Fearing Your Trust
Arrhyth: Welcome to our first YGO offering. It's a tendershipping fic... for all those who don't know, that's Ryou/Bakura, male/male, yaoi.
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Bakura-
Before anybody asks, no, I don't know why Bakura the tomb robber is keeping a diary. I just... need to write things out. Maybe it'll clear my head.
My hikari. Ryou Bakura.
They call him my light, but is someone as dark as myself really deserving of a light? I'd always kept my distance from Ryou, even after the Yamis were granted their own form. Not like the dratted Pharaoh and the insult to eye proportion, always kissing and cuddling.
They were doing that once, and I noticed Ryou looking at me, with this half-wistful, half-sad look in those soft brown eyes. Doe eyes, gentle and sweet and trusting. I'm afraid of that trust, because I don't know if I'll betray it. I wouldn't do it on purpose, but... I don't want to take the chance on hurting Ryou. He's had enough.
I am his yami and I am meant to protect him. I've tried to do that to the best of my ability. Before he met the gang consisting of the Pharaoh's little pet and the puppy, weird-hairdo guy (not to mention that friendship girl that Malik seems so interested in), he was often a target. For bullies. So during times like that, he'd black out, and when he got up he'd be at home with an ice pack on whatever bruises he'd gotten.
I'm a very discreet gravedigger. Comes from the business.
Then there was the time, during Battle City. I hate myself for that time: I hate myself for thinking I could sacrifice my hikari to triumph over the Pharaoh... but at the last, at least I didn't.
The Change of Heart is my favourite card for a reason. It's the symbol of Ryou and myself, and the fact that Ryou holds my heart. Damnit, I don't know when I fell for that white-haired double of mine, but I know I have. And the worst thing is, I only know because I find myself acting more and more like the Pharaoh. That is not good. NOT GOOD.
But Ryou... I won't touch him. I don't deserve him, not in the least. He's the epitome of innocence and sheer sweetness, and I would only taint him. I will not let that happen.
Ryou sat down on Bakura's bed, burying his head in the pillows and breathing in the scent of Bakura. This is sad, he thought to himself. I'm fantasizing about Bakura holding me and loving me when I know it's never going to happen.
Yet... Ryou knew Bakura cared, like no one else cared. His yami was sometimes gruff to him, even harsh, but everytime Bakura used that sharp, angry tone, there would be another incident to balance it all. Bakura cared.
Ryou's eyes strayed to the shelf where the collection of keys Bakura was amassing sat. The former tomb robber still stole, but not for anything valuable. Ryou rather thought he got a kick out of just taking the keys and seeing the owners panic... but there was something else on the shelf. A nondescript book with a plain black cover... Bakura kept a diary? Ryou got up and padded off the bed, picking up the book and turning it over and over in his hands, running his long, gentle fingers down the spine. After another moment's hesitation, he opened it.
Bakura's handwriting was nothing like he'd ever imagined. Neither a messy scrawl or elegant, it was a functional script, tightly packed and slightly slanted. But even more interesting was the content of the single entry in the book.
Ryou read and reread the paragraphs, his eyes scanning the page, devouring the words like they would leap off the page and vanish, like a dream in the morning light. Bakura loved him. That gruff yami of his didn't just care. He loved Ryou. It didn't make sense, but...
Bakura loved him.
Carefully replacing the book where it was, Ryou lay back on the bed. Even though his eyes were closed, the words Bakura had scripted into that little black book seemed etched on the back of his eyelids.
Bakura-
I let myself silently into the house, the set of keys I had acquired jingling in my pocket. Humans were so stupid. Keep your valuables locked up, but leave the key out? Where was the common sense in that?
Ryou would be asleep by now... no sense in waking my hikari up.
I stepped up the stairs softly- simple enough for someone of my -ahem- questionable talents. But when I opened the door, I couldn't help it. My jaw fell open.
My hikari. Curled up. In my bed.
Ryou looked... so peaceful. Almost like an angel, and again I wondered why the gods had seen fit to play such a cruel joke on me- to give me something I loved yet could not love. I would never have woken him up. That would have been akin to sacrilege...
I stripped my jeans and shirt off, pulling on a pair of pants and preparing to go downstairs to sleep on the couch... but it was a moment of weakness that led me to look back at my hikari. To stare at his face... to reach out... to caress one high cheekbone with my thumb.
He woke up.
I froze as those chocolate eyes flickered open and he stirred. "'Kura? Bakuraaaaa," he murmured sleepily, reaching up and wrapping one hand around my arm. "Ne, Kura, I wanted to tell you something. I suppose that's why I fell asleep... I'm sorry about falling asleep in your bed..."
"What did you want to tell me?" I don't think I managed the gruff note as well as I should, but hopefully, my hikari was too sleepy to notice.
"I really, really like you, 'Kura... I love you."
"You don't, Ryou, you don't know what you're saying," I snarled, tearing my arm away from him. "Don't be pathetic."
"No, 'Kura... I'm not pathetic... I know you and I know me and I know what I'm saying," Ryou insisted, sitting up now, his eyes cleared of most of the traces of sleep. "Trust me..."
I froze again. Trust. That painfully dangerous word.
"Bakura, please. Trust me," my... aibou... pleaded, holding me almost by sheer force of gaze.
"Don't trust me, Ryou. You think I'm going to stay here forever? You're so pathetic, hikari dearest," I mocked, regaining that familiar sting to my voice. "I'll leave you and you'll regret me. So shut up and get the hell back to your own room."
"You won't leave me, and you won't hurt me, Bakura." There was something placidly determined about my hikari, and incongruous as it was...
He rather reminded me of a white elephant.
Steady. With a certain aura, one that implied determination, but with the majesty that only unshakeable calm gives.
I couldn't help laughing, and Ryou regarded me, briefly thrown off track. "What's so funny, 'Kura?"
"I was... seeing you... as a white... elephant." I all but choked the last word out, laughing so hard it hurt. My laughter sounded a little hysterical, even to my own ears, but at least it broke the tension.
Of course, the problem was that while I was laughing, Ryou had managed to tug me closer to him, and as I wound down, the (it demeans me to say it) giggles dissolving, he gave one hard tug and suddenly I was in his lap.
He held me down- I don't understand why he could, but I have the feeling I wasn't resisting much at the time anyway. I still remember his hands threading through my hair, his words in my ear. I don't exactly remember what he said. He promised I could trust him, that he would be able to protect himself from me, even if I was the one supposed to protect him. He said I had to let him grow up.
I tried to draw away, but then Ryou suddenly drew me to him and kissed me.
Hard.
Ryou didn't know where he had summoned the courage to kiss Bakura... but after all that he had said, Bakura seemed to be docile (though Ryou couldn't exactly figure out as to whether it was due to the words or the calming tone he had employed)... until the yami had tried to rise.
Desperate to hold Bakura, he had tugged back and planted the kiss.
For a moment, Ryou was sure that Bakura would break the kiss and throw him aside- he knew his yami was not adverse to violence. But then the kiss suddenly grew fierce as his yami took the lead, running his tongue along Ryou's lips and asking for entry. Ryou gave it to the other boy, and suddenly he was pressed against the bed, flat on his back. Bakura was fierce, dominating... and- Ryou realized with a jolt- hungry.
Ryou gave in, pulling Bakura even closer and moaning into their kiss. Bakura seemed to be all around him- when he opened his eyes all he could see was white hair and tanned skin and Bakura's eyes, sealed shut in the height of their passion. Bakura's scent, intensified a hundredfold, driving him mad. Bakura's taste... sharp and citrusy yet not unpleasant. Bakura's sharp, low purrs and his own quick mewling cries. Bakura's hands on him.
But when Bakura's hands strayed, Ryou suddenly found himself remembering the promise he had made to Bakura minutes earlier. You won't hurt me, Bakura.
Gently, he broke the kiss, severing the link between them.
"I love you, 'Kura. I won't let you down. Please. Just love me too."
The yami was flushed, almost panting as he stared back at Ryou. "Fine." He stated matter-of-factly. "If you don't keep that promise I'll smack you."
A quick idea flashing through his mind, Ryou snickered and traced Bakura's collarbone. "Would you like to try now, 'Kura?"
Before Bakura pounced on him, Ryou was sure his yami had muttered something about "Damn, where did innocent Ryou go?"
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