A/N:OK, let me make this clear, since nobody seems to get it: THIS STORY IS A JOKE. It was written as an inside JOKE between my friends and me (read author's note in chapter 2). Don't take it too seriously. Please. Bellatrix and Draco? Come on now. Also, if you look at the date the story was published and last updated, you'd see that it was written before book 6 came out. So obviously it goes against canon for HBP, and Dumbledore is still alive. Also, I know Blaise Zabini is a guy. JK Rowling failed to mention his gender prior to HBP. So don't blame me.

Snape ran his fingers through his greasy black hair. He was pacing around his office, waiting for something-someone, rather.

Draco Malfoy swung open the doors to Snape's office and glided in, his green cloak sweeping perfectly behind him. His dirty blond hair wasn't combed today; strangely it was almost as messy as Harry's hair.

"Mr. Malfoy," said Snape, "you're late."

"I'm sorry professor, but I was busy dealing with that Potter brat. He got in my way again," Malfoy explained.

"That doesn't give you an excuse for being late. This operation is a matter of timing," said Snape. Malfoy raised an eyebrow. What was Snape talking about? Yesterday Dumbledore informed Malfoy that he was to meet Snape in his office at exactly 3:00. So he was a little late... no big deal. But why was this a matter of timing? What did Snape want him to do?

Snape was rummaging through one of his desk drawers, searching for something. At last, he found what it was he was looking for and pulled out of the drawer a necklace with an hourglass hanging on a chain.

"A mission of time," Snape explained.

"That's a time turner," Malfoy stated.

"Yes, you're very smart. Now shut up. Dumbledore has been thinking about this for some time now, and he decided it would be good if we sent someone back in time to stop Voldemort from gathering death eaters. Since you're Head Boy this year, and in Slytherin, he's decided to send you," said Snape.

"There's another reason you're sending me, isn't there?" Malfoy inquired. Snape hesitated.

"Your father is a death eater; he was caught two years ago and sent to Azkaban, remember? Dumbledore knows you know who else is serving the Dark Lord. The Order has decided to send you back in time to the beginning of the first War and try to persuade most of the pre-death eaters not to join the Dark Lord. Including your father, of course," said Snape.

"What's in it for me? I don't see why you don't just send that Potter-git. He knows who the death eaters are," said Malfoy.

"I already told you! You're the best person we've got! Although Mr. Potter did see who the servants of Voldemort are, he doesn't know of those death eaters who are either dead or missing. You do, Draco. Do this for Dumbledore, and in turn, we offer you a position in the Order of the Phoenix," said Snape. Draco's eyes widened. This was it; finally he had his chance to show Harry up. If Draco was in the Order and Harry wasn't, Harry would indeed be miserable.

"I'll do it."

Draco was instructed to set his time turner to go back to 1974. That was a year before the wars began. He was to enroll into Hogwarts as the exchange student, Richard Brown. He was to seek out all future death eaters and convince them to stick to the 'light side'. When he had accomplished his mission as best he could, he was to come back to the future and report to Dumbledore.

Draco stood in the middle of the hallway. Classes were going on at the moment, and there were no students around to see him disappear in time. He set the time turner. 1974.

--TIME WARP-- (some cool "batman" like music plays in background)

Draco felt his feet slip in front of him and gravity was tugging at his body. He shut his eyes tight since he felt very strange and couldn't seem to grab a hold of anything. Suddenly he felt something underneath his feet. He looked down at the floor, and then up at his surroundings. He was still in Hogwarts. Did it work?

Suddenly the bell rang and students came rushing out of the classrooms. Draco almost got trampled. On top of that, he felt very dizzy and light-headed from his trip in time.

Looking around, Draco made his way to the Great Hall. He didn't see anybody he recognized, so he must have made it safely to 1974. When he reached his destination, he realized that most of the students were headed that way, anyway. They all sat down at their tables. It must have been lunchtime.

I'm starved, thought Draco. He made his way to sit at the Slytherin table, but then he realized this wasn't his year at Hogwarts. How was he going to eat? He hid himself in the back of the room and waited until everyone was finished eating and had cleared out of the Great Hall. He then spotted Dumbledore on the other side of the Hall, and went to go talk to him.

"Professor Dumbledore," he said, getting the headmaster's attention.

"Yes?"

"I'm new here... er, actually I haven't enrolled yet, but I need to... and, er..."

"Why don't you come with me to my office, Mr..."

"Brown," said Draco.

"Mr. Brown. Follow me," Dumbledore led Draco to his office.

"Now, Mr. Brown- may I inquire as to what your first name is?" Dumbledore queried.

"Richard. Richard Brown," said Draco.

"Have I spoken to your parents yet?" asked Dumbledore.

"No... I, er... my parents are dead... I, er, live with my relatives who are muggles. Yeah, and I um... they hate magic and, er, yeah," Draco quickly made that up off the top of his head until he realized that it sounded exactly like the life of Harry Potter.

"Where are you from, Mr. Brown?" asked Dumbledore.

"Sweden," said Draco. He didn't know how he came up with Sweden, but he just did.

"That's odd; you don't have an accent," said Dumbledore.

"I, er, grew up in England, you see?" Draco explained. He was getting tired of making stuff up. Dumbledore would never buy this phony story, thought Draco.

"I see," said Dumbledore. Why was Draco worried about lying anyway? It's not like he was doing something bad; actually he was doing something good. He was doing this for Dumbledore.

Dumbledore smiled. "Well then. Shall we get you enrolled?" Draco relaxed. He hadn't failed yet.

"You can begin classes tomorrow; today we will sort you," said the old wizard. Draco was about to ask 'what for?' but then he remembered that he was a 'new' student.

Dumbledore grabbed the sorting hat off his desk and placed it on Draco's head.

"Malfoy," Draco jumped at this; the sorting hat seemed to know who he was, but Draco's cover had not been blown.

"Another Malfoy, huh? It's SLYTHERIN for you," said the sorting hat in a seemingly bored voice. Draco took the hat off his head and handed it back to Dumbledore.

"The password to the Slytherin common room is 'pureblood'," said Dumbledore. He then called the Slytherin prefect into his office to instruct him to give Malfoy a tour of the school. Draco didn't want to go on this 'tour' since he already knew his way around the castle, and since the castle was so huge, it would probably take forever, but he had to do it. He found he really wanted to do it when he saw who the Slytherin prefect was; none other than his father.

--TIME WARP--

"You sent Malfoy into the past?!?!?!" Harry screamed at Dumbledore, not caring how loud he was.

"It was the best thing I could think of at the moment. I realize that you would've wanted the job for yourself, but you would only have been distracted in being able to see your godfather and your parents again," said Dumbledore strictly.

"I'm not stupid, Professor! And Malfoy could really fuck things up big time!" Harry continued shouting.

"I trust him, Harry, and I trust you, too. But for now Mr. Malfoy was the best person I could think of to send." Harry sighed at this. There was no use arguing with Dumbledore.

"I guess you're right, professor. I just don't believe that I can trust Draco. I don't know what he's planning," said Harry.

"He is planning to follow my orders and complete his mission, as you would if you were in his position," said Dumbledore. Harry nodded at this.

"Get some rest, Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore, and Harry left his office deep in thought.

--TIME WARP--

Lucius Malfoy was looking at his 17 year old son, only he was 17, too, and he didn't know Draco was his son or from the future. Lucius' hair was slicked back the way Draco's normally is, and if Draco had done his hair the usual way, they would have looked identical. Instead, Draco's hair was messy; it fell in his eyes, his blue eyes. Lucius' eyes were brown and entrancing.

"Richard, is it? I guess I should show you where Slytherin Tower is. Do you know the password?" he asked Draco. Draco nodded.

"Pureblood," he said. Lucius nodded and began walking towards the Slytherin Tower. Draco followed.

When they got inside the common room, Lucius decided it would be good if he introduced Draco to some of the Slytherin 7th years.

"This is my girlfriend Narcissa," Lucius introduced Draco to his 17-year-old mother. She was short, with curly blond hair that fell to her shoulders and blue eyes that matched Draco's.

"Hi," said Draco.

"Hey yourself. You're cute," said Narcissa. Draco turned a deep shade of red.

"Narcissa, please stop flirting with the exchange student," said Lucius in an annoyed voice.

"Why? Does it make you jealous? You know, he kind of looks like you, Lucius. What's you're name?" she asked Draco.

"Richard. Or Rich. Whichever you prefer," Draco said.

"I like Rich," Narcissa winked at him.

"Uh... I...um, gotta go," Draco was getting nervous now. He left the room abruptly, bumping into a pretty 7th year girl as he did. She had long, black wavy hair and dark eyes, and she didn't seem to be in a good mood.

"Watch where you're going," she said.

"Sure," Draco said, smiling at her. She gave him a what-the-fuck look and he winked at her and kept moving.