Getting Over You: Leaning In
Color
the coast with your smile,
it's the most genuine thing
that
I've ever seen.
I was so lost,
but now I believe.
Dashboard Confessional – Carry This Picture
Remus Lupin's PoV:
With a sigh, I shook my hair out of my eyes and leaned over my desk again, my distaste for Professor McGonagall acute. It was only the second week of school and she had them taking a test. The only sound in the room was the rough symphony of quills scratching on parchment. With a flourish, I finished up my Transfiguration test and set down my quill. I turned my head to the left to see Sirius Black (my best mate) still taking his test, his quill racing over the parchment. On my right, James Potter (another one of my best friends) was idly doodling on a spare bit of parchment, obviously having finished his test way before me. Next to James, Peter Pettigrew (the final installment in our merry group) was leaning closely to his desk, deep in thought.
I leaned back in my chair, confident in my memory and test taking skills when I noticed Sirius was finished his test and sucking on the end of a Sugar Quill. With a smirk I ripped a pit of parchment and scribbled him a note.
I can tell by the look on your face that you passed supremely. As usual. – Remus
I slid the note only Sirius's desk and watched him open the note. His ever-present smile widened and I felt my heart flutter. Down boy... He scrawled a reply and handed the note back to me.
Of course I passed, silly boy. Most of it was review on Amimagi, for Merlin's sake. What's Jamesie up to? - Sirius
Mooning over Lily, like always. Don't accuse him of it, though, he'll just deny it. Like always. – Remus
Oh yeah. I see he's got his spare bit of parchment. Evans has ruined that poor bloke. He's probably writing down all possible ways to win her heart. If she has one.
I couldn't help but snicker at that last comment. Sure, it was mean and Lily had always been nice to me, but she had no room in her heart for mischief-makers. Which is why she had yet to say yes to James's many advances. I imagine he'll make it hard for her this year, with them being Head Boy and Girl and all.
But I couldn't help to compare my predicament with James's. Sure, I wasn't in love with Lily, but we both had about the same chance of getting our loves to love us back.
Nil.
"What's that you have there, Mr. Lupin?" a voice behind me said. Shit. I winced and slowly turned around to see McGonagall standing behind me.
"My test?" I said with an innocent smile and put the note in my pocket. I could tell the smile wasn't working as she held out her hand with a stern expression on her face.
"The note, Lupin, between you and your pal Black." I looked at Sirius and shrugged a little and handed McGonagall the note, silently cursing her bloody hawk eyes. She deftly opened the note and read it. "Well, interesting indeed. I was not aware that Potter was harboring a crush on Ms. Evans."
At the sound of their names, both Lily and James looked at Sirius and I. Lily glared at James, who was now blushing furiously. He quickly recovered from the public humiliation and smiled at Lily who simply scowled in return.
Before Lily could tell off James, the bell rang and McGonagall yelled over the noise of chattering students and scraping chairs. "Put your tests on my desk as you leave. Not so fast you two," McGonagall said sharply before me and Sirius could escape without punishment. With a sigh we turned around and looked at the Professor. "Detention tomorrow night, Lupin and Black. My office at eight o'clock."
"Righto, Professor!" Sirius said with his usual grin. "We'll be there. Come on, Rem, I can hear the food calling me from here."
"See you tomorrow, Professor," I called as Sirius pulled me out of the classroom. As we entered the hallway he threw his arm around my shoulders. I knew it was just a friend thing, but I couldn't help but hope that maybe – just maybe – it meant more.
My hopes were shattered as he threw his other arm around James's shoulders as we walked down the hallway towards the Great Hall.
"I hope you guys got more that one detention for embarrassing me," James said, glaring at us.
Sirius just rolled his eyes and let us go to brush his hair out of his eyes. "Come on, Prongs, everyone in the damned school knows that you've had a thing for Evans for almost seven years now."
I smiled sheepishly at James, knowing he would forgive us in no time, and shifted my book-filled pack on my shoulder. Sirius and James continued to bicker and I easily tuned them out. Usually it amused to hear them argue about nonsense, but today I couldn't deal with it. With a sigh I shook my blonde hair out of my troubled blue-grey eyes.
As much as I tried, I couldn't hold it back from myself any longer. I'd already been holding it back for years. I was in love. In love with someone I definitely shouldn't be in love with. I just couldn't help myself.
Every time I saw that smile, heard that laugh... I fell deeper in love.
It was starting to become a definitely problem.
"Remus?" James said, pushing my shoulder gently and pulling me out of my self-pity party.
"Come on, Rem, you could at least pretend to be interesting in your present company," Sirius joked with a smile.
Oh yes, definitely a problem.
"Sorry, guys, I was just thinking. Did I miss anything important?" I misled apologetically at them as we entered the Great hall. James didn't seem to notice, he was too busy staring at a certain redhead who was laughing with her friends.
"Oh, just the usual," Sirius said offhand as we sat at the Gryffindor table, not even sparing Lily a glance. "James should get over Lily, it's the best thing for him, it's impossible, blah blah blah."
I shook my head, disappointed in Sirius's offhand assessment. "You can only talk so indifferently because you, my dearest Padfoot, have never been in love. Wait till it happens to you," I warned, "you won't be so self-confident then." I immediately realized my mistake as both James and Sirius looked at me.
Sirius smirked playfully and prepared to torture me. "Sounds to me like Moony is in love. Who's the luck girl?" he asked as he piled potatoes on his plate."
I felt myself blush and concentrated on a plate of toast. "There is no 'lucky girl'," I answered truthfully. I looked up at Sirius and smiled a little. "Sorry to disappoint you, mate." Definitely no girl.
"Come on, Remus," James probed through a mouthful of chicken, "you can tell us anything."
"I know, but really, there isn't a girl." Tell you anything. Right. How about 'Yeah, I fancy guys.'
"If you insist..." Sirius was smiling wickedly at me, as if he knew all my secrets. Merlin, I hoped he didn't.
"I insist. Where's Peter?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Library," James replied. "He's afraid that all our other teachers will give us tests like McGonagall did."
"McGonagall's just a sadistic bitch, Prongs, and she proved that today by not only giving us a test, but landing me and Moony in detention. The only one here worse than her his Harvey."
"You're just still pissed about that time he made you clean the dungeon after you blew up Evan Rosier's cauldron."
I shook my head as the two continued to bicker and finished my dinner. I was glad they stopped bugging me, but it was really starting to get annoying. "Sorry to interrupt, guys," I said as I stood up, "but I just wanted to tell you I'm heading outside. I'll see you in the common room later."
I picked up my pack and exited the Great Hall, my two friends still arguing. There was something I had to think about. As I reached the doors, I felt someone staring at me and turned around to see Sirius's eyes on my face. I blushed deeply, embarrassed at the hopeful thinking this encouraged, and quickly went outside.
Sirius Black's PoV:
I watched Remus leave as James continued to yell at me about something, I'd lost track of what. As Remus approached the doors out of the Great Hall, he glanced back at me – at us, me and James – and blushed. It would be too hopeful to suppose it was because of me. But, Merlin, he was beautiful.
"Sirius, what the hell is up with you?" James demanded and kicked my shin a bit. "You're not eating and you fazed out on me. That's normal for Remus, but you... It's more than a little odd."
"You don't have to be abusive you know," I said bad temperedly and glared at him. "And I'm not hungry anymore." To demonstrate my point, I pushed away my plate, ignoring James's surprised look, and picked up my goblet filled with pumpkin juice.
"Are you okay, Sirius?" James asked, looking truly concerned.
I sighed and reminded myself that James wouldn't understand, that I couldn't tell him about myself, that I had to keep this all a secret. "Yeah, I'm just worried about Remus," I found myself saying. Well, it wasn't all false. Remus was defiantly on his mind. "He seems really distant since we came back from summer vacation. I mean, Moony never was a very talkative person, but recently..." I sighed as I let the sentence hang.
James pushed his plate away, too, and glanced absently at the enchanted ceiling, at the moment as cloudy and moody as my own emotions. "I know what you mean. I can't help but think that he's holding something back from us." With a sigh, James looked down at his plate, pushing around the remaining food with a fork. Because his mind was on Remus, he didn't see Evans walk behind him and out of the Great Hall, to the outside. To where Remus was. "I wish he would talk to us. We're like brothers. Well, we're supposed to be."
I nodded in agreement, but couldn't help but think about both Evans and Remus escaping dinner to go outside... Could they be meeting? Why would they do that? Unless... unless they were secretly seeing each other. Could that be Remus's secret?
At the thought of Remus meeting some girl in secret, I felt my face pale and I jumped up out of my seat. "I have to go talk to Remus. I'll see you in the common room later, James."
I quickly left the Great Hall and hurried outside, hoping to stop anything before it happened. Once outside, I ignored the harsh whipping wind and looked for the sign of two people. Not under the Marauder's tree, not walking across the law, not by the lake... The lake!
I saw what looked like one very large person sitting by the edge of the lake. As I walked closer I realized that it was Evans and Remus – my beautiful Remus – sitting next to each other, with Remus's arm around Evans's shoulders. I watched in horror as Lily leaned closer to Remus and pressed her lips to his. I silently prayed that Remus would push her away, tell her that it was wrong, that he couldn't be with her, but he just sat there. Sat there and let her kiss him.
"Remus!" I heard myself yell as I raced across the lawn. Remus had disentangled himself from Evans by the time I was close enough to see Remus's face pale considerably beneath the moon.
Remus jumped up and clutched his hands together, obviously flustered. "Sirius, I-"
"Come on, Remus," I interrupted before I could hear any excuses and grabbed his arm, pulling him quickly away. "Excuse us, Evans," I called over my shoulder, "I need to talk to my friend here."
"Sirius it's not what it looked like," Remus attempted to explain. I said nothing and continued to pull him roughly into Hogwarts. "Sirius, please let me explain –"
"Shut up, Lupin," I replied sharply. I glared back at him and saw him wince. He had obviously realized the significance of me using his surname. Good. I pulled him into an empty classroom and slammed the door behind us. "Sit," I demanded and Remus shakily sat down in a chair behind the first desk. I paced restlessly in the front of the classroom, wondering what the hell I was supposed to say in this situation.
"Sirius, if you would let me explain –"
"Damn it, Moony! What the fuck is your problem?! You do realize that you were kissing Evans, right? Lily Evans? The girl that your friend, James Potter, has been obsessing over for going on SEVEN YEARS?!" I yelled, relishing in the fact that Remus at least had the decency to look ashamed. "How long has this been going on? How long have you been sneaking away to snog Evans?"
Remus bolted up out of his seat and stared at me, apparently astonished. "Sneaking out? What in bloody hell are you talking about, Sirius? I went outside to think, she followed me, we were talking, and she kissed me." Remus a hand through his hair and looked weary.
"Merlin, Rem," I said, the nickname rolling off my tongue, "I'm sorry. I just... I just wasn't expecting it and I guess I just exploded at the sight of you kissing her..." I looked at the floor realizing how much I had almost revealed. I wanted to tell him so bad. I wanted to tell my darling Remus how much I liked him, how jealous I was, how I wanted him to be mine.
"Siri, I don't even like gi – Lily." I looked up sharply. Did he almost say what I thought he almost said? Remus looked down at the floor of the classroom and kicked the ground a little. "I didn't kiss her."
"Rem..." What was I supposed to do? When Remus didn't look up, I tilted his chin up with my index finger, forcing him to look at me. Those eyes were so beautiful, so captivating... I didn't even notice that I had leaned in until my lips were pressed against his, until my hand snaked around to cup the back of his neck, bringing him closer.
Oh, this was wonderful.
Kissing Remus was everything I had dreamed it was. His lips were so soft and it felt glorious to have them rest against mine. Suddenly the kissing stopped as Remus stumbled back from me, his face bright red. "Remus..." I said, unsure of what to say next.
"I – I have to go," Remus said before he hurriedly exited the classroom. I sat on the teacher's desk and put my head in my hands, realizing how stupid I really was.
I kissed Remus.
And he ran away. He ran away.
As it sunk in, tears fell down my face and I quickly wiped them away.
I don't know how long I sat in that silent classroom, but I realized at some point that I had to go to the Gryffindor tower before I got in trouble. I just hoped I'd be able to postpone seeing Remus for a bit.
Author's Note: So, what did you guys think? This is my first ever attempt at WolfStar, so you'll just have to deal with me for a bit. Or you could just not read it. But I hope that won't happen. I really love Remus and Sirius together, but I like other ships too, so they're not going to get together for a bit. I hate those stories where right away they're together and the relationship has no time to develop. Yeah.. Enough out of me. Please review!
Rae