Disclaimer: See Chapter One.

Chapter 7 - Letters

My Dearest Son,

I hate writing this letter, I hate trying to explain something so complicated using nothing more powerful than quill and parchment, and most of all I hate this war that makes this letter a necessary precaution. I hope you never read this; I want to tell you everything to your face, look in those beautiful green eyes of yours and explain what is happening.

It is difficult to write this for that reason, Harry. I don't want to think that I may not be there for you as you grow, that there is an excellent chance I will be no more than a shadow, the ghost of a memory in your mind. I cannot imagine what your life has been like if this is so. If both James and I are gone, I suppose you have been living with Sirius.

Never take his advice when it comes to girls, Harry. He's a dog in more ways than one.

By the way, James also says hi. Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was wondering what your life has been like. I hope Sirius (who really isn't the best example to follow in the realm of dating, James is right) has told you every day how loved you were, and still are, and always will be. Never doubt that, Harry, my beautiful baby boy. As I write this you are sitting on James's lap, blowing raspberries at your mum, as if to say "Enough with the soppy stuff, already!" I will follow the command of your younger self, and simply say that we love you, James and I, and we always will.

You may be wondering why you are receiving this letter at this particular time in your life. Hopefully, you already know, because Severus has gotten his letter and spoken to you, but I'm not holding my breath. Now that I'm writing this, I don't know how to tell you what needs to be said, so I am going to tell you a story.

Once upon a time (if you have been raised as a wizard, you may not understand the significance of the phrase, but in the Muggle world most every good story starts with "Once upon a time") there lived a girl named Lily. She was a fairly normal girl, perhaps more studious than most; in fact she became Head Girl in her seventh year. She spent much of her time with four boys from her House, in fact, she and her best friend, James, spent so much time together that everyone assumed they were dating. They weren't, however, although James would have liked that very much. They tried, Lily tried, but she just couldn't put her heart into it, because she had already given it to someone else.

There was another boy, a seventh year Slytherin named Severus Snape. James and his friends hated him, made him miserable, but Lily thought he was incredible. They had worked together in Charms the year before, and she had gotten to know him, to recognize the emotions in his flashing black eyes, to hear the intelligence flowing through his rich low voice.

She was, perhaps, a bit obsessed.

There was no "perhaps" about it, Harry.

All idiocy from the peanut gallery aside, he has a point, I suppose. So, Lily and Severus became friends of a sort, but never more; Severus did not seem to see Lily, not the way she wished he would. And so the year passed, Lily, James, and their friends having fun, everyone believing the two were dating, and Lily taking every opportunity to spend time with Severus that she could find. And making up new opportunities when there were none available. But still, he did not return her feelings. Finally, the end of the year came, and almost the entire class showed up at a graduation party held by Narcissa Black.

As soon as they got there, James and his friends abandoned Lily in favor of mischief-making. Feeling a little lonely, she began to drink. A lot. (Take your mother's advice; never drink so much that you can no longer pronounce your name. It's never a particularly bright idea.) And who should wander into her one-woman drinking party but Severus. Never one for crowds, he stayed with her, imbibing almost as much as Lily.

To make a long story short, you were conceived that night. I was silly enough to mistake what had happened for something more meaningful, until Severus finally, painfully, disabused me of that notion. I was terribly upset and hurt, but it wasn't his fault that I had read into our interaction something that was not there.

James thinks I should gloss over the story for you, make up something pretty--

I believe I said "something that won't permanently squick him and give him nightmares for the rest of his life!"

But I don't want you to think that your conception is something I'm ashamed of. You are the light of my life, a beacon of hope in these dark days, and I cannot regret anything that brought me you. Moreover, you deserve to know the truth, especially now that you are rapidly approaching the age I was when all this happened--a frightening thought!

You are probably wondering why you aren't living with Severus right now. Well, sweetheart, the last time I saw him we parted on bad terms. He doesn't know about you; I discovered something about him that made him untrustworthy, and so I have kept the details of my pregnancy a secret. I'm sure you know all about the war we are currently embroiled in (although I hope it is ancient history for you); Voldemort and his Death Eaters against the world. James and I are fighting against him, which is part of why we are in such danger. Severus, I'm sad to say, is a Death Eater.

Don't judge him too harshly, Harry. He has made an awful choice, but things are not always simple, and to be in Slytherin House in our time meant you were under almost unbearable pressure to pledge loyalty to You-Know-Who. I am not condoning his choice or his actions, and I don't claim to know his mind, but I cannot believe that the boy who spoke to me so passionately about his potions research could possibly, truly, buy into the Death Eater philosophy. He will turn back to our side, Harry, I am sure of it, because deep down he is a good man.

Nasty and greasy as the best of them, I think you mean to say.

I told you they did not get along. James has a bit of a point though; Severus, should he still be living in your time, is probably still a very unpleasant man. He does not have the temperament for pleasantries or politeness. I do hope you have inherited my disposition, although it seems unlikely to look at you.

Which brings me to the reason for the timing of you receiving this letter. I know you have gone through your life bearing a startling resemblance to James; in fact, you're probably thinking I'm delusional, saying you are Severus's child! It is not safe right now for anyone to figure out your true parentage, and the moment you were born it became obvious that to keep the secret we would have to change your appearance.

We've charmed your appearance to look like James's; unfortunately, if you have studied this type of magic yet, you know that appearance-altering charms tend to wear off as a child's powers fully mature. We intend to remove the charm as soon as it is safe to do so, but if you are reading this we obviously did not get the chance.

Harry, this is heavy news, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way. If you have any questions you can talk to Albus Dumbledore, who should be the man who gave you your letter, or Remus Lupin, if he is living. Remus was a dear, dear friend of myself and James, and was instrumental in crafting the spell for your appearance. If you are living with Sirius as I assume, I'm sure you know Remus well.

I have one last thing to ask of you, my sweet boy, before I put down my quill and take your infant self to bed. Ask Dumbledore about Severus; he will know the man's loyalties better than anyone else. If he has returned to the Light, please give him a chance. His life has been hard, and has probably only gotten worse in the interim. Take a measure of the man today before judging him too harshly for past misdeeds. It would make me so happy to know you two have found each other.

My story has come to a close, and I have to go because you are getting quite cranky now! If you take nothing else away from this letter, know this: I love you, my darling boy, and I wish I could be there to see the wonderful young man you have become.

I'd like to see you play Quidditch--I've been telling Lily you are a natural, but I don't think she believes me.

Be strong, Harry, and be happy. That's all I want.

Love always,

Lily and James

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Dear Harry,

I am sorry to hear about the Dursleys, not because I feel any real sorrow for their passing, but because it has caused you pain. Don't blame yourself for this: they beat you and starved you and belittled you, and in the end it was their choice not to listen to you. I know you, Harry, you would have done anything to save them had you been physically able. Shake your head all you like; deep down inside I know you recognize the truth of the situation.

So, Snape knows now, eh? You knew we were going to have to enlist someone's help soon, anyway; reinstating the old spell won't work when it starts to decay, which should happen any day now. Although, you said you've removed the charms anyway, didn't you, so it's no longer an issue. It must be somewhat of a relief not to have to try to hide everything anymore. If Voldemort really knows, you don't ever need to use the charm again if you don't want it. It's not strange at all that you prefer your new look; I always told you I thought it was quite sexy.

Stop blushing, I don't mean it that way.

So, he really didn't know before this. That's something, I suppose--at least, that he didn't behave that way knowing your relationship. Don't expect everything to change overnight, I'm sure he's feeling overwhelmed right now. Do you remember how you reacted when you found out? Crookshanks is still a little wary around you (don't worry, as long as he's not trying to eat you I think you're okay). Just give the Professor some time. I don't picture him as someone overly in tune with his emotions; the way he treated you all these years was proof enough of that. You did say your opinions of each other have changed slightly, just keep that in mind, and take deep breaths. Count to ten before you say anything; advice Professor Snape could probably use, also.

Not that I'd tell him; I don't have any desire to get my head bitten off, thank you.

I think I'll write to Professor Dumbledore, too, about a visit--not only because I'm dying to hear whatever it is you need to say in person! And not only because I want another glimpse of the new you.

Honestly, stop blushing. I don't mean it that way, you conceited prat.

Okay, let's be serious for a moment and talk about the Point Me spell. I'm not entirely sure why it is no longer working, but I have a hypothesis. Location magic works by finding a being--a spirit, if you know what I mean. This is why it is not fooled by Polyjuice; Point Me Harry Potter will direct you to the soul that identifies itself as Harry Potter. Our identity is an intrinsic part of us, and it can neither be fooled nor purposefully altered (disregarding the Dementor's Kiss, and even that cannot alter, only destroy). This is not to say that out identities are permanent or static, because they are occasionally capable of change. If I got married to you (breaking the hearts of millions of readers of Witch Weekly, I'm sure), for example, my being would recognize itself as both Hermione Granger and Hermione Potter, because they would both be important parts of my identity. If my parents and I had an enormous row and they disowned me, it is entirely possible that you would not be able to find me using Point Me Hermione Granger, because my psyche would have differentiated itself from my family and their name. Simply put, your identity, your psyche, is confused right now; you aren't sure who you are. That's why the spell is not working for you--deep inside you no longer see yourself as Harry Potter. I bet if someone tried Point Me Harry, it would work, because you still identify yourself as Harry. If you are looking for a way to fix this, I'm afraid I can't help you, other than to tell you to figure out your identity. This is all guesswork, Harry, so don't worry overmuch about it just now. You might want to mention this to Dumbledore and come up with an alternative method for locating you, though; the Order's ability to find you might save your life at some point.

I still think it would be good for you to venture into the library and read a book or two while you are there. Just a suggestion.

I will owl Professor Lupin, also, if only to try to set my own mind at rest. It must be hard for him to lose his friend; he has so few. Make sure he knows you are there for him, maybe it will help. It will certainly do no one any good for you to continue flogging yourself over Snuffles's death! Harry, I do not know what to say to you to take away your pain and guilt; I think only you can do that. Please accept that your godfather loved you and would have done anything for you, as you would have for him. You cared so much about him that you needed to go save him, so desperately that you were unable to think clearly enough to recognize the possibility of a trap. You didn't ask him to go, you didn't intend to cause him harm, and you weren't the one to make him fall through that veil. You have to let it go. He would have wanted you to.

And as for Ron... I'm sure his reaction will at least be amusing! The first few seconds, anyway. I know it's unlikely that he will take this well, but that's his problem, just remember that. If he cannot look beyond your appearance and realize you are still the same Harry he's always loved, he is not worth your friendship. I don't think it will come to that, however. He'll need time, and you'll need to ignore his reactions at first, because you know all too well that he talks before he really thinks. You can handle it; you are strong, and God knows you have dealt with Ron's stupidity before.

All the adoring girls that will be flocking to your new look will help, too.

Have fun this summer, Harry; you've earned it.

Love,

Hermione

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Dear Professor Dumbledore,

I'm writing to you about Harry. I've received a letter from him, and I am aware of the changes he is facing in his life right now, not to mention his rather perilous mental state. I know students are not allowed at Hogwarts during the summer, but I beg you to make an exception and let me come speak to him. He needs a friend right now, Professor. I also read in Hogwarts: A History, that students were allowed to stay during the summers of 1943-45 as well as 1115-1119, so there is a precedent for this. Granted, those were war situations, but now is also, isn't it sir, and Harry is affected by it more than anyone. Let me come, at least for his birthday, for his sake. Thank you for listening.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

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Dear Professor Lupin,

How are you? Harry said he saw you in Hogwarts a few days ago--there isn't any chance we'll be getting another year of lessons from the best DADA professor we've ever had, is there? I hope so, and not only because it would make Harry so happy.

Harry wrote to me with a question that I thought you might be better able to answer. He told me that the Point Me spell no longer is effective for Harry Potter. My guess was that his psyche has become sufficiently confused regarding his identity that the spell is not recognizing him. I have no idea if that is truly the case, or if there is a precedent for this sort of spell malfunction, but I would love to hear any thoughts you have on the subject.

Thank you so much for your help, Professor; I appreciate your kindness. I have been quite bored sitting here all summer, and have been reading everything I can get my hands on to keep myself busy. I would love to hear from you, if you ever wanted to write and tell me about your day, or your work, or your headache... whatever. I have been told I can be quite a good listener, especially when "listening" entails reading letters. Just a thought from one of your terribly bored ex-students. I hope you are enjoying the summer weather, Professor.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

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Dear Miss Granger,

I am aware of young Harry's situation, and I agree that having someone to speak to other than us old coots would do him a world of good. Please feel free to come and stay for as long as you deem necessary; just let me know what day you plan to leave and a staff member will come to your house to Apparate you and your belongings. Harry is lucky to have a friend such as yourself, and you should feel quite honored that he trusts you so.

Thank you for your information from Hogwarts: A History; it was quite informative.

Yours Truly,

Professor A. Dumbledore

Responses to Questions:

Starr Light1: Well, I'm not so great with dates, myself (I'm in the middle of a time-turner fic, and I had to make a chart because I kept getting so confused!), so I don't really have a precise date in mind. As close as I can get is early-to-mid July, obviously before Harry's birthday.