Twilight Poet: Hello! It's me again!

People: BOO! HISS!

Twilight Poet: THANK YOU! --blows kisses-- terrible sorry about the long wait. You see, my parents had banned me from writing because of the undeniable fact it had the potential to distract me from my lessons… But now, I can begin to slowly update this story again. Please be patient with me, I'm really going to get this done for you! So please review! (grins) Oh! And I think you'll all be in for a delightful surprise when you see who I've chosen to play Max's family. If you know – then you'll understand the irony. If you don't – just go with the flow, it should still be funny.

Disclaimer: If we owned anything REMOTELY important, we'd make this a movie and be millionaires! MUHAHAHA

Chapter 8 – Bubbi! Darling, Sweetie, Bubbi dear!

Max looked at Legolas wide-eyed and immediately pointed to Ella.

"Thanks," Ella growled, hitting her over the head.

Ella and Legolas continued to watch each other and Max began to get impatient, "Elllllaaaaaa, amigo, buddy, pal, tomodachi… WE HAVE TO GO!"

In the end she grabbed the brunette by the arm and pulled her along into the car where the twins, hobbits and dwarf we're already waiting… it was a tight squeeze.

"NA AH!" she cried as Legolas came out with the box of posters.

Hitting them to the ground, (much to the prince's dismay), she pushed and pulled him into the car.

"With any luck, they'll distract the trollops for a while," she shrugged to the elf's dismal expression.

Driving down the highway, Ella gave a deep sigh, "As much as I hate to say this, we need to find you guys a way home. This world is not ready for you…"

"Yeah," Max nodded, "and I can just picture see how the others a fairing without you…"

Max's Thoughts:

Aragorn: (Striking a dramatic pose) CREBAIN… from DUNLAND!

Boromir: No! No! It's more like this… (flips hair) Crebain FROM… Dunland!

Sauromon: (walks in on knees) Hah! You're both wrong!

Aragorn: WHA??? What the hell are YOU doing here?

Sauromon: (sulks) I'm playing the part of 'Frodo' MUAHAHA THE RING IS MINE!

Gandalf: (shakes head) this is only going to get worse…

For a moment the group in the car feared for their lives as their driver laughed her head off and swerved in and out of on-coming traffic. Finally Max tightened her grip on the wheel, "but until then, I'm afraid I know only one place where we will be safe…"

"Oh no," Ella blanched, "you're not talking about-

"Yes," Max interrupted, "We going to pay a visit to …my mother"

Ella groaned and sat back, head in her hands.

Pippin blinked, "so… that's a bad thing?"

"My cute, clueless, kittens" Max laughed, – You have no idea…"

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2 and a half hours (and 5 pit stops) later the weary group pulled up to a massive gate settled between two large and exquisitely white stone walls. Sighing, Max stuck her head out the window and pushed the little button under a movie screen. Not long later the face a young security guard appeared and a crackly voice came out of the speakers.

"Do you have an appointment?"

Max shook her head, "You must be new here – I'm Max, Daughter of the household."

The guard paused for a moment, "…I'm sorry I'll have to see some identification…"

Max was about to comply when suddenly another voice interrupted, "What? What, sweetie, what? Who is it? What do they want, darling? Hello? Hello?"

A groan escaped from the lips of both girls as a blurred face appeared on the screen, followed shortly by a loud shriek, "BUBBI!!! OH HOW LOVELY! Open the gate! NOW!"

The gate opened and Max drove up through a wide and modern 'sculptured' garden to the driveway before parking. She looked painfully at Ella.

Ella hugged her, "Remember, it's for the hobbits."

"For the hobbits," Max sniffed.

"ok," murmured Ella, turning to face the group behind her, "there's something you should know about Max's family. They're not like you or me, they're… different. They're-"

"-a couple of neglectful, drunk, alcoholic hippies with an endless supply of money, and the brains of high sheep stuck in the 80's." Max hissed, "Yes, you could say they're 'different', but that's not even scratching the surface"

There was an awkward silence as Max fumed in the front. "Right!" Ella chirped, "Let's not delay the inevitable much longer. We only need be here long enough to find you a way home."

Grabbing the bags, everyone got out of the car and headed to the front door. With a loud BANG the huge double doors swung open and a woman stumbled out to greet them.

"BUBBI! BUBBI DAAAARLING!" Cried the women, running over. She was, by far, the strangest person any of the middle-earthlings had ever seen. Slightly chubby, she'd seen fit to dress herself completely in neon pink with huge pink sunglasses and a large, floppy green hat over her frizzy orange hair. She ran over and enveloped Max in a hug, her voice shrill and piercing, "OH BUBBI DEAR, Give mummy a hug, Bubbi! MUMMY'S MISSED YOU!"

"Bubbi?" asked Elrohir raising an eyebrow

Max rolled her eyes, "She calls me that…"

Max's mother pouted, "Oh, Bubbi, Bubbi darling, you don't mind me calling you that, do you bubbi? Answer Mummy, sweetie, do you?"

"You call me that because you couldn't remember my name for the first 2 year of my life," Max muttered

"Don't be silly!" the older woman laughed, "You didn't HAVE a name for the first 4!"

She looked over at Ella and sneered, "Looks like you brought the drip with you." She smiled nastily, "Dull, drab and dreary, you haven't changed a bit, have you dear, hmm?"

Ella crossed her arms, "Fat, flabby and full – neither have you, Eddy."

'Eddy' (Max's mother's name) stormed over and looked Ella right in the eye, "Inside me, sweetie, inside me, there's a thin person just screaming to get out!"

"Just one?" Ella scoffed

Eddy was about to retort when they were interrupted by another woman swaying down the stairs. She was stick thin and wore a skin-tight black leather outfit. Her blonde hair was tied up and fluffed out and she carried a champagne bottle in one hand and an oddly shaped 'cigarette' in the other.

"Eddy," she groaned, "Eddy, what? Eddy, what's going on? Eddy why-" she froze when she saw Max, "What's SHE doing here?"

"Look whose back Patsy," Eddy smiled, "it's Maxie, sweetie, look."

Max stared wrinkled her nose at the woman, "Why aren't you dead?"

Eddy shrugged, "She's a testament to the power of prescription drugs."

"It wasn't a question."

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Twilight Poet: Yes, that's right. Max has replaced Saffy in Absolutely Fabulous (one of my all time favourite TV shows) Again, if you don't know it – don't worry. Just sit back and enjoy. However, if you DO know it and have a favourite quote from one of the shows, please don't hesitate to add it in your comment and we'll try to add it to the story as best we can! Yes, I know it's kind of short, but now it' finally DD's turn again. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME!

--toodles—

TP.