Brought to you by: Tokyo Mew Mew Mia Industries.
CONGRADULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a PAI. To be sure that he is working in tip-top counting-the-world-to-death condition, allow yourself to read and listen to this manual.
INFORMATION YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW:
Name: Pai Countsalot
Race: Half Alien; Half Computer
Height: I can't get close enough. Every time I try I hear the counting and I go unconscious for a few days.
Weight: Look at the Height
PUTTING HIM TOGETHER:
You should have gotten an enormous computer with a password-lock on it from Tokyo Mew Mew Mia Industries (T.M.M.M.I). Don't shout at us that your PAI was disintegrated and turned into a computer. WE WILL SEDATE YOU. Your PAI is fine. He's just stuck inside the compter. You didn't think we would deliver him straight to you, huh? He IS an alien who likes to count more than he does drink you know.
1) Press the big red button in the middle of the computer for the password screen to turn up.
2) Type in your password.
3) Your PAI will come out of the computer and try to use it to count with. But he doesn't have the password.
4) Tell him if he doesn't kill you you'll give him the password to the computer. When/IF he agrees (CAUTION: The IF sometimes happens) then give him the password. He will associate you with OWNER.
COOL THINGS YOUR PAI COMES WITH:
Unnerved now that you've got your PAI in custody, you've got to get things for him to count with? WRONG! Here are things that come with your PAI so he'll be set for all those hours you're spending not doing the "cool" thing and counting.
1) Fan
2) Computer
3) Laptop
4) Cool-cord-thingies-that-he-can-attach-to-little-fluffy-flying-things
5) Abacus
6) Calculator
7) Formula Chart
8) Notebook (WARNING: IF THIS RUNS OUT, YOU MUST BUY HIM ANOTHER ONE. HE WON'T FUNCTION WITHOUT HIS NOTEBOOK!)
9) List of ways to kill people
10) Poket full of Chiremals
11) Money
12) Rubber bands
13) Purple hair dye
YOUR PAI IS BUILT FOR:
Being Smart: Are you not so smart on the I.Q. Scale? Well, he can make up for that.
Planning War: Not good at planning war? That's just fine. Ask your PAI to; he'll be glad to help.
Torturing small-flying-fluffy-thingies-that-eat-Chiremals: Yes, he has the means to torture poor little creatures for information. Good to use if your ZAKURO disappears and your MASHA won't tell you where she's gone.
HOW HE ACTS WITH OTHER UNITS:
ICHIGO: NOT COMPATIBLE. She doesn't count anything.
KISSHU: COMPATIBLE because they're partners.
RETASU: COMPATIBLE she doesn't count but she's cute. (WARNING: WE DO NOT RECOMMEND TEACHING YOUR PAI TO THINK THIS WAY. IF HE AT ALL BECOMES DISFUNCTIONAL OR DILLUSIONAL, DON'T LOOK AT US. YOU MUST CALL THE ALL-POWERFUL-AUTHORESS STATION AT 1-800-PUT-PAI-BACK.)
PURIN: NOT COMPATIBLE! PURINs mess up PAI's abacus.
MASAYA: NOT COMPATIBLE! Well, I mean, my PAI liked to take MASAYA apart and count his bones, but it's your money.
RYOU: NOT COMPATIBLE! RYOU has a habit of stealing RETASU from PAI
MINTO: MINTO doesn't even know HOW to count, so NOT COMPATIBLE!!!!
KEIICHIRO: NOT COMPATIBLE! KEIICHIRO is in the race for ZAKURO'S affection!
ZAKURO: COMPATIBLE in a million ways. Throw the book of "Opposites Attract" out the window because they're EXACTLY ALIKE!
TARUTO: Look under PURIN.
TROUBLESHOOTING AND FAQ:
Q) I HAVE BAD BAD NEWS! My ZAKURO and PAI have gone missing and the last time I saw them they were saying "hi" to me and saying their names were Renee and Sardon!! (O.o) Help me please and—oh yeah….you're invited to their wedding and here is invitation and it says that Renee and Sardon are going to get married so ((sob)) this is it…. ((sob sob sob sob sob sobs))—Spider Fairy
A) Fortunately, this in is simple to fix. Simply go up to your PAI-turned-SARDON and tell him that his name makes no sense. After you stare at their confused looks for a moment, simply explain that if DREN means NERD, TARB means BRAT, then SARDON has to be NODRAS. Then go right ahead and proceed to ask him what the HELL a nodras is. When he can't tell you, he'll realize you're right and he'll return to his PAI status. (Unfortunately, you must use the ZAKURO instructions for finding a way from the RENEE ROBERTS syndrome) As for the wedding invite, I accept only if it is ZAKURO FUJIWARA and PAI COUNTSALOT getting married, since I have a nasty habit of bombing dubbed marriages.
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Q) AHHHH!! HELP!! PAI'S HAIR IS BLONDE! What's with THAT?!
A) He must have run out of purple hair-dye. You see, PAI gets tired of all the blonde jokes made to him so he makes his hair purple. Throws people off a bit, it does. Simply buy him more or locate your local All-Powerful-Authoress to fix the problem. Unfortunately, this one isn't permanent, and getting PAI hair fixed by All-Powerful-Authoresses is highly addictive to PAIs.
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Q) I see strange units! ((Twilight Zone music)) PAI has been hanging around my ICHIGO a lot. I thought you said they were NOT COMPATIBLE! What's the deal?
A) There are rather strange cases when in fact the PAI will teach the ICHIGO to like counting and she will turn into a little scientific nerd and fall hopelessly in love with PAI, making your KISSHU commit suicide and your RETASUs and ZAKUROs drink themselves into a stupor. (We provide units of T.M.M.M.I. with top-notch unit-alcohol.) We should suggest that you avoid this little problem. If anything should happen, send your ICHIGO off to a nunnery for a few weeks and she'll come back so full of celibacy KISSHU will be just dying to break her.
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WARRANTY:
This states that you will receive a new abacus every year around Christmas time so you have something to give your PAI, for he can never have enough things to count.
HAVE FUN WITH YOUR PAI!
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Next is RYOU! Let the questions commence! n.n
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN TMM, but I own T.M.M.M.I