Okay, you all know the drill. I have to take up valuable space and time to say that I do not own any part that is the coolness of the Yu-Gi-Oh universe. That honor goes completely to Kazuki Takahashi. Authoress as she bows subservantly before her shrine of great creators: "We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"
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DREAMLESS IN DOMINO
"ANZU!!!!"
I woke up with a start and nearly threw the covers on the floor as I jumped out of bed ready to take it on.
But...
Where was it?
It was gone?
I blinked a few times and then it came to me.
It had been a dream.
That's all.
A silly dream.
Well, perhaps not silly, but a dream nonetheless.
I'll just crawl back into bed.
...sigh...
And now lay here all night thinking about her… again.
Damn.
It's always that way when I dream about Anzu.
Just can't get to sleep afterwards.
So I'm left with half images of the dream I just had.
That creature in the cave, standing over Anzu, ready to slash her in half...
Some crazy mix of a lion, man, snake and god only knows what else...
Anzu certainly wasn't dressed for being in a cave.
She hardly had anything on at all.
Some kind of bathing suit?
Now why the heck did I have to go there?
Just what I don't need to help me get back to sleep.
Maybe if I don't think about it anymore...
Damn again.
Too late.
Now I know sleep is out for the rest of the night.
There are times when being a guy is so over rated.
I mean all it takes is the barest mental image and there I go getting...
Well... you know.
Hard.
Huh...had to say barest didn't I.
And of course not just any girl will do.
It has to be Anzu.
My best friend.
I dream about any other girl and not a thing happens.
I've done things in my dreams with other girls that I don't even know if can be done and I never react the way I do to just a hint of Anzu.
I've lost count of the number of times I've woken up in the middle of the night after the least little innuendo with Anzu and had to change.
Geez sometimes it actually disgusts me.
I know its supposed to be a normal thing especially when you're a 16 year old guy but only with Anzu?
I guess it could be my own fault.
Who am I kidding!
It is all my own fault.
I just can't help it.
She's just so beautiful.
Inside and out.
I just love her so much.
How long did it take me to admit that just to myself!
Never mind being totally truthful about it to Mou Hitori no Boku.
Of course he knew.
He always knew.
He knew it before I even really was positive myself about it.
And he asks why I don't tell her.
How could I?!
I mean, not including my hair, I'm almost two feet shorter then her, I'm a game geek, a total dork and he wants me to tell her I love her?
I know he's over 5000 years old but I can't imagine it was any easier for the geeks back then to admit to a girl how they felt.
He thinks its silly of me not to say it.
How hard can three words be to say? he asks.
He just doesn't understand.
I've never asked but I doubt he had to worry about girls like that.
Pharaohs had harems full of girls just waiting to be called for right?
Just pick the flavor of the night?
That was their job.
Love wasn't an issue for them.
It was just a duty to please their god.
Hard to imagine him like that.
But he was a pharaoh.
Me?
I'm just a dorky little guy.
What could she ever possibly see in me that would make her want to be more than just friends.
First off she deserves a guy that is a whole heck of a lot better off than I am.
Financially, physically...mentally...
Not that I'm unbalanced, I don't think anyway, but having two souls in one body is definitely not normal.
She's so incredibly kind and giving...
She definitely deserves a guy that can give back to her everything she's ever given to anyone else.
The world should be set before her feet.
She deserves nothing less.
She's going to be a great dancer one day too.
In the eyes of the world all the time...
She'll need a big strong guy to be there if she should need a hand or get a little tired, scared...
A protector type definitely, just in case.
He'd have to be confident and understanding and easy going enough to let Anzu be herself too.
...sigh...
Depressed City.
Population one.
Me.
I know this is so stupid.
To keep thinking of her this way.
I just can't seem to help it though.
Every time I see her its the same thing too.
I get all excited, not that way mind you...well, sometimes...but that's not what I mean right now.
I mean happy excited like, "Wow! There she is again! I can't believe I get to look at her again!" kind of excited.
And then of course its gone the moment she looks at me with those big blue dancing eyes.
My heart starts pounding and I get all sweaty, nervous and red.
I smile like an idiot and can barely squeak out a "hello"...
I've never told any of the others but I get the feeling like they know anyway.
The way they grin at me...
Then I blush even harder.
And when she talks to me!
I get all queasy and my stomach feels like its nothing but knots and I'm about to get sort of sick.
But I don't want it to go away.
Maybe Jonouchi and Honda, but not that feeling.
They always seem to be there too just when its the worst.
Usually after something is said about sex, girls or those personal kind of things.
Sometimes I think they set it up just to see how many shades of red I can turn.
Geez the only one who doesn't seem to act like they know all about it is Anzu.
I'm sure she sees me turn red and all but she probably is just being nice and not making a thing about it.
Actually, she usually jumps in and says something really funny that shuts those guys right up.
Then I get to laugh at them for a change and feel much better.
I relax, everything is cool and the we're just friends again.
Until we end up alone, which we usually do.
I mean we're friends right?
That happens...
We've been doing homework together after school since like forever.
We've been hanging out since practically the dawn of time...
Man!
My best friend!
How did I fall in love with my best friend?
Yes, I said "in love".
I both love and am in love with Anzu.
I always thought the two were a little different.
I mean, there's lots of different kinds of love right?
Love for your friends...
Love for your family...
And even varying degrees of those.
But being in love?
Now that's something.
Telling someone you're in love with them is just like saying they're a god to you.
You'd do anything...ABSOLUTLY ANYTHING... for them.
No holds barred.
All or nothing.
And then not only is there the 'do for them' part but there's the 'do with them' part.
You want to do everything with them and it doesn't matter what it is so long as they want to do it.
There's no lines in the sand when you're in love with someone.
Now friends and family... well that's a different story.
Especially with some of the friends that I have!
You'd do just about anything for them or with them so long as it doesn't go against your better judgment or personal beliefs.
There's a few lines in the sand there.
Not real deep lines mind you, but they're there.
I mean, I would never want to kiss Jonouchi or Honda
But Anzu?
Good gods yes!
And there I go again.
Talk about a monotonous one track mind.
I don't know which is worse.
The monotony or that I can't think of anything else.
Ya know, some guys would say ' just take care of it yourself, you'll be able to go back to sleep.'
Maybe, but it never really feels right when its Anzu related.
I'm not sure if its guilt or what but if its another girl its not a problem.
It just never felt right to me when its Anzu I'm thinking of.
What?
Do you think I didn't try?
Geez, I'm not THAT innocent.
If I'm anything its a guy.
Believe me there.
That's the reason I'm here now at 3... oh, wait, 4 o'clock in the morning, still awake.
Still in love...
Still alone...
...sigh...
'Just tell her' Mou Hitori no Boku says.
Yeah right.
He couldn't possible understand.
Could he?
No.
There's no way he could.
It would mean that he'd have to know fear and Mou Hitori no Boku has never been afraid.
Unlike me.
I am afraid.
Almost deathly so with all the fear I know.
There's the fear of asking her and the rejection I know would come.
There's the fear of losing her trust once she knows what I feel.
There's the fear of losing our friendship as it is now, so happy and contented.
There's the fear of my friends changing towards once they knew and I know it wouldn't be long before they found out.
And then of course I'm afraid of her actually saying something similar like 'I love you too.'
Do you know what that would mean?
It would mean that then I would be afraid of my own reaction to that.
I am such an idiot after all.
I know absolutely nothing when it comes to girls and no, videos DO NOT give a guy all the answers he needs.
If she said yes then I'd be afraid of doing or saying something stupid and losing her.
Even if that didn't happen I'd be afraid of her being in danger because of me.
As a friend I can ask her not to come along, and I have.
But she makes her own choice about it and usually opts to come with me.
If I asked her to be with me then told her that she should stay behind she would never go for it.
She would come anyway.
Her choice, right?
Wrong.
Then she would come because she felt she had to.
But its because I gave her no other option.
If I told her I loved her and she committed to it, than any danger to her after that would be because of me.
She would HAVE to be with me.
I know she would think that way because that's the way she is.
So then, it would be all my fault if something happened to her.
I asked her to be with me.
The guilt would be all mine.
I would have to worry over her even more.
I would have to fear that someone out to get me or Mou Hitori no Boku would find out about Anzu and try to use her to get to us.
That means danger for her and I guess its clear that I really fear that.
Plus there's the fear of losing her to some sadistic madman.
I've had enough of those to last me my lifetime.
But it also means something else.
One more fear.
Its one of the biggest I have.
I fear not being able to make the right choice if it came to down to Anzu's life or the world.
I love her so much.
I cannot even begin to think of life without her.
How could I possible make the choice to let her go?
How?
How would her family feel?
Our friends?
I can almost feel their hate just thinking about it.
Mou Hitori no Boku wouldn't fear it.
Hate that he had to make a choice?
Yes.
But not fear it.
He doesn't fear anything.
He can't.
Besides, I do enough of that for both of us.
No, I definitely can't ever tell Anzu.
It wouldn't be fair to anyone.
Especially her.
So all I'm left with is my dreams of her.
Dreams with no restraints...
No consequences...
No real beginning and no real end...
Dreams with a million possibilities...
And at the very least if I dreamed she was in trouble, all I would have to do is wake up and she would be perfectly fine.
Hmmm.
I guess when you look at like that, dreaming about her isn't all that bad after all, no matter what kind of dream it is.
At least I would get to be with her there.
Where no one can take her from me.
Maybe...
...yawn...
Maybe I can fall asleep again after all...
Now that I have something to look forward too...
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Well, this is my very first published fanfic. I have others written but this was the first I felt good enough about to put up. So what do you think? You probably hated it. Oh well. It was worth a try. Maybe I'll put one of my chapter YGO or CCS fics up if people want to read more. R&Rs gratefully appreciated.