Forgiveness

Disclaimers: I don't claim any of these characters as my own. Please forgive any medical inaccuracies.

Spoilers: Cruz does not exist in this universe. Takes place after the start of season 4.

Summary: None

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It had been 4 weeks since they found Mikey dead from an overdose. They called Bosco during our shift to go down to the morgue to i.d. the body. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I thought he would break down. He didn't.

I stood outside the room and I watched Bosco as he took Mikey's hand. He just wouldn't let go, as if somehow, he could will him back to life. I couldn't make out what Bosco was saying but it took everything he had to let Mikey go and come out of that room. It was the most heartbreaking thing I ever saw.

Bosco took a week off and when he came back, Lieu decided to put him on desk duty for a few days. Now, it had been a week since he was back on patrol with me.

I knew it wouldn't be easy for Bosco, but things seemed to be deteriorating. He was so angry at first, and everyone on the street knew not to mess with him. I tried to keep him in check as much as possible. Let me tell you, it was no easy task keeping up with an angry Bosco. I was physically exhausted after a couple of days. But, that phase had faded.

We were in the middle of another endless shift and I turned to look at Bosco. He looked like he had lost some weight. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him eating all week

He must have noticed me looking at him so he turned to stare me down with that look. The one that screamed, "What are you looking at?"

I had to look away. More and more, I didn't know what to do or say around him and it was driving me crazy. He would either glare at me for something I said, or act like he never even heard me, which made me feel like I was talking to a brick wall half the time. I didn't know which was worse but now I was becoming emotionally exhausted trying not to upset him while trying to help him too.

And so, sitting in a deafeningly quiet car, it was starting to take its toll on me.

"How about we get something to eat, on me." No sooner were the words out of my mouth that I wished I hadn't said them. I turned my face away from him and stared out my window, mumbling to myself. What was I thinking? It was lame even for me, and it sounded like I felt sorry for him. I quickly composed myself and turned back to face him.

Bosco held my gaze for a moment but then looked away. He pretended to focus on something on the dash. "I'm not hungry," he mumbled.

I hated this. "Boz." No answer. I tried again, "Boz, I'm right here you know." I studied his face. He kept staring at the dash like he never heard me. "Bosco," I practically yelled at him. Still no response. I was going to have to try another approach.

"Bosco, get out of the car, I'm driving." I shoved him on the shoulder. "I mean it Boz. Get out." We had been parked in the same spot for about ½ hour because Bosco just felt like it.

"Fine," he didn't even bother to look at me when he answered.

He opened the door and got out slowly. I grabbed my door handle and yanked it open. I was not going to have a bad day because of Bosco. I walked out of the RMP determined not to let that happen. I was so focused on this thought that I almost ran into him. We both stopped abruptly. I stared at him defiantly, hands on hips, daring him to make me move out of his way. He held his ground for a second before he stepped aside and gestured for me to go by him.

About half an hour later, I stopped at a diner so we could eat. I ordered for the both of us. We sat at the counter, me eating, him staring at his plate, and neither of us talking. After about 20minutes, he got up and said, " I'll wait for you in the RMP." He pushed himself off the stool and slowly shuffled off by himself. Walking seemed like an effort and I watched to make sure he made it to the RMP. I turned back before he could see me and noticed he hadn't touched a thing on his plate.

The rest of the shift was uneventful with only a couple of minor calls. I thanked God that it was a slow night because Bosco was just going through the motions and I didn't think he would be able to handle more serious cases.

I kept an eye on him and I didn't care if he thought I was trying to mother him. He looked tired and worn out. I asked him how he was sleeping but from the dark circles under his eyes, it didn't seem he was getting much. He rubbed his temple as if to ease a headache. Our shift was almost over and he had barely said two words. I was officially worried.

"Boz, you want some aspirin? You look like you could use some." I tried to sound casual.

"Nah, I'm just tired," he sighed.

Hey, I was just glad I got a response from him, but his voice sounded strained. I pulled over and studied his face. He had his head on the headrest. His eyes were closed and he looked pale.

"Bosco, you don't look so good. You want me to take you home?" When he didn't answer, I reached out and put my hand on his forehead to check for a fever. Maybe he was coming down with something. He pulled away immediately, but a small groan escaped his lips and he looked like he had regretted turning his head so quickly.

"Boz?" I noticed he started to lick his lips and swallow compulsively. Suddenly, he fumbled for the door, opened it, leaned out and started to heave. I got out and went around the RMP to his side. I used his door and my body to shield him from any nosy onlookers.

At first nothing came out, but it didn't take long to empty out the contents of his stomach since he hadn't eaten all day. He was racked by the dry heaves and I could see him shudder with every contraction of his stomach. Finally it stopped.

He stayed hunched over, hanging on to that door like it was the only thing holding him up. He kept spitting out to try and clear his mouth. Then he pushed himself away from the door and flopped back into the seat. He sucked in some air like it was a struggle to be alive. It scared me and I went into panic mode.

"That's it! I'm taking you to Mercy," I yelled out angrily, but I don't think he heard me. He was getting good at blocking me out, heck he was good at blocking everyone else out too. So, I decided to stop asking questions if he wasn't going to answer.

I reached over him and into the RMP and grabbed my bottle of water.

"Here Boz, rinse out your mouth," it was an order.

All his movements seemed so slow and painful and I was getting impatient watching him trying to unscrew the cap.

"Let me get that for you." I took the bottle away from him a little too roughly, unscrewed the cap and gave it back to him. He took a swig, turned his head and spit it out.

"I hear you. You can stop yelling at me now," he croaked out angrily. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the headrest. Maybe I went to far with that last move but he was wearing me out.

"Bosco, you can barely function. You shouldn't be out here, you should be at home, in bed." I was getting angrier. Why couldn't he tell me what he was feeling? I was his partner for Pete's sake and he probably didn't have anyone else to talk to.

He opened his eyes and looked straight at me. "I don't have to take this crap from you. I don't have to take this crap from anyone. I told you I'm tired, and I have a splitting headache, and I had to sit here and listen to you busting my chops all night about not eating and not sleeping and whatever else you think I should be doing. You've got two kids at home, why don't you concentrate your efforts on them, unless you want them to end up just like Mikey."

Hell, that one hurt. That one really hurt. After all he's put me through in the last couple of weeks, he has the nerve to take this out on me. "You know what, you are absolutely right. Why should I waste my time and effort on my partner, who I need to watch my back so I can get home to my kids every night? I don't know what the hell I was thinking," I yelled back.

"Oh, that's right, leave it to Bosco to get you home safe and sound. You're giving me that kind of responsibility? You really picked a winner, Faith," he said with disgust. "Don't you know, huh? I'm useless. I couldn't take care of my mother or my brother and my father couldn't give a rat's ass about me. You know, you're not as smart as you think you are or you would have asked for a new partner if you wanted to get home safe every night."

"Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea. I might just take you up on that," I said as I slammed his door shut, not waiting for his answer to that one.

I paced in front of the RMP with my back to him. I took deep breaths to try and cool myself off. I couldn't believe he threw that 'useless' crap back at me. He was never going to let me forget.

A few seconds later, I decided it was safe to get back in the RMP. He had his head against the window and he winced as I slammed the door. I turned to him and couldn't resist one last jab, " and you better not get sick in the RMP, cause I'm not cleaning up your shit."

He didn't even turn to glare at me. He looked utterly defeated. "Let's just go back to the house," he murmured.

"Fine," I growled.

I was really glad this shift was finally over. Each day was getting longer and harder and I didn't know how much more I could take.

I changed without talking to anyone because I wanted to get away from Bosco as quickly as possible. I shut my locker, ready to go but I caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye and I couldn't help looking over at him one last time.

He was sitting on the bench still in his uniform. He made no effort to change and he looked like hell. He stared at his open locker, oblivious to everyone around him. He seemed lost in his own world. A world no one else was allowed to enter, especially not me.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked like he didn't belong, like an outcast, completely and utterly alone.

Everyone around him was talking and joking, ignoring Bosco and the pain he was in. How could they stand seeing him like this? I wanted to yell at them to stop. Even Sully and Davis kept their distance now. Who could blame them? They had their own run-ins with Bosco recently. No one wanted to mess with him.

As if sensing that I was watching, Bosco looked up and stared at me with feverish eyes.

"What?" he mouthed to me.

I just shook my head feeling the anger flooding back in, and said more to myself than anyone else, "Nothing. Forget it. I don't know why I bother."

I stormed out of the locker room without saying a word to anyone. Before I stepped outside the house, I felt someone grab my elbow and turn me around. It was Ty. He must have been chasing after me and calling, but I hadn't heard.

"Whoa, Faith. What's going on? Are you okay?" He stepped closer to make sure no one else heard him. I guess I never gave him enough credit for knowing what was going on, but it was obvious that he had been watching Bosco and I the whole time we were in the locker room tonight.

"Just make sure he gets home okay," was all I could muster before turning and walking out the door.

TBC…..