Author's note: A reposted fic on request but reviews are still welcome!

Warnings: 2x1, 3x4, bad language

Til the Clouds Roll By

Part 1 – In the Blink of an Eye.

It's the strangest feeling. I wake and open my eyes but it's still dark. I try to imagine what the room looks like but my memory draws a blank. If it's anything like the other safehouses we've stayed in then it's a pretty safe bet that there's little in the way of furniture, other than the necessities. Typical Heero to choose houses like that. Normally I'd tease him about his poor taste in décor but to be honest, it's probably better that there's not much furniture.

Being blind makes you think like that.

I listen for a minute and determine that Heero is still in the room with me. For the first time that day (and remember it only started about a minute ago) I experience the frustration of not being able to see what he's doing. I can't hear the sound of typing so I guess he's not on his laptop. That's good. Heero gets pissy when you interrupt him when he's on his computer and right now I need his help.

"Heero," I say as I sit up in bed trying to drive the tiredness away.

He's at my side like a shot and I can't help but smile. His attentiveness would be touching if he weren't scowling, which I know he is. I can feel it.

"I need the bathroom," I tell him sheepishly. Hardly the declaration of love he was probably expecting.

"Okay," comes the reply.

I have to admit I'm surprised. Heero isn't a big one for acknowledgments but since I've explained that I can't see his silent answers anymore he's had to start speaking up. It's probably only the second time since I mentioned this that he's actually remembered to do it without me prompting him. A small victory I reckon.

I stand up and stretch and enjoy the feeling as my muscles pop. "Okay, I'm ready."

Heero takes my hand and leads me slowly from the room. Out on the landing I can hear the others downstairs. The smell of bacon floats up from the ground floor to greet me and I'm almost tempted to abandon the trip to the bathroom in favour of food, but my bladder is bursting and I know the others will leave some food for me.

I know we've reached the bathroom because the floor suddenly feels cold beneath my feet. Heero directs me towards the toilet but doesn't leave the room. I pause to see if he's going to go but I can hear his steady breathing. He's going nowhere.

"Uh, Heero?" I say, my voice slightly echoing in the tiled room. I love singing in here because my voice sounds so good. "I may be blind but I think I can remember how to take a piss."

I know Heero will be scowling now. He hates it when I 'swear'. Personally I think he shouldn't knock it until he's tried it. Maybe swearing would release some of that pent-up tension and he'd be less of a shit to live with. Just maybe.

He doesn't respond but I hear the door click shut so I guess he's gone. Either that or he's holding his breath. I relieve myself and just hope that most of it went in the bowl where it should have gone. I certainly don't want to have to ask Heero to clean up after me.

The smell of bacon safely locked out on the landing, I realise that I'm not really hungry yet. I make the snap decision to take a shower. I call out to let Heero know what I'm doing because for definite, he will be standing on the other side of the door.

"Fine," comes the reply. "Just call me if you need me."

"Okay," I reply cheerily although I'm hit by a wave of sadness. Before the accident, Heero would probably have offered to 'wash my back' which, any lover will know, means he would be joining me in the cramped cubicle. Now, he treats me like I'm made of glass even though I would like nothing more than his hands around my waist under the pleasant yet needling spray.

Instead, I have to content myself with my own hands as my fingers run through the masses of hair I have pulled free from the ever-present braid. I work shampoo from root to tip, careful not to let the suds get in my eyes. Yup, they still sting even though they don't work.

I stay under the spray until the water starts to run cold. I seem to have been here a while so I guess all the suds must be out of my hair by now. I realise that I didn't check whether I had a towel but fortunately my hand comes to rest on a large fluffy bath sheet just outside the shower. My wet hair sticks to the back of my legs as I step out into the steamy room so I use the towel to squeeze some of the excess water from it. I hope Heero hasn't strayed too far because I'll need his help to re-braid it. I think even the novelty of helping me with that task has worn off now. Even with all his training Heero still hasn't mastered the art of weaving three pieces of hair together.

I can still remember teasing him about his first few attempts. 'Come on, Heero!' I'd said, 'I could do it blind!' The irony isn't lost on me. To be honest, I could do it blind but I enjoy the sensation of someone else, especially my lover, doing it for me. Or I did. Now Heero just sighs as he struggles with the rope-like sections. Occasionally he'll speak, but usually it's only to grumble that it's too long and I should get it cut. Maybe I should ask someone else to help me.

I wrap the towel around my waist and grope for the door. Once open, I contemplate making my way back to our room by myself but I can't remember where it is in relation to the bathroom. I don't want to risk falling down the stairs so I call Heero's name and stand and wait. The smell of bacon is still present and I hope that there's plenty left seeing as I've been so long in the shower.

"I'm here."

Heero's voice makes me jump as I realise he's stood right next to me. I let him guide me back to the room and, once inside with the door firmly shut, I grin at him as I finger the towel suggestively. Since I can't see his face, I just have to hope that he's watching me lustfully, although knowing how he's been of late, I very much doubt that's what he's doing.

"D'you want to get dressed? I need to run some errands," he says impassively. I may as well be wearing bright yellow waders and a sou'wester instead of being half-naked for all the effect it's having on Heero. I'm hurt, but I won't show it so I just nod and say, "find me some shorts and a shirt."

He helps me into the shirt and hands me the shorts when I've fastened several of the buttons on the front. He's obviously resigned himself to his hair-brushing fate as he helps me pull the lengths out of the back of the shirt. It's so long, I've accidentally tucked it into the back of the shorts as well and I laugh as we both struggle to free it. Heero evidently doesn't see the funny side as he starts to run the brush through the lengths with little compassion for my scalp as he encounters knot after knot.

"Easy," I chide him, hurt that he's making out that this once enjoyable task is now such a big hassle.

He starts to divide the hair into three sections and as usual, he asks me to hold one piece so he can concentrate on separating the remaining hair into two. I sit patiently as he takes the first section from me and begins to braid. When he's done, he fixes the end and lays the finished product across my shoulder so I can inspect it. I reach up and feel the regular pattern of woven hair before I run my fingers through the still-damp bangs that frame my face. They haven't been trimmed for a while and I can feel the longest ones are way past my eyes but I suppose it doesn't matter any more.

Heero doesn't say anything and I feel the need to fill the silence. "Shall we go eat?" I say, trying to sound happy… and normal. Normal? That's a laugh. Almost everything about us and our lives is dysfunctional.

I'm guessing he's nodded in agreement as he's taken my arm to lead me downstairs. I think about reminding him to speak rather than gesture but I don't want to look like I'm nagging him. I'm thoughtful like that. We reach the bottom of the stairs in, what the others have told me, is a large open plan house. For me it's good because it means there aren't lots of rooms for me to lose myself in. The downside is that all there's lots of furniture to navigate in the main living area.

The other guys are still at the large dining table and they all greet me to let me know that they're there. Although Trowa and Wufei are quiet like Heero, they seem to realise how important it is to speak up now I can't see them.

"Duo!" Quatre says, cheery as always, "I saved you some bacon, do you want it?"

I grin as I feel my way into the chair Heero has pulled out for me.

"That'd be great," I say. "I'm starving."

"Coming right up!" Quatre says happily as I hear him move towards the kitchen area, leaving me sat at the table with 'speak no evil' times three.

"What's on the agenda for today, Yuy?" Wufei asks, and I turn towards the sound of his voice.

In his usual monotone, Heero relates a list of tasks that need completing. My ears are pricked up when Heero mentions checking on the Gundams. After the disastrous mission when I was injured, Deathscythe, Heavyarms and Wing were taken to Howard's crew for repairs. Since then we'd been instructed to lay low. Howard apparently had phoned earlier this morning to say that they were almost ready. Trowa offers to go on the motorbike he had 'borrowed' a couple of weeks ago and I don't hear any of the others disagreeing. Before anyone can say anything else, I have spoken.

"I want to go too," I say, hoping my voice sounds as resolutely determined as I feel.

Somehow I can feel them exchanging glances but I have no intention of being talked out of this. Being stuck in the house has long since surpassed being boring. I'm more than a little surprised when Trowa suggests Heero takes the bike so we can go together. If we could do a slow motion replay then maybe I'd be able to tell who disagrees with that suggestion first: me or Heero.

"Heero's busy," I say without knowing whether he is or he isn't, "I'll come with you, Trowa, if that's okay?"

"No problem," he replies and I'm relieved to hear the sincerity in his voice. "We'll set off after lunch."

Happy with this, I feel my way to the front door having stored this route carefully in my memory. I like the old wooden porch swing out here - 'Very Little House on the Prairie' Quatre had said when we had first arrived at the house. The others had looked blank when he had said that but I knew what he meant. I think I've seen more TV than most over the years, as it's my favourite form of relaxation when we stop anywhere that's got a set. This house doesn't have one but I'm not really bothered. I'm not sure whether I'd enjoy it anymore now I can't see the action. I guess it's just another thing that'll take some getting used to.

One unhappy thought is replaced by another as I push the seat gently with my foot to rock it. I haven't seen Howard or any of the Sweepers since my accident and I'm a little worried as to how they'll react. I know they know about what's happened but I just can't bear the thought that they might be all anxious around me. We used to have such a laugh together and I don't want things to be any different. Almost as if he senses my sorrowful thoughts, Quatre is outside asking if I mind if he joins me. I shake my head and smile as he sits down next to me.

"Are you okay, Duo?" he asks when he's comfortable.

I consider telling him about how Heero is making me unhappy with the distance he has decided to put between us but instead I tell him what I've just been thinking about.

"Yeah I'm fine," I say, "I'm just a bit worried about how the Sweepers will be with me. I know my eyes don't look any different but they all know that they don't work any more. I've looked at blind people before and it can be a bit unnerving when they kind of stare." In my head I sound like I'm rambling and I get frustrated. "I wonder whether it'd be better if I just kept my eyes shut all the time."

Quatre is quiet and I suddenly feel guilty that I've burdened him with my insecurities.

I'm about to apologise when he starts to speak.

"I've got an idea, Duo!" he says almost sounding excited. "I think it might help. Do you want it to be a surprise?"

I'm intrigued, but I love surprises. "A surprise," I say. "Providing I don't have to wait too long."

Quatre laughs and the sound cheers me. He and Trowa have turned out to be my rocks recently as they treat me no different without even trying. I say that with confidence as, when sight isn't an option, you learn to pick up on the subtleties of the voice and I can tell when people say one thing but mean another. For instance, when Heero tells me that he's 'fine' when quite blatantly he isn't. I've no complaints about Wufei really, but we've never really been that close anyway.

Quatre announces that he's leaving as he's volunteered to do the shopping. He asks if I want to go with him but I shake my head and smile. "I'll stay here and await my surprise," I say, reminding him just in case he's forgotten.

He laughs again and then he's gone but the sun is warming so I decide to stay out here a little longer. A few moments later Quatre and Heero re-emerge and head off to the shops. I bid them farewell before I hear the car start up and drive away. The wheels spin just slightly as they leave the tarmac drive, which informs me that Heero is driving. He always drives like that, like he's on some heart-stopping getaway mission. I don't think he knows any other way. I smile to myself as I picture Quatre's pale face as he sits in the passenger seat gripping the door handle tightly. Poor Quatre. Alone again, I begin to reflect on this new direction my life has taken.

'My accident' as I've come to refer to it seeing no greater description, was the result of a botched attack on a surprisingly well-equipped base. In short, we fucked up. My blindness according to Sally is owing to head trauma whatever that means, which I received when Deathscythe was knocked flying and I smashed my head against the console. I'd blacked out apparently but when I came to, the blackness never went away. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried once the initial shock had worn off. I've cried plenty since but it's usually when something utterly defeats me and my sightless eyes.

For the most part, I let my vivid imagination take the place of my eyes. I can picture everybody's faces so I just visualise them in my mind when we're talking. It seems ironic that something should happen to my eyes. Everybody always comments on them, being the unique colour that they are. Heero would always tell me, in our quiet moments together when he could be more talkative in five minutes than he would be in a whole day of armed combat, that my eyes were his favourite part of me. He's never said that once since the accident.

Tiring of silence, I stand up and make my way inside. We arrived at this safehouse after the accident so I find it's impossible to picture what I am walking into. I imagine that it's light and airy with exciting works of art on the wall to add a splash of colour but in reality I know it is an ordinary house; in need of painting and with little in the way of luxury, as is usually the case with rented accommodation.

I remember that the settee is over to the right so I make my way over there where I pray that I left my CD player. If it's not there then Wufei or Heero has probably tidied it away. I think both of them are a little anal when it comes to neatness. I grope around on the floor and I'm relieved to find that it's there. When I turn it on I find the CD is in keeping with my melancholy mood and so I sit and listen, imagining all the songs are about Heero and me. Morbid I know, but I can't help it.

I didn't even know I'd gone to sleep until I feel someone gently shaking my arm. The CD has long since stopped and all I'm left with is the faint hiss that the player is still on. I run my fingers along the buttons until I find the one with the square on it. Once it's off, I take the earphones out of my ears so I can concentrate on whoever woke me.

"Sorry, Duo," Quatre says sounding guilty, "but I didn't want you to miss lunch"

I smile; Quatre knows me well. I stretch and go to get up but Quatre stops me.

"Oh hey, I almost forgot your surprise!" he says brightly as I hear his footsteps fading slightly. Before I have chance to wonder what he's bought, he's returned and has placed a small package wrapped in tissue paper in my hands.

"I thought about what you said before," I hear him say, noting his voice is suddenly solemn.

His gift is small and solid. As I run my fingers over it I realise Quatre has bought me a pair of sunglasses and I grin, immediately understanding his logic behind the purchase. I slip them on and turn to where I assume he is standing.

"How do I look?"

"Very cool," he says solemnly although I can feel him smiling at me. I can't help but laugh. Trust Quatre to be so thoughtful.

"Shall we do lunch?" I laugh, offering my arm for him to link.

"A splendid suggestion, my good man!" he replies, giggling as we head arm in arm to the dining table.

"Hey, Heero," I say as I pass by his chair and brush against the back of his head. "What d'you think of the present Quatre bought me?"

"Huh?"

I gesture to the glasses and grin broadly.

"He bought you sunglasses," Heero says flatly and I instantly realise that Heero's black and white way of looking at things can't make head nor tail of why someone would buy a blind man sunglasses.

"Well I think they look great," Quatre replies crossly as he turns and heads towards the kitchen.

Guessing that we're alone, I explain to Heero how I worry that my sightless, staring eyes might make people uncomfortable. He doesn't pass judgement either way and I can tell he thinks it's all in my head. I wait for him to put his arms around me and offer words of comfort but the others enter the room at that precise moment so he doesn't move. Still, at least I can delude myself that that's what Heero would have done had we still been alone.

We eat an enjoyable meal, which I guess Trowa has made since there's lots of pasta involved. Talk revolves around an Earth Sphere Alliance broadcast Heero and Quatre heard on the car radio on their way back from shopping. Everybody has their opinions but I concentrate on the food, listening but never speaking. I feel so out of the war lately that I can't be bothered to comment. Now I'm just a civilian who happens to be holed up with a bunch of teenage terrorists. No biggy.

Wufei admits it's his turn to clear up so the rest of us move away to prepare for whatever we're doing this afternoon. Trowa checks that I still want to go with him and I nod resolutely. I can feel Heero's stare but don't comment. Maybe a little time apart would do us good, give us chance to adjust to the new direction our lives have taken. Wow, that sounded deep didn't it?

Seriously though, it seems ironic that we're having to readjust when our lives were just starting to make sense. Despite the war, we'd found something that was making the whole process a hell of a lot more bearable.

Each other.

With our feelings out in the open, we fought with new vigour. My fighting style became less reckless since I had started caring about whether I lived or died; I had someone to come home to at night and frankly, it felt good. Heero was starting to become slightly more human; the others had noticed and remarked that it was a positive step for the all-too-serious young man and that I should feel proud that I was the impetus behind the change. I do feel proud, or rather I did. Like I said, the accident and my subsequent injury has set us back and I honestly don't know whether we can recover the companionship and love that we'd found.

I want to, but as Sister Helen used to say: 'what wants, never gets'.

No, I can't help wanting our briefly-lived happiness back but Heero's shutters have come down again and I'm not sure that they'll ever go back up...

Funny how everything can change in the blink of an eye.

TBC…