By Aeryn
"I told you, you are NOT to go in there under any circumstances."
"But I want to SEE! I'm the mother of this child, I think I have the right to see where he'll be living!"
"She," he corrected automatically. "And no, you don't. It's going to be a surprise."
"Pleeeease, Jack?" she wheedled.
"Whining will get you nowhere. You can see it Saturday night during the big bash."
She pouted and tried to cross her arms over her chest but then gave up. There was just too much to cross over.
She huffed, spun on her heel and started lurching slowly down the stairs.
He slid back into the nursery and closed the doors. Frankly, he was a little nervous. He'd never been one to go in for home décor. Teal'c, who watched "Trading Spaces" whenever it was on, told him to pick one thing and design the nursery around it. It had been a good idea, he thought. He looked around the room. It wasn't that bad, he thought. Actually, it looked pretty sweet.
He just hoped Sam liked it. He wasn't worried about the baby. He knew it'd be years before the kid could complain and then he could just give her a swat or a time-out or hit her with a rolled up newspaper or whatever it was people did to discipline kids these days. He thought about that for a second and then sighed. Sam was going to have to be the disciplinarian in this family. He was more of the 'sneaking candy just before bedtime and sure you can use the car when Mom already said no' type.
He set to work on the finishing touches.
Kick, kick, kick,
"Mmmf."
KICK!
"Damn! Mrs. O'Neill, your daughter is trying to kick my kidneys out through my nose."
"I know your SON is kicking, Mr. O'Neill. I just figured if I have to stay awake, so should you."
Jack sighed and snuggled down deeper under the covers. Soon she'd get hot and roll over and he could get back to sleep.
KICK!
He smiled in the darkness. Then he felt Sam roll over and heave herself off the bed. He listened with suspicion. Bathroom break? Maybe, but . . .
"SAMANTHA O'NEILL, YOU STAY OUT OF THAT NURSERY!"
There was an exaggerated sigh from out in the hall, then she lumbered back into the bedroom and crawled back into bed, grumbling.
"You're worse than a kid at Christmas," he muttered.
"Shut up."
"You shut up. We have to be at work in two hours."
She sat up suddenly. "Oh, my God!"
He sat up suddenly. "What?? What??"
"I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping!"
He plopped back down with a groan.
She poked him. "Have YOU done any Christmas shopping?"
"Mmmmmmm."
"That's what I figured. Here's a hint. Jewelry."
"Jewelry? Really? I've hardly ever seen you wear jewelry."
"Well, wearing any type of metal while doing the work I do isn't such a great idea. But I won't be working for a while. So . . . LOTS of jewelry!"
"When did you turn into such a material girl?"
"Very nice 80s reference there, Mr. 1968-Was-The-Best-Year-Of-My-Life. And there's always been a material girl inside me trying to claw her way out."
"Seems she's been unleashed. And you know, you're no spring chicken yourself. I heard Duran Duran on the classic rock station the other day."
"I know," she said gloomily. "But your kids keep you young, right?"
"Right. And tired. And broke."
"You can be so negative."
"I'm only negative at three o'clock in the morning."
"Oh. Sorry. Jewelry. Don't forget."
"Got it."
"And Jack? Once this baby is born I want to start trying again as soon as we can."
His eyebrows rose and he rolled over. "Really?"
"Yes. What do you think?"
He smiled. "I want a whole houseful. And this is a pretty damned big house."
"Well, let's start with two and go from there."
He fumbled for her in the darkness and managed to find her mouth and kissed her.
"I love you."
"I love you, too. And jewelry."
"Right."
"What do you want?"
"A huge plasma screen TV and a subscription to the Dish Network's NHL package."
"Of course you do. Go back to sleep."
"Fine. Don't sneak into that nursery. Promise me. And no crossing your fingers."
"I promise."
"Good."
"Great. Good night."
"Night," he yawned, and snuggled down for what he hoped would be a long – he looked at the clock – no, make that a short winter's nap
She was quiet for a while and he had just started to doze off when she spoke again.
"You know, we still haven't picked a name."
He stifled a sighed and mentally waved goodbye to the idea of any shut-eye. He sat up, turned on the light, handed her the book on baby names and the arguing commenced and continued until it was time to get up and go to work.
That night they had everyone over for pizza and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," although it seemed that Teal'c, Jack and Lin were the only ones actually watching it. Daniel and Sam looked at each other, puzzled. They didn't really see the appeal.
Sam gave Daniel a tour of the house, showing him the hot tub, what she'd done in the kitchen, the overwhelming maleness of the rockin' rumpus room, and a quick run through each of the bedrooms.
"What about this room?" Daniel asked, knocking on the door.
"That's the nursery." She sighed. "I'm not allowed to go in there. Jack says it's supposed to be a surprise."
Then her eyes lit up. "But he didn't say YOU couldn't go in there." She winked at him conspiratorially.
"Uh, Sam, if I went in there and then told you what it looked like Jack would shove my head up my ass."
"You don't have to tell me what it looks like, just tell me if it's . . . okay."
"Okay?"
She lowered her voice. "I'm just not so sure about his sense of design. Don't tell him I said that!"
"Oh, I won't," he said. He sighed. "All right. But don't peek. And if he comes after me with his .45 I expect you to protect me. And let me use your hot tub anytime I want."
"I will, I will! Now go!"
Daniel opened the door and slid inside. She waited. And waited and waited. God, she thought, it must be hideous. She bit her nails.
Finally, he emerged, smiling.
"Well?" she asked.
"It's great. You'll love it."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Oh, thank God!" She flung her arms around him
He took her arm and helped her down the stairs. "Don't forget, you owe me hot tub time."
"Our door is always open," she said, and they rejoined the others. It was the squirrel in the Christmas tree scene, and all three of them were laughing so hard they were crying.
When the hubbub had died down, Daniel called Jack into the kitchen for a quick conversation.
"You have GOT to be kiddin' me," Jack said, dumbfounded by what Daniel had just said.
"Nope. I looked everywhere."
Jack clapped his hand over his eyes, cursing. How in the HELL could he have forgotten to buy a CRIB?
Poke, poke, poke.
"Mmmf."
"Jack!"
"What?? Is it time??"
"No! But do you hear that?"
He listened, every nerve suddenly on full alert. He eased out of bed and edged to the window. "Oh, Jesus H. Christ," he said.
"What? What is it??"
"It's Daniel and Lin. They're in the hot tub. Naked."
"What? Naked? I wanna see!"
"What? No, you don't, get back in bed, you pervert!"
He opened the window. "Hey!" he yelled. "You two get your clothes on and get the hell out of my hot tub!"
Sam heard Lin squeal in embarrassment and giggled.
"That's right, Lin, I never want to see my 2ICs naked!" he yelled. He turned back to Sam "Present company excepted, of course."
"Of course," she snorted.
"Sam said we could use it any time we want!" Daniel yelled.
Jack looked at her. "Well, I did, but I didn't mean at MIDNIGHT," she said defensively.
He sighed and turned back to the window. "Fine, but just this once! And keep it down, people are tryin' to sleep up here! And NO SEX, that's just . . . WRONG!"
Lin squealed again.
Jack closed the window with a sigh. Sometimes it seemed the entire world was conspiring to keep him awake 24-7.
The invitations had been sent out, the menu was chosen, and Jack had told Teal'c to make sure that there was plenty of booze on hand, all kinds. The day of the big bash arrived and Teal'c sent Jack and Sam out of the house so the catering and decorating crew could get everything set up. They went for lunch and then sat around bickering over which movie to see.
"How much is this big to-do costing us?" he asked during a pause in the movie fighting.
"You don't want to know," she said, avoiding his gaze.
Great. They'd be bankrupt before this thing was said and done. It probably hadn't been a good idea to hand Teal'c his credit card.
"Why do we need decorators?" he asked.
"Well, they're not decorating just for the party. They're putting up Christmas trees and other Christmas stuff. They're even putting lights on the house."
Well, THAT was a good thing. He hated putting lights on the house. Ladders made him nervous. He could pilot anything ever created and do barrel rolls at altitudes that made most people hurl, but two steps up a ladder and he found himself feeling faint.
He looked out the window of the diner and saw that the snow was falling heavily.
"So we'll be returning to a winter wonderland?"
"That's the idea. You know how Teal'c loves Christmas. I just hope there aren't any plastic Santas. It could turn out to be a Griswold Family Christmas."
"That would be SWEET!" He grinned.
She made a face. "As long as there aren't any squirrels in the Christmas tree."
"I hope this baby isn't born on Christmas. It sucks having your birthday on Christmas. You get screwed coming and going," he said.
She smiled. "I'll do my best to make sure that doesn't happen. Now, what do you want to go see?"
It was dark when they got home, but the house was ablaze with lights. They blinked in surprise. It was elegantly done, plain white lights lining the eaves of the house and wrapped around the pillars of the porch. Even the little juniper in the front yard had been decorated.
"Wow," Sam murmured.
"Double wow," said Jack. He helped her up the snow-slick stairs of the front porch where they were greeted by Teal'c. Again they blinked in surprised. He was tricked out in a sharp purple suit of some kind of shiny material, a yellow silk dress shirt and matching tie, and he was wearing reindeer antlers on his head and a blinking red ball on the end of his nose.
Sam snorted.
"God, Teal'c," Jack said. "Gone all out, have you?"
"Indeed," Teal'c said, grinning hugely. "I have gone as far out as I possibly could have gone. Enter."
The house had been transformed. Greenery had been wrapped around the banister of the staircase, lights and tiny red bows adding a festive touch. The same treatment had been given to the mantels of each fireplace on the first floor.
A huge tree dominated the living room, decorated with a silver theme; silver bows, silver ornaments, the huge star on top, silver.
And in the rockin' rumpus room, a smaller tree, about three feet high, had been decorated completely in Simpsons ornaments. Teal'c reached down to pull the branches apart and tucked deep inside where you could barely see it was a vicious looking stuffed squirrel. Jack rolled on the floor laughing. Sam smiled.
Jack was touched. So was Sam. That touchy-feely feeling swept over them both and they fought to hug Teal'c at the same time, an awkward enterprise with all that boob and baby in the way.
He smiled. "The two of you should get ready. Your guests will be arriving soon." He strode off to supervise the catering crew and Jack helped Sam up the stairs via pushing on her ass.
"What am I wearing? I'm not wearing a tie, am I?" he asked.
"Sorry, sweetums." She didn't sound very sorry. He was instructed to put on black slacks, black dress jacket, white shirt and white tie. He grumbled.
"Hey, at least you don't have to harness your boobs and make sure they don't leak everywhere."
What was he supposed to say to that? He didn't know, so he said. "No. No, I don't."
He looked at her. She was resplendent in pink; a long dress with an empire waist and a neckline as low as she'd dared go considering all that new square footage.
"How do I look?" she asked.
"Beautiful," he said. He looked at her speculatively. "But something's missing."
She turned to the mirror, frowning. "Really? What?"
Suddenly his hands were warm around her neck and something cold touched her skin. He stepped back.
"Oh. My. God." she said, staring in the mirror, mouth wide open.
"Do you like it?" he asked a bit nervously. Jewelry wasn't really his game, but the jeweler had told him he couldn't go wrong with a diamond necklace.
"Oh. My. God." she said again. "Oh, Jack."
"Do you like it?" he asked again.
She turned to him and gave him that look; that look that made him feel like he was the most wonderfulest man on the face of the earth, like he was the bravest, strongest, fastest, most well-endowed man in all of known space; and pretty darned good in the sack as well.
She flung her arms around him, careful not to get makeup on his shoulder and blinking tears away furiously so her mascara wouldn't run. "I love it," she whispered. "Thank you."
He smiled and kissed her carefully, mindful of the lipstick. "Good. You deserve it. Merry Christmas a little early."
"Thank you," she said again, smiling.
He held out his arm. "Shall we?"
By the time they got downstairs there were already several people milling about; whenever word gets out about free booze and food the line starts forming early.
Presents were piling up on a table set up by the sofa and Jack grinned at the way Sam's eyes lit up.
Daniel and Lin arrived, dumping their presents on the table and then heading for the booze. Jack glared. They had the decency to look embarrassed and tried to make up for the midnight trespass with lavish compliments.
"Sir, you look very handsome this evening!" "Yeah, Jack, you look great!" "The house is BEAUTIFUL!" "I love the tree!" "Yeah, it smells . . . you know . . . Christmasy in here!"
He waved them off. "Yeah, yeah, get outta here. Go have fun. But not THAT kind of fun!"
They turned and headed for the food.
Sam was mingling, casting him a glance and smiling every time someone commented on her necklace and he grinned, then marched over and demanded a Scotch on the rocks.
His gaze wandered across the room. He wondered who was minding the Gate tonight. It seemed like most of the crew was there. Hammond was there with his wife; Dr. Warner and Dr. Graber and their spouses; Walter and his significant other, David; and Siler, who was accompanied by Mrs. Siler. Jack whistled low. Mrs. Siler was drop dead gorgeous, in her early forties and clinging to Siler's arm and staring at him adoringly. Apparently she'd figured out long ago what the rest of them were just now realizing: Unmoving waters have great depth.
Sam made her way through the throng to Jack's side. "Come on. Teal'c says it's time to open the presents."
"Already?"
She shrugged. "He says there's entertainment planned for later."
"What kind of entertainment?"
"I have NO idea."
"Well, all right then. Let's open presents."
Sam sat on the sofa, Teal'c by her side waiting to write who bought what so she could send thank-you notes. Jack wondered when Teal'c had turned into such a girl. Sam was surrounded mostly by women except for Jack, who stood by the fireplace watching, Daniel and Siler.
He watched her. She was actually glowing. And squealing. He'd never seen her act so girly. He'd seen her be womanly, and he'd definitely had heard her squeal, but this was different. This was . . . well, GIRLY. She would shriek with delight at each present, holding it up for him to see and he would grin and nod and God, he thought, could she be any more beautiful and could I be any happier.
She opened a present and held it up, looking puzzled. "A see-through maternity negligee," Teal'c intoned, a little louder than necessary, Jack thought. "It is from 'Your Little Love Monkey.'" He carefully made a note.
There was a general snickering but she didn't miss a beat. "Why thank you, Daniel," she said. "I'll wear it the next time you come over."
Outright laughter at that. "Sam! Not in front of the old man!" Daniel said. More laughter.
Lin looked up at Jack. "Shall I, sir?"
"Please do, Major."
Lin reached up and smacked Daniel on the back of the head. He caught her hand and pulled her in front of him and wrapped his arms around her.
Jack hid a smile. Could this room possibly get any more sticky-sweet?
He turned back to Sam, who was holding up a breast pump with no small degree of embarrassment. "A breast pump. 'I know you already have one of these, but I reckon logic dictates you would need two unless there's something going on down there I don't know about. From Siler," Teal'c said, again taking notes.
Jack turned away and bit down hard on his knuckles. Sam was now laughing hysterically. "Thank you, Siler," she said, wiping away tears. Siler grinned, as did Mrs. Siler.
"I think we are done," Teal'c said.
Sam smiled. "Thank you, everyone," she said.
"Wait," Jack said. "There's one more."
She looked up at him. He handed her something wrapped in plain white paper.
She opened it. "Oh! It's my old Winnie the Pooh book!" It was plainly well-used and well-loved.
"I found it when we were moving," Jack said.
She was rubbing the front of it with her hand, lost in memory. "My mom used to read this to me all the time. Then when I could read . . . well, I'd still have her read it to me," she said softly.
He held out his hands. "Come here." He pulled her up off the couch and started leading her up the stairs. The rest of the guests stayed behind, sensing that this was a private moment.
He brought her to the nursery door. "Are you ready?" he asked. She was clutching the book in one arm.
"Yes," she said, on the verge of tears. He opened the door and she started bawling.
It was decorated in a classic Winnie the Pooh theme; Winnie the Pooh sheets (he'd managed, with Daniel's help, to track down, sneak in and put together a crib) and Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals, all of them. A tiny Christmas tree with Pooh ornaments. And on the nightstand, a picture of Charlie, and one of her mother. She looked around, sobbing. There was paint smeared on the ceiling and the Pooh border lining the wainscoting was crooked.
It was perfect.
She laid the book in the crib and turned to him.
His chest swelled. She was giving him that look again.
She walked into his arms and they held each other for a long time.
They finally rejoined the party, Jack noticing that the booze was running it course as everything seemed much louder and funnier, and Lin rushed over to them. "We've been waiting for you! Come on, have a seat!" she said, leading them to the couch.
"Oh, no," Jack muttered. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Do you think it's a karaoke machine?" Lin asked.
"Yes . . ." Jack said.
"Then that's what you think it is!" she said brightly.
Daniel stepped up to the mike. "Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight," he said, doing his damnedest to sound like a lounge lizard but instead sounding like an archaeologist with a cold. "It's a very special night tonight – we're celebrating the holidays, a wedding between two very special people, and a new baby."
Everyone applauded politely, confused.
"So, at Jack's request . . ." Sam looked at Jack who shook his head and shrugged, bewildered. "This song is dedicated to Sam. I present to you the song stylings of . . . Teal'c."
Jack had seen a lot of things in his life. He'd traveled the stars. He'd encountered alien cultures. He's seen the constellations from behind and two-thirds to the right.
But he'd never, EVER expected to see Teal'c in a lime-green polyester suit, singing what Jack thought was THE worst song ever written.
Teal'c sang, doing his best with the material he had.
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
What you're thinkin' of me I can see it, face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes I'm happy you know it
That you're havin' my baby
Teal'c danced. Someone snickered. At this point, the tittering started. Sam stared at Jack, eyes wide and hand clapped over her mouth. Lin leaned over, grinning. "It's okay. It's supposed to be funny. He's dropping his 'gs' and everything!"
You're the woman I love
And I love what it's doin' to ya
Havin' my baby
You're a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through ya
Jack laughed. Laughed long and hard, falling back on the couch. Sam fell into his lap, giggling. He pushed her up and stood, holding out one hand.
They danced their first dance. Sort of. Lots of boob and baby in the way.
The need inside you I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya
Baby, do you feel it growin'
Are you happy you know it
That you're havin' my baby
Teal'c finished with a flourish to wild applause and laughter. Jack walked up to him, clapping him on both shoulders. "Teal'c," he said. "That was terrible."
Teal'c grinned. "That was my intent, O'Neill."
Jack smiled. "Thank you."
"You are most welcome."
Sam pushed Jack aside and stretched up to kiss Teal'c on the cheek. "Wonderful," she said. "Terrible song, but wonderful."
He bowed his head, smiling.
"Uh-oh," Jack said, looking around the room.
"What?" Sam asked, leaning into his shoulder.
"Too much liquor often equals bad karaoke."
"Oh," she said, smiling dreamily at him. He grinned and backed her into the darkness of the hallway and kissed her thoroughly, getting himself riled up in the process, then they had to stand there and talk about the stock market for a while before they could rejoin the party without Jack embarrassing himself.
The karaoke wasn't THAT bad. First one up was Siler, who did a pretty impressive job on "Man of Constant Sorrow," then Hammond, who did "Ring of Fire." Everyone applauded because they figured it would be a bad idea not to. Lin chimed in "What A Girl Wants," and then Daniel stepped up and performed "In Your Eyes," keeping HIS eyes on Lin the entire time. He shocked everyone by how good he was, and the Daniel Jackson Crush Factor, which was already fairly high, tripled.
And so the night wore on; with lots of laughter and drinking and good, bad, and fair singing and dancing, and then some drunken caroling when it was discovered there were Christmas carols in the song index. Sam and Jack sat back and watched, smiling.
In the wee hours of the morning the party-goers started to depart, the designated drivers revving up the engines and warming up the cars. Sam and Jack were both smooched, hugged, and patted more than they ever had been in their lives as they said goodbye to their guests. Finally it was down to Teal'c, Daniel and Lin.
Sam smiled and hugged each of them the best she could. "Thank you, guys. That was the best."
Daniel, drunk and riding high on all the 'gee, what a hottie' looks' he'd been getting all night, grinned and kissed her sloppily on the mouth. Jack sighed.
"Don't worry, sir, I'll take care of it," said Lin.
"You're turning into a mind reader, Lin. You're driving, I hope?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Don't let me catch you two in the hot tub."
She flushed and hustled Daniel out the door, smacking him on the back of the head as she did so. "Teal'c, we'll wait for you in the car," she called over her shoulder.
They turned to Teal'c. "You sure know how to throw a party," Jack said.
"Indeed. It seemed very successful."
"Indeed," Jack said, grinning. "Just don't tell me how much it cost."
"I shall not." He leaned down and kissed Sam on the cheek. Then he pulled away and looked at her oddly. Then he put both hands on either side of her belly, closing his eyes.
Then he smiled.
Sam stared at Jack, who shrugged.
"I suggest you both get as much rest as possible," he said obliquely. "I shall see you on Monday."
He disappeared.
"What in the hell was that all about?"
"Don't know."
Jack sighed. "Shall we retire to our chambers and end this evening on just the right note, unlike Hammond?"
She snickered. "Let's do."
They climbed the stairs slowly, stripped out of their clothes, collapsed onto the bed, and fell fast asleep.
"Oh. Oh. Oh! Oh, ewwww!"
Siler leapt smoothly into action. He grabbed the phone. "This is Siler; inform Dr. Graber that Col. O'Neill's water has broken and that I'm bringin' her to the infirmary; get Hammond and tell him to contact SG-1 and to try the Tok'ra again. Oh, and clean-up on aisle three."
Sam sat there in shock. Siler took her elbow and pulled her gently off the stool she was sitting on. "Come on, colonel. Any contractions?"
She stared at him, eyes wide. She shook her head.
"Okay," he said, keeping one eye on his watch and one on Sam's pale face.
"Let's move, colonel," he said, putting some bark in it so she'd shift into gear.
She walked with him slowly out into the hallway before stopping. "I can't. It's too early."
"Move along, airman," he said, and she started walking again.
"I mean, I'm not due for another week! I can't!"
Mentally he rolled his eyes and physically he kept her moving.
"Siler! Jack's off-world and we haven't contacted Dad yet! I can't do this! Can't I just . . . suck it in or something?"
He sighed, wondering why sometimes she was a lot dumber than she looked.
He grabbed her by both her arms and looked her dead in the eye. "The baby is on the way. No goin' back now. And this is your first, it could take DAYS; Hammond will contact the general and your father way before then. They will BOTH be here when this baby is born."
She was almost in tears now. "Do you promise?"
Argh, crying, he thought. He hated to see a woman cry and he'd come to care a lot for this particular woman. So he made a promise he had no business making, because right then he would've gone through the Gate himself to bring her her husband and her father.
"I promise. Now let's get to the infirmary."
He hesitantly put an arm around her shoulder and knew he'd done the right thing when she leaned against him.
They were halfway to the infirmary when the first contraction hit. Sam leaned up against the wall with her hand on her knees. Siler checked his watch and coached her through it, then they started walking again.
"I'm not ready for this, Siler," she sobbed.
"Nobody ever is, hon," he said. "Nobody ever is."
TBC
(You're) Having My Baby/Music and Lyrics by Paul Anka