In the beginning, there was nothing. Than God said "Let there be LIGHT!" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
Another month, another chapter, another computer completely ravaged by memory erasing viruses. I just have to say that I apologize profusely for the long delay and that I won't hold it against you if you're pissed off and want to beat the shit out of me with ugly sticks. Who knows? It might help my complexion.
Disclaimer: Rooster claps a rainbow poodle, which you steer: add 1 green to your mana puddle. I don't own Metal Gear Solid. Statistics have shown that 93 of the population feel that the first sentence is more coherent than the second.
Warning! Song fic ahead!
Chapter 14: Mentos
Paramedic: I see you found some Mentos.
Snake: Mentos?
Paramedic: A peppermint flavored caramel candy first created in the 1930s by a pair of French brothers.
Snake: French candy?
Paramedic: Yes. Mentos are widely known to be extremely tasty and refreshing. Some have even claimed that it has magical properties.
Snake: This thing has magical properties?
Paramedic: Well, it's not proven. Why don't you eat one and find out?
Snake: I think I'll do just that. Thanks.
Paramedic: Anytime. (Signs off)
Snake: Hmm, Mentos…
Russian soldier no 1: Freeze! You're surrounded!
(A dozen Soldiers appear out of nowhere and proceed to surround Snake.)
Snake: Shit!
Russian soldier no 1: We have you now American infidel!
(They cock their rifles and prepare to shoot Snake.)
Doo doo doo…
Japanese soldier no 1: Nani?
Russian soldier no 3: What the? What is that?
Doo-doo, do-Wah!
Japanese soldier no 5: Doko? Doko?
Russian soldier no 4: Quiet! Where is that coming from?
It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life, and Mentos is fresh and full of life!
French soldier no 6: Mon dieu! Vhat is this music?
Snake: Catchy.
Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool, with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
Snake: (pops a mentos into his mouth) Tasty…(rushes towards them) CQC!
Russian soldier no 1: Gah!
Japanese soldier no 6: Gack!
French soldier no 8: Sacre Bleu!
Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness! Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
(Snake makes short work of the inter-racial squad of Soldiers. They're soon all lying on the ground, dead or dying.)
Snake: (poses) Mentos! The fresh maker!
Russian soldier no 1: So…minty…hack! (Dies)
Snake: This stuff does have magical properties.
Later…
(Snake is outside a Russian Military base that is completely surrounded by Soldiers.)
Snake: Damn! How do I get in?
Doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-Wah!
Snake: That's it! (Fumbles through his backpack and fishes out his Mentos)
It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life, and Mentos is fresh and full of life!
Snake: (Pops a mentos into his mouth) Tasty… (Dons his cardboard box and walks out in plain sight.)
Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool, with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
Russian soldier: Sir, what is that?
Russian Commander: What? Oh, just a box. Ignore it.
Russian Soldier: But it's moving towards the base sir…
Russian Commander: Are you questioning my orders Private?
Russian Soldier: But it has legs sir…
Russian Commander: You will obey my orders, soldier. And if I say ignore it, ignore it! Do you understand Private?
Russian Soldier: Yes sir, ignore the moving box with legs. Understood sir.
Russian Commander: Good, just so we're clear on that matter.
Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness! Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
(Snake successfully enters the Military base)
Snake: (Removes his cardboard box and poses.) Mentos! The Fresh Maker!
Russian Soldier: Sir, I think the cardboard box just entered the base sir.
Russian Commander: That's it! You're demoted!
Later…(Snake is facing off against a towering robot that oddly enough, resembles a giant ostrich.)
Snake: Metal Gear…
Russian Commander: You may have eluded me back than, but you won't escape your fate! Go, Metal Gear Chocobo!
MGC: Wark!
Doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-Wah!
Snake: Guess again, dumbass. (Pops a Mentos into his mouth) Tasty… (Takes out his RPG)It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life, and Mentos is fresh and full of life!
Snake: (Begins to fire rockets at MGC at roughly the speed of light.)
Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool, with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
Snake: (Is still firing a constant barrage of Rockets at MGC
MGC: Wark! (Is finally unable to bear the force of the assault and explodes.)
Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness! Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
Russian Commander: It can't be... (Gets caught in the explosion and dies.)
Snake: (poses) Mentos! The fresh maker!
The Boss: Jack…
Snake: Boss! (Turns around and sees the Boss standing amidst the ruined base.)
The Boss: I see you have succeeded in destroying Metal Gear Chocobo. No matter, we still have the Shagohod and the philosopher's legacy. Did you really think you could triumph over us Jack?
Snake: I'll…I'll beat you! (Pops the remaining Mentos in his mouth and charges at the Boss) Roar!
Doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-Wah!
"Ow! Awargh!"It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life, and Mentos is fresh and full of life!
"Argh! Ow! Ow! Ow!"Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool, with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
"Oh! Hack! ACK!"
Fresh goes better! Mentos Freshness! Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!
"Owww……"The Boss: (Reading the label) Mentos, the fresh maker? Did you honestly did you could defeat me by just ingesting some mint candy Jack?
Snake: Ohhhh…..(Is sprawled on the ground in a relatively uncomfortable position. The Sorrow hovering above him holding a sign that reads 'Try some gum, next time.")
The Boss: Jack, out of all the things you have done. I think this qualifies as the stupidest.
Snake: Ohhh…(Is generally incoherent, having your windpipe crushed does that to you.)
The Boss: I shall leave you to your pain. (turns to leave) Oh, and next time, try to come up with something that's actually worth my time. (walks away)
Snake: (Somehow manages to call up Paramedic.)
Paramedic: Ouch! Let me guess, The Boss?
Snake: Ohh…(Attempts to nod his head and breaks a collar bone trying.)
Paramedic: Ah well,looks like it's time for another one of my "special treatments".
Snake: …God…damn…French candy…
END
So ends another meaningless chapter. As always, please read and review. Much appreciated.