Pouncival Tells It Like It Is
by Mystitat
Okay, I know I shouldn't really have done that, but it was pretty funny, wasn't it?
Yes, you know it was.
Okay, maybe it was a little out of line, but how was I supposed to know who she was? She'd never been to the Jellicle Ball before! Leastaways, not any Balls that I've ever been to.
Oh, come on! Don't say that until you let me tell you what I think happened.
The Rum Tum Tugger was just finishing up his grand finale. Bombalurina's leg was looking pretty itchy, too, so I decided to help her scratch it a little (it can be hard to reach sometimes, you know). All the kittens were going crazy, like they do every year (why that play-tom has to take them away from us more deserving toms is beyond me). After Tugger finished running away from the older cats and waving at the kittens, he stepped up to the boot of the car and was about to go into his whole "I'm king of the world" thing like he does every year, but then this ratty old cat stepped into the clearing and he had to cut it short (I should've thanked her for that).
Now, like I said, I'd never seen this old wreck of a queen before, so I went around you and Mistoffelees to get a better look. I bounded on the tire and under the archway to the dance floor. Then I noticed that Tumblebrutus and Plato were staring at her, too, and they were smiling like they had something in mind, so I watched and waited for them to come down to where I was.
When they got there, they were still smiling kinda evily, and Plato whispered, "Hey Pounce, ya see that old queen over there?"
I rolled my eyes. "Who could miss her?" I muttered. "She just kinda interrupted the whole Jellicle Ball."
Plato smirked. "Betcha can't get close 'nough ta' her to get a good swipe on her!"
"What?" I hissed. "Why would I do that?"
"Betcha he can!" Tumblebrutus replied (what a friend, huh?). "Come on, Pounce, do it! Look 'it how everyone hates her. They're all snubbin' her anyway! Least ya' could do is one up 'em!"
I looked. Bombalurina had just given her the stink eye. I guessed maybe Tumble was right, that I should try to do something to her (I wasn't gonna be bested by Bombalurina!).
Plato was still smirking. "Don't be silly, Tumble," he said. "He can't do it!"
Tumble glared at him. "You jus' watch," he said. Taking me aside, he whispered, "Jus' go up ta her, an' pretend like you're gonna reach out ta her. The guys'll get a kick out of it!"
"Wait, I don' wanna hurt some queen I don' even know! Jus' 'cuz-"
"Onetwothree, go!" Tumble whispered, and he shoved me out into the middle of the clearing, right in front of the dirty old cat.
Well it was too late for me to back out then, what with Tumble and Plato staring at me, urging me hurry up and do it! I kinda had to. I did like Tumble said, and pretended to reach out to her, and when she got close enough, Wham! She got a good taste of my claws. Then I got outa' there real quick so Skimbleshanks couldn't give me a taste of my own medicine (though I personally think he approved of what I did).
Well, it was only after that that Demeter enlightened the rest of us as to just who this ugly old queen was. Grizabella, the glamour cat! I thought to myself. I just scratched one of the most notorious deserters in the junkyard. Whould'a supposed? After I found out, I looked at Tumble and Plato. They were still smirking. I bet they knew who she was before I did, and they told me to scratch her on purpose just so I'd get in trouble.
So there you have it! I shouldn't be the one in trouble, they should! I didn't even know who she was until Demeter said it. How was I supposed to know she was so important? And how could I have possibly known she'd get picked to go to Heavyside? You didn't even know that! Tumble and Plato should be the one's in trouble! They- hey! That's my tail, don't grab it like that! Hey! What are you doing? No, you can't, it's not my fault! Munkustrap, NO!
Unknown to Pouncival, Plato and Tumblebrutus were at that moment hidden in a discarded box, peeping out and watching as Munkustrap swung the trembling tom over his knee and proceded to whack his bum with impunity. They both had the same expression on their faces: amazement at how harsh their leader was being, a little regret for what they did to their friend, but mostly amusement at how Pouncival was being spanked like a month old kitten! When they decided that they had seen enough, they snuck out the back of the box and strode away, giggling to themselves.
"Oh man!" Tumble exclaimed when they were far enough away from Munkustrap not to be heard. "That was a riot! I bet that'll leave a mark!"
Plato was on the verge of buckling over with laughter. "No kidding! I don't think Munkustrap's gonna let up 'till next year's Ball!"
"Wow, yeah." Tumble agreed. Then he stopped laughing for a moment and said, "Ya know, ya think we should appologize?"
They both looked at each other for a moment before they chorused, "Nah!" The two toms cackled their way off into the junkyard.