Title: Powdery Chicken Glitter?
Author: AlannaRiddle
Summary: Severus Snape catches a Muggle sickness. The results are insane.
Severus Snape itched.
His whole body itched.
He wanted to scratch it, but he couldn't.
There were socks on his hands.
Severus had the Chicken Pox.
Muggle Chicken Pox.
Potions didn't work on non-magic illnesses.
Now he had to suffer.
There were nasty spots on his body.
At first, it started out as a cough.
Then, his enormous hooked nose started to leak.
It leaked snot all over the Sixth Year essays.
Draco Malfoy complained loudly.
Then he was escorted to the Hospital Wing.
Severus had hexed him.
He was too tired for nonsense.
During dinner, a headache developed.
He glared at anyone who made noise.
A Hufflepuff started choking.
He gave her a Look.
She stopped.
She turned blue.
Potter started pounding on her abdomen.
Severus didn't know why.
He figured he was copping a feel.
But he didn't care.
The lights were too bright.
They made his pain worse.
He felt his forehead getting hot.
His cheeks flushed with color.
Severus did not like color.
He covered his face with Minerva's napkin.
Severus ran.
The next morning, there were a few spots on his face.
And on his arms.
And on his neck.
And even on his…
Anyway, they were ugly, blotchy, and red.
There was one on his eyelid too.
He looked diseased.
He was.
Severus went to teach class that day.
Most of the students ran at the sight.
The Greasy Git was infected.
One girl told him so.
She joined Malfoy in the Hospital Wing.
Severus looked up the illness at the library.
Bloody muggle chickens!
It was their entire fault Severus was suffering.
He still itched.
The book said to bath in baking soda.
What the hell was baking soda?
He asked an elf.
Severus was given a box of powder.
He used a duplicating charm on it.
Seventy-two boxes later, he was lying in a bathtub.
He was quite uncomfortable.
He felt powder go up his bum.
It was not the best feeling in the world.
Well… actually…
Severus got out of the tub.
He was covered in powder.
Next he slopped on a generous amount of Calamine Lotion.
It was suppose to stop the itch.
It worked.
Was he supposed to look like a big, pink gloop?
Muggles are dunderheads.
The relief didn't last long.
Hence the socks on his hands.
The one on the left was named Hairy Otter.
The one on the right was Lord Hadawort.
They liked to fight with each other.
This lasted for eight days.
One thing you never do, while infected with the Pox, is take aspirin.
Severus did.
He didn't know not to.
To Muggles, there is the chance of getting Reye's Syndrome.
To Wizards, there is a personality change.
A major one.
Three days later, Severus showed up at a D.E. meeting head to toe in glittery pink robes.
He called Voldemort "Hun," twice, and "Sweetheart," once.
Severus even showed the Dark Lord his sock puppets.
Voldemort was not happy to say the least.
He wanted a Hairy Otter sock puppet too.
A/N: All the information concerning the Chicken Pox is true. There is such thing as Reye's Syndrome and it is known to appear when a child takes aspirin while having a viral infection, like Chicken Pox or the flu. Symptoms of RS include persistent or recurrent vomiting, listlessness, personality changes such as irritability or combativeness, disorientation or confusion, delirium, convulsions, and loss of consciousness. There is no cure.
Started and Finished on August 30, 2004.