Nobody's Home

A/N: I originally was thinking of writing this songfic as an Ellie one, but decided that since Emma is my favorite character... yeah. I hope you enjoy, and just remember this is my first Degrassi fanfic!

( This takes place after the Time Stands Still episode)

This is kind of an AU alternate universe

Well I couldn't tell you

Why she felt that way

She felt it every day

Emma Nelson numbly walked home from school, not looking back at Degrassi, knowing her friends were probably staring after her, concerned. She didn't need their concern.

She didn't need anybody.

As she drew further towards her house, a small tear slipped down her cheek. She angrily wiped it away. Why was she crying? Emma Nelson did not cry.

She was at her front door. She hesitated, contemplating if she wanted to go in or not. But before she could do anything, the door swung open and her mother stared at her. " Aren't you going to come in, sweetheart?"

She nodded. Spike stepped aside and watched sadly as her only daughter walked inside, not even bothering to say hello.

Emma knew her mother was going to say something, fake concern, and all that crap. She ran up the stairs, ignoring her mother's calls.

She jumped on her bed and buried her face in the pillows, letting the tears freely fall. Sobbing, screaming, letting out all the pain and frustration out. Nobody cared about her. Nobody cared.

She pulled out her knife. The knife she had been cutting herself with for a week.

And I couldn't help her

I just watched her make

The same mistakes again

Sean Cameron was walking down Emma's street, when he saw a flash of metal in her window. Squinting, he saw the metal flash again. He looked both ways across the street and ran towards the tree in front of her window. Trying hard not to look suspicious, he climbed up the tree and postioned himself to where she would not see him.

Sean saw Emma, blonde hair messy and rumpled, brown eyes bloodshot, and... a knife carving out all her pain on her wrist.

His heart started thumping loudly. His mind was racing wildly. She looked up. In shock, she dropped the knife, and shut her blinds quickly.

Confused and a little shaken, Sean climbed down from the tree and walked home, the same mental picture of Emma cutting herself playing over and over again in his mind...

What's wrong, what's wrong now

Too many, too many problems

Don't know where she belongs

Where she belongs

Emma couldn't believe that she had gotten caught. She had been so careful all week, locking her door, wiping the blood off the knife, spraying perfume in her room... What if Sean told!

She looked at the knife lying on her bed and saw blood running down her arm sleeves. She was a pyscho.

She laughed bitterly. Emma Nelson, GreenPeace girl, Nature Freak, prude princess was a pyscho.

And for the millionth time that day, tears fell down her cheeks and she wiped at them tiredly. She was tired. Tired of living. Tired of having to remember that day where Rick pointed the gun at her, the day where Toby clutched her arm so tight she couldn't breathe, the day where Sean got himself shot to save her...

She let out a scream in her pillow. She didn't want to REMEMBER! Everyone was forcing her to remember. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO!

She heard her mother and father laughing downstairs, even Jack was laughing. She grimaced. She didn't deserve to live with such good people. She didn't even deserve to live.

With that running in her head, she determindely packed her suitcase with clothes and hastily picked up a picture of her and Sean, wondering why. Refusing to think about it, she latched her suitcase up, throwing it out her window and then slowly snuck out.

It was nightime now. She gave one last look to her house, waved sadly goodbye, and took off into the dark night.

She wants to go home

But nobody's home

So there she lies

Broken inside

Emma suppressed a yawn and streched her aching legs. Squinting, she noticed the old Degrassi Playground sign swinging lazily, so she decided to stop there and camp out on a bench.

She sighed and sat on a rusty, hard, blue bench. It had carvings all over it, but it was too dark for her to see. She set her watch to wake her up at 6:30, and then put her backpack down to use as a pillow. Her eyes slowly shut...

No place to go, no place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside

Emma woke up sweating. She looked around hastily, making sure that Rick still wasn't pointing the gun at her, Sean wasn't really dead, Toby was ok...

Her neck hurt. Rubbing it gingerly, she stretched out on the bench and wiped her eyes tiredly, and wasn't surprised to see her hands soaked with tear-stains.

Not really in the mood to go back to sleep, she unzipped her backpack and pulled out the knife. Hypnotized by the silver metal, she waved it back and forth until it was snatched from her hands.

" Hey!" she yelled, jumping up.

She looked on in shock as Sean Cameron stared back at her, an angry scowl on his face.

Open your eyes

And look outside

Find the reasons why

You've been rejected

She quickly composed herself. " Give that back, Sean!"

She tried to snatch it back from him, but he only backed up. " No way, Emma. No way."

She glared at him. " Why? Huh? It's not like you'd care anyway. Nobody cares."

He stared at her, not believing what he was hearing. " Emma, people care about you! What the hell are you going on about?"

She got in his face, her brown eyes meeting with his blue eyes. " Who does care? Who, Sean?" she whispered.

And then broke down.

Sobbing loudly, she huddled into a ball and shook, tears cascading like a waterfall, she screamed, and yelled, and when she was done, she noticed that Sean was hugging her.

" Em..." he whispered softly in her ear. She shivered. " Your mom cares. Mr. Simpson cares. J.T. cares. Even Manny cares!"

" What about you?" she murmured. " Do you care?"

" I care," he said. And he smiled gently at her. Taking the knife, he threw it in the lake. " The reason why you feel like no one cares is because you've been shoving everyone away. Give them a chance to care."

And now you can't find

What you've left behind

She shook her head. " I don't know if I can, Sean." She looked down at the ground. " Everyone probably hates me."

She looked up to see him shaking his head fiercly. " Nobody hates you! Maybe Ellie does... but she's got reasons."

She let out a tiny smile.

" I can't go back, Sean. I don't want to explain...I just want all of it to go away. I want Rick to have never been teased... I want him to never have pointed that gun at me... I want to see Toby happy again... I want... I want..."

" Sssh," he put his finger on her lips. " I hate to tell you, but that's over and done with. It can't be changed.. no matter how much you and I wish it never happened."

" I want the old Emma back!" she yelled. He looked at her, shocked. " I want to go back to the days where all I did was worry about the enviroment, where Manny and I shared secrets, where you were still in love with me-"

She cut herself off, blushing.

He started blushing too.

Be strong, be strong now

Too many, too many problems

Don't know where she belongs

Where she belongs

Breaking eye contact, she muttered, " I'd better get home. Bye, Sean."

She started walking off, but then stopped. " Thanks," she whispered and kissed him on the cheek, a moment that had them both temporarily stunned.

Emma patted his hand gently and turned around to go home, only looking back once.

Once she was outside her door, she took a deep breath and knocked. Seconds later, it was opened. Her mother stared and stared until Emma sprang foward, hugging her tightly.

" Mommy," she cried. " I want it to end..."

Spike stroked her daughter's head and whispered softly, " I know, I know..."

Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find

She's losing her mind

She's fallen behind

She can't find her place

She's losing her face

She's fallen from grace

She's all over the place

Emma stared at the guidance counselor, Ms. Suave. Pursuing her lips, Ms. Suave stared briefly at Emma's record and looked back up at the confused blonde.

" Emma... Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

Emma pressed her lips together and stared at the wall. Sean came to her mind, and the memories of the night where she had stopped cutting made her smile.

" Are you sure?"

" Ms. Suave?"

The lady had to strain to hear. " Yes, dear?"

" I'm confused."

Ms. Suave laughed and smiled at her. " That's what I get paid for. To help you sort out your confusion."

" I used to cut. But a boy helped me. Sean Cameron. He showed me that people cared about me. But I'm still confused. I feel like I can't find myself again."

The guidance counselor clasped her hands together and said, " Emma, you went through a terrible ordeal. Some deal with talking with it, some want to forget it. But lucky ones have someone there to talk to, who can also help them forget it. You are one of those lucky ones."

Emma smiled.

" Forget about Rick. Forget about guns. Reread your favorite book. Watch a rerun of an old T.V. show. Try on some new clothes. Maybe you'll find yourself."

Emma stood up and whispered, " Ms. Suave, you really helped me. Thanks."

But as Emma walked out of the school office, she saw Sean holding hands with Ellie, smiling. Her happy grin faded but she forced it back on. She was going to go home and take Ms. Suave's advice. Her and Sean would figure out something later.

As she passed Sean, she didn't notice the look he gave her. But Ellie did.

A/N: I hope you liked this story! And remember, this IS my first Degrassi fanfic!