Strange Bedfellows
A/N: Yes, Shep in dress blues. Yum. Ehem, anyway. This is it, the last one! Tear. Enjoy!
Chapter 25: Over Dinner
The rest of the evening was spent congratulating Captain Ford. The Marines swapped embarrassing stories of the captain, with John throwing a few in here and there, of how Aiden had messed up on one mission or another. Laughs were shared all around, and even the Klaans seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Before anyone knew it, it was 23:00 hours. The Klaans had returned to their home planet, but they Atlanteans continued to celebrate not only the new partnership, but the collapse of an malevolent one as well. They celebrated the safe return of their two colleagues, they celebrated the promotion of another, and they celebrated for the sake of celebrating. This was life, and it felt good.
The only ones who didn't attend the remainder of the party were Bates and Kavanagh. They had gotten the distinct feeling they were not wanted, and for once they had been right about something.
Around midnight, the festivities began to die down. Someone had rigged to intercom up to a CD player, which was currently playing Otis Redding's "Dock of the Bay" softly over the speakers. Several civilians danced with each other on the Gate room floor, and some of the braver - or drunker - Marines joined in as well.
Elizabeth had a thought. She looked around the nearly empty room for John, but couldn't find him anywhere. "Have you seen Major Sheppard anywhere?" she asked of Teyla and Rodney, who was currently munching on some sort of meat the Klaans had brought.
"I have not, Dr. Weir," the Athosian replied.
"Maybe you should try the balcony on the northern pier," Rodney added quickly, too quickly, between mouthfuls of food.
Teyla lightly elbowed him in the ribs and forced a smile.
"Ow! Hey, what was that-" McKay stopped himself when he remembered he wasn't supposed to know that tiny bit of information. "But that's just my guess," he told Elizabeth, who eyed him suspiciously.
"Okay…" she responded warily. Something was fishy, but before she could ask anything else, Teyla had pulled Rodney away. And of course Ford was nowhere to be found. She began to think they were all conspiring against her.
Leaving the Gate room behind, Elizabeth slowly made her way to the northern pier. She remembered John had told her this was where he came to think, and now she knew why. This section of the city remained largely unexplored and uninhabited, the only sound was the soft crash of the waves against the mammoth structure. Here someone could be alone with their thoughts, free from the burdens of daily life.
Arriving in front of the door that led out onto the balcony, Elizabeth opened it cautiously. Leaning heavily on the far railing and facing the ocean was John. He was thinking hard about something, she could tell. He looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and given that the Wraith were bound to come to Atlantis sooner or later, she supposed he technically he did.
She stood there in the doorway and watched him silently for several moments, wishing she could read his thoughts as easily as he read hers. Then she politely cleared her throat.
John spun around, surprised. "E-Elizabeth," he stammered.
"What, don't tell me I caught you off guard? You, Mr. Air Force pilot?" she taunted, stepping outside to join him.
"Yeah, actually," he was forced to admit. His jacket was unbuttoned and tie loosened now that all the pomp and circumstance had ended. He had wanted to bring Elizabeth here, eventually, but not now. He wasn't ready just yet; he hadn't yet found his nerve. I bet McKay told her. When I see him next, I swear-
"So… what brings you out here?" she asked.
His eyes darted nervously to the far end of the balcony then back to her. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, not quite sure what to say.
Elizabeth followed his eyes and her own eyes sparkled with delight at the sight. There in the corner was a small, quaint table with a chair at each end. On top, a single candle bathed the surrounding area in a soft, warm glow. She could see that the table had been set already; at each end were two plates, enclosed by silver, domed covers. Above the table, the nighttime sky was a blanket of stars coming down from the heavens and reaching the water below. From their position they could see the entire magnificent city and beyond. It was incredible.
"John," she breathed, still taking in the view, "I don't know what to say…. It's beautiful."
"Yeah," he whispered, staring at her. He agreed with her assessment, just not about the view. John thought it applied more so to the woman standing in front of him.
She turned back to him. "What's this all for?"
Shrugging, he reverted back to that cocky flyboy persona. "Well, since the Klaans' food tasted like rubber, I thought we'd go for something a little more… digestible. And I don't know about you, but I'm starved."
She laughed. He was right; the food at the feast had been awful this time, and she was starving. Elizabeth hadn't even been able to identify half of the items and had tried even less than that. It didn't spell well for their newly-formed trade agreement. She supposed the Atlanteans would have to learn to like the culture's food real fast. Beggars couldn't be choosers after all.
"Plus," he continued in a more sincere yet innocent tone, "I still owe you a dinner, if I remember correctly."
He was right once more. Back in the outpost, he had promised to buy her dinner if she just ate the repugnant broth they had given her. Of course, she had thought he had been joking and realized that this didn't exactly qualify as 'buying' dinner, but she jumped at the chance to take him up on the offer.
Elizabeth allowed him to lead her over to the table and pull out her chair for her. She noticed he still limped slightly and wondered why he had tried to cover it up earlier. Once they had taken their seats, he pulled off the covers of two of the plates.
She burst out laughing. "Turkey sandwiches?" That was John Sheppard for you: ever the clown. So much for a romantic dinner, she thought. Still, she was looking forward to the rest of the evening.
"Hey, don't go knocking my favorite food. Besides, it's the best we've got right now and the last of it." With the food shortage problem becoming worse by the day, the base had been restricted to meager rations. But with rank came privileges. John had swiped the last two turkey sandwiches and hoarded them in his quarters. Luckily, with the first food shipment from the Klaans arriving tomorrow morning, the expedition would no longer have to worry.
They both ate the sandwiches hungrily while they made fun of the Klaans' new leader Turin. It was the best food they had had in weeks. There were thankful for that - and thankful for the fact that Turin wasn't there to overhear their conversation.
"And now, for dessert," John announced. "Drum roll, please."
Elizabeth complied, feeling silly as she beat on the table. But she didn't care. This was the most fun she had had in a long while and she couldn't stop smiling. Stop it, you're blushing like a schoolgirl! As Major Sheppard removed the two covers on the dessert plates, she cried, "You didn't!"
"What?" he asked harmlessly. John had remembered her strong abhorrence for Powerbars and knew he had gotten her.
She playfully threw her napkin at him and stood. "I've got a better idea. Wait here."
Thinking of what could possibly be better than the last reaction he had just gotten from her, John watched her go. She returned several minutes later with a half full tub of vanilla ice cream in hand.
"Last of it," she proclaimed proudly. It seemed she had been somewhat of a hoarder herself.
As they finished off the last vanilla ice cream in the entire galaxy, Elizabeth recalled the times they had together before, just like this one, eating ice cream in the mess hall. She wondered if they could ever go back to that. Tonight was looking more and more like old times, and maybe more, but was it a step in the right direction or the wrong one?
The pair finished their meal and moved their chairs so they could face the ocean.
"I'm just happy we'll be able to gorge ourselves tomorrow when the food comes in," John remarked.
"Me, too." Then she added, "Sparky."
Sheppard turned his head, horror written on his face. "What? Tell me you just didn't call me that." He hoped to God he had heard her wrong.
She nodded, curious to see what his call sign meant.
"How'd you find out?" he asked.
"It was written on the back of a photo I found in your room, the one with you and Doogie. I also found some of the plans you have been working on for Atlantis. You want to tell me why you never showed them to anyone?"
"Snooping, are we?" Then, suddenly, he looked embarrassed. "I don't know. I thought I'd just drop them by McKay's lab one day, let him take the credit for them." He gave her a look. "You know he would." And he'd let him, too. He had no problem with that.
"You should have brought them up. And you never told me why you were called 'Sparky,'" she prompted.
"You're right, I never did."
"John! Come on, please?"
"No way. Nope."
"Major John Sheppard, I am ordering you to tell me how you got the call sign 'Sparky.'" She stopped, pleased with herself.
John looked at her in amused disbelief. She stared right back, attempting to keep a straight face but failing miserably. Then came her grin he always got when she was trying to be pissed at him. He loved that. Did she just pull rank on me? He was about to remind her that he hardly ever followed her orders, but decided to comply. Just this once.
"Fine. But not a word to anyone else, got it? Before I know it, Kavanagh and/or Bates will get wind of it and try to have me grounded."
She nodded, eager for him to continue.
John took a deep breath and gave her his best I-hate-you-for-making-me-do-this look. "It was my first assignment out of flight school. I had just gotten my wings, and like all the other rookies, I drew the most mundane of missions. But unlike my squad mates, who had to shuttle supplies back and forth between the Academy and surrounding bases, I had the privilege-" he pronounced the word with sarcasm "- of escorting the Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force from Denver to the Academy so he could deliver a speech."
Elizabeth winced. She knew this was going to be bad. The Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force was the highest ranked of all enlisted men, sort of a spokesperson for all enlisted personnel. This was going to be bad indeed.
"Anyway," he went on, chuckling slightly. Sure, he could laugh about it now. "I picked up the Sarge at the airport in my Blackhawk, we lifted off, and headed for Colorado Springs. Everything was going fine - right up until I had to land it. A nasty crosswind came out of nowhere just as I was setting it down and picked up the foreword part of my bird. The only problem was, the tail didn't follow. So there I was, panicking in the front of a Blackhawk with the goddamn Chief Master Sergeant nearly having a heart attack in the back while my chopper taxied down the taxiway, nose in the air, ass dragging. The rear rotor scraped on the tarmac the entire way back to the hangar, causing sparks to fly everywhere. One of my squad mates apparently thought it was pretty funny, so he gave me the name 'Sparky.' I wasn't able to live it down the entire time I was there; the boys made sure of that."
"What happened to you? With the Chief Master Sergeant, I mean?"
He shrugged. "Nothing. After he took a few puffs from his asthma puffer-" John grinned at that "- he was fine. He let me off the hook; told me he'd had worse things happen to him."
There was silence from Elizabeth as she tried her best not to laugh. John eyed her suspiciously and sighed. "Go ahead, laugh it up," he conceded.
She didn't hesitate to do so. It was hard not to picture the Sarge hanging on for dear life as John careened wildly down the taxiway. "I'm sorry," she said after recovering her some of her breath.
"Uh huh, I'm sure." It was good to see her laughing again, even if it was at his expense. He didn't mind in the least.
After she had calmed down, she let a few moments of silence pass before saying seriously, "It was good what you did in there, for Ford."
"He deserves it," he said simply.
Another round of silence passed between them, but they were both comfortable just sitting next to each other, knowing the other was there, and looking out into the ocean. It was calming. The rhythm of the waves hitting the pier was so tranquil and comforting, knowing with certainty that in a few seconds another wave would hit. It was the one reliable thing in this galaxy.
"One thousand," Elizabeth said out of the blue.
He cast her a quizzical look and waited for an explanation.
"There are one thousand circles on the ceiling of my room," she continued. "And when you were… away, I tried counting them, as I usually do, to calm myself. I couldn't get past 312." She looked at him, gauging his reaction. Elizabeth didn't even know why she had brought it up; suddenly she felt uncomfortable. "You probably think I'm crazy. It's ridiculous, I know."
He remained quiet, appraising her, before shifting his gaze back to the water. He smirked, slightly embarrassed. "There are 113 'branches' on the door to the cell in the Wraith outpost," he conceded quietly.
Suddenly, she didn't feel so childish after all. After giving him a "thanks for understanding" look, they both turned their attention to the picturesque ocean view once more.
Without warning, John spoke. He spoke so quietly Elizabeth wasn't even sure he had said anything. His eyes remained fixed on the sea as the words flowed from his mouth. "I worry about you, too."
Elizabeth studied him. He continued to stare at the water, lost in thought. "I'm sorry?" she questioned.
John looked quickly up at her, almost as if he was surprised she had heard him. Debating with himself, he wondered whether or not he should repeat what he had said to her. "I said I worry about you, too."
It took a few moments for her to register what he had said. And then she remembered: back in the infirmary when he had been in a coma, she had told him she worried about him every single time he stepped through the Gate.
"You heard that?" she asked in disbelief.
He nodded and looked away.
Elizabeth began to feel the heat rise to her cheeks. If he had heard that part, what else had he heard? She had practically poured her heart out to him that day. Would he remember any of it? Opening her mouth so say something - she didn't know what, but something - Elizabeth was cut off.
"Every time I step through the Gate, I get worried. It's because I know that if something were to happen to you, I'd be stuck on some other planet and wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. I wouldn't be able to protect you…." His voice trailed off.
She was speechless. Never before had he been so open with his feelings. But he seemed so sad, so forlorn at wanting something he knew he could never have.
John couldn't even look at her as he spoke. "I knew that if anything ever happened to you, I'd never be able to live with myself. That's why I did it, why I lied to Hergon and the Klaans. I knew it was the only way to keep you safe. It's because I care about you so goddamn much. And then I kept having these horrible nightmares about them doing awful things to you, about you being fed upon…." John felt it harder to speak with each passing word. "And I couldn't save you. Each time, no matter what I did, I couldn't save you, and at that moment I knew I had to get you out of there.
"After you went home, I kept telling myself that I didn't have any regrets, that it had all worked out for the best and that was that. But then I realized, I did have one regret: I would never see you again. That I would never see you smile, see you laugh, see you cry. I didn't know how much I would miss that until you were gone."
Why did I just say that? Once again, he found himself wondering why it was so easy to open up to this woman. John knew nothing would ever come of it, could never come of it, but he had to tell her anyway. After everything they had been through together, he had to tell her. When he had been here on the balcony alone, just thinking, he had realized what he had almost missed out on, almost lost. Until now, he had flippantly dismissed the events as one of his many brushes with death. How wrong, ignorant, and thoughtless he had been.
He suddenly turned toward her. "Why did you come back for me?" he asked in an almost accusatory tone.
Elizabeth fumbled for the right words. "John… you know we all-"
"What would have happened if something had went wrong? If something had happened to you?"
She stared at him in amazement. All this while she had never thought of it that way. Like everyone else, she had heard him specifically tell her and his team not to return for him when she had been released, but of course they couldn't abide by those orders. What, had he wanted to die?
Her eyes hardened and she took on a defensive tone. "Why did I come back for you? Because I couldn't let you die for me, that's why."
Her words shocked him and her as well. They hit like a sledgehammer. But as soon as she had said them, she knew the truth: he had been prepared to die for her, and that was something she could never allow.
"Do you think you're the only one with feelings?" she continued heatedly. "Everyday you were gone I was a disaster. A complete and utter disaster. And not because I had just come back from a near death experience; that was the easy part to deal with. But because you didn't. You weren't there to talk to. You weren't there to make sure I was doing everything correctly. You weren't there to put Bates in his goddamn place all the time, to crack jokes when we all needed it, or to make sure this entire base didn't die from working too hard."
John cast his eyes guiltily to the floor. McKay had told him how Elizabeth had faired while he was still trapped at the outpost and now he felt all the more guilty for making her talk about it. God, I'm such a bastard. He was about to apologize when she interrupted.
"Do you know how sick it made me to see you battered and bruised, being fed upon? I tell you, I had never wanted to kill someone in my life until that point, until I fired twenty rounds right into that bastard Wraith's head."
Her words were as cold as ice, so much so that he believed her.
"You were dying, John. In the infirmary, none of us knew if you were going to make it." Elizabeth began to choke on her words. "Carson… Carson said even he didn't know. It scared me to death, John. What if we never saw you again? What if I never saw you again?"
She began to tear up and looked away from him. She couldn't face him right now.
Rubbing a hand over his forehead, John felt a stab of shame. He hadn't meant for it to go so far when he signed on for this expedition. All he had wanted was a chance to escape his old life and start over. He had never asked for such a close group of friends, of family, or such a good boss. He wasn't worthy. He had never expected to grow so close to her, so protective of her, or to feel… whatever it was he was feeling for her.
Noticing her shiver slightly, he took off his dress blue jacket and carefully wrapped it around her shoulders. Instantly, she warmed, but whether from his jacket or his touch she couldn't tell. She couldn't help but smile at the familiar gesture.
Turning her head gently to face him, John reached out to touch her cheek and tenderly wiped away a single tear with his thumb as he had done so many times before.
"Liz…" he began.
She closed her eyes at the sound of her nickname. He shouldn't say that; it was too informal, too close to her heart, and every time he said it, it sent shivers down her spine. They shouldn't even be out here together. It was a mistake.
"Liz, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound that way. It took a lot of guts to go back in there - believe me, I know. I was just so worried that something could have happened to you. And you're right; I wasn't there before and I'm sorry for that. But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He respected her all the more for facing her fears, especially when those fears took the form of seven foot tall Wraith and a human leader in need of some serious psychiatric help. What she did back at the outpost for him, saving his life, proved to John she could take care of herself. But that didn't mean he'd ever stop watching out for her. That was something he'd never be able to do, no matter their relationship.
Elizabeth looked into his face and saw nothing but earnest eyes staring back at her. She nodded and gave him a small smile. It hurt though, each knowing where the other was coming from, each knowing the other more than ever, and not being able to act on those feelings.
"And thanks, by the way, for getting me the hell out of there," he added as sort of a footnote, and it seemed to lighten to mood greatly.
They talked for hours upon hours about anything and everything: religion, sports, politics, their pasts…. Once they slipped into a comfortable groove, they weren't able to stop. On a few occasions, John had made her laugh so loudly she swore half the city would wake up. Elizabeth had even asked him his favorite color, movie, and hobby, just as she had promised herself she would. She needed to get to know this man more, and after almost losing him forever she was determined to know every single detail about him.
As a comfortable silence descended upon them, Elizabeth remembered they all had plenty of work to do tomorrow. "We should head in; it's late."
"You mean it's early."
"What?"
"According to my watch, it's almost 04:00 hours - way past my bed time."
She moaned and suddenly felt incredibly tired. Tomorrow morning - or rather today, Elizabeth corrected - was not something she would be looking forward to. If she was lucky, maybe she could get in three hours of sleep.
"I had a great time," she told him, giving him a shy smile. "Thanks for that, John." Stop acting like a teenager, stop acting like a teenager….
"Same here. And you're welcome."
They stood staring at each other, neither one wanting to leave. She smiled up at him with her eyes and John found himself drowning in them. She was suffocating, intoxicating.
"I should probably be heading back…" she tried a second time.
"Yeah, me too."
Their voices were barely above a whisper, their eyes locked on one another. Again, neither moved toward the doorway. Instead, John found himself leaning in slightly toward her.
Elizabeth stood still, anxiously, as he cautiously reached a hand up and tilted her chin upwards. Her heart fluttered and she found it increasingly harder to breathe. His jacket fell off her shoulders to the floor in slow motion and gathered at her feet. Slowly and uncertainly, he brought himself in closer until they were an inch apart.
John paused, hesitated. What am I doing? This had all been a mistakeClosing his eyes in sadness, he knew this was the closest they could ever come.
Her brow furrowed in confusion. What was he doing? Why had he stopped?
Delicately turning her head to the side, he placed a soft, lingering kiss her on the cheek. "Good night, Liz," he whispered; tomorrow it would be back to 'Dr. Weir.' He turned and began to walk to the door before he could see the look on her face. He knew it would break his heart in two.
Elizabeth watched him retreat, uncomprehending. What had just happened? Her face was a picture of confusion, disappointment, and hurt. To have been so close to something and have it just slip away… that was a wound she wasn't sure would ever heal. He was still protecting her, still unwilling to risk hurting her, but that was a risk Elizabeth felt he didn't get to take. She had felt something just now: security maybe, certainty… hopePicking up his jacket off the floor, she weighed her options.
"John, wait!" she yelled after him.
He stopped mid-stride as he was nearly two feet from the door. As much as he didn't want to turn and face her, he knew he had to. John watched as she walked up to him, mouth slightly open as if she were about to say something. He wished she wouldn't; it was hard enough already just trying to walk away.
Her pace slowed as she closed the distance between them. As she stood toe-to-toe with John, Elizabeth thought she would have come up with something to say by now, something about how he shouldn't go, or how they should at least give it a shot. She watched his brows arch as he stood there expectantly, waiting. Did she see anticipation on his face? Was he hoping she would say those very things?
Knowing anything she said would be insignificant, Elizabeth suddenly reached up and kissed him on the lips. John was stunned at first, but he didn't resist. Soon he felt himself cupping his hands around her face as he deepened the kiss. Her arms went around his neck; it felt so natural to her, like they had done this a million times before, like they were meant to do this all along.
John pulled her in closer, taking her slightly off guard and off balance, but his arms steadied her. She had always felt safe with him, and now was no exception. Before long, they were locked in a passionate embrace that neither wanted to break from. Soon, though, they were forced to separate for air.
Elizabeth stepped back and caught her breath. At that moment, she knew everything would be alright, that somehow it would all work itself out. She didn't care what the other members of the expedition would think of her, if it undermined her authority, or if people started talking. At this point, she was willing to risk it all.
John was, too. He didn't know what he had been afraid of earlier, but knew that what he had right here in front of him, right at this moment, was more important. This was the second chance he had spent years of his life waiting for, that they had both waited for. And to think I had almost lost all of this.
"You forgot your jacket," she whispered to him. She offered it to him.
John eyed it with that crooked smile on his face she had come to know so well. In one fluid motion, he stepped toward her, took the jacket, threw it carelessly to the ground, and pulled her in for second, gentler kiss. Running his hands softly through her hair, they both realized that this was what separated them from the Wraith, what would ultimately win out: moments like this. As he brushed his lips tenderly across hers, they knew no one, not even the Wraith, could ever take this away from them.
This was what made life worth living; living for the moment, not knowing what you had until it was gone, and second chances. They each had their second chance at life in each other, and they were not about to throw it away.
This was something they each had, would forever have. Something so special that it made them feel like they were the only two people in the universe. Something that washed away all the evils of the past. Something that they could share together. Something that was so simple, so human, so real, so right.
It was something that could never be taken away.
Fin
Aw, finally they did it! It took them, what, 25 chapter to do so… what took so goddamn long! Lol, I'm talking like I had to control over it whatsoever. Hey, I'm just the author. And yes, I am a sap.
Anywho, I hoped you liked it. Thanks for being so patient; I never expected this monster to be so long, so thanks for stickin' with me. Especially those reviewers who were there from the beginning. You really know how to make a first time author feel welcome. Now is your last chance to review, everyone, so please tell me what you liked and what you didn't like so I know where to go if/when I write my next fic.
I don't have any plans to write one at the moment. There are a few ideas running around my head, just nothing set in stone yet. Maybe I'll do a Rodney fic. J When I get it worked out, I'll be sure to post! I've discovered I actually like writing (oh! Blasphemy!) and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed creating it.