Kel held up her hand to the cheering crowd. "Not a word to the refugees," she said severely. The room went silent again. "I said you would be home for Midwinter, I did not say you would be home for the summer. We will not be leaving until after the harvest, in late October, before the snow. We will probably be needed here. But as soon as the harvest is done we will set off. We won't bring anything. We will do our own hunting for the trip back, the people need everything here. Perrin will come with us. The convicts will stay here no matter what, and it's not like they'd have anywhere to go. The refugees will stay here as well. We are not providing any money or means of transportation for any of them; if they wish to make their way to Corus or their hometowns, they can pay for a horse or mule out of their own wages. Merric, I'd like to discuss your soldiers now. Thank you." Everyone filed out at the dismissal. Kel nodded to Eurgain, who stood and left as well, closing the door behind her.

"The soldiers will be staying here over winter," Kel said. "I don't want to take everyone away at once, the refugees need to be weaned off of their command. So half of the soldiers will stay, as will I."

Merric frowned. "Kel, is that really necessary?"

Kel nodded with a sigh. "Yes, I believe it is. But you don't have to stay. I won't be doing duties as commander, I will be here completely for supervision. I won't do a thing. I won't have a scribe, I won't have an office, I'll just have a bunk in the soldiers rooms and a horse."

Merric sighed. "Are you sure you'll be here by yourself? And isn't it enough time to teach leaders before then? Why do you need all winter?"

Kel laughed. "I'll hardly be alone, Merric. I'll have the soldiers, and only a thousand people living here! I can't do it in the summer, not while you are all here. I know that there will be temptation to go to commanders and men of the Own for help, and that can't happen. I need to know that they can survive winter without us. I want the soldiers here to help me do more weapons training over the winter and to help out if there are any further attacks."

Merric frowned again. Kel knew he would not agree with it, but she also knew that it was necessary for her to stay, and for everyone else to go. The refugees would never survive on their own with an entire army beside them, but she could never just abandon them on their own. She needed to show them that even if she couldn't help them, she could still support them. And Merric needed to understand it so he could make everyone else understand it.

Merric sighed. "Is anything I can say going to stop you from doing this?" He asked.

Kel smiled. "Nothing at all."

Merric put his hand on her shoulder. "Kel, I trust you. Your men trust you. Everyone in this camp will do whatever you tell them. Just promise me that I won't have to tell everyone that you're staying."

Kel hugged her friend. "Just tell your soldiers, when the time comes. It is up to you to make them understand that they are staying here and you're not. I want them to take it well! And you get the joyous job of getting half of them to stay here. Maybe even fewer. Two or three squads should be plenty, since the convicts have to stay."

Merric laughed. "That'll be a lark. They'll love that."

Kel laughed and left her friend with the promise that he would speak of it to no one. She knew he would be able to deal with his men. As much as he believed anyone would follow her, she knew that any of those soldiers would follow Merric. Now Kel was left to explain it to Eurgain and Neal, and Dom. Most of all Dom. She had no idea how she was ever going to tell him. In fact, she didn't plan on telling him until the last possible moment. Maybe that wasn't the best idea. Maybe he could be angry with her for not telling him. But if she told him now, he was bound to be angry with her for much longer.

Though she hated herself for it, she would have to ask for help.

The next day was a day of heavy summer rain. The first great rainfall of the season. The soldiers were still patrolling the walls, with the help of the refugees, but the remainder of the camp was indoors. Kel stayed in her office with much work to do, but she knew that there were activities in the buildings and even weapons practice in the mess hall. The people of New Hope didn't miss a beat.

Kel had told Eurgain of her plan that morning, but though the girl tried to act surprised, Kel could tell that she already knew. Now the two women sat in silence at their books. But Kel couldn't concentrate. She had been working all day, and it was nearing mid-afternoon, and she felt no further ahead in her work.

"Eurgain, how am I supposed to tell Dom?"

Eurgain shrugged. "You could just tell him."

Kel frowned at her friend.

Eurgain shrugged again. "Dom's a reasonable man, Lady Kel. You're frightened of him, and I don't really see why."

"I am not frightened of him! I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" Kel said, scandalized.

Eurgain looked up at her. "Maybe physically you can. But maybe you're not ready for him." She smiled. "He's very… intense."

Kel smiled weakly. It was true. They both knew it, and she couldn't deny it.

"Tell me the truth, Lady Kel. Is Dom any part of the reason that you are staying here after everyone else leaves?"

Kel shook her head. "No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

Eurgain smiled. "Then maybe you should think about this decision for a bit before you finalize it."

Kel shook her head. "Whether Dom has anything to do with it or not, I still know it's the right thing to do! I told you already, I need to be able to see if the refugees are alright without everyone here, helping them."

Eurgain smiled. "I know. Just think about it, will you?"

Kel nodded. "I will."

"And Lady Kel?"

"Yes?"

"Just think about how you would feel if he kept this from you. If you think it's the right thing to do, make sure you actually tell him. Because otherwise you will find yourself rapidly losing people who will talk to you." Eurgain glanced out the window. "Besides," she said, "it's raining. He's can't very well storm off anywhere. I have to check the mess hall. Don't forget you have patrol in an hour. Which makes now an even better time!"

Kel smiled weakly. "I thought you told me to think about it?"

Eurgain shrugged. "It's not like you would actually change your mind."

Kel chuckled. "Thank you, Eurgain."

Eurgain was right. Kel already knew the answer. She would tell Dom. Right then. "Tobe!" She called. The boy appeared at her door. "Could you go and get Dom for me, please? And stop hanging around my door. I'll tell you when I have something to do, I haven't forgotten about you. Go to weapons practice. Perrin is there. You can keep an eye on her for me."

"Yes, my lady."

A few moments later there was a knock on her door. She took a deep breath. "Come in," she said.

"'Lo, Kel," Dom said. "You wanted to see me? Business or pleasure?" He asked with a grin.

"Business."

His smile disappeared and he took a seat across from her.

"Dom, not everyone is leaving after this year's harvest. You and your men will go home, as well as Neal, Merric, Eurgain, and some of Merric's men."

"But you won't."

Kel shook her head. "No, I won't."

"Why not?"

Kel gave Dom the same explanation that she had given Eurgain and Merric. It almost made her sad that Dom was being so reasonable about it – not because she thought he didn't want her to leave with hi, but because Eurgain knew him better than she did. Dom was a reasonable man.

"I want to stay with you." Dom said.

Kel shook her head. "The last group I want here are the King's Own. Your men are too good, they have to go. And you know they can't go without you."

Dom crossed his arms. "This sounds suspiciously like you're trying to get rid of me, Kel."

"I'm not," she said, moving around to where Dom was sitting. "I love you, you know that."

"How?" He asked, the colour rising in his cheeks. "Just saying it doesn't mean much any more, Kel."

Kel frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about. I shouldn't have anything to prove to you."

"It's not about competition! It's about you hiding behind these words, the way you hide behind your mask." He stood up and began to pace. "I kissed you. You kissed me back. Did you feel sorry for me? You pushed me away again, and I had no choice but to wait for you. And I did. Now you're just pushing me away again, making me wait another season for you?" He shook his head. "I can't keep waiting for you, Kel. Make a decision."

Kel put her head down and sighed. Dom just stood there, watching her, waiting for her to say something. Anything.

She didn't. Dom turned towards the door.

"All my life," Kel began. Dom stopped at the door. "I have been inferior. I have been called more foul names than you can imagine. I have gone through doubt and pain and hatred and hell to get where I want to be. I loved Cleon – but I gave him up for my career, because I knew I would always be just a mistress to him, and I couldn't do that to myself.

"When I was finally able to take him back, he was taken from me once again, forever – and not five months after his death, I became involved with another man. A man I knew I could never marry, no less.

"I know what things are being said about me in Corus. Do you think they don't know? Things like this travel distances easily. The shame I am placing on my family, on Cleon's name. The damage I am causing to my reputation. I am as good as giving up my life for you, Dom. You said it yourself. It's different, the men you would save and the men you would die for." She sighed. "I just wish you had noticed."

Neither of them moved in what felt like forever. Slowly, Dom moved back to where Kel was sitting. "I'm sorry." He said. Kel nodded and felt tears come to her eyes. Saying what had been flowing through her mind for months made it seem so much worse. She had refused to let the thoughts come together in her head before this, and it hurt.

"I am sorry, Kel. But is running away from it really the answer?"

Kel sat up, pulling herself away from him. "I'm not running away," she said. "I made my decision because the people of New Hope come first. They always have."

Dom nodded. "I know, Kel, I know."

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Crappy chapter ending, I know, but what can I say. I wanted to get it posted.

Atlanta Enchanted: thanks! Yay for closure.

FanFictionFantom: thanks!

Kelly Masbolle: I'm glad you like it!

Wake-Robin: finally indeed. OR MAYBE NOT!

Imakeladrygirl: not quite yet…

Mage Light: Yes. They were engaged. Cleon's younger and good for nothing brother married a very rich girl and so Cleon did not need to have an arranged marriage, leaving him free to marry Kel.

Balinka: thanks!

Nektonic: no, that's not it, I'm just horribly busy and not particularly imaginative right now.

I'm really sorry I've been taking so long with this story, but I've actually been really, really busy, and the creative juices are just not flowing. I'll try and put the next chapter up a little bit sooner.

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."

-unolimbo