fear... Most of what I'm feeling. She sees my tear and her look then gets a twist of sadness too. But I also notice a small tear drip down her cheek. I reach out and wipe it away gently. I stare into her eyes. Her misty-grey eyes. I lean closer to her face. My eyes go from her eyes to her lips. I lean in even closer. Dare I? No, everything stands in our way. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't work out, it-- I'm shocked, yet happy as her lips have just met mine. As scared as I was to proceed, that didn't stop her. Meryl? Kissing me? A deep kiss. A satisfying one... mixing with our tears.
Touch my world with your fingertips
I run my hands through her hair as we kiss. She runs hers down my back. I draw back now and gaze into her eyes once more. I want to listen to reason and stay away, prevent her from getting hurt... but I can't. Slowly, her fingers touch her lips in wonder... then lightly caress mine...
And we can have forever
I'm still gazing into her eyes. She has a bit of a surprised look upon her face as well. Perhaps because I kissed back? Or maybe she's surprised at her own self. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters except right now, this moment. My gaze into her eyes has been broken by her closing them. She then leans her head against my chest, letting her hand drift down to my shoulder. I wish this moment to last forever... And as I close my eyes, it seems to.
And we can love forever
She seems comfortable in my grasp. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a fairly strong one. A guy doesn't last as long as me with cotton for muscles. I stroke her cheek. She looks up at me, and I can't help but lean down and engage in another long kiss.
Forever is our today
This sweet moment seems to last forever. Her lips against mine. Her arms around my neck, mine around her waist. Right now, we have forever. As long as this lasts, it feels like forever. Our forever.
Who wants to live forever
She's the one to draw back now. A very pleased, comfortable, happy smile fills her face. A similar one crosses mine. I know I'm practicaly immortal, but the thought of living forever wouldn't bother me as much if she could live with me... Forever.
Who wants to live forever?
But, even though I'll live much longer than her, I don't care anymore. Because she doesn't. I'm no longer thinking of the forever, but of the today.
Forever is our today
She leans on my chest again. I hold her in my arms. The moment seems to last forever, as all moments with her are that way. I sit down now, and she follows suit. We sit togther, her in my arms, and I resting my chin on her precious head. We admire the orange and red sky left over from the sunset. We both sit staring out into the distance together as night takes over the sky. She closes her eyes, and I can feel mine drift close as well. One last thought now floats in my head before I fall asleep completely. I'm no longer scared of the future, or the forever that might be my life... But instead, I live today to the fullest, as I will all the following days. Live them, with her. Because forever is not eternity. Forever... Is our today.
Who waits forever anyway?
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Epilogue:
I awake on a cliff... confused. The events from last night come flooding back. I look beside me and see Meryl lying peacfully, in a deep sleep. The suns are not that high... A bright yellow & golden color fill the air. By that I know it must be early. I kneel beside Meryl and gently slide my hands beneath her. I pick her up and carry her carefully down the cliff and to the hotel. The town is very quiet, everyone must still be sleeping. It's even earlier than I thought... That or the town is lazy. I smile. I then walk to her room and gently open the door. At first I'm a little surprised it's not locked, but then I remember she had left the room last night to check on me, so of course it's not. I quietly walk across the room to Meryl's bed, careful not to wake Milly. I lay her down and cover her up. She looks like an Angel almost, sleeping there peacefully. I can feel a gentle smile fill my face. I then turn and walk out of the room, heading back to my own to ponder... and prepare...
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I stand on the cliff that overlooks the desert and the town of Oreal as the sun is setting. One thought keeps running through my head. One person, to be more specific. She has helped me, watched over me, followed me... Even when it could have meant her life. Just a half-hour ago, she saved me from death...and from my guilt. She opened my eyes on things as well... Meryl... In the begining, I would try to ditch her, but no matter how many times I tried, despite how many times I told her to leave for her own good... even when I yelled at her, she still followed me. But now I find that it's comforting. I'm happy to have her follow me, and I almost can't bear the thought of her leaving... But...
There's no time for us
It's I who has to leave now. Tomorrow, I have to set off to find Knives. A part of me wishes I could just stay and live with her... Live with Meryl? As a friend... Yeah... Hmmm... But even if we were more than that... There's no time... Not enough time.
There's no place for us
And if I could make time, I couldn't settle down... No, because I will allways be hunted. I know I said it won't be over 'till I find him, and settle things... And I know that day is tomorrow, but there will allways be a bounty on my head... Probably for the next hundred years. Which means there's no place I could stay in long enough. I would never be able to have a life with Meryl that way. I know she'd allways follow, but I couldn't do that to her. That wouldn't be the life I'd want her to live. Moving town to town with an outlaw. And yet,
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
From us
I still wish... It would be a dream to live a normal peacefull life. And to live it with her... Yeah, a great dream, but that's all it is... And it just slips into the fog. The void that isn't reality. That dream might never be... Will never be because of who I am... and what I am. Immortal.
Who wants to live forever
I've lived so long now... It feels like forever. Knives once said that the beauty of being a plant, and what seperates us from the humans, is that compared to them, we live forever. But who wants that?
Who wants to live forever....?
I don't. I've lived one-hundred and thirty years now... That's longer than Meryl will ever live. And what do you know? I hear footsteps behind me and can only guess who it is. I can't help but let a knowing smile spread across my face. I turn to look at her. Upon seeing my smile, she smiles as well. She's standing ten feet in front of me. Her smile then fades.
"Vash... You scared me today. If that man would have shot you... I..."
She looks away from me now. I wonder what she's thinking... Maybe she feels the same way I do... No... Not Meryl. She can't even stand me... Though she did save me today. Maybe. If that's true, that she does feel the same as I do, then there's a chance we could be... No.
There's no chance for us
It would never work. I'm a Plant, and she's human. We haven't any chance together... None at all.
My eyes catch the look on Meryl's face. A look of confusion and concern. Oh. I now realize my expresion on my own face has seemed to change into a sadened and serious one. Being the cause for her concern, I feel I should apologize to her.
"Sorry... And... Thank you Meryl."
I smile again. A way to show that what she did for me today meant a lot. She stares into my eyes now, I can't help but stare back.
It's all decided for us
As I stare, I think some more about if we even have a chance... I can't help but wonder... Rem always said the ticket to the future is always blank... But it doesn't always seem that way. Fate seems to have a firm grip on us at times. Like things are decided for us already. As if the decision was never ours in the first place. It really seems that way with her... Meryl.
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
She's looking down now, her gaze no longer upon me. Now there's an akward silence between us. I feel I should be the one to break it. I walk over to her. I say her name softly. She turns and looks up at me with those misty- grey eyes of hers.
"Your welcome..."
Welcome?? Oh... I see. She's responding to my thank you. I now notice it hasn't been that long since I said it, but it still felt like it. I had forgotten. Was lost in thought, as I seem to be a lot lately. She smiles a small smile, I smile back. The look on her face is soft and she's just staring in my eyes... Then she blinks and her look changes a little... To a more casual one.
"Well, I just thought I'd come up here and see what you were up to... I mean, you're still hurt. You should be in bed..."
She's concerned again... I gently put a hand on her shoulder. I smile at her. A soft smile... She looks a bit confused and nervous. She's now staring at my hand... Wondering what the gesture meant. Why had I done that? Also... Why isn't she slapping me?
Who wants to live forever
I relize how comfortable I am this way. Her look now reads the same. But... the same thoughts from before come rolling back into my mind. I'm immortal...
Who wants to live forever?
Which means if it's love I'm feeling for her right now. And if that look of hers means she returns my feelings, then I would just be going against all the points I made earlier. The points I told myself. I'll live forever. She won't.
Who dares to love forever?
"Vash?"
She's noticed the now stressed look apon my face... I remove my hand from her shoulder and turn away. I don't know what to say to her... I...
"Vash... I... I mean..."
I turn back to her. She seems to be struggling to say something. I listen.
"I... I've been thinking... Thinking... oh, it's stupid."
She whispered that last part in an irritated tone... Irritated at herself, I think. Could it be the same feelings? Could she want to say what I so desperatly want to say? I start to say it aloud. Start to voice my feelings. She turns to me, she seems to be hoping I say it. She seems to want me to say what she cannot. "Meryl, I..." I start, now's my chance... A smile starts to spread across her face, she's coming closer to me, she's inches from me now as I try to tell her, but...
When love must die
No. I jerk away from her and turn my back on her. All the memories come flooding through my head. The innocent people; Brad and Wolfwood. It'll end like that. It always does. And I never want to hurt Meryl. If we were to love, it would end up dying in one of two ways. She watches as she grows older, but I stay the same. She wouldn't want to love me then. Or, it could end with her death... An early one. No, I never want that to happen. I feel something wet drip down my face. A tear. I'm crying?! Yes... The thought of living without Meryl... IS that unbearable...
But touch my tears with your lips
I feel a hand on my shoulder suddenly. A little surprised, I turn around and see Meryl look at me with concern, hurt, fear... Most of what I'm feeling. She sees my tear and her look then gets a twist of sadness too. But I also notice a small tear drip down her cheek. I reach out and wipe it away gently. I stare into her eyes. Her misty-grey eyes. I lean closer to her face. My eyes go from her eyes to her lips. I lean in even closer. Dare I? No, everything stands in our way. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't work out, it-- I'm shocked, yet happy as her lips have just met mine. As scared as I was to proceed, that didn't stop her. Meryl? Kissing me? A deep kiss. A satisfying one... mixing with our tears.
Touch my world with your fingertips
I run my hands through her hair as we kiss. She runs hers down my back. I draw back now and gaze into her eyes once more. I want to listen to reason and stay away, prevent her from getting hurt... but I can't. Slowly, her fingers touch her lips in wonder... then lightly caress mine...
And we can have forever
I'm still gazing into her eyes. She has a bit of a surprised look upon her face as well. Perhaps because I kissed back? Or maybe she's surprised at her own self. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters except right now, this moment. My gaze into her eyes has been broken by her closing them. She then leans her head against my chest, letting her hand drift down to my shoulder. I wish this moment to last forever... And as I close my eyes, it seems to.
And we can love forever
She seems comfortable in my grasp. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a fairly strong one. A guy doesn't last as long as me with cotton for muscles. I stroke her cheek. She looks up at me, and I can't help but lean down and engage in another long kiss.
Forever is our today
This sweet moment seems to last forever. Her lips against mine. Her arms around my neck, mine around her waist. Right now, we have forever. As long as this lasts, it feels like forever. Our forever.
Who wants to live forever
She's the one to draw back now. A very pleased, comfortable, happy smile fills her face. A similar one crosses mine. I know I'm practicaly immortal, but the thought of living forever wouldn't bother me as much if she could live with me... Forever.
Who wants to live forever?
But, even though I'll live much longer than her, I don't care anymore. Because she doesn't. I'm no longer thinking of the forever, but of the today.
Forever is our today
She leans on my chest again. I hold her in my arms. The moment seems to last forever, as all moments with her are that way. I sit down now, and she follows suit. We sit togther, her in my arms, and I resting my chin on her precious head. We admire the orange and red sky left over from the sunset. We both sit staring out into the distance together as night takes over the sky. She closes her eyes, and I can feel mine drift close as well. One last thought now floats in my head before I fall asleep completely. I'm no longer scared of the future, or the forever that might be my life... But instead, I live today to the fullest, as I will all the following days. Live them, with her. Because forever is not eternity. Forever... Is our today.
Who waits forever anyway?
------------------------------------------------
Epilogue:
I awake on a cliff... confused. The events from last night come flooding back. I look beside me and see Meryl lying peacfully, in a deep sleep. The suns are not that high... A bright yellow & golden color fill the air. By that I know it must be early. I kneel beside Meryl and gently slide my hands beneath her. I pick her up and carry her carefully down the cliff and to the hotel. The town is very quiet, everyone must still be sleeping. It's even earlier than I thought... That or the town is lazy. I smile. I then walk to her room and gently open the door. At first I'm a little surprised it's not locked, but then I remember she had left the room last night to check on me, so of course it's not. I quietly walk across the room to Meryl's bed, careful not to wake Milly. I lay her down and cover her up. She looks like an Angel almost, sleeping there peacefully. I can feel a gentle smile fill my face. I then turn and walk out of the room, heading back to my own to ponder... and prepare...