Is Obi-wan REALLY a Jedi?
Jar-Jar: We found a Jedi. Can I burn him?
Yoda: How do you *know* he's a Jedi?
Qui-Gon: Because he *looks* like one.
Yoda: Bring him forward!
{Queen Amidala pushes in Obi-wan, who has on a witch hat, a false nose, and a pink tutu. .}
Obi-wan: I'm not a Jedi, I'm *not* a Jedi!
Yoda: But you are *dressed* as one.
Obi-wan: {points to villagers} *They* dressed me up like this!
Villagers: No! No! We didn't! Oh, no!
Obi-wan: And this *isn't* my nose. It's a false one!
Yoda: {pulls the fake nose off of Obi-wan's face.}Hmm.... well?
Qui-Gon: Well, we did do the nose...
Captain Panaka: And the hat... ...but he *is* a Jedi!
Villagers: Yeah! 'E's right! Burn him! Burrrrrrrnnn!
Yoda: {sweatdrop} Did you dress him up like this?
Qui-Gon: No!
Anakin: Nope!
Captain Panaka: Of *course* not...
Queen Amidala: Nooooooo!
Jar-Jar: Yes.
Qui-Gon: Yeah.
Anakin: {sweatdrop} Yes...
Captain Panaka: ^_^ A bit!
Queen Amidala: Yes...
Jar-Jar: {nod}{nod} A bit...
Qui-Gon: He *has* got funny clothes.
Yoda: {three more sweatdrops} What make you think he's a Jedi?
Queen Amidala: Well, he turned me into a tauntan!
Yoda: A tauntan?
{All sweatdrop}
Obi-wan: Oy...
Queen Amidala: Uh... I got better?
{long moment of silence}
Villagers: Burn 'im anyway! Kill! Die! Burrrrrnnnnn him!
Yoda: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET! There are ways of telling whether or not he is a Jedi.
Villagers: Tell us then... Are there?
Yoda: Tell me... ...what do you *do* with Jedis?
Captain Panaka: Burn them!
Yoda: And what do you burn *apart* from Jedis?
Jar-Jar: Captain Panaka!
{Captain Panaka smacks Jar-Jar}
Qui-Gon: Wood!
Yoda: So... why do Jedis burn?
{another long moment of silence. Obi-wan is covered in sweatdrops}
Qui-Gon: Because they're...made of wood?
Yoda: Gooooooooood! ^_^
Jar-Jar: Oh yeah! Good one! I never WOOD have thought of that...
Qui-Gon: ^_^-3(heart)
Yoda: So, how do we tell if he's made of wood?
Queen Amidala: Build a bridge out of him!
Yoda: Ah, but can you also not build bridges out of stone?
Queen Amidala: Oh... um?
Yoda: Does wood sink in water?
Captain Panaka: No... No! No, it floats!
Anakin & Qui-Gon: Throw him into the pond!
Yoda: NO! Wait! What else floats in water?
Anakin: Bread!
Qui-Gon: Lightsabers!
Queen Amidala: Flowers!
Jar-Jar: Churches! Churches! Uh… Good gravy!
Captain Panaka: Very small rocks?
Voice: Banthas.
Yoda: Ex-ACT-ly! So, logically...
Jar-Jar: If... he... weighs the same as a bantha... he's made of wood.
Yoda: And therefore?
Jar-Jar: A Jedi!
Villagers: A Jedi!
Yoda: We shall use my largest scale!
Obi-wan: {as he is picked up by Anakin and dragged over to the scale} Hey! Let go!
{He is placed at one end of the scale, a bantha at the other. The scale evens out}
Yoda: Ta-dah!
Obi-wan: It's a fair-{a cane yanks him off stage}Whoa!
Yoda: Who are you who is so wise in the way of science?
Darth Sieous: I'm Darth Sideous. Nice to meet you.
Yoda: {bowing} My lord...
And thus was the executivizing of Yoda the Wicked!
This story involves characters created by George Lucas, and I do not own them (unfortunately). This is just a simple parody of Monty Python's witch burning sketch. This story is copyright 2001, by Snape no Koibito. This is dedicated to Ann Valentine, even though she's done nothing to deserve it. No batteries included. Some assembly required. No Jedi's or banthas were harmed in the making of this fanfic. ^_-