Cardcaptor Sakura

a Hiiragizawa Eriol fic

For You, Hiiragizawa

Mou, you're not supposed to be sad, Eriol.

Forcefully, the blue-eyed boy lifted his two thumbs and pushed their way up upon the edge of his cheeks, producing a Cheshire cat grin that was the exact trademark of him. His jaw hurt from the action, but his thumbs continued to press higher, making the grin looked more than ridiculous. It was the most exaggerating expression he had ever made, and Eriol made a silent vow never to execute that face in front of the mirror in his manor. He would never live it down to Clow Reed's reputation if seen by Ruby Moon.

Allowing a soft sigh to escape his lips, Eriol hunched down to the height of his desk and rested his head there. Seated at the back of the classroom near to the windows had an advantage, and Eriol took chance of it to stare out of the clear view now.

Almost to sunset, and the basketball crowd opposite at Seijouu High had already dispersed a few minutes ago. Turning his head the other direction, his blue eyes searched Class 5-2, before turning back to the thick English novel on his desk, opened easily to the central part.

Eriol was best known as the boy who had his head buried in novels all the time, seated at the back of the classroom. But today was special, and today, he didn't feel like a bookworm for once. Even the interesting part of the novel he was reading where the millionaire was finally going bankrupt didn't appeal to him suddenly.

He sat up straighter in his seat and glanced out dreamily.

He should get used to this by now. 12 years to be exact, and the secret was still well kept. There was no need to spread the secret around anyway, nor was it a secret in the first place. Eriol felt it was useless to let on this tiny news of his to others. After all, it was nothing significant.

Today, it was his 12th birthday as Hiiragizawa Eriol.

Even his creations never knew because he did not feel obliged to tell them. Who would care anyway? He was Clow Reed, bestowed with his memories. Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun never questioned his birth date, merely coming to the conclusion that the day Eriol was born was the day Clow died.

How unheard of.

Eriol shook his head, as if to no one in particular. Of course it was not like this. He did not remember being a baby, born to the surgeons of a hospital. He was too young then. But he remembered when he hit his 5th birthday, all of Clow's memories surged into his brain like an overwhelming tsunami. He had been so frightened, he had cried and cried the entire day before it slowly dawned on his 6th birthday that he was the reincarnation of an ultra superior magician. And he had his duties.

So much for being reincarnated. Funny I should feel upset that I'm alone this year. It wasn't too bad last year when I distracted myself by locking myself in the piano room the entire day banging on the same old piece over and over again. Even Ruby Moon's naggings were relieving and nice. At least, it was as if someone remembered his presence and yelled at him to celebrate the day.

So why was he still in school?

Because, Eriol shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the dizzy words on his novel once more, I want to celebrate my birthday with this English novel. And the sun.

Now he was beginning to talk like Yamazaki.

Eriol sighed, but shot up his seat, looking up as he sensed the presence of someone. A familiar aura - quiet, gentle and soft. This was not the first time he was intrigued by this person's aura.

Daidouji-san.

Her calm and collected demeanor slightly broke when she looked up to see Eriol still seated at his desk. Tomoyo had books stuffed under her hands, and her backpack still hung on her shoulders. Her eyes widened, before softening in recognition.

"Konban wa, Hiiragizawa-kun."

Cheshire cat grin. Almost as quickly, the pretense came back. "Konban wa, Daidouji-san."

Suddenly there was tinge of nervousness to her face, and he noticed it effortlessly.

"Y-You won't tell Li-kun I will be sitting at his place, will you?" Her eyes nervously glanced at the corner seat by the window. Admittedly, Eriol would say that Syaoran had the best seat in the entire class, easy to sleep and daydream without the teacher's knowing quite easily. Even without her statement, Eriol already knew that several a times, Tomoyo would sit at Syaoran's desk and drift into a dreamy state, frequently gazing out of the windows and back.

"Iie, I won't breathe a word to him." Eriol smiled. "I do that sometimes, too. Li-kun doesn't even know half of the class vouches for his seat every time they stay back to finish up their homework."

Tomoyo gave a relieved smile and settled down at Syaoran's desk, placing down her bag and books. A giggle spilled from her lips, "Yes, I agree." She spoke in her usual soft tone, the one he remembered her when they sang the duet the other time in the music room.

Eriol watched as Tomoyo begin to work on her homework, and he turned back to his English novel. There was silence for a long while, and only the ticking of the classroom clock was the only disruption.

The ice broke when she looked up from her work, "Hiiragizawa-kun, it is getting late already."

Eriol smiled. "Daijoubu. I want to finish up this novel before I go."

Tomoyo cocked her head forward. "You must be a fast reader, too, Hiiragizawa-kun."

As much as a pretty good liar. Or maybe better.

Eriol smiled, said nothing and turned back to his desk. To be honest, he was not very much acquainted to the raven-haired lass, and still didn't know what to make out of the silence. So he just kept quiet and read his novel, the hollow feeling in his stomach still echoing from the solitary birthday he was, again, celebrating today.

He never noticed the quiet gaze of the lass focusing on him, and when his Clow Reed's senses alarmed him, he looked up to catch her gaze.

"Daidouji-san?"

Tomoyo looked concern. "You don't look well. Are you okay, Hiiragizawa-kun?"

I should have known. She is sharper beyond her age and wisdom. This will be a tougher pretense game I will be playing.

An immensely hurting and exaggerating Cheshire cat grin. "Aah. Daijoubu desu. Arigatou for asking."

Tomoyo was silenced for a while, when she eyed his novel once more, the pencil in her fingertips left forgotten temporarily, "Demo, you don't usually stay behind in school to read."

She sat up straighter, giving him the looks she would always use when inquiring Syaoran on his progress with Sakura. Eriol felt his pretense breaking. That was the power of Tomoyo's gaze. She could undo anyone without her ever knowing it. Or maybe she knew, and was too well aware of it even.

"Ah, it's an overly interesting book." You lie, Clow Reed's incarnation! You obviously have not been even reading the past 15 pages you have flipped through!

Tomoyo still kept her eyes on him, before reluctantly turning back to her schoolwork. "Alright then, gomen ne if I was too inquisitive."

"Iie."

The game of politeness, too, when it came to sheer strangers.

On the desk of Syaoran's, Tomoyo's pencil had stopped all work. She was now getting worried for Eriol. He had done well with those reassuring Cheshire cat grins, and his sweet voice he used on Sakura, but she knew something was wrong. Considering the fact that he was definitely not reading the novel he had in his books and…

Tomoyo risked another glance at him. His hair looked unkempt, and those azure tresses hung down on his eyes. Impulsively, she wanted to brush them away, and her fingers clamped upon the pencil. His eyes…They looked lonely. And sad.

Solitude.

He said he had only two family members. Is that why he looks lonely?

Tomoyo looked back down and thought. She really hoped Eriol was not coming down with a fever. She was positive it was not, because it was definitely loneliness she viewed in those eyes.

Eyes. The most important part of reading someone's emotions.

Even as much as a smile can chase everything away, eyes were always the best betrayer.

Tomoyo softened and sneaked another peek at Eriol's face. Aah, yes, this time it was really not right. His eyes were off-focused, as if slipping slowly away and smothering themselves in sorrow.

Whatever could make a wide smiling boy upset?

She wanted to ask if he was okay, but shut her mouth in order not to wake him up from his trance. He was daydreaming. It was obvious. She knew the telltale signs. She did that often, too.

Besides, he had stayed on that page of the novel for long enough - since she stepped into the classroom.

Hiiragizawa Eriol was definitely out of sorts today.

And regarding such an observant boy who was super sensitive and alert, he had not even realized that the amethyst-eyed girl was watching him intently for a few long seconds now.

"Hiiragizawa-kun?" She said softly, hoping it wouldn't stun the boy out of his wits if he was daydreaming.

Silence.

Then his eyes blinked, and he looked up at her. "Hai?"

Yes, something was not right.

But what?

Tomoyo, despite not being a curious cat or so ever, was not one to leave a friend in a lurch when he or she is upset. She had comforted Syaoran, Meilin and Sakura now, and there was no way she could leave Eriol - someone who had treated Sakura so well - to submerse himself in his own miseries.

"Are you alright?"

She probably had asked for the umpteenth times that evening, in less than an hour.

Silence, when a grin crookedly took his lips out of place. "Hai. I'm really alright."

"Hontou ni?" She wasn't sure.

"Hai." He wasn't sure himself either.

Tomoyo looked back down, thought for a moment. She was always very good in guessing what was bothering a friend. Syaoran's sorrow was Sakura. Sakura's sorrow was her card problems. Meilin's sorrow was Syaoran.

Eriol's? It could not be a girl. She knew enough that Eriol had not so far been acquainted with any girls closely other than Sakura. And she knew definitely he did not love her that romantic way.

So what was it? Tomoyo thought, unconsciously of drawing crazy doodles all over Tereda-sensei's homework.

Probably his family members chased him out of the house and made him upset? Or because his music room at home was under renovation? Or because he had failed one of his subject? She eliminated the thought of the last one. Impossible. Eriol failed no grades and was the top student in class alongside her. The first one was possible. The second? Nah, if it was, Sakura-chan would have told her about the construction going on.

So…what was it?

The minute hand of the clock ticked by. Tomoyo sat and thought and thought for a full 15 minutes.

A last glance at Eriol confirmed her suspicions. He was looking dreamy and sad and lonely again.

Instantly, she sprang up from her seat. Yes, it should be, she thought as shudders shook her whenever instincts screamed at her. She hated Eriol looking so lonely, and she would put a stop to it right this instant. After all, Daidouji Tomoyo's intuition was never wrong. It felt right, anyway, as the thought weighed in her mind.

Then it must be.

She stood up and made her way out of the classroom when a voice pulled her back.

"Daidouji-san?"

Tomoyo gave a quick wave. "Chotto matte ne, Hiiragizawa-kun!"

Eriol looked blank as Tomoyo ran out of the classroom. When she was no longer around, Eriol finally submitted to his solitude and rested his head on the table.

He was alone, again, for 12 years consecutively.

His eyelids felt heavy and he slept. He never knew when half an hour later, Tomoyo ran into the room but make a sudden stop at the sight of the sleeping boy.

An understanding smile touched her lips. Yes, she was right. He was mightily upset and lonely.

True to prediction, Eriol sat up straighter than before in his seat when he sensed her presence. He coughed, probably embarrassed being caught sleeping in the classroom like that. A smile from Tomoyo assured him silently it was fine to do so. Hurriedly, Eriol brought up his thick novel and once more begin to read the same page.

Well, more like frantically scanning his eyes over the words. Gosh, what was eating him?

Minutes ticked by. The sun eventually set and the pretense of reading the novel was no more. Eriol gave up on ever trying to get to the next page even, and he merely placed the heavy book down and stared into empty space.

Back at Syaoran's desk, Tomoyo was busying herself with something in her hands. She had went out to buy something for the blue-eyed boy - some colorful papers and scissors and strings.

Fold and cut and stick, fold and cut and stick.

"What are you doing, Daidouji-san?"

She gave a smile, a hint of a secret. "It is something special."

His expression was much masked, but she managed to catch hold of the sudden dip in his azure eyes. Probably it had hit him raw since it was a special day for him today.

Chotto matte, Hiiragizawa-kun.

She made sure he was daydreaming once more, before she reached for the newly-bought letter pad clad in dark azure blue ( in order to celebrate the uniqueness of his hair color ) decorated with swallows at the borders. Something to cheer him up hopefully.

She grabbed a pen - pink in color - as a stark contrast to the blue lined sheets, and began to hurriedly write in her neat and precise handwriting all over it.

Mou, don't be upset, you evil incarnate. Another few more hours before this day is over. Eriol thought bitterly. A few more hours, and he would no longer have to celebrate his solitude.

A few more hours seemed like eternity. Oh well, he could probably wait for the school gate to shut, so he would have to execute his antics to jump over it again. A mortal way to go away from school instead of bending the gates using Clow's magic.

He groaned inwardly. I am beginning to think so much like Yamazaki, it is freaking me out.

Eriol thought of his past once more - the blurry ride of it, the nostalgic memories of family warmth as a baby, and then the vaporized of his parents and family members, the creation of his guardians, tormenting Sakura-chan, reading English novels, sipping Earl Grey tea at his manor garden…

He daydreamed someone was waving to him.

No, wait.

He sat up. It was no dream.

"Hiiragizawa-kun?"

Eriol looked up, as if not able to recover from his daydreaming status on time. He met the soft eyes of Daidouji Tomoyo and he wanted to slap himself. There, his ego was ruined for the day. He had actually daydreamed in front of a girl! Right in class!

I'm going to bury my face in this novel after this. As in, literally.

"Hiiragizawa-kun?" Now, Tomoyo was looking immensely worried.

"Hai, hai!" Eriol pushed up his glasses, suddenly snapping to attention. "Nani ka, Daidouji-san?"

There, the trademark grin was back. But it would take much more to save his ego.

"Hiiragizawa-kun, are you sure you are alright?" The gentleness in her voice and the past-caring look in her eyes was his undoing. Speechless, he did not know how to lie to such a simple but honest question.

No, I'm not alright, Daidouji-san. Nobody knows what today is. Nobody remembers. Nobody cares. Because…it isn't significant enough. I am Clow Reed's reincarnation. I am not Eriol. Nobody should know. I don't wish to even mention it. Ruby Moon doesn't know. Nobody.

I'm alone, Daidouji-san.

For a moment, the softness in her eyes made him want to blurt it all out. "It's my birthday!" He wanted to scream, but stopped himself. No, Daidouji-san wouldn't want to know. It isn't significant enough. It isn't--

He stopped in his thoughts, and looked down right where her hands were held out to him. A blue envelope, and…

A chain of paper cranes being bind into a necklace-like shape. Colorful like a rainbow, and innocent like what it was. Cranes.

His eyes slowly adverted to Tomoyo. He could hardly get the words out.

"N-Nani? What is this for, Daidouji-san?" His heart slammed against his ribcage. In hope. In a sudden wish. In faith.

Suddenly, he wanted her to know the truth.

She gave him an easy smile, pried upon his fingers and placed the chain of cranes and the blue letter on his palm.

"A small token on my part, Hiiragizawa-kun." She said with the kindest eyes he had ever seen.

He trembled inwardly as he touched the paper cranes and traced them as if they were made of gem, and then moved to the blue letter.

On the outside, it read For You, Hiiragizawa.

He slowly opened the seal and took out the blue lined paper.

She had not written much actually. In blue ink, there were only 3 words written upon it.

But for Eriol, it was enough.

On the paper, simply written were the words : Happy Birthday, Hiiragizawa-kun!

Eriol felt his lips trembled. There was no more the calm and laidback Cheshire cat replica. There was only Hiiragizawa Eriol, and he felt real and human for once.

She knows. Daidouji-san knows.

Eriol weighed the chain of paper cranes in his hand, only one thought running through his mind.

His first birthday present.

"It is not something much," She said, breaking his thoughts and he looked up to watch her sheepish expression, "But I hope you like it."

"You know…?" Unfortunately, pretense no longer worked here, and his voice turned raspy with the trembles of emotion.

Her eyes smiled down at him. "I was wondering what could have possibly troubled someone like you so, Hiiragizawa-kun. Besides, women's intuition can hardly be wrong."

If he wasn't feeling so overwhelmed, he would probably laugh at her joke, but his eyes were floating with maelstrom of emotions, and he could scarcely breathe.

After 12 years, I am finally not alone…

He looked up to receive an earnest smile from her.

He smiled back. No more Cheshire cat grin. Simple, thankful, and one endless with infinite gratitude.

"Domo arigatou, Daidouji-san." He said with overpowering emotions in his words, feeling the first tear stinging at his eye - no, Eriol did not cry. Nevertheless, he looked up at her, unembarrassed of his shining eyes, "You don't know how much this means to me."

Daidouji Tomoyo smiled, "I would never leave a friend alone on such a special day and see him upset."

Friend.

His hands trembled as he gazed down at the words once more. Simple 3 words that changed the 12 years consecutive record ever.

All he remembered was the sweet, soft voice he heard that day in the music room now ringing like magical silver bells into his ears. For him alone to hear.

"Happy birthday, Hiiragizawa-kun."

Owari

chiri no tenshi