Disclaimer: Yah… still don't own any of Jhonen Vasquez's characters… If Nny were real, I would have stolen his boots… "My precious…boots." K K, on to the story.
Part 3: Demon Sink
8:19 p.m.
"Whew… I'm whipped from opening the door and letting all that blood out onto the streets. Some kids will be so happy to see all that blood running down the streets… Especially Squeegee! Now the floor is all clean with dried blood all over the place. Whew!" I flopped onto the couch and Mr. Eff glared at me.
"What are you talking about, Nny? You didn't do ANYTHING! I had to open the damn door because damn blood was congealing into jelly! AND I'M A DAMN PIECE OF STYROFOAM! Lazy son of a bitch!" Mr. Eff walked away, sulkily, muttering, "Lazy bastard. This commitment isn't going to work. Maybe we should all go to some kind of psycho counseling…"
I stared blankly at the TV screen, which was off. "Where's the remote?" I muttered.
No one answered.
"WHERE'S THE GODDAMN REMOTE?!" I screeched at anyone.
Still, no one answered.
"WHERE THE HELL IS THE GODDAMN FRICKIN' REMOTE?!?" I shrieked as I got up and ripped the cushions off the couch. It wasn't there and I started sobbing and clawing at the couch until stuffing started flying everywhere. "God… I just wanted the stupid remote… YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME HAVE THAT!!!! DAMMIT WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?!" I began shrieking again.
"FOOK! YOU IMBECILE! YOU LEFT IT ON THE STUPID TV!!!" Mr. Eff screeched from the lower levels. " NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
I looked at the TV and there it was. "Oh." I grabbed it and flipped on the television.
"I love you,
You love me,
We're a fuckin' fam-"
"Dear god! Barney's still alive?! I wonder if you can kill Barney… I HATE YOU! I DON'T LOVE YOU! I HATE YO-"
My ignored stomach growled loudly. "GREAT! NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I shrieked at my middle. "I FED YOU A CHIP THIS MORNING! YOU'RE HUNGRY ALREADY?!" I poked at my stomach, which growled defiantly.
I sighed, "FINE! Jeez… Some people… Hmm… I wonder what purple dinosaurs taste like."
My stomach growled again.
I walked over to the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator and cupboards for anything edible. I succeeded in finding one can of Skettios and proceeded to open it.
As the Skettios heated on the stove, the sink disposal suddenly turned on.
"What the hell?" I walked over to the sink and turned it off.
Once again, it turned back on, all on its own.
I slammed the switch off.
The disposal roared back on with a vengeance.
I slammed it off more forcefully, my blood beginning to boil.
The sink rumbled and shook the floor as it shrieked back to life.
"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" I whipped out a sledgehammer and slammed it into the switch with all the force I had.
CRACK!
The plastic cracked, but the roar increased and plaster began to fall from the ceiling and walls.
"YOU BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!" I shrieked through the roar.
I grabbed a golf club that happened to be lying around and shoved it into the throat of the monster. It began to choke and sputter. It resisted and fought, all the while shrieking like banshees. Smoke spewed from its mouth and it finally stopped. I held the golf club there until I was sure the demon/sink was dead. I let it go, satisfied that it was.
"I knew you would see things my way… eventually…" I turned to walk away, when the sink growled and spat out a totaled golf club. The club struck my head and I swayed, blacking out for a couple of seconds.
As the world came back into focus… and stopped spinning, I spat at the sink, "FOOK! YOU FUCKING SINK FROM H-"
Something was burning.
"OH SHIT! THE SKETTIOS!" I quickly removed the Skettios off the stove. "DAMN!" They were completely burned. I dumped the mess into the sink, banging the pot viciously against the sink "to get all the burned gunk out". The sink whined as the burned gunk slid down its mouth.
I sighed, "I can't take this, I'm going to get a Cherry Doom Brainfreezy…"
My stomach began to growl again.
"Damn… I thought you would forget…"
I grabbed my coat and screeched through the floor to inform the doughboys and whatever else was down there, "HEY YOU FUCKERS! I'M GOING TO THE GAS STATION TO GET EDIBLE STUFF FOR MY STUPID STOMACH!"
"OH! REMEMBER TO GET SOME BLOOD FOR THE WALL!" D-Boy shrieked back.
"YEAH! AND SOME TEQUILA!" Mr. Eff hollered.
"FUCK THE WALL, FUCK YOU D-BOY. WHAT ARE YOU? LIKE, MARRIED TO THE WALL?" I screeched.
AN: This is where weird/ awkward shit happens... If you don't wanna read, skip to the border line after this one below... but of course you'll read it...
"Umm… Actually yeah…" D-Boy muttered, arising from the shadows. Mr. Eff followed, grinning.
"WHAT?!" I stared at him. "When did THAT happen?"
"Uh… Heh heh. Yeah… You remember that party we had here 2 months ago with all the chicks and Vodka and Jagermeister?" D-Boy kicked at the floor
"Uhh… Let me think about that… UH NO!"
"Well… You did do like 23 shots of Vodka and Jagermeister… Which is inhuman by the way… I thought you would have died from it… Boy, was I ever sad to see you wake up 3 days after with just a headache… So sad… But I've gotta hand something to you, you are one psycho that can hold his liquor."
"Oh yeah… I remember that headache… You told me the wall sucked my brains out. LIAR!"
"Well ANYWAY… During the party, this drunken hobo preacher came by and I was really drunk… And humping the wall and stuff, so the guy just hitched us together… So… Yeah…"
"Jeez… No more alcohol for you! HAHAHA! D-Boy and Wall, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-"
"HEY! SHUT UP! WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES THAT WERE HITCHED, Mr. I- Don't- Drink- But- I- Did- 23- Shots- And- Got- Married- To- Mr. Eff- And- Sent- The- Wedding- Pictures- To- My- Psycho- Ex- Girlfriend!"
Mr. Eff gasped, "YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T TELL HIM!"
"WHAT?!" I screeched, "I'M MARRIED TO MR. EFF?!"
Mr. Eff screeched and slapped D-Boy in the face, "YOU BIG MEANIE! I WAS GOING TO GET A DIVORCE BEFORE NNY FOUND OUT! BUT NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO A PIECE OF STYROFOAM! I WAS DRUNK! IT WAS A MISTAKE!"
"Sure it was… I see you staring at Nny all the time…" D-Boy grinned.
"I HAD TO, SO I WOULDN'T LOOK AT YOUR UGLY-ASS FACE! SO SHUT YOUR ASS!"
"OKAY! ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" I shrieked.
The doughboys fell silent and looked at me.
"YOU!" I pointed at Mr. Eff, "YOU HANDLE OUR DIVORCE!!!" I looked at D-Boy, "And YOU! YOU ARE SICK! HUMPING A DEFENSELESS WALL LIKE THAT! YOU TWO DIVORCE TOO!"
AN: I don't do romance... this is not meant to be slash in any way...
The doughboys glared at each other and growled in unison, "FINE!"
"Good." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "So then it's settled. I'm going to the gas station now."
I walked out the front door and down the street towards the gas station.
I heard laughter and paused. It was echoing from the house. I looked back at it and the windows seemed to leer at me like a face. The laughter was whispery, like the wind, but I was sure it wasn't the wind. I also knew it wasn't the doughboys… Their laughter is laced with thorns, clearly distinguishable. As soon as it came, it was gone. The house was quiet once more.
Chloe came to mind again, but I quickly discarded the idea, "She's dead. It was only my imagination… Yeah…" and I continued my journey for the sacred Cherry Doom Brainfreezy.
MEANWHILE…
(Devi D.'s View)
"DEVVVVVVVVVI!!!" Tenna screeched, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!! YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!! YOU'VE GOT MAIIIIIILLLLLL!!!" She ran into my living room, flapping an envelope like a maniac.
"Great." I simply stated as I painted. Probably another psycho admirer. "Just put it on the table over there or something… Burning it would be nice too…"
"BUT DEVI!!!" Tenna whacked the envelope against the side of my head, repeatedly, "YOU BARELY GET MAIL FROM ANYONE! THIS COULD BE SPECIAL!!!"
I sighed and gave up. Tenna could become increasingly annoying if you ignore her. She'll only stop if you finally decide to pull your brainmeats out from your ear and die screaming horribly… But then again, she might just talk over your agonized screams. She also probably wouldn't notice that you were dead until a week later, when the smell hits her…
"FINE, TENNA… Who's it from?"
"It doesn't say! OPEN IT!" She threw the envelope at my face. "MAYBE IT'S ANTHRAX! YAY!"
"YAY!" I agreed, sarcastically. I opened the envelope. I spotted a piece of paper and pulled out a letter. Pictures fell to the floor. I opened up the letter and read the blotchy words:
"Hey hey, yo! Me and Mr. Eff got hitched this weekend. I was gonna like, invite you to the wedding and stuff… But I accidentally killed the mailman… and stuff… Did you know kids write letters to god? Well, since you couldn't be here and stuff, I sent you some pictures. I also tried to send you some vodka, but as you can see, the stuff kinda leaked out of the letter and envelope… so… If ya want any, just come on over and stuff."
It wasn't signed.
"So who's it from?" Tenna chirped.
"I don't know… It doesn't say… It's fucked up though…" I told her and picked up the pictures.
"OOOH PICS!" Tenna grabbed them from my hand and shifted through them. "OOOH! HE'S ONE HOT TAMALE!"
"WHO?!" I grabbed the pictures back and looked through them. My eyes widened.
Blue spiky hair, the brown eyes, the black and white attire…
"OH SHIT! IT'S NNY!" I screeched.
"REALLY?! WOW! HE'S FRICKIN' HOT!"
I scanned the pictures, my heart pacing wildly. My fear was increasing.
Nny, smiling drunkenly, was in a striped shirt with the words "JUST MARRIED", hugging this hideous Styrofoam doughboy in a white dress…
Suddenly, all my fear and hatred for the bastard, shattered. I started laughing my ass off.
"Uhh… Devi? Are you okay?" Tenna asked, fearfully. "You're laughing… You. Are. Laughing… SPOOKY I'M SCARED!" She whipped out the little squeak toy and hugged it.
I couldn't answer her. I had no breath to answer. I just kept on laughing.
Tenna began backing away towards the door.
I managed to gasp, "He- HE MARRIED- AHAHAHAHAAAHAA! A STY- STYROFOAM DOUGHBOY! AHAH HAHAHA HAAAHAA!"
Oh, I am totally gonna blow this up and hang it on my wall…
To be continued…
AN: I think I went too far… I deeply apologize if anyone got more vacuous reading this...