OK: I accidentally posted the wrong thing first time through. Sorry bout that.

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Disclaimer: I don't think Yu-gi-oh! was ever intended to be used like this... .

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Ranbling fix:

As you can see, a lot of pairings. Bakura x Ryou and Malik x Ryou are the top ones, though. The others are just hinted at.

In other words. A fluff that's actually not bottom of the crack-pile. It's ok. Established relationship... well, kind a. 'Kura's chasing after Ryou. So far not working!! PG-13, I guess... prolly. There's a lot of language and smex-jokes. Tell me if the rating is too low.

So let's get on

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Fashion Sense 1/4

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Yami no Bakura frowned at his newspaper. The pictures of a building getting blown up and people dying were nice to look at, but it was getting annoying to skip past all those infernal "words". He'd have to make his hikari teach him how to read, sometime.

Flipping past the world news, another section caught his eye. Bakura smirked at the black leather-clad models in the picture. He'd like them more if they didn't look so much like that blasted pharaoh, but they were still very tempting.

"Yami?" Ryou called. He was still rubbing dry his hair as he walked into the room.

"Hikari."

Pale, smooth skin. Lightly toned chest and back. The towel slipping down his hips.

Ryou scowled when he saw where Bakura's eyes were fixed. "No." He slipped a shirt over his head and very deliberately buttoned it up to the top.

Damn that kid.

"You know..." Bakura started.

"No."

"This picture is pretty in-"

"No. Now let me get dressed."

Bakura closed his eyes reluctantly as Ryou changed into his jeans. He was too nice for his own good, damnit. Should just take control of their body and go rape some bishies.

"Ugh," remarked Ryou, "you didn't just say that."

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Hours later, Ryou was doing his physics homework like a good little bishounen... er, boy. Bakura was thinking of ways to get Ryou to take his clothes off.

This was a question that had occupied Bakura for quite some time. It was one of the mysteries of his universe, right up there with how to steal the Millennium items and how Yami Yuugi's hair stayed like that.

Not that he cared about that, of course. Ahem.

In any case, he'd been stuck with this for a long time. There was something about that boy that made Bakura want to do some very illegal things.

Ryou, of course, had to be the most irritatingly modest homosexual teenage boy in Domino. Even more so than Honda Hiroto- Ryou wouldn't even admit that he was gay. Although he obviously was.

He had to be, damnit.

Bakura was getting desperate. And desperate psychos call for... other psychos.

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Bakura didn't really want to ask Malik's help. The kid was off his rocker. And Bakura wasn't blind- he noticed the way Malik stared at his hikari's ass when they were in the gym showers at their school.

Even Malik had more action with Ryou than he did.

Ryou wouldn't let Bakura separate from him then, or any time he was in the shower. Fuck that, who cared if people noticed? Not like anyone would really notice if an apparition suddenly stuck out of Ryou's shoulder. And if anyone did, he'd just grab Malik's Rod and do them off.

Errr.

Well, maybe it was a good thing, he didn't want to get an eyeful of Yuugi by mistake. Though Yami Yuugi wouldn't be that bad...

Bakura mentally slapped himself.

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Malik grinned. Insanely.

"I'll be very glad to help," he whispered into the phone.

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"Wake up."

"It- ahhn, it- it's nine... leave me alone, it's Saturday."

"Yami, get off!"

"Shut up. You'll strain the handcuffs."

"The handcu- Yami, what the hell are you... m- umph... mnn nn mmp ummh!"

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Bakura wiped a hand across his forehead. Ra knows why he had to break a sweat just to drag Ryou out here. The boy was getting fat, probably. A random thought of fattening up a morsel before he ate him crossed Bakura's mind.

He made a mental note to run Ryou out that night to exercise. After all, all good little bishies are well-built yet thin.

"Don't even open your mouth," he growled at the world. "Next time I'm taking over the body."

Malik shrugged. "Whatever you wish, 'Kura..."

"Don't call me that!"

"Sure, 'Kura. I bought a friend- well, a "friend", hope you don't mind. He shares my gorgeously refined taste."

Bakura made a face. "I thought I told you on the phone that I didn't want Ryou ending up looking like you. And why'd you bring the dwarf?"

"What's wrong with me?" asked Malik in an injured voice.

"Yeah!" Yuugi echoed. "If you don't like how we dress, then why did you ask us out here?"

"I didn't ask you to go anywhere," snapped Bakura. "And I'm having second thoughts about that Egyptian, too."

Yami Yuugi chose that moment to wake up. "What's wrong with Egyptians...?"

Bakura held up his hands. "Nothing." He avoided Yami Yuugi's stare.

"Aem," coughed Malik. "If you're done flirting, let's get shopping!"

Yuugi and Yami shared a mental 'yuck' over Malik's valley-girl accent. Bakura would have too, but he didn't like to share anything with those two.

"I think we're forgetting something," started Yuugi. Malik and Bakura turned to him.

"Ryou?" he said pointedly.

"Oh yeah," Bakura said offhandedly.

Malik pouted. "Awwh, Baku you didn't do anything with Ryo-chan, did you?"

Bakura stuck out his tongue. "Don't be so vile-y sugary, you freak."

Yuugi sighed as the two started fighting. He looked around. "Ryou-kun?" asked Yuugi. He poked the limp bag at Bakura's feet. "Are you in there?"

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Half an hour later, Ryou staggered to his feet. He blinked heavily and stretched out his arms for the nearest warm body. So... tired...

Malik pouted as Bakura slapped his arms away from Ryou.

Ryou mumbled something and fell back against his yami, who had the desire to undress him right then and there. Instead, Bakura stepped back and let Ryou fall to the ground.

"YAmi!" Ryo screeched.

Malik snickered. "He's more of a little girl than I am."

"No bish could be more of a girl than you are, Malik," said Bakura.

"Where am I?"

"Okay... Ryou-kun, don't get too nervous," Yuugi said slowly. "Now, if you just listen for me I promise everything will-"

"We're going to take you shopping!" Malik cried as he pounced on Ryou and wrapped his legs around his waist.

"Yami."

"... I'll buy you leather and- oh! I'll have to come into the dressing room to make sure you put them on right, that things are tricky. You have- yeah ok, you have nice abs so we can find a nice high crop shirt to tie around and..."

"Yami."

"... I think you wear the same size as me, so I can good give you some pointers on pants to buy. I'll get you some really classy plastic. Oh! I forgot! The boxer line- hmm, I'll have to see about some underwear that fits a little tighter..."

"YAMI!"

"What?" snapped Bakura. "Did I say anything? Did I say anything?"

"... ooh, the S&M shop will have a whirl with you, if you haven't got any handcuffs you need to start wearing some..."

"Believe in the heart of the clothes," Yuugi said helpfully.

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A/N: Hehehehe. Money makes me happy. And course when you're happy, the proper thing to do is to share with others. So... I did! By, uuh, writing a fic. Of course, a review would make me more happy... (ahem)! I would like to know if this was funny, though.