Two for Tea Again

A/N: Wow, thank you SO much to the reviewers!!! (Blows kisses, throws Snape into the crowd) How would I live without you people?! Well, thank goodness for you, you've made me post the next chapter a week earlier than anticipated. Hope very much that you like it. Reviews are, again, always appreciated times a thousand. Thanks again!

Takes place when Sirius goes to lie low at Lupin's after the events of book four.

The cottage in Kent was much more cheerful than I imagined. It was my first time seeing the humble abode, but I already felt as though I knew it well. Through the arch of fuchsia blooms there stood a cheerful Ravenclaw blue door. Behind it would be a shabby but ridiculously well kept house. Inside the house would be Remus Lupin. I braced myself, and pawed at the bell.

The blue door swung open, framing a man I used to know. He looked worn by time, far older than I remembered him, but he managed to drag up a tired, guarded smile. A smile that had been ravaged by despairs and pain. All my fault.

"Hello, Snuffles. It's been a while."

Too long since you've had someone that cares about you. I barked in reply.

"Won't you come in?" He stepped back from the doorway to reveal a warm, homey looking kitchen with food on the stove that I had started smelling a mile away.

I don't deserve your kindness. Another bark.

"I've made you dinner," he said, turning away from me, not meeting my eyes as I returned to my least favourite form.

I didn't expect you to want to see me. "Thank you, you didn't have to."

"Of course I did. You've been running about eating rats for an entire year. It must have been a while since you had anything proper to eat," he said, giving me what James and I used to call his "look of fatherly concern" over the steaming bowl of stew he set before me.

Don't be concerned about me. I know this is next week's dinner for you. "It smells delicious."

Remus shook his head. "It's the best I could do. Anyway, tell me how Harry is doing. What happened at the tournament must have really frightened the poor boy."

How can you talk to me about Harry? How can you pretend that everything is normal when I know that nothing will ever be normal between us again? How can you live with me after what I did? I wish that I could make things right. "Yes, he was very disturbed by what happened. But I expect he'll have time to recover with his aunt and uncle."

"I hope he'll be alright."

I hope you'll be alright. How far will you go to protect everyone now that a war is starting? "So do I."

"Sirius," he says softly, staring at me over his teacup, his amber eyes glimmering in the firelight. He doesn't mean to continue our conversation about Harry.

What else is there to say to me, Remus? I know that we can never be friends. It won't ever be the way it was before. But when you hugged me in the Shrieking Shack I thought... "Yes?"

"You can't go blaming yourself for what happened." He looks miserable. I've only seen this misery on his face twice before.

I don't think you're talking about the TriWizard Tournament. But you can't be alluding to everything that's happened. Of course it's my fault, there isn't anyone else to blame. "I know."

He looks worried now, and reaches out a hand to touch my shoulder. "Are you sure?"

Very funny, Remus. But we both know that what I did is inexcusable. There's no hope, I can't be your Padfoot any longer. "Of course I am."

He shakes his head; he obviously knows that I'm lying. Moony always knew when we lied. "You were like this at Hogwarts too. Beating yourself up for things you didn't do. There was a war. You did what you thought you had to...James and Lily...they wouldn't have wanted you to carry on like this."

The names scald me. Please Moony, if you have any mercy for me left, don't pretend to forgive me. It only makes me remember the way we used to be. I can't be Padfoot. There is no Padfoot without his friends. Padfoot had Marauders and now they're gone. All my fault. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you haven't anything to apologise for."

Forgiving, kind, always a gentleman. You can scream at me, Remus. You can throw teacups at me. I don't care, I wish you would. I know you hate me, so for God's sake why don't you act like it? Forget to be a gentleman for once. I realize that I have upended the tiny table by falling to the ground, sobbing. I think of how I've wasted the dinner he so painstakingly saved for me, spilled it all over his shiny hardwood floor. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Why? I don't understand." His voice is just above a whisper as he walks calmly around the remains of our dinner and sits on the floor beside me. He puts a comforting hand on my shaking shoulders and looks at me with those penetrating amber eyes. Eyes I had never been able to conceal anything from.

The mask is there. The soft, compassionate mask that reins Moony inside. I know that Moony is fighting to get out. He wants to rip me to pieces. I wish he would. Moony deserves to, he was better than me. Moony was good, he was loyal and faithful until the very end. It was Padfoot...Sirius that turned out bad. That became the traitor. "James and Lily. They're really gone."

He takes in a breath sharply, and looks away, but not before I see that his eyes are also full of tears. He wipes them away briskly, pretending to be rubbing his forehead in thought. "Yes. Yes, they're gone. I suppose it must still be a new wound for you. The pain has dulled over the years for me."

Remus. I've been to hell and returned to find that everyone I love is gone. Everyone but you. Don't you see Remus? I could spend the rest of my life in hell if I only had your forgiveness. But I can see how mentioning Lily and James has affected you. You'll never forgive me. Why should you? I don't deserve it. "Wasn't it hard? To go on living, I mean."

He hesitates. "At first. I always wished that I could have someone else that knew what it felt like. To lose all their friends. But...you're here with me now. I know how it feels, Sirius. I can help you. If you ever need me, all you need do is ask."

You mean it. I've seen you mean things often enough to be able to tell when you're saying them out of obligation. But why? How can you forgive me for what I did to James and Lily. What I did to you. I know that I'll never forgive myself. "I don't...I don't ever want anything from you except your forgiveness, Remus. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you and Harry. I know I haven't earned it, I don't deserve it, but I'll work so hard to prove to you—"

He cuts me off abruptly. "You don't need to prove anything, Padfoot. We've both suffered so much. More often than not at each other's hands. Now we have each other, let's both be allowed to enjoy the good company."

I remember we spent the evening reminiscing. It was a happy time for us both. When I left the house a few days later, I felt that many of my precious memories of the four uproarious boys and the kind girl had been restored.

I promised myself that from that moment on, I would make things better. I would save Harry and Remus every pain that I could.

The year that followed was not the best of my life, but by no means the worst, and throughout it Moony's bittersweet smile hung over me. Reminding me that there were those who had seen far worse and could still retain their tender and warmhearted temperaments.

It was a shame I never got to make good on my promise.

A/N: I hope this wasn't redundant. I did the best I could to keep with the same format and make the second chapter different. Anyway, hope very much that you enjoyed. Reviews are nice (sorry to keep reminding you).