Falling
by Shadowesque
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: Josh POV, ITSOTG P1 'I've sat here and pondered for so long, can't I just die already?'
Dis: WW not mine. Simple as that.
A/N: ...I'm...back...? YES! After only...uh...1 WW fic (>.> . hehe...), I have finally decided to put others up! Wanna know why I've not been with my fave authors and fics around here for so long (and I'm sure you 1. know who you are and 2. they are done and I have many many chapters to read), so I'm sorry! Wanna know more? Read my profile. This thing's been sittin' around forever, so...eh, I'm bored, I'm back, I'm putting it up! Enjoy, I do hope! (if ya don't like it...well, it's old! so there!)

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You know, it doesn't really hurt. I know I've got a bullet lodged inside my chest close to my heart, but I can't feel it at all. I feel the blood pumping out of me, and I feel my energy slowly slipping away, but I don't feel any pain.

It's quite peaceful, actually. I'm just sitting here at night with hardly anyone around. They all ran off. They ran at the sound of the bullets. But I had to see what was happening. I had to witness with my own two eyes if what was happening was really happening.

But back to what I was just saying, it's a nice feeling. I can stare at the stars twinkling far up in the heavens, wishing and imploring me to join them. God, listen to me. I'm starting to sound like one of Sam's speeches.

I think I could be dying, I'm not sure. Like I said, I can't feel the pain. I do feel cold, though. I'm cold and tired. And bleeding. All of the warm, beautiful, watery substance is still pouring out of the hole. Yes, I suppose I am dying. Maybe that's why everything's starting to get blurry. I want to shiver. It feels more like winter than summer. I think I'll stay sitting here. I don't think I'll ever have the strength to stand again.

I believe I hear a voice calling for me. It could just be another effect of major blood loss, however. Or maybe it's God? Is it ending? I've sat here and pondered for so long, can't I just die already? I want to die now. I want this piece of metal to take my life. I'm not sure of how much more of this I can really take. To be numb and yet feel so much at the same time.

Is that you, Toby? I can't see you very well. Why do you look so shocked and frightened? Didn't you expect to see me here, slowly and quietly losing this long and drawn-out battle with life? Well, no, I guess not. It feels like it's been forever; what kept you? I feel so light-headed now. Add this to the fact that I'm pretty much becoming a popsicle out here, or so it feels, I can hardly make you out, and my energy is gone, and it's a sweet recipe for death.

I'm slipping, dear friend. Can you catch me? I'm falling into the deep night, slipping so far away. I realize now that I don't really want to die. I don't think I'd want to leave you or any of my friends like this. I'm falling. Please don't try and fight for my life; that's my job. And I've lost. Soon, very soon, the darkness shall consume me. There's no denying it. I don't want to leave you, or Sam, or C.J., or Leo. I can't sit up any longer; my energy, I have none left.

I'm slipping. Will somebody catch me when I fall?