Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

The audition hall was in a din, with aspiring singers and oddballs of all types crowding by the stage, waiting for their shining moment in the sun…Meanwhile, the three judges, Team Hanagumi, were drinking sodas vigorously, as they were trying to beat the sweltering, suffocating summer heat, as well as the annoying "idols."

"Mari wants to know why Kanna signed Mari up for this job…" pouted Mari, sucking the last drop of soda from the cup.

"Mari's bored!!!" she whined with a slight sob.

Kanna shook back her thick, shiny, bright blue hair, scowling at the doll-carrying girl. "Shut up…" she growled menacingly, putting her ciggarette out in the remnants of Mari's soda. "And stop sucking on that damn soda!"

She viciously grabbed the cup from Mari's hands, and threw it at an innocent-looking pinkette hopeful who was nervously attempting to remember her song. The pinkette gave a squeal on impact, and ran into a black-haired young man with the scariest hairstyle known to man.

"Whaddo you-a think you're –a doin'?!" screamed the obviously Mexican teen, pushing Tamao onto the ground, and resuming to slapping vast amounts of bluish gel onto his pointy pompadour.

Tamao, shocked at finding not Ryu but his dub counterpart Rio who sounded like a Mexican on crack, ran away, and, unfortunately, bumped into the usher…

The usher glared at her, his luxurious chocolate brown hair blowing lightly in the wind as he lit a match in front of her innocent face, teasing her evilly.

"Behold, the match-o'-fire, my fair maiden! Now, bump into me again and nearly tear off one of the floofy stars on my uber-hip pants, and this match will land…" he said, twirling a lock of her short pink her around his little finger, "in your pretty pink hair…"

Tamao ran away from Hao as well, screaming all the while, until she ran into a sign that said, "No Screaming," and politely stopped.

The Hanagumi laughed and then announced on the omnipotent intercom, "Will the next group of contestants please enter the audition room…" for a second they paused. Then Mari whispered, "Let Mari play a prank with Macchi!!"

Kanna nodded mischeviously, and Maachi shouted, "And the rest of you, go home! We only want these guys to come in!! Okay?! So get your stuff, and get out our spiffy sliding-glass doors!!…"

Mari added, "Yes, and when you are out of our building, go buy one of Mari-Chan's snowcones, and help raise money for the Chuck Society!!"

A hushed silence fell over the towering skyscraper, and then, loud moans and crying rang throughout the city, as the "idols" with their broken dreams were ushered outside of the building by a maniacally giggling Hao.

Predictably, the moans and laments quickly turned to horrified screams and pleads for lives as Hao, in a very dashing fashion, proceeded to tie the unsuspecting masses to large bottle rockets, and launch them into oblivion, a belated 4th of July, in a way.

"Please, Hao-Sama! Don't burn us!! It's just like 9/11 all over again!" pleaded one victim.

"Yes, and look at the beautiful sunset!" cried another.

Hao merely gave them a Yoh-esque cheesy smile and set them all off, watching the people blow up into itty bitty pieces and shower the city like confetti.

"Ah! A wonderful show, truly great!!" said Hao with tears of joy streaming down his face and a crowd of fangirls mobbing behind him. "Uh-oh…This looks bad…" murmured Hao morosely, slipping into the building unnoticed.

Softly, as he swung his flamethrower merrily at his side, he said cheerfully, "It really was a pretty sunset, just like the man said, wonder where he is now…Hm, he did really make lovely confetti, what, with all of his colorful tattoos and such…Yes, a beautiful sunset."

Hao stretched his arms out and got ready to watch the so-called "elite" set of auditioners that were set to perform in a few minutes. What a holy scramble that should be.

"Hm, it appears I have some charred black skin on my pants, well, better get that off." he said, jauntily smoothing out his right floofy pant leg.

"I'll make your ASS into a sunset!!!!!!!" bellowed a furious someone in ire, suddenly grabbing the nape of Hao's neck and hitting him over the head with a broken bottle, rending Hao unconscious.

This someone, as it turns out, was a very inebriated, very messed up, Lyserg Diethel, who was red in the face and apparently had left his pendulum at home, instead opting for a broken bottle. He was also a contestant in the contest, being partners with his boyfriend Marco.

Marco embraced his drunk greenette, and they trudged into the main hall, the room where the stage resided, and sat down quietly, due to the new threat that loomed above them.

The judges, Mari, Macchi, and Kanna, as it seemed, had made use of their guardian ghosts, and were using them, Ashcroft especially, to control the rowdy "idols."

It seemed that all of the contestants were present, and among them were a good number the Hanagumi knew, you could have called it bias, but they prefer to call it, "friendship."

So, with all of the preparations complete, the show was ready to go on air live, as they called out the show's host…

"And now, to open our THRILLING competition, we call out our great host…Faust VIII!" shouted Macchi through the microphone, screaming as loudly as she could.

Both the audience and the contestants seemed to fall into an embarrassed silence as the host did not come through the curtains as expected. Though they did hear thumping sounds stemming from above the stage….

Kanna looked furious, but decided to listen to the rather interesting thumping noises that were bouncing off the walls.

She pondered for a moment, and then looked up in rage to the balcony…Dear god! What the HELL was he doing?!

The bluenette ran furiously up the sparkling, spindly stairs, and not much to her surprise at all, she found Faust nestled closely with Eliza, or, one should say, in her…In a very unusual position….Faust's mien truly looked at Kanna in embarrassed horror, and much to his expectations, he felt her hand connect with his cheek in a very Anna-esque manner.

"Ow..ow…ow…Ittai desu!!" he cried, removing himself from his wife's skeleton and placing her inside his tuxedo coat.

Kanna gazed at him in disgust, "Whaddo you think you're trying to do?! Idiot, you don't go at it with a skeleton on live TV! There are CAMERAS up here, I hope you know…I think the PARENTS with their KIDS watching this should be HAPPY for YOU." she growled, nearly frothing at the mouth, and her cigarette falling to the floor in tiny embers.

Faust gave her a dark glare. "She's not a skeleton, she's my wife." he pouting, nearly throwing away his dignity to do a puppy-dog face.

She took his hand and literally dragged the poor necrophilliac necromancer down the stairs, becoming more and more satisfied with every wholesome crunch of his skull as she listened to him whine.

"It just isn't fair, Kanna-san! I mean, look at Yoh, he is so much younger than me, and I suppose he gives Anna pleasure every night! And she returns! And what do I, the hardworking psycho-doctor, get from Eliza?! Nicht! Zip! Zilch! Zero! Nada! Tell me the justice in that, ne!? What is it worth doing this show?! You said you would pay me in popsickles, and you lied! All you gave me was a check that is almost as tall as myself, and what good does that do me!? I don't want cash, I want the cold stuff! Gimme the popsickles!" he whined continously all the way down.

"Fine." grumbled Kanna, stealing a popsickle from the vending machine, and stuffing it literally into Faust's open mouth. He merely returned the payment with what seemed to be an exlclaimation of cheerfulness in his native German language.

As Faust left for the stage, Kanna recoiled in horror. Her hand was stuck in the vending machine! She screamed as loud as she could, but nobody seemed to hear her as she shook the machine vigourously and pounded on the trap door with her other free hand…

Unfortunately, however, Kanna shook the machine so hard, that it came off of the floor, gave an ominous shake, and toppled onto the leader of the Hanagumi with a sickening crunch.

The NEW ushers, the lovely Lilly5, escorted both Kanna and the vending machine, as they were both in horrible condition, to the infirmary for further inspection and healing.

Some people in the audience gave him strange looks, as he walked elegantly onto the stage, top hat and all, with Eliza dressed in a flowing ballroom gown and holding the microphone for him…The two truly looked ornate, truly regal, and all the best for hosting a show such as this, save that his popsickle was dripping onto the floor, as he'd forgotten about it, and that Eliza was only a skeleton, but still, it was a fairly fancy image.

"Hello everyone! I am Johann Faust VIIII, and this is my lovely assistant Eliza, and we are about to show you magic beyond what the mind can comprehend! Forget the cards, and the doves, this is real stuff! Okay Eliza, would you so kindly step into this box?" he announced in a voice than reminded the audience of a magician.

Macchi threw a pail of candy at Faust, and knocked him out cold, leaving the ushers, the ultra-cute Lily5, to drag the unsuccessful magician and his assistant off of the stage and into the infirmary along with Hao, Kanna, and the vending machine.

Upon his departure, some people swore they heard Faust murmuring something about satisfying himself with bones, but they weren't sure…

The now reduced Hanagumi needed a new host, and fast, and much to their relief, a rather obese-looking Horohoro lingering by the fried cheese stand that was conveniently located directly ON the stage. They pushed the unsuspecting Ainu boy into the spotlight, and forced him to say something.

"Hi. I'm Horohoro." he said lamely.

The audience began to throw soda cans and various trash items at our favorite Ainu-no-Baka, and, the Hanagumi, not wanting the infirmary to be filled so quickly as it had, made use of Kanna's Ashcroft, and incapacitate a few audience members, and because the infirmary was reserved for "idols" and judges only, the injured audience members were thrown in a

garbage truck along with a three-week-old bloated cow, and…Yoh's son Hana.

Out of the corner of his eye, Yoh saw the truck leave with Hana throwing a holy racket in the back, punching the dead cow, and the audience members, and just being plain rabid.

Yoh sprang for the gigantic truck, just as it had started to leave from the parking lot, and the obese man driving with a jar of pudding in his hand blared the radio so loud that the mighty sound waves emitting from it swept the unfortunate shaman into the air…and then…

A/N: Evil of me to leave it on a cliffhanger, is it not? This is just something for fun, so I might not update it often, but when I do,

it shall be a lot of work, de gozaru! Please review, cordially, and I shall write more!

PS: We all hate cows.

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII