Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any of their contents, if I did, my friends would have corrupted me into making it a slashy porno.

CH1-Cold

I walk in the shadows. Fear is never far from my heart. My enemies are many, the Gryffindors seem to particularly hate me. I think it's because they see me as weak. They are the brave and noble, and that type always seems drawn to hate weakness, which more often than not equates to evil in the end.

My own house, the Slytherin, seems no more fond of me, most likely also for my supposed weakness, or the fact that while I do fight the Gryffindors, I lose, embarrassing them. It doesn't matter though. I don't particularly care for anyone here, my plan is to survive, that's all that matters to me.

Still, sometimes, when I'm in the darkness, I grow jealous. I find myself admiring the contrasts of other darkness and even light. For instance, my 'loathed enemies' the marauders. Peter is particularly disgusting, the one person in Hogwarts more weak than myself, too dim to portray either light or dark. Remus…As much as the fact that he's a werewolf displeases me, his light is pleasant and he glows with it. James, well he has a light that changes with his mood, dimmest when he's angry, and brightest when the Evans girl is around. Sirius. Sirius scares me.

His light and dark are separated violently by his nature as a Black contrasting with his nature as a Gryffindor. The stark change is so violent that it's close to bipolarity. Like in his mind is a growing insanity of an animal waiting to be released on some poor victim.

Feral and possessive, a caress that leaves scars.

I never dreamed I would be such a willing victim.

XxXxX

The moment he'd called the Evans girl a mudblood he'd regretted it. He wasn't even prejudiced, it'd just slipped when he realized he was basically James' bouquet to Lily, more of a peace offering than an actual enemy. No respect, only amusement.

It had enraged him and he'd lashed out. That's why Snape had waited in the library in what he'd noted to be Lily's favorite spot. His own spot was further back in the books of the dark arts where other students were less likely to linger.

When Lily entered the area between the charms books her face darkened and she turned around to walk away. "Lily!"

Not Evans, not mudblood. Lily.

She stopped. "What is it Severus?"

He paused his mouth open and her face began to grow irritated. "I'm…I'm sorry for being a prat."

With that he disappeared leaving a confused Lily. She began looking about for whatever exit Severus had found. In the end she decided she shouldn't have bothered. She knew that Severus frequented the library whenever he was picked on. And that was all too often.

She sighed. "Severus, if only you'd let someone help you,"

XxXxX

Snape went through the labyrinth of constantly moving shelves that was the Hogwarts library. He however, knew it like the back of his hand, including all the escapes and hiding places. He never neglected to use them either. In fact, at times he stayed to sleep there rather than returning to his dorms where he had to take at least an hour setting up protection spells before he could sleep.

This of course made it difficult to get to the showers on time, thus inducing his "greasy" hair, and acne covered face. It wouldn't be that way if he could enter the dorms without worrying about someone using a crucio curse on him.

This however, was the cold reality of his life. He sat down at a table in the Dark arts section behind a stack of books planning to take a nap. Unfortunately, before he could drift off to a land of nightmares or cold dreamless sleep, he heard giggling.

Giggling of a loose female and the infamous Sirius Black.

Right in front of his escape. He gasped before retreating further towards the back of the Dark arts section hoping Black and his new paramour would come no closer. He'd never claimed to be a lucky boy.

XxXxX

Sirius Black had been described as lusty, amorous, passionate, even insatiable, but never loving. As he nibbled along the fifth years neck savoring her taste it never occurred to him that he could barely remember whether she was a fifth year or a sixth, or whether her last name was Bones or Binds.

He just continued kissing and caressing. Searching for something. Something he'd been searching for since he was barely a second year.

Though young, he'd stated his bisexuality a long time ago. No one had dared make a derogatory remark, it made sense considering his lust clearly couldn't be slaked by the female sex alone. It still amused him how he'd stated it as well. Once, when in a shouting match with his friend James, he'd pinned and kissed the other boy. James had been more pissed at being kissed without his consent than by the fact that his friend was bisexual.

Nothing had risen of it considering Sirius had done it knowing it would piss James off, not to mention James had a spark for the lovely Lily Evans, the one girl Sirius had a mental bind against touching. Though they fought often, it was only because James and Sirius were on the same level in strength and were indefinitely meant to come to blows at times, either way, James was Sirius' best friend.

That brought his thoughts back to the girl moaning under his expert touch. She was slight and pale with black hair and eyes. Beautiful, but not impressive really. Either way she was only a one night stand unless she performed well enough to merit more of his attention.

From the way she was already folding under his ministrations he guessed she was inexperienced and wouldn't warrant a second glance.

Suddenly there was a gasp and the sound of books hitting the floor. The girl jumped. "Oh no! We're going to be caught!" she said pushing Sirius back. Sirius rolled his eyes and continued.

"I've been caught before, it doesn't matter," he replied.

"But I have a boyfriend!" she protested stopping him again.

"He doesn't care, I had his consent for a lot of things in the back of the Hufflepuff common room."

"What?!" she snapped yanking back. "You cheated on me with my boyfriend?"

"If you want to be technical, you cheated on each other with me," corrected Sirius.

With that she let out an angry scream before shoving him away and storming out. "Hey! What's the matter? Your boyfriend didn't care!" he called.

Suddenly his keen animagi ears caught on to the sound of someone behind him. He let out a low feral growl more suitable to his dog form than his human form. Whoever had made him lose that night's entertainment was going to regret it.

XxXxX

Expelliarmus. One Expelliarmus spell and a mad dash and he might make it out unscathed. But that low feral growl had him pinned to the spot.

He could only see Black's back, but he could tell he was listening carefully.

In some sick and morbid fascination, he scrutinized Black's features. Black had always been handsome, his long black hair going in a straight cascade to mid back held back by a bit of crimson and gold threaded ribbon. His shoulders were broad and muscled from six years of quidditch practice. And his robes, as was to be expected, were a perfect jet black.

Snape's had dulled long ago.

Once he realized how ridiculous his train of thoughts were, he began to slowly raise his wand in hopes of disarming Sirius.

"Expelliarmus!"

Before Snape knew it he was running though he knew it was useless considering Sirius had disarmed him. But for a moment, as he neared one of the complex trails created by the library shelves, he had a slight spark of hope.

"Locomotor Mortis!"

There was a reason Snape had always been a cynic.

XxXxX

"Well well. Snivellus, what a displeasure." said Sirius as he took slow steps towards the prone form of the fear petrified boy. The spell had stopped his legs from moving, and without a wand, he was helpless, and they both knew it.

Severus forced himself not to whimper as a pair of very familiar black boots came to view before his nose. If he was lucky he'd come out of the library with curly pink hair. If he wasn't…Well, he wouldn't think about that.

"…Let me go Black. I need to get back to my common room." said Snape trying to sound as reasonably unafraid as possible without begging.

"Shut up Snivellus." said Sirius calmly. To Snape's surprise he did exactly that, all whilst crawling back away from Sirius freezing only when Sirius twirled his wand between elegant fingers while his blue gray eyes scrutinized Snape all too closely. "You know you've caused me a great deal of trouble tonight Severus." said Sirius leaning down to the smaller boy's level.

The moment his real name had passed Sirius' lips, Snape had paled, the blood rushing away from his face and hands. He wouldn't get out of this with pink hair tonight. "I didn't do anything." he said softly, half to himself, mainly because he knew the infuriated Black wouldn't hear anything he said no matter how sensible.

"Shut up." said Sirius grasping Snape's chin. Snape bit his lip until blood ran down. Mingling with his tears. He knew the tears had been his worst mistake.

He lowered his eyes expecting to be hexed into the next semester when Sirius scoffed. "Disgusting."

Inexplicable pain shot through the young Snape. But he grew admittedly more frightened when Sirius pulled away. What was he going to do.

"Disgusting, greasy little bastard." said Sirius harshly.

Something snapped.

The voice didn't sound like his own to him, but in his terror he realized it had to be.

"You must feel really brave insulting an unarmed half paralyzed wizard who's smaller than you."

Big mistake.

Before his muddled brain could force him to utter yet another remark that would be detrimental to his health, Severus found himself hauled up by the lapels of his robes and slammed into the bookshelf behind him causing the back of his head to hit painfully. After a second Sirius grabbed his arms tightly causing pain to shoot through them like hot white lead as he touched on what had been nearly healed bruises.

He looked up into Sirius eyes gritting his teeth at the pain as tears rolled freely down his face of their own accord.

Where Sirius was around six three, Snape was around five six and at least eighty pounds less. Between that and the fact that his legs still refused to move, he foresaw his nose becoming even more broken than it already was.

It was a few tense moments before Sirius spoke, his voice like ice running through Severus' veins. "You know why you're so disgusting Snape? It's not just because you're greasy and soiled, it's also because of some intangible in your weak nature, to be quite honest it turns my stomach." hissed Sirius pulling Snape up to near his level.

Suddenly, Snape's mouth moved of it's own accord. It came out in a low mumble however, causing Sirius to lift him higher and slam him against the shelf again.

"What was that Snivellus?" demanded Sirius sharply.

"I asked!" said Snape, fear finally turning to fury, "If you know why you're so disgusting Black!"

Sirius' face turned to a dark amusement as Snape's fury dulled to terror once again. "Oh? Why don't you enlighten me Snivellus?" the prolonged silence caused Sirius to tighten his hold on Snape until he let out a yelp of pain. "Well!"

Finally Snape knew it was now or never, either way he was most likely going to receive the most brutal beating of his life. "Fine! I'll tell you!" he spat. "You're far more disgusting than me Black! I never claimed to be anything! But you! You and your Marauder friends claim to be noble Gryffindors, brave, honest, true. Bullshit. Everyone's afraid of pissing off the big bad Marauders, and that's because in the end, everyone from each house is the same. But you, you're worse, because you and your bastard friends are nothing but common bullies!"

Pain shot down Snape's jaw as he crumbled to the ground, Sirius stood above him fist clenched white knuckles. "Shut. Up." hissed Sirius.

Snape closed his eyes expecting to be cursed. But when he opened them, Sirius was gone.

It took him around half an hour to crawl around the dark library looking for his discarded want with a headache and paralyzed legs. Even when he did he was afraid to venture out so he fell asleep curled up in the corner of the Charms section.

XxXxX