Shhh...it's alright. I hate it when you look distressed. Any time before this I would think you would be offended to know I am sitting here at your bedside, watching you sleep and trying to chase off the nightmares. Any other time. Right now I don't know what you would think. My world has flipped through so many convoluted reflections of normalcy that I don't quite know what to expect.

Reflex is to stroke the nightmares away from your brow, ready to leap back in chagrin should you awake. The reality is I don't know what would be in your eyes if you woke right now, but I hope that it wouldn't be all anger.

We are both without our masks now. Oh, we still have them in place for everyone else to see, but they don't work on each other. We have seen too much, you and I. I am sure that is what troubles your sleep right now; somewhere between the insane actions of a perverse doctor and the very fires of hell your mind is huddling. I can see it there, in the line on your brow.

"Shhh."

You followed me where no one else would. Let me sit here with you and guard your sleep, chase the night demons away. It is the least I can do. You realize I am only here because of you. For you. The sight of your terrified eyes, your arms around me, and your desperate plea for me to stay...that is why I am here. For you. For you I mean something. Do you have any idea how much that goes towards fixing the split ends of my own sanity and emotional jigsaw puzzle?

Of them all, you know me best. You have seen what is inside me, and you still asked me to stay. You told me I am human, held me as I wept, walked me away from the edge.

"Thank you."

It almost seems silly to be sitting here, engrossed in the feel of your hair as I smooth it back, the soft sound of your breathing. It seems silly, and completely out of character. I never want to be close to anyone. You of all people should understand that. I think you do. We are both just as inept at being open.

"Look at all I keep putting you through..."

You must be miserable. I mean, you can't be comfortable at all with this feeling, this emotional tangle that resulted in my desire to wipe myself out of existence. I know I am not used to being needed as much as you need me. I am used to being wanted. Tatsumi, Watari, the rest of them want me around. But I am not so sure I could ever describe them as needing me. It is a strange feeling. I am not so sure I know what to do with it.

Well, except sit here and try and make your sleep as restful as possible. I really don't know what else to do with you. You seem so uncomfortable with contact, and I know why, but it leaves me at a loss. I want to hold you, comfort you, love you...

"I love you..."

And I am so tired...

Hisoka crawled out of a pleasant sleep, poked and prodded by the feel of someone in the room who was part content, part exhausted. Tsuzuki sat, half in a chair at Hisoka's bedside, and half on the bed, and was most definitely asleep. One arm stretched out across the covers to where one of Hisoka's own most likely been before he had stirred into wakefulness. The thick, fluffy quilt seemed quite stifling for some reason, and Hisoka decided it was time to get himself out of bed before he became as lazy as his errant partner. Extracting himself from lovingly tucked in blankets, without waking Tsuzuki, was going to be quite the task. With a quiet hiss of frustration Hisoka attempted the process. If only the wall wasn't at one side, and Tsuzuki at the other. Things would be much easier if he could just kinda...roll out the side of the blankets. His only options appeared to be to worm his way out through the foot of the bed inelegantly, or to wake Tsuzuki and demand he move. His hand was halfway to Tsuzuki's face, ready to cuff him into wakefulness when the situation hit him. Tsuzuki, who had tried to immolate himself out of guilt and grief, who was still far too worn out for anyone's comfort, had apparently spent the night looking over him.

"You are an idiot." He said it with more resignation than distaste, pulling his hand back to pinch the bridge of his nose more out of habit than to quash a headache. Indignity it was then. Cautiously he wiggled down through the blankets, gambling on the fact that Tsuzuki was still a deep sleeper. 'If anyone comes in and sees me doing this, I will smack Tsuzuki for good measure...' Thankfully no one appeared to usher either of them to work, late as they both were, allowing Hisoka to slide off the foot of his bed in relative peace and plop down in a disgruntled heap amidst a sheet that he had pulled free with him. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he turned his baleful glare to the sleeping, slightly snoring, Tsuzuki, who twitched and moved a bit in his sleep as it sensing his partners ire.

Hisoka watched, bemused as Tsuzuki then managed to ooze out of the chair as he stretched in his sleep, causing him to puddle onto the floor, catlike, without waking. Almost jealous and definitely amused, Hisoka stared at his blissfully asleep partner, not noticing the slight grin that pulled at the corners of his own mouth. It was good to see Tsuzuki sleeping someplace that wasn't at his desk, head pillowed on his arms and a mountain of paperwork. Contentment rolled off of Tsuzuki as he slept, curling himself against Hisoka's bed, and Hisoka sighed, breathing deeply as if he could put a pleasant scent to Tsuzuki's sleepy delight. 'Now we are both on the floor and no one at all is on the bed. This would be amusing if I didn't think he just curled up on my socks...'

Ok. It was amusing even with Tsuzuki now sleeping on Hisoka's only clean pair of socks. The pair he had set out last night before bed. Along with his pants...and shirt....Tsuzuki was nesting in his clothes. For some reason this was the most hilarious thing he had ever seen, and before he could stop himself, Hisoka found himself chucking quietly. How uncharacteristic of him. Sitting on the floor, dressed only in the shirt he was too tired to take off the night before, atop a wrinkled sheet, laughing because his partner was sleeping happily on his pants. It felt so good to laugh. A moment later, tears rolling down his cheeks with suppressed mirth, he tried to roll Tsuzuki over in order to liberate his clothing.

The stealthy process succeeded in rolling the sleeping Shinigami over, but managed to move him in such a way that Hisoka's hand brushed his cheek. An electrical shock of satisfied happiness shot through the empath, making him pause, his touch lingering. Tsuzuki was happy. He was happy to be in his partner's room, watching over him. The fact Hisoka was there made him happy...Stunned, Hisoka stroked back an errant bit of Tsuzuki's silky soft hair. This was why he tried so hard not to touch his partner. He didn't know how Tsuzuki felt, didn't want to know. He had been so afraid that his partner had resented him for asking him to stay, for saying he needed him. It was the opposite...the complete opposite. Tsuzuki needed acceptance, needed to be needed so badly...By asking him to stay, Hisoka had made him so very happy...

"What am I going to do with you, baka?" Hisoka's quiet inquiry was rich with insecurity. "I don't know how to handle this very well. I don't know how to show how I feel..." He ran a hand through his own hair, breaking contact with Tsuzuki, though his emotions still wafted through the room, muzzy and warm with sleep. "I don't know how to express myself...but I am willing to give it a shot." A decision reached, he tugged the last stubborn centimeter of pant leg free and silently dressed. Sock-less, pants a wrinkled mess and his shirt looking, justifiably, as it had been slept in, Hisoka left the room to head to work.

"I wonder if something has happened to Bon..." Watari glanced at the set of empty desks, biting his lower lip in a sort of perturbed consternation. Tsuzuki's desk being empty an hour after he was supposed to be there was almost normal. He would run in any minute now, a bag of donuts or muffins or some other assorted collection of pastries clutched like the grail in one hand, his tie most likely not only askew but dusted with cinnamon and sugar, all that would remain from the quick ingestion of that one sweet he couldn't possibly wait for on his way in. Hisoka though was almost religiously on time, if not early. Personally Watari believed the boy was not only trying to show up his impossibly distractible partner, but also trying to make up for the loss in work time Tsuzuki's amusingly predictable behavior produced.

Tatsumi blinked. Tatsumi took off his glasses, cleaned them, and replaced them carefully on the bridge of his nose. Tatsumi closed his eyes, took a deep cleansing breath, then looked again.

"Bon!" Watari bounded forward, his long mane of blonde hair trailing cheerfully behind him. Hisoka had indeed arrived, customary scowl firmly in place on his face, wide emerald eyes heavy with an emotion Tatsumi didn't need empathy to decipher; chagrin at his tardiness.

But that is where normalcy ended and some sort of confused doppelganger took over. Hisoka's usually immaculate clothing was not only rumpled in a most discouraging way, he didn't even have socks on. His hair was even mussed. Tatsumi tried pushing his glasses harder against his nose, as if this would change the bizarre image in front of him. "Hisoka? Is everything alright?"

To Tatsumi's amazement Hisoka blushed. "I am fine." The empath muttered, suddenly intensely interested in his bare feet.

'I want to hold you, comfort you, love you...I love you.'

Hisoka's blush deepened, the memory of Tsuzuki's emotions tickling the corner of his mind. The man had been so damn happy about being near him. It was confusing and unexpected, not to mention almost tangibly embarrassing for someone whose usual mode of interaction involved abrupt statements and as little physical contact as possible. He had been more than willing to accept that Tsuzuki had some sort of feelings for him when back in his room, where there was no one to judge or laugh. In front of his coworkers though...that was completely different. Not professional at all. Then again, bare feet were hardly to be considered professional. 'Ah, shit. I don't have socks. That has got to look stupid...'

"Bon? Do you have a fever? Are you ill?" Watari bopped around his friend, wanting to verify arcane medical things like temperature and pulse, but Hisoka skillfully dodged out of the way.

"I am fine, Watari," he snapped, "and I have a lot of work to get done." Hisoka bowed slightly to Tatsumi, his bearing stiff and formal, radiating discomfort and displeasure. As he went to dodge one last attempt from Watari to make sure his "bon" was alright, Hisoka's bare feet lost their hold on the immaculate floor, sending him to land on his tailbone with a very solid thud.

'I never thought I could wish Tsuzuki would have spilled something sweet and sticky onto the floor...' Hisoka glared at his bare toes, too overwhelmed by the past few hours to even contemplate climbing to his feet.

" 'Soka!!!!!!!!" Tsuzuki bounded into the room, expressive eyes wide with a frantic concern at seeing his partner on the ground that made Hisoka wince. The terminally late Shinigami had finally woken up enough to realize what time it was and had scrambled to work, his usual serendipitous timing causing him to enter the office just in time to see Hisoka go down.

"I am fine Tsuzuki!" Hisoka attempted to explain the situation before Tsuzuki started to fuss. He hated it when Tsuzuki fussed over him...

'No you don't.' The thought made Hisoka recoil as Tsuzuki knelt beside him, spilling a half dozen cinnamon buns onto the floor. Disregarding his snacks he peered into Hisoka's face. Tsuzuki's lack of concern over sweets he was most likely planning to hoard all day, combined with a memory of the man asleep at his bedside, made Hisoka want to cry. He was sure his face was attempting to scrunch up in preparation for a most undignified fit of bawling. This was not how he envisioned his day going...

" 'Soka..."

"I said I am FINE Tsuzuki."

Watari stared. Tatsumi adjusted his glasses. Tsuzuki cringed. Hisoka pulled himself to his feet and stalked to his desk where he sat down and attacked his paperwork with a single minded seething anger usually reserved for Muraki.

"Well. That was unexpected." Tatsumi hauled Tsuzuki to his feet then attempted to salvage the scattered sweets.

"It's alright Tatsumi...I erm...I have some work to do so I will go do that now." Tsuzuki flashed them his brightest smile and pelted from the room.

Tatsumi carefully gathered up the last of the abandoned rolls with a sigh. "I will put these on his desk. I am sure he will be hungry later and I know he doesn't have the money to purchase more."

'I really screwed that up. Shit. Why did I have to yell at him like that? But he knows I don't like being embarrassed. I hate being the center of concern. It makes me feel like some sort of...exhibit. I don't want people paying that much attention to me. I am not used to it. That is probably what bothers me about him so much. He is always so concerned. I don't know what to do Tsuzuki. I don't know how to interact with you with you feeling like that. You ass. Cut a guy some slack, ok? I don't hate you, I just don't know what to do with you. Sure, I begged you to stay here with me. Do you know how much that took? How much effort it took for me to even be that open with you? I don't want you to leave. Not ever. I have never needed someone like I need you. Do you understand how that scares me? I am the independent, arrogant little prick of a partner you have been patient as a saint with. Can you understand how weird it is to me to suddenly want to curl up in your arms and cry? No, not because of you, you dolt. Because I am scared of being this...needy, and this happy when I am with you. I am cranky, I am not supposed to be sentimental. Gah. We both have our facades, don't we? You idiot. You scared the shit out of me that time with Touda. Nothing like a brush with death to remind you how much you need someone...'

"...home?"

"Eh?" Hisoka looked up from his paperwork, blinking blearily, and Watari could not help but chuckle.

"I was asking if there was anyone home in there, bon." He poked at the paper currently in front of Hisoka with a grin. "Simple reports don't usually take you two hours to go over. Something on your mind?" Watari's grin turned a bit evil as he watched Hisoka flush slightly. 'Someone?'

"Sorry. I think I am just a little overtired." Hisoka gestured apologetically at his rumpled clothing. "My brain must have wandered off for a bit there. I had a bit of a rough night."

'I am sure you did...!' Watari nodded his sympathy. "Want me to see if I have anything in the lab to help you sleep?"

Hisoka normally trusted Watari's potions just about as much as he trusted Muraki's smile, or Tsuzuki's promise of just one more sweet, and the almost wicked joy he felt off of the scientist made him even more suspicious of his friend's intentions. "I should be alright Watari. Thank you though for the consideration."

Watari beamed at his friend. "If you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask, bon!"

Again with that wicked amusement...Hisoka nodded warily and watched Watari bounce off. 'Is there something going on that no one is telling me about?' Hisoka shook his head once in bewilderment and turned his attention to the papers piled neatly on his desk. When in doubt, work. It will all either sort itself out or be brought to my attention later. It always happens that way.