Stage Fight
Mikey and Don were sprawled on the couch watching The Simpsons.
Or trying to, over the harmonious sounds of Leo and Raph's eleventh or twelfth verbal confrontation of the day.
This time it was over which of them had left the kitchen sink tap dripping.
Of course, the trivial situations were just excuses to blow up at each other out of boredom.
Donny had christened it "Sewer Fever", their own unique version of cabin fever.
With the Shredder vanquished, and most of the Foot in prison or scattered, the turtles had a lot of free time. Too much of it maybe, especially since crime in New York seemed to have hit a hiatus lately.
Raph went out occasionally with Casey to "bust some skulls," but all too often they were all at home getting on each other's nervesâat least, Leo and Raph got on each other's nerves.
Splinter had thrown up his paws and left them to it. He was staying with April for a few days in which to meditate in peace, and try to gain back some of his formidable patience, which had become very brittle of late.
"Would you guys chill? Or do I have to send Don in there to sing to you?" Mikey called testily towards the kitchen.
He was sick of breaking them up and he knew Donny was too, even though he didn't say much.
"I'm outta here," Raph declared, storming through and up the ladder.
Leo stalked silently to his room and slid the door closed.
If Don didn't know better he would have sworn they were on identical moon cycles.
"Peace. Finally," Mike grumbled, wriggling back into the couch.
"Enjoy it while it lasts," Don advised, offering Mikey the bag of pork rinds.
They settled in for a bit of companionable tv time.
Leo flopped on his bed , annoyed at himself for stooping to Raph's level yet again.
It wasn't that his brother angered him so much, but that he was so darn exasperating.
Leo was sick of his pig-headedness and attitude that only seemed to get worse every day.
He knew it was largely due to boredom, and was well aware that he himself sometimes went out of his way to provoke Raph.
I wish we got along as well as those two, Leo thought, listening to his youngest brothers laughing together.
Donny and Mike each somehow had the ability to get on fine with all their brothers, and were best buds as well.
Lucky them, Leo thought, slightly jealous.
Raph scuffed his way home through the darkening Central Park, disappointed and somewhat irritated at not finding any low-lifes to put through the wringer.
If we don't find something else to do soon, Leo and I are gonna tear each other's throat out, Raph said to himself.
He was slightly surprised to realize that didn't really appeal to him.
He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his trenchcoat as he picked his way through the abandoned subway tunnels to their home.
S'pose it could be worse, he thought. At least Mikey and Don were rarely, if ever, at odds with anyoneincluding himself.
He stepped off the bottom rung of their front-door ladder and ran smack into Leonardo.
"Oh man Leo. Not now Ok, I really don't wanna see you at the moment," Raph warned with blunt honesty.
He shrugged off his coat and didn't look at his brother, lest he be tempted to pin him to the wall by a mask tail (if he was lucky) with a sai.
Leo ignored his tone.
"Raph, just forget for five minutes that you're not speaking to me. What were Don and Mikey doing before you left?"
Raph was puzzled. "Watchin' tv together. What's going on?"
"Watching tv together, right? Happily, together?"
Raph exhaled, annoyed. "What is this, Leo? Twenty Questions?"
"Just answer me."
"Yes, happily, merrily, cheerfully watching tv, together, positively reeking of brotherly love. Why?" Raph answered, rolling his eyes.
Leo looked at him. "They've been in the dojo since just after you left, beating the shell off each other."
"So they're sparring. So what?"
"They are not sparring. They're fighting."
Raph was slightly taken aback at this.
Before he could think of a response, Mike re-entered the lair from the tunnel behind the subway cars that were their rooms, absolutely fuming.
Don was right behind him, equally furious.
Mike muttered something that Leo and Raph didn't quite catch.
Donny certainly did though, and flung the bo staff in his hand across the room with all his force.
It made contact with an innocent wall, removing a small chip, and made an awful clatter as it fell to the floor.
Donny rounded on his little brother. "Why don't you say that to my face, you little-" he hissed, outraged, letting loose with a string of highly colourful names and oaths, amazing his big brothers.
Raph stepped down into the living area.
"Jesus Donny, I didn't think you even knew any of them words," he said, surprised, trying to sound off-hand.
"I learned them from you," Don snapped.
Leo joined Raph, unable to fully believe what he was seeing and hearing.
He had never, but never, seen Donny ever handle the bo in anger, and he had never spoken to his favourite little brother like that before.
Mike caught Don by the elbow as he started to turn away, and pulled him roughly back.
"You think you're so smart, you pacifist wuss! Don't think I'll be there protecting your butt next time we run into trouble," he said angrily, fire in his eyes.
Raph and Leo's jaws scraped the floor.
They'd never heard Mike speak to Don like that either.
Don jerked his arm free.
"You wouldn't know how to fight your way out of a wet paper bag, let alone protect anyone! I'm surprised you don't take yourself out every time you swing those pathetic nunchukus, because you sure as hell haven't got a clue how to use them, malingerer that you are!"
Mike clenched his fists. "Splinter thinks they fight," he said loudly, waving a hand at his oldest brothers, "Wait til I get finished with you!"
They advanced on each other but in a split second Leo was between them, trying to hold his little brothers off each other.
They shoved him out of the way and went for each other with malice.
Raph and Leo both dived in and physically separated them with effort.
'What the hell is going on here?" Raph asked, trying to restrain a struggling Don.
His quiet brother was stronger than he'd realized.
Leo was having the same difficulty with Mikey.
"Somebody better answer me, or I'll kick both your butts," Raph warned as Don submitted reluctantly.
Mike was still struggling with Leo, but managed to free one hand to point accusingly at his normally peaceful sibling.
"He doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself and his precious books and whatever stupid useless research he's always got his head stuck in!!"
"And you don't care about anything but your stupid tv shows and feeding your face! Especially your training! When are you going to start acting your age! Time to get real and stop hiding behind Splinter's tail!"
Don wrenched free of Raph's grip and stormed to his room.
Leo let go of Mikey as Don slammed his door, then re-opened it and began pitching things out.
Mikey's stuff, Leo realized, as a handful of tatty comic books sailed onto the couch.
Mike's room was next to Don's, crowded with his collection of junk, and sometimes the overflow leaked to Donny's room.
The good-natured turtle simply stacked whatever didn't fit in his brother's room in a corner and ignored it.
Until now, that is.
"Whoa," Raph muttered.
"Mikey..." Leo began, not even sure what he was going to say.
"Save it bro, I don't wanna hear it," Mike spat, "He's gonna get it, and you can't stop me."
Don heard and stepped out of his room. He glared at Mike icily, oozing a come-and-get-me attitude.
Raph and Leo hastily positioned themselves in front of their younger brothers again.
"Raph," warned Don.
"Leo," warned Mike.
Leo tried to get past his surprise at their behaviour and act like a big brother.
"What's going on here, guys?" he asked calmly, hoping to calm them down.
"What's it to you?" Don said coldly, while Raph held him at arms length, with the palm of his hand against Donny's chest.
"It's a lot to me, Donny. My little brothers, the ones who are best friends, are trying to damage each other physically and emotionally. I want to know what caused it!" Leo said authoritively, never breaking his lock with Mike's eyes.
"None of your business!" Mikey snapped, and Leo and Raph exchanged a quick glance.
In that instant Mike and Don were at each other again, and this time ended up on the floor before being separated- roughly- by the two older turtles.
"That's it! Apparently youse can't stand the sight of each, so that's how it'll be," Raph said, pissed-off.
He practically dragged Don to their front door ladder, shoving his brother's upper-world disguise at him and grabbing his own.
"Good luck with that one, Leo," he said, gesturing to the glowering Mikey.
"You too," Leo said, concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere," Don declared, plonking to the floor, folding his arms and scowling at his older brother.
"Oh yes you are," Raph stated firmly, in no mood for Brainiac's passive resistance act.
"Go!" he added, pointing up the ladder, and slapping the old brown fedora on Don's head.
Donatello responded unwillingly to the "I'm-the-older-brother-so-you'll-do-as-I-say" tone.
Leo watched his brother's shell, feeling lost, as Mikey began gathering up his scattered belongings.
He started helping him, hoping Mike'd say something. Anything.
He cleared his throat. "Mikey, uh..."
Michaelangelo spun round. "He started it!" he blurted, upset.
Leo moved forward and patted him on the shoulder helplessly.
"What did Don say to upset you so?" he asked, sitting on the couch.
He patted the cushion next to him, and Mike sat.
Raph led his brother out into the New York night, familiar with leaving his residence after an altercation.
He was unfamiliar, however, with the fact that he hadn't instigated it this time, and even less familiar with the thought that it had been Donny and Mikey, fighting with each other.
Raph realized he'd automatically taken them to his favourite bench in Central Park.
The one he ended up on most times after he'd taken his frustrations out on something, or someone, after scrapping with Leo, but before heading home.
He'd done a lot of thinking on this out-of-the-way park bench over the last few years.
Raph sat, and pulled Don down too, after he wore Raph's patience by standing like a stuffed duck for too long.
"What in God's name got into you tonight, Donny?" Raphael questioned straightforwardly.
"Nothing. You and Leo go at each other all the time, why shouldn't Mike and I?" Don said stonily.
"Our Fearless Leader and I fight cause we got a basic personality clash goin'. You and Mikey don't. What was said to get each other so fired up?"
"Nothing"
"Don't sit there and tell me 'Nothing'!" Raph snapped, trying to control his temper.
He wasn't too good at this sort of thing, but he badly wanted to get to the bottom of his little brothers conflict.
He cared about them, and it didn't make him feel great to see them at each other's throats.
"C'mon Donny, I just want to help," he said quietly.
"There's nothing you can say Leo, so don't try," Mike said, neatly stacking his formerly airborne comics.
"I want to know what happened, because you and Don aren't exactly known for not getting along. One of you must have hit a raw nerve or something...but I can't think of what it could be," Leonardo said quietly.
It dawned on him he'd been so busy duking it out with Raph lately that he probably wouldn't have noticed any problems cropping up between his youngest siblings.
"Maybe we're just sick of each other, like you and Raph seem to be all the time," Mikey said sharply.
"Well, when Raph and Don come back, you can talk it out and-"
Mike interrupted. "No way Leo! There won't be any talking it out, no kiss-and-make-up. I don't want to see him. Period. The only contact I want with him from now on will be my fist and his jaw, got it?"
"Simple Raph. You can help by leaving me alone. I don't want to see the little jerk. Not now, not later, not tomorrow. I've had it with his childishness and stupidity. End of story."
Don stated coldly, crossing his arms, glaring at nothing in particular.
Raph looked at his brother, unsettled by the look in his eye.
He knew he'd got all he was going to get out of him, for once Donny clammed up, that was it.
Leo and Raph finally crawled into their beds later that night, worn out with trying to keep the other two apart.
For all their declarations of not wanting to see each other, Mike and Don weren't having the slightest qualms about physically lashing out at one another.
They're even worse than Raph and I, Leo thought with a somewhat heavy heart.
Now he knew how Splinter and his brothers felt when he and Raph were so often at odds.
He hadn't the slightest clue how to stop this before it got worse.
Raph tossed in his bed, trying not to think of the deadly glances that had passed between his little brothers before Leo ordered, and then basically dragged them to bed tonight.
Is it this bad when Leo and I fight? No wonder they all look like someone died when we do.
Raph shook his head and crawled out of bed, unable to fall asleep. He wondered if Leo was still up.
Maybe they could think of something to do about this together.
He slid open his door and nearly fell over Mikey, who was stalking past, presumably on his way back to his room.
"Where have you been?" Raph asked him casually, hoping that Mikey might give him more than Donny had.
"Nowhere"
Raph grit his teeth. What was with this "Nothing", "Nowhere", business? Why wouldn't they tell him or Leo anything?
Mike turned and Raph got a closer look at his face.
His baby brother had a shiner of a black eye.
"LEO! Get out here now!" Raph bellowed, almost ripping Don's door of it's hinges, and forcefully snapping the light on.
Raphael made a huge effort and fought down his temper to address the purple mask tails and turtle shell that were facing him.
"What the hell is wrong with you, you fu-" he started.
Donny silently turned to face him, and Raph checked and gasped as he took in the bloodied rag Don had pressed above his chest near his shoulder, and the trickle of red running down his plastron.
Leo skidded out, taking in Mike's black eye, and then Donny's bleeding self over Raph's shoulder.
"What are you trying to do to each other?" Leo said, in a low voice that shook with anger.
"I would have thought you'd be used to it Leo," Don said sarcastically, adjusting the rag a little.
"Yeah, we sure are, having to watch you two at it all the time," Mike surprisingly agreed with Don, carefully pressing one of their collection of ice-packs to his eye.
Leo gave a world-weary sigh and glanced at the VCR clock. 1.27 AM.
He was bone tired, and fed up with this feud already, but he knew it was up to him to do something.
"I never thought I'd have to do this, but, Raph, do you mind staying with Mike tonight? I'll stay with Don...I can't believe you two, of all people, need protection from each other," Leo said disgustedly.
Raph wordlessly steered Mike into his room, stunned, while Don went into the bathroom to put a dressing on what Leo thought to be a fairly deep cut.
Don brushed off Leo's curt offer of assistance. When he exited the bathroom Leo pointed silently to his room and followed him in.
Raphael and Leonardo couldn't speak for their room-mates, but neither of them got much sleep that night.
The older brothers were up earlier than their brothers- they'd mutually agreed to let them sleep in for awhile- and spent a long time discussing their current problem.
"You know Raph, this is actually sort of nice...you and I getting along so well...too bad it's taken something like this to wake up to ourselves," Leo sighed, after a long talk still hadn't presented any solutions.
Raph looked sheepish. "Yeah...I realized last night how it feels when people you care about are tearing each other up."
"Oh really," Don commented rudely from behind them.
Mikey was standing off to the side, and Leo saw his eye didn't look any better this morning.
"If you two ever friggin' do anything like that to each other again-" Raph began,
"We'll both kick your butts," Leo finished determinedly.
"Don't tell me you two are actually agreeing on something," Mikey said, in sarcastic shock.
"Well someone's got to! What with you two at each other throats like enemies instead of brothers!
"Remember that," Mikey said, looking at Don.
"Mission accomplished?" Donny said, jerking his head toward his brothers.
"You said it bro!" Mikey exclaimed, giving him a high three.
Raph and Leo looked on flabbergasted as they each threw an arm over the other's shoulder.
"What is going on here?" Raph said in utter confusion.
"We wanted to let you two to see how it felt when you're forever in dispute," Don said with an infuriating grin, while Mikey giggled.
"But...but what about your eye? And your shoulder?" Leo said, with an expression akin to that you'd see on a lost sheep.
"You didn't actually see us fight, did you?" Don said.
Mikey grabbed a tissue, spat on it, and rubbed the dark eyeshadow off.
"Lucky thing April left that here!" he commented to Donny, who was peeling off his dressing.
He displayed unmarked skin to his older brothers, thoroughly enjoying the looks on their faces.
"But I saw the blood!" Raph said, shaking his head.
"It's amazing what you can do with poster paint powder and a bit of water, isn't it, Mikey?" Don asked his little brother innocently.
"Definitely! Hey, no hard feelings, Donny? I didn't mean anything I said...but it sounded good!"
"Same here Mikey...but it wasn't easy saying those things about you! I didn't break any of your stuff I 'threw', did I?"
"No way Jose! Hey what do you say to an early morning pizza? My treat...We'll let these two stay here, seeing how they're getting on so well!"
Raphael and Leonardo were getting on well, allright, advancing on their little brothers with murderous intentions in their eyes!