Disclaimer: JKR owns the Harry Potter world. Everyone else has funny things to say about wanting to own Harry Potter so that they would be rich and such, but my sense of humor has abandoned me for my best friend and I don't really want to be rich. All I want is a new truck… (sigh) I'm getting sidetracked; anyway, please don't sue me for making use of her material. If you do, I'll never get that new truck.
A/N: I'm going to get into some serious adult content, not sex necessarily, but a lot of violence. The theme of the whole thing, though, is love, so you'll just have to bear with me. Also, as far as reviews go, I have a big problem with tenses and using the wrong word or if you see an error in my facts about the Harry Potter universe, PLEASE let me know, because that is a pet peeve for me. I would like constructive criticism but I'm sure I'll get more than that. There IS someone proofreading this for me and she is lovely and MUCH thanks to her. So anyway, on with the show…
"Hey Remus… I've been meaning to ask you about my parents, and how they got together?" Harry Potter opened the conversation with his former and slightly pale professor, Remus Lupin, one quiet evening as he sat down across from him, in the kitchen table in Grimmauld Place. It was two days after Christmas and 3 days since the last full moon.
Remus took a minute before he answered Harry's question. "I suppose it started with James. He took one look at Lily our first year and said 'I'm going to marry her.' which was a focal point for us teasing him for the next several years, but he never varied, never dated anyone else, he only had eyes for her. When we got to seventh year, he knew he had to do something or he would lose his chance with her, so he took her complaints about him, and changed, for the better I might add. She saw how much he loved her, and they got together, got married right out of Hogwarts and Lily got pregnant with you just over a year later."
"Wasn't Voldemort active then?"
"Voldemort started killing people long before we knew what the real threat was but yes, by the time that we were in sixth year, he was terrorizing everyone."
"Why did they get married and have me then? I mean, why take the risk of losing someone and why bring a child into the world if that world is a living hell?"
Remus looked on this 17-year-old boy, with messy black hair and vibrant green eyes, who had seen far too much pain in his young life. "I suppose that if you look at life that way, it does seem irresponsible and foolish but James and Lily did not want Voldemort to win." Harry looked at him quizzically as Remus continued. "They wanted to live and be happy and they wanted you like nothing else. You were a blessing for them and they wanted to protect you as best as they could, but they did not want to cease to live because of a threat. I don't want you to think badly of them. They were amazing parents, especially since they were only 20 when you were born. They loved you so much. James' face would light up whenever you smiled at him. He loved holding you and showing you off to everyone. Lily used to sing to you, all the time. You made them a family and if they would have lived, you probably would have had more siblings than your friend Ron."
Harry looked uneasily at the man across from him. His face was aged way beyond his 37 years and his hair was completely gray now. Harry knew that life was hard on his mentor and that he probably would not live through this war. Remus was like Sirius, always willing to be on the front lines. The thought choked Harry up but he still managed to blurt out his next question. He needed to know, he needed this advice from a father figure in case he lost him. "Do… do you think I should try to find love?"
Remus looked startled. "Harry, of course, why would you even ask?"
"It's just… I'm probably going to die with the way things are going with my training. I'm not making any real progress. I'm not sure I'll be able to defeat him at all and hundreds are already dead… there isn't going to be much of a world left if I don't start making progress soon." Here he paused, choosing his words carefully. "But my main concern is that I don't know how fair it would be to love someone, only to die on them or worse, love someone and make them more of a target."
"What happens if you never find love and you die without it?"
"I suppose no one will be hurt."
"Wrong, people will be hurting worse if you do not succeed in killing Voldemort but also your friends would miss you… what would happen if you never love someone and you spend the rest of your life alone, however long that may be, until you face Voldemort and you die? Or a better question is, what happens if you succeed, and fulfill the prophecy, killing him? What will you have after that?"
Harry contemplated a life like Remus was describing. "It would be… well, lonely and I don't suppose that I would just be fighting for everyone else's happiness and not my own. I guess I wouldn't really have any direction to turn after I was done with him. I mean, I wanted to be an Auror but now, I guess I'm tired of fighting. I'm not sure I want to be doing this for the rest of my life but then, what would be my purpose for living?"
Remus was obviously flabbergasted. He had apparently not thought that Harry would come up with that answer. "I'm impressed. Yes, Harry, I would venture to say that without friends or even a wife in your life that it would be lonely and when you do reach the end, and beat Voldemort, I would not be surprised if you did feel like you did not have a purpose to your life. I also think you need to realize that you are an amazing young man and a woman would be lucky you be loved by you. You could be part of making someone happy. I know that Ron would say, that he would rather have a few happy months with Hermione as his wife, than not at all. I also think that someday you will find a job that you love, maybe in teaching. You do enjoy running the D.A. But I'm curious, why the sudden interest in your parent's love life?"
Harry blushed at Remus' compliment but nodded. He knew that Remus' assumptions about Ron were correct. Ron would take whatever he could get. Then he thought about Remus' last question. "I just… I want to know. I don't have anyone else to ask and since I know very little about my parents…" his voice faded out.
"Oh, I thought you were about to tell me that you had fallen in love or something."
Harry laughed derisively. "No. I have avoided relationships after my two failed attempts. I actually think that I am cursed and it's always the same vicious cycle. I get together with a girl who seems to be great, good looking, smart and whatever and she turns out to be not anything like what I thought she was."
"You've only had two girlfriends?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Nothing, it's just… well were always so popular, I'm just surprised there aren't more girls throwing themselves at you."
"Oh they do, I suppose, or they did sixth year but the one I dated, about a year ago was Lisa Turpin, she's a Ravenclaw in my year. Padma Patil brought her to the D.A. and introduced me to her and well, we hit it off, or I thought we did. It turns out that she was mostly enamored with my fame. She just wanted… well never mind, it doesn't really matter anymore. I've been ignoring girls for the most part because the only two girls in my life who don't see me as the ruddy boy-who-lived are Ginny and Hermione and a fat lot of good that does me. Ginny had a crush on me and wised up in time to get over me and Hermione and Ron just got engaged." A look of horror crossed his face. "I wasn't supposed to say anything. Mrs. Weasley doesn't think they should be getting married, so please don't say anything."
A look of understanding crossed Remus' tired and lined face. "Ah, so this is where the conversation about your parent's marriage really started. Hermione and Ron are getting married. Don't worry, I won't be saying a word but let me see if I understand this, Molly thinks that they are too young and that their lives are too uncertain to be getting serious about each other, does that about sum it up?"
Harry nodded. "When I look at them, sometimes I can catch a look, you know, and see how much they love each other." He felt his cheeks get a little hot and knew that he was blushing. When he looked at his tall, red haired best friend, holding his fiancé, it always gave him a slight pang of envy. He hated admitting it though because they deserved to be happy.
"And you're just a little bit jealous, am I right?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"That's how I felt about your mum and dad sometimes. I wanted to be in love the way that they were. But unlike you, being a werewolf means that I'm not likely to find it. You however, have lots of opportunity for love and relationships." Remus continued before Harry could protest. "I'm not saying that it's going to be easy because you are right, many people will only see your fame but I have faith that you'll find it some day. Oh, when did they get engaged? I didn't see a ring on Hermione's finger."
"About a week ago. She found a charm that would hide it from everyone but her and Ron." Harry contemplated his next words carefully but decided that honesty would work better than tact. "I just wish that women weren't so damn confusing. I always feel like a prat when I like someone."
"Oh yes, we have all been there." A light went off in Remus' head and an idea came to him. "I think you need some professional help."
"Oh good so now I need a therapist because I can't talk to girls?"
"No, I think that you need the help of a girl that you trust to acclimate you to the way a woman's mind works."
"Hermione's already tried to explain girls to me and I'm still lost. Actually most of the time she tries to explain something to me, I'm lost." Hermione, with her bushy brown hair, and warm smile, was always trying to help, but he had come to the conclusion that it was probably hopeless. After her parents were murdered in their sixth year, she had taken up permanent residence at headquarters and he had come to look on her as a sister but despite her wealth of knowledge, she just could not get Harry to understand girls. Harry had decided several months ago that the task was probably impossible.
"I was actually thinking about someone who has more experience than Hermione. Someone who had a lot of older brothers… someone that you already trust."
Harry smiled realizing whom Remus meant and he had a point. Ginny did understand guys, had dated some and she was not like Lavender Brown or Pavarti Patil. She did not obsess about her clothes or her hair. She was an amazing dueler and was always straight forward. He appreciated her honesty, intelligence and sense of humor. She was tiny, shorter than five feet tall, with brilliant, thick red hair that went down to her waist and bright brown eyes but she was a force to be reckoned with. She had become one of his best friends in the past year while they had hung out together after Ron and Hermione had started dating, and he had found her to be an amazing friend and companion. "I suppose I could ask her for some advice. I don't want a relationship to dominate my life, because I really need to concentrate on training to defeat Voldemort but still… you're right, I am jealous of Ron and Hermione and I want what they have… I think I'll go and find Ginny."
Remus' smile was smug, as he said, "You do that."