Soul of my soul

Chapter Ten : Lessons not learned in blood are never remembered

There were more holes in the grated ceiling the Jed cared to count. The artificial air with it's mild metallic taste softly filtered through and he could only just feel it puffing at his face. Jed was bored and very restless; he did not like sitting still. The nurses were all too serious and he had no one to talk to now he had fully woken up.

His skin was itchy from the surgery, rubbing his upper stomach gently he could feel the bump of stitches, following the line they went down a good few inches. Gathering the material of his gown almost covertly in his fist Jed pulled it upwards. He wanted to get a look at this. Concentrating on fabric he didn't notice he had an audience. Heiko slapped his hand lightly to stop Jed from stirring the wound. He paused mid motion and looked at her like a child that had just gotten in trouble but didn't know what for. She gave him a look that said he knew what it was for before sitting in the chair where Jed had last seen Lucas.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him, she really meant the question despite her tone of voice that was, as ever cold and flat.

"Everything hurts, but no worse then the time when I bailed on a go-cart I fitted with small propulsion rockets, I broke my insides then too," Jed half joked. Heiko smiled and Jed noticed that unlike her icy demeanour, she had a kind face.

"You're lucky," She stated.

"I know, what the hell happened? Why did they let us go?"

"We were disabled with direct, short range EMP's before they picked us off one by one," Heiko bluntly reported. She responded the fastest to the incoming threat because it had been burned into her by instinct. Her sensitive, complex neurological implant was extremely vulnerable to the electro magnetic power of the torpedos, she was no use to anyone unconscientious so she broke formation and flew the opposite direction. After all the EMP's had detonated she returned to be the thin line of defence drawing most of the fire and avoiding it by millimetres.

"General Stassi hailed us, he ordered us out of Macronesian waters, the whole thing was an exercise of power," She continued.

"But we weren't in Alliance waters?" Jed was confused, he knew for a fact that the course that had been plotted steered well clear of any Alliance territory because he was there when the helm did it.

"Yes we were, we just didn't know it,"

"How is that even possible? A territory sinks and my next door neighbours drycleaner with the shitty black and white television knows about it before the news does, the spread of information takes seconds," He exclaimed frustrated, this was ridiculous.

"And in a world of such technology there are ways to control that spread of information," Heiko said matter-of-factly. Jed lay there quietly for a while, thinking over and over. He had the clearest memory of the muffled pop made by small ranged weapons exploding against helpless sub fighters. It disturbed him more then he had realised because he knew some hadn't come back, he may have witnessed deaths of his crewmates and not even have known it.

A part of him that was rational told him this is what you signed up for, what did you expect? Innocence is such a useless thing in a place like this. He turned to look at Heiko. She was cold and hardened; it was all over her face. Tony told him about how Heiko came to be on seaQuest, about her motivations, her desire for revenge, but even she managed some degree of warmth in the act of a small smile. He wondered if she really had concern for his well-being or if she was simply at his side out of duty. Jed suddenly had the urge to share something very personal with Heiko and before he really thought it through, spoke.

"I watched my mother die when I was little." Jed said out of nowhere. Heiko was not someone who was ever surprised by what people say, but that took her off guard.

"When I was in the sub, I remembered her face." He went on. It haunted him, playing on his mind over and over in unexpected flashes.

"What happened to her?" She didn't understand why exactly Jed was telling her this, but she listened all the same. She was curious simply because she had witnessed her own mothers death as a child.

"She killed herself, walked out onto thin ice, apparently she was sick or something." He paused as he remembered that cold day. How his grandfathers voice frightened him to stop walking to her. How he cried and cried for his mother in the nights after, how icy bodies of water stirred anxiety he didn't even know was there.

"She tried to take me with her," He said sadly. Jed wasn't sure why he was even telling Heiko this, he had never told anyone about that day, not even his grandparents knew how very vivid his memory was. He thought maybe it was because Heiko would understand loss, painful loss. The memory had all but been buried until he found her diary with its loose pages the day he was supposed to leave his home and go to sea. Looking in his fathers study for an old nautical book, it was there, hidden behind some trinkets. In it was his birth certificate with the letter he was never meant to read, his mothers pained memories of her own mother and pages of sadness for the man who was never there to protect her. The hardest one to read was his mothers last letter, the one where she couldn't wait to be free, how there was no doubt in her mind that it was the right thing to do.

Heiko gently took Jed's hand with hers', securing it in comfort. She did understand. He didn't say anything else and she let him. They sat wordlessly together and it was comfort enough. He felt so very human.

000

Lucas sat at the beautiful solid wood table with a heavy posture. He leaned across it far and sank his ribs into the bevelled edge. It was an uncomfortable awkwardness but he didn't fight it. The table absorb the soft light of the wardroom and this made it seem warm. There was a lot of wood in this room and it was easy to think you were deep in the belly of a traditional navy ship if it weren't for the high tech silver skeleton holding the whole thing up. SeaQuest was a delicate mix of traditional and modern, a sort of nod to her past and her current powerful disposition. She was such a fine example of what craftsmanship could achieve.

Hudson stood ominously at the end of the table. He had his hands on the back of a chair like he was waiting for permission to sit in it. Lucas didn't look him in the eye.

"So when exactly did Lt. Talus inform you that you and he were related?" he asked very formally.

"Today, this morning to be exact." Lucas answered.

"And you had no prior knowledge?" Hudson quizzed. Lucas could feel the tone in his voice, this was a serious breach of security but Lucas was telling the truth, he simply didn't know.

"No sir,"

"Those are very big odds Lucas," Hudson called him Lucas. He never used his name. That really got his attention and made him curious.

"Believe me sir, I'm well aware of the odds," Lucas said it the same way he would have said it at 16, all defence and no sincerity. He didn't mean it, but he was getting tired and the day had been very, very long. Hudson raised an eyebrow and made it obvious he was ignoring the attitude.

"You do realise now I will have to transfer one of you?"

"Sir, aside from blood we don't really know each other, is it really necessary to transfer one of us?" Lucas didn't want it to come to this; he would feel bad about Jed losing what he worked so hard for.

"Lucas, despite your limited relationship with the lieutenant, it has been my experience siblings don't work well together, it compromises too much."

Lucas paused dead still and looked Hudson boldly in the eyes with a wide-eyed gaze. He must have heard that wrong. Very wrong.

"What did you say sir?"

000

There it was. That little smiley face on the digital display was the method of confirmation. Kind of inappropriate of the test manufactures really, like if you were doing a pregnancy test then a positive result should be a good thing, something to smile about because only women who plan to have babies need tests. If you were, however 16 and faced with an unplanned pregnancy to a dangerous fling, well, that smile was mocking you in the most self-righteous way possible. Amelia began to cry, how could she have been so stupid?

She sat perched in her window letting the sun warm her face and dry her tears, staring out at nothing. From her high position she could see the house across from her own. Wolenczak Manner as she had affectionately nick named it, was slowly being emptied of all her worldly possessions. Lawrence and Cynthia were divorcing and neither could bring themselves to continue to live in that house any longer then they needed too.

She watched the removalist bustle back and forth, they all looked like busy little ants from this distance. That's when she spotted it, a flash of blonde hair. Lucas took after his mother; she was tall and slim with finely boned features and thick blonde hair. Amelia had however, noticed he had his father's mouth and later learn he also shared some of his mannerisms. He must have been home to help his parents because his study season was not yet finished. Amelia felt for Lucas, she had known him all his life and his parents were always an emotional burden he never wanted to share.

Watching him stand at a distance from all the motion, she had a sliver of a thought. An idea that was indeed wicked, selfish and wrong. She could help Lucas forget his troubles while solving some of her own and no one would ever know the truth, how she really ended up in her condition. She breathed deep and wondered if Lucas had some schooling other then his studies while at college.

000

"I said siblings don't work well together," Hudson repeated with a more forceful tone. Lucas did not break his stare but he was shaking his head in disbelief, there was obviously a mistake somewhere in what Dr. Perry had conveyed to Hudson.

"Sir, Jed is my son not my brother," Lucas corrected. Hudson frowned. He had been assured of the information given to him, that it was 100%. It had to be before he could confront anyone who considered themselves career Navy because such revelations can be a dangerous thing. No, he was right it was Lucas that was mistaken.

"No Lucas, genotyping of your blood indicates sibling by relation of the father, direct inheritance of the Y chromosome." Hudson was direct and his tone was absolute, he even sounded like he knew what he was talking about. As the facts left him Hudson realised he did not give himself much time to contemplate the consequences of what he was saying. What that actually meant for Lucas and his relationship with his father if he was the one that was right.

Lucas was absolutely shocked. He broke his challenging stare with the captain and let his eyes fall on the warm wooden tabletop. The skin on his head felt like it was crawling as the sensation waved down his neck into his shoulders and chest. Sitting so very still, Hudson actually wondered if Lucas had stopped breathing. His eyes begin to fill with tears as he pieced everything in those few years back together. More then anything he remember how she laughed whenever she talked to his father. It was a full, rich laugh she never gave anyone else. Not long after Lucas returned to collage his father informed him he would be going to seaQuest with no real explanation other then "it will be good for you" and then not long after that, contact with his father became limited to near impossible.

The silence was filled with a heavy sadness. Hudson moved to sit next to Lucas. He softened his presence and placed a supportive hand on Lucas' forearm. This is not the direction he expected the conversation to take at all. It just didn't seem like he was supposed to clarify exactly what Lucas thought his relationship with Jed was.

"Guilt," Lucas finally said. His voice was soft and full of shaky nerves. Hudson did not say anything. It was a little known fact that he was an excellent listener, and as he had no experience on counselling uncovering family secrets, that's all he could do for the moment.

"That's why he doesn't talk to me, he's guilty," Lucas continued as he thought about how long his father had known he had a half brother, or even if he knew that Jed could have been mistaken for Lucas' own child. The whole situation was now so messed up Lucas felt physically sick.

"Sir, I would like to request personal leave effective immediately," Lucas asked. Hudson was hesitant to let Lucas leave the ship because of seaQuest's position in this conflict, he needed all his senior command staff, but he could see Lucas was just not present. He needed to deal with this now before it ate him alive.

"Permission granted lieutenant. I'll give you 48 hours to sort out your personal affairs," Hudson replied.

"Thank you sir." Lucas said grateful.

"What about this transfer lieutenant?" Hudson wasn't letting Lucas get out of all of this.

"What about it sir?"

"Who am I going to transfer?" Hudson was almost daring Lucas to not pick Jed by simply laying the question out for him. Lucas knew exactly who was going.

"Lieutenant Talus sir." Lucas answered coldly. Lucas became instantly resentful of what Jed was and what he represented. Suddenly he didn't care for Jed's career ambitions, he was about to get a lesson in rivalry and what it really meant to compete with Lucas. Like hell he was giving up his home for this.