Title: No Rhyme or Royal Reason

Author: Looneyluna

Rating: R

Code: R/S, Humor, Romance

Summary: AU – Earth's government is a matriarchal monarchy. Commander Malcolm Reed is the new head of security for Her Royal Highness Hoshi Sato. Malcolm is a stern keeper and Hoshi rebels.

Author's Notes: Thanks to Kathy Rose and PJ for beta reading and being my creative muses! You guys rock! Thanks to Kathy Rose for the title. Thanks to Chris for helping with the title.

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Chapter One: A Royal Pain in the Arse

Walking past the palace guard, he nodded quickly and shifted his burden in his arms.

"Good evening, sir," the guard said, looking straight ahead.

"I trust your discretion," Jon called sternly over his shoulder, making his way to his burden's personal suites. He really was getting too old for this.

Another door opened and he stepped into her chambers. "Lights fifty percent."

A soft chime signaled compliance and the lights illuminated the room.

She was just going to have to sleep on the couch tonight. He wasn't going to make it to her bedroom, not with the extra weight of her dress tonight. As gently as he could, Jon set Hoshi on the couch and breathed a sigh of amused relief. Her red satin skirt was twisted around her waist, exposing her black-clad thigh…a totally un-royal pose. Straightening her clothes as best he could, he stood to leave.

Hoshi sighed, opening her eyes. "Deserter," she murmured softly. "I can't believe you're leaving me to marry…what's her name, again?"

"Elizabeth," Jon replied, kneeling in front of her and brushing an errant strand of hair away from her eyes. "And it isn't as though I'll be completely gone. I'm staying on in an advisory position."

"And to think, I fancied myself in love with you," Hoshi said with a discernible pout.

Jon chuckled, remembering that phase in her life. "You've always had a thing for older men, Your Highness."

"Your Highness," Hoshi snorted in disgust. "I hate it when you try distancing yourself from me. We really aren't any different from one another, you know? We're both human, and…"

"You have responsibilities ahead of you that would make any man cringe."

Her eyes clouded over and she sobered. "I know my duties."

"I know you do," Jon said.

"I hate them," Hoshi muttered, her eyes closing as though succumbing to sleep. "I'd give up the privileges for a real life."

"You know that isn't possible," Jon warned.

"I envy you, old man. In love with Elizabeth…going to marry her and have her children."

Jon laughed harder this time. "You mean she's going to have my children."

"Whatever," Hoshi replied with a yawn. "At least you won't be followed to the hospital when your wife goes into labor."

Jon stood and pulled the throw blanket over Hoshi. "Get some rest, Hoshi. You have an early appointment."

Frowning, Hoshi closed her eyes and drifted into peaceful oblivion.

--

Malcolm looked at the opulence surrounding him and waited. This assignment was definitely a step in the right direction, the proverbial feather in his cap. His accomplishments spoke for themselves and he knew why he had been chosen to fill Jonathan Archer's shoes. However, he couldn't help the uneasy feeling that gnawed in his gut like a festering sore.

He was totally unprepared. Captain Archer's decision to step down had been sudden and Malcolm's appointment had been instantaneous.

He didn't know squat about the royal family. He knew who they were – Queen Nora Sato and her daughter, Princess Hoshi Sato. The king had passed away several years ago of an untreatable genetic disorder.

That was it. That was about all he knew. He had no interest in the gossip rags or entertainment shows. From what he'd been able to determine, they would say or do anything to sell their product.

"There you are," a voice called out, breaking Malcolm's reverie.

Malcolm snapped to attention and watched as his predecessor walked up to him. "Sir."

"Follow me, Malcolm," Jon said.

Walking through the hall, Malcolm's eyes lingered on the grand portraits that lined the walls. Oil paintings really were a thing of the past, but it seemed the royal family indulged in portrait sittings annually. He focused on a painting of a young child and his gaze ran down the line of the hall. It was like watching her grow up.

Her hair looked like raven silk in all of the paintings, the lighting in them turning her hair almost blue in most of them. Twenty-plus portraits of her hung on the walls, silent testimony to her beauty and life. All of them except one had something in common – her somber expression. In her most recent sitting, the artist caught the faintest of smiles on the royal's lips – a mischievous smile.

She was strikingly beautiful, just like her mother.

He stepped into Jon's office and stood at parade rest.

Jon looked at his replacement and couldn't help the knowing smile that crossed his lips. A momentary glimmer of guilt passed through him for he felt as though he was sacrificing this man to a fate worse than death. Unfortunately, he was the only one qualified to take his place. The Brit was sharp and focused. It's what was needed for dealing with Hoshi.

The recent attempt on Hoshi's life a year ago had been a wake-up call for him – that and his longing for Elizabeth. Malcolm Reed was known in the political arena. He had protected the Prime Minister for several years now.

Although Earth's government was a bilateral party system, the monarchy had remained intact throughout the years, silent testimony to mankind's search for tradition.

"I understand the Prime Minister is upset over losing you," Jon said, sitting down behind his desk and motioning for Malcolm to take a seat opposite him.

"My lieutenant is perfectly capable of taking my place," Malcolm replied, choosing to remain standing.

"I've admired your dedication…and your discretion," Jon announced softly.

Only a select few knew the Prime Minister had a mistress. His knowledge was based solely on speculation. He knew there was a mistress, but her identity was a closely guarded secret.

"Yes, sir. I've –"

Slam! "An all-night orgy!" a shrill voice rang out.

Malcolm turned to see who had interrupted him and his eyes widened in shock as a blur of red satin stormed past.

The Princess was anything but poised. Her hair was in disarray and her dress was askew. And judging by her posture, she was hung over. Malcolm smirked.

Slamming a news PADD on Jon's desk, Hoshi ranted, "Did you realize I was at an all-night orgy last night? Boozing it up and doing drugs. Those hacks! I was just boozing. I don't remember any drugs, and I certainly don't remember any orgy!"

Jon grimaced as he saw the headlines of the popular entertainment rag – "No White Wedding for this Princess."

Hoshi straightened her dress and plopped down in the chair across from Jon, covering her eyes and sighing. "Why didn't you stop me?"

Rolling his eyes, Jon clicked the off button on the PADD. "Protecting you is my job, not ruining your fun, Your Highness."

She winced at his tone as she remembered telling him off last night. "I said that, didn't I?"

Jon merely nodded.

Shrugging her shoulders, Hoshi looked chagrined, yet made no attempt at an apology. "The next time I pull a stupid stunt like that, I give you permission to stun me and remove me from the situation."

Smiling, Jon looked over Hoshi's head. "Tell him that."

Hoshi jumped and turned in the chair so she could who was behind her. Just as she caught a glimpse of dark hair and blue eyes, her slippery satin dress caused her to slide in the chair. With a yelp, Hoshi slid to the floor.

With reflexes quicker than one would think a man his age had, Jon moved around the desk and helped Hoshi to her feet. "Princess, may I introduce Commander Malcolm Reed. He'll be taking my place."

With a firm scowl set upon her face, Hoshi looked at the man who wasn't much taller than she was. His uniform looked as though it were pressed with him wearing it. There were hardly any creases and it looked stiff, just like the man underneath the uniform.

Malcolm gave a slight bow, not really one that was fitting for someone of the princess' station. "Your Highness."

"Commander Reed," Hoshi acknowledged coolly.

Jon watched the exchange with a bemused expression. Oh yes! She liked him. She had her shoulders back and her chin up, what Jon affectionately called her regal pose. She was already testing her new security officer. He held his breath and waited to see if Malcolm would pass.

"After I shower, I'm planning on going riding. Do you ride?" she questioned, already knowing the answer.

Malcolm pulled his PADD out of his pocket and activated it quickly. "Your schedule doesn't allow time for a ride, Your Highness. Need I remind you, you're due in parliament by 0900 hours for opening ceremonies."

Hoshi gathered her skirts and huffed, "We'll see." Without further comment, she walked out of the room.

Jon chuckled under his breath as he watched Malcolm follow Hoshi out of the room. The new security officer had definitely passed that test.

--

TBC