Disclaimer: I don't own any recognisable characters.
Author's Note: And here we are, on the second day of Artemis's adventure! I must thank everyone who reviewed, and I must also thank one of my friends who, at one of my past birthdays, got me a Castaway Survivor's Guide. Without this book, I doubt I would be able to write this fic and make it both entertaining and factually correct.
Thanks to everybody who have reviewed the first chapter. (Personal thanks later at the end of the chapter)
Day 02
Artemis crawled out of this cave, all the muscles in his lithe body screaming in protest.
His stomach politely informed him that he had nothing to eat since breakfast yesterday.
Hiking down the trail a little, he went back to his watering hole and rinsed his mouth. His lips curled in distaste when he felt the plague accumulated there.
He sat back on his heels, contemplating his situation when he spied some tasting looking leaves.
Artemis neared the plant and studied it without touching it.
Non-hairy leaves or stems, no thorns or shiny leaves… meaning this plant has no irritants or toxic…
He reached out and broke off a leaf.
No milky sap…
He sighed. It would be so much easier if Butler were here…
Artemis scrutinised the plant again, making sure that the plant is slimy, worm infested, or otherwise. He crushed the leaf with his fingers and sniffed gingerly at the pulp.
It didn't smell like bitter almonds or sweet peaches – a good sign.
Going against personal hygiene, he rubbed the squishy mash very lightly on the tender skin under his upper arm. When there was no discomfort or rash, he continued on with the edibility test.
So far so good, and now, Artemis, leaving fifteen second between each step for a reaction, placed a small portion of the stuff on his lips.
And a small portion in the corner of his mouth…
And a small portion on the tip of his tongue…
Chewed a small portion…
And finally, swallowed a small portion.1
Here, by protocol, he should neither eat nor drink anything for five hours, to see if the plant is indeed poisonous. If there is no reaction within this time, he is able to consider this plant safe for consumption.
The logical part of his brain agreed with this, who knew what adverse reactions he might have against this plant?
Too late; his hand, commanded by his stomach, unloaded a handful of leaves into his mouth. His jaws chewed automatically and he swallowed.
It tasted horrible; very… greenish.
Artemis scraped his nail over his tongue and washed his mouth out with water.
A childish thought bubbled in his head; gross.
He spun around, startled. There, behind the boulders, was a dark… something, crouched, as if to spring on him.
His heart beating a hundred miles an hour, Artemis cried out in terror. Or squeaked in terror.
The wind blew harshly, whistling sharply through the cracks of the trees. The imposing figure rose to its feet, its shoulders hunched like a Neanderthal.
'Butler! Butler! Help!'
The demon behind the foliage swayed unsteadily, as if dancing to silent music. Then, to Artemis's astonishment, the dark figure defied all laws of gravity and levitated.
Artemis's firm, scientific, analysing and practical mind dissected this display in detachment.
'B…Butler…'
The thing in the bushes landed with a firm "thump" on its feet and stood, for a moment or two, before crumbling in a boneless heap to the ground.
An undulating moan rose from this misshapen mound, making the hairs on the boy's neck stand.
He turn and fled.
'Butler! Where the…' here, Artemis inserted some very interested combinations of explicit words he never would have used under any normal circumstances, but now, fear drove away all ingrained acts of decorum, 'are you?'
Artemis tripped on a protruding root, especially designed to throw people of balance and scraped both hands.
This jolt brought him back to reality and he had the decency to blush at the words he had just shouted at the top of his lungs.
A low moan drifted past the rocks to him, and Artemis trembled.
He found himself wishing feverishly that Butler was at his side, cradling the big, comforting, impressive and impressionable Sig Sauer in his giant hands.
The low moans started again and Artemis suddenly straighten up, blue eyes wide.
It couldn't be!
Artemis could have slapped himself. He didn't recognise the moans because… well, let's face it, not many people have heard Butler moan before!
He scrambled to his feet, his black suede shoes slipping on the loose stones.
'Butler!'
The sight before him was an odd one – Butler, entangled in the remained of his parachute harness, was only half conscious. One arm was dangling awkwardly at his side. 2
The wind blew hard again, and Butler, who on his knees, was lifted clean off his feet. Apparently, when they both had bailed out of the doomed aircraft, Butler had drifted into the trees, whacked himself silly on the branches, broke an arm in the process of "landing" and has been drifting in and out of his hazy dream since yesterday afternoon.
The wind jerked the parachute, animating Butler's lifeless limbs like a master puppeteer.
Butler moaned again as his broken arm was jiggled about some more.
Artemis reached slowly into Butler's pocket, his fingers clamping onto the cool surface of a penknife.
He waited until the wind died down and his friend's body deposited onto the damp ground before he set to work, cutting Butler free from the web of lines.
Now, Butler was lying prostrate on the ground, and Artemis has a new dilemma – how was he going to help his bodyguard?
It was unfathomable that he carry him somewhere because let's face it, Butler is humongous, and one would need a forklift or something similar to move him.
A deep frown settled on the young protégée's forehead and Artemis set the cogs in his massive cranium into motion.
At the moment, Artemis has nothing but a cold, damp cave for a shelter, but it was yards away – virtually impossible to move an unresponsive man-mountain.
Artemis made a decision – if he couldn't bring Butler to a shelter, then he would bring a shelter to Butler!
Resolutely, he yanked away the shirt and jacket from around his waist and bundled them in a squashy pillow. This, he placed gingerly underneath Butler's head. Artemis was concerned when he felt the heat radiating from his employee's brow.
Artemis began to search Butler's pockets, pulling out weapon after weapon.
He made a mental list:
1. Three shrike throwing knives
2. Two stun grenades
3. First Aid kit
4. Sig Sauer with numerous unused magazines
5. Some twisty wire
6. A laser pen
7. Sewing needle, thread and half-done embroidery of a sparrow? (Must question Butler later)
8. Haiti lucky charm from Juliet
9. Pricilla's Passion
Artemis sat down heavily on his bum when he came to the last item he pulled from one of Butler's hidden compartments.
He gawked openly at his friend, gaze shifting in disbelief from the cheap tacky romance novel in his hands to the mean man-mincing machine before him.3
Butler reads this stuff?
He flipped the book over and read the synopsis on the back:
Pricilla Pennyhose, heiress to the Pennyhose family fortune has met the man of her dreams… or has she?
Macho Francis Devont, son of the infamous French womaniser, is everything Pricilla could hope for in a man – kind, devoted, dotting and loving. But soon, will rumours on the rise, Pricilla begins to doubt her fiancé's fidelity.
Will they both ride of into the sunset and live happily ever after? Or will Pricilla, haunted by this man's past, get nothing out of this deal but a broken heart?
Read to find out! This is the fantastic curtain closer for Pricilla's grand love adventure, which has so far span across eighteen marvellous novels.
Artemis blinked – he was unsure if he should laugh or cry.
Butler actually enjoys reading these types of novels? He flipped the book over and studied the front page. On it, a disproportional woman with assets which looked as if they far better suited some other kind of animal, sat in front of a man with long hair (Macho Francis Devont, no doubt, thought Artemis dryly) on a fat white horse. (Or a mutated pony)
The read the last bit again; This is the fantastic curtain closer for Pricilla's grand love adventure, which has so far span across eighteen marvellous novels.
He was speechless. Have Butler read the rest of the seventeen novels!
Artemis saw that Butler had marked the page where he had stopped. Page 682. Butler only had a couple of pages more to go before the end.
He shook his head and steadied himself. The minute they got off this God Forsaken Island, Artemis is going to take Butler straight to a bookstore and get him a proper book.
Artemis licked the blister on his hand gloomily. His fingers ached from gripping the knife so hard.
Tiredly, he sat back, no longer caring for the state of his clothes, and scrutinised his work.
After setting Butler's broken arm and dressing it with a splint and some bandages from the First Aid kit, (thankfully, at that time, Butler was blissfully unconscious), Artemis set immediately to work to make this campsite homey.
First on the list was making a comfortable bed.
Deciding that that he should make one for Butler first, who looked as if he certainly needed it, Artemis foraged for six sturdy sticks.
He drove two pairs deep into the ground using a good-sized rock for a hammer. He left a distance of slightly more than Butler's height between the pairs.
Artemis had disentangled the parachute from the branches, and he cut a bit of line to lash the top of each pair of sticks together to make an A-frame.
Deciding not to question Butler about the needle, thread and the half-done sparrow embroidery, Artemis used the needle and thread to sew a tube from the strong parachute material.
With the two remaining poles, he passed them through the tube and slipped the thing over the A-frames so that they rest at the sides. 4
Artemis paused, his stomach calling for attention again. He stood and brushed the bottom of his pants absently.
He went back to his pond and drank a little. Using an old, discarded coconut shell, he washed the insides thoroughly and used it as a bowl. He brought the water back to his manservant and help him sit up.
'Butler…' he pressed the bowl to Butler's cracked lips.
His manservant's eyelids fluttered and opened blearily. He sipped the water.
'Butler, you must help me. Obviously, I cannot move your bulk unaided. See? I have made you a bed (of some sort). You must rest here on it.'
Together, feet shuffling (and after Butler almost squashed his employer when he lost his footing) Butler was deposited safely onto the makeshift bed, which creaked ominously.
'Stay here,' commanded Artemis brusquely, 'I'm off to fine something edible on this God Forsaken Island.'
A little over an hour later, Artemis returned, his arms laden with tropical fruits.
The sticky tree sap caused rashes on his delicate skin, but Artemis was beyond caring. His white chest was covered with insect bites and tiny scratches.
'Look here, my friend, I believe this is a mango!' Artemis flashed a brilliant smile. 'And these oblongish- yellow fruits are papayas!'
Lunch, tea and dinner – mangoes, papayas and bananas.
Artemis drank from the water from the coconut bowls he had collected and hung in the branches.
He settled into his own bed.
'Butler?'
'Yes, Artemis?'
The boy paused, thinking in the dark. He sighed.
'Good night, Butler.'
'Good night.'
Artemis fell asleep almost immediately, his body tired out from its exhausting day. He slept better, knowing that Butler was near and had comforting dreams of his parents back in Ireland.
To be continued…
1. This is an actual way to test if your food is edible. Again, I got this tip from my Castaway Survivor Guide. This is a professional Secret Service edibility test. Please remember though, in everyday life, do not eat vegetation that you find in the yard or in the countryside.
2. This scene, complete with a body entangled in a harness and parachute, is from The Lord of the Flies, where Simon finds the body of a dead pilot infested with flies. Since this fic is inspired by this classic, I have incorporated that scene in. I may even find other instances where I have other opportunities to slot other memorable scenes in.
3. You might wonder why Butler is reading romance novels… you might even say that this is extremely out of character for this man-mountain. But really, it's all canon.
I shall quote directly from The Artemis Fowl Files.
The Artemis Fowl Files
Interview with Butler
What is your favourite book?
I don't have much time to read. Artemis's schemes keep me on my toes. Mostly I read helicopter manuals and keep an eye on weather reports and current affairs. If I do have a moment to myself, I do enjoy a good romance story. If you tell a soul, I will hunt you down.
4. You might have trouble imagining this A-frame bed. (No matter how I tried to describe it, I was still unsure if you guys could actually see it.) To help you visualise this thing, I've drawn a picture of it, using Paint (yes, it's quite sad looking, but at least you can get the idea of it) and have posted it up on the internet. For the internet address, please go to my biopage.
Thank you very much for reading thus far and I hope that you have enjoyed this chapter as much as I have enjoyed writing it. If you have any feedback, comments or constructive criticism, please do not hesitate to give me a review and tell me all about it.
Reply to reviewers:
IhateBeetroot – not Arty, he is determined to make the best of his situation! Frankly, although I doubt his physical abilities, I think he is capable of taking care of himself. We'll wish him luck anyway!
PeanutButteroreoCookieGirl – (what a mouthful, your penname!) Yes, incredibly, I managed to think of a plot that involved young master Artemis on a tropical paradise, And through some devious means, made him take of his shirt! To tell you the truth, I never thought much about him walking around topless until you mentioned it… what's wrong with me!
potentialcriminal – yes, I do like the "bush regurgitating the pig" line too! Thank you for your compliment. I had Artemis act the way he did at the top of the mountain to show reviewers that even though he's a cruel, heartless, money-minded, genius, underneath his expensive tailoring and labels, he is just a little kid.
ophiuchus – (for some reason, I can never spell your penname right and I always have to double check it!) Yes, I just noticed that dear Artemis is bloody bare-chested. You sure you wouldn't mind being stranded on the island? It can be pretty bad – no malls, air conditioning, no toilets, food, no entertainment (except for watching Artemis, of course!)… man, I feel depressed just thinking about what the island doesn't have!
artemisfan101 – thank you for your kind review. You volunteer to be marooned? It's a little scary, being marooned, I think!
fairy12123 – thank you for reviewing! Personally, if I was stuck on an island, I'd have nightmares about great big wild things coming out of the jungle to eat me. Not to mention the horror of bugs and creepy crawlies around… which reminds me… Artemis hasn't seen any weird bugs, has he-grins-