Chapter Twenty-Two
"When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this."
-Lord Byron
I try to sleep. I try, but it's impossible. I'm afraid I'll miss something, that I'll forget. It's terrifying.
Finally, after an hour or so if trying to avoid touching or looking at him for reasons I don't understand, I roll over onto my side, allowing my eyes to wander over him in greed.
He was so different tonight. His touches were light, his kisses harsh. He was not gentle, but most rough and aggressive; I loved every moment of it. It was as though his lust had completely consumed him, swallowed him whole and would not allow him to rest.
With one hand, I trail my fingers down his jaw, watching in awe as he sleeps on unknowingly. His skin is blissfully warm, his long lashes laying against the tops of his tanned cheek bones. I lay my head upon his chest and place the palm of my hand on his heart, heaving a quiet sigh. I comfort with the rhythm and beat of his life.
He pulls me closer to him unconsciously in his slumber, exhaling softly as I burrow deeper into his warmth. I pull the sheet closer to our bodies, trying to suppress a cold chill that comes over me. It pools low on our hips, and I trace the flesh from Jack's pecks to his navel, running a finger gently over the skin.
Suddenly, his arm wraps tightly about my waist, and his chest rises high with a deep intake of air. "Ye all right?" he asks sleepily.
I watch intently as my fingertips trail from his heart, over strong muscle and soft bronzed flesh.. "Should I be?" I reply. He's quiet, thoughtful, and I know he's trying to think of a way to assure me that things will eventually grow easier. I wonder if he actually believes that.
"Things were always so simple," I continue. "I completed an assignment, and then I was shipped off to a new one. A simple goodbye, if even that, and I started over. A brand new name, a brand new life." I sit up so I can see his face. "Now it's more than complicated."
Jack's eyes bore deep into mine, searching for something. When he doesn't find it, he gently pulls me back down atop of him, kissing me with nothing more than hope. Hope for us, hope for me. It breaks my heart.
I cup his cheek in my hand, my fingers lightly stroking the skin before it moves around the back of his neck, lightly scratching, just as he likes it. He nearly purrs into my mouth.
How on Earth will I do this? Live without the feeling of his bones and his flesh beneath my hands, live without his scent or the taste of him? How will I survive?
He lifts my chin, runs rough fingers along my jaw. "Stay with me," Jack whispers, just as he had the past two nights.
"Jack," my voice is nearly a whimper, almost pleading. God, I wish I could. He knows I would spend forever with him if I had the choice.
He kisses me again, and then turns us over so he presses me down into the covers. He positions himself to my side, wrapping one possessive arm tightly about my waist and buries his face in my neck, just breathing me in, savoring the moment. I wish that we would never have to move.
Eventually Jack's breathing becomes rhythmic, his chest rising and falling most evenly. He's fallen asleep. I lay just as I am, my fingers tangled in his beaded hair and his scent surrounding me.
I lie there until the sun begins to rise, and I can see the harbor from the window. Quietly, I dress and gather my things, being most silent as to not wake the sleeping pirate. He looks so innocent as he lies bare in the ocean of ivory linen, his face solemn and the slightness of a frown pulling the corners of his lips downward.
I set my bag beside the door before I tiptoe over to the bed, running my palm down his cheek. I cannot bear to say goodbye. It would put an end to us, I'm sure of it, and I know my heart will not be able to endure such words.
His skin is warm as I caress his lips with my fingertips, and as I lean down to taste them with my own, my eyes slip shut. I pull away as I feel my chest growing tighter, my eyes stinging with tears. I refuse to let them fall.
Then, I reach into my bag and pull out the only physical semblance I can offer him. My mother's locket. I set it on his desk, atop a yellowed and weathered map of England. With a deep breath, I open the door to Jack's cabin, looking back at him once last time and inhaling his scent before leaving it completely.
Rodney and Loyal are waiting for me beside the helm, their faces are both pensive. "Where's Jack?" Rodney asks.
"Asleep," I reply, my voice quiet and most melancholy.
"Don't you want to..." Loyal begins, but I shake my head at his words.
"No. It's better this way," I explain.
Rodney and Loyal row us to the shore, but we're silent, either having nothing to say or too afraid to speak. There's a pain my chest that I don't understand, an empty aching that leaves me to wonder if this is what is feels like to have ones heart broken. It feels as though I'm being eaten away from the inside, my breath being taken from between my lips.
I promise myself that I will never allow this to happen again. I won't allow anyone to look past my masks or break down my walls. Anything is better than this.
Loyal walks ahead, giving me time alone with Rodney. My friend pulls me into a tight hug, and I wrap my arms about his neck with silent abandon. He is truly the best friend any person could ask for.
"What will you do?" he asks as he releases me.
"I don't know," I say, "Knit?" In actuality, I have no idea how to do such a thing, but I have a feeling I will learn. My father will do anything to keep me out of trouble, as he had done before, but I know now that things will be much different. Harder. I will be living a life with no meaning.
I remember when I pushed every sort of feeling and passion from my life. Only the lust for the fight remained, the lust for the battle. I slept with men, my charges, just to feel the rush of life and the electricity of want. Never have I felt it like I am now. Like I did with Jack.
Rodney smiles. "The Andie I know would shoot someone in the foot rather than hold a ball of yarn."
I return the gesture. "And don't you ever forget it."
With a laugh, he pulls me back into the friendly embrace. But after a moment, I feel his body go soft. "Do you want me to tell him anything?" he asks gently.
I pull away. "There's nothing I could say that wouldn't break us both." He watches as I walk away, and I give his hand one last tug of encouragement. "Watch over him for me."
Rodney only nods in response.
The land is a mirage of a prison, the steel bars hidden and covered by a cold wind. At this moment I pray the ground will open up and swallow me whole. Loyal is waiting for me a bit down the road and as I approach him, he loops his arm through mine in attempt to keep me going.
I don't blame him for what he's done. He thinks he knows the difference between right and wrong, happiness and an illusion. In his eyes everything is black and white. I wish I could tell him how blind he actually is.
A new life, a new beginning... now if only I could decide if this is the end or just the beginning.
I have to admit, I had to wipe my eyes a few times while writing this. The very last chapter. But once again, tis not the end of the tale. I already have eleven chapters of the sequel written, and it'll be out soon enough.
I need a new pen name. I changed it to this one so it's the same as my name on Opportune Moment, but Fanfiction. Net doesn't allow umlauts in your name, which Anarane is supposed to have over the E, and it feels so indifferent without it. I'll come up with a new one soon.
240 reviews. Thanks to everyone who read this and gave me feedback. I love you, my darlings.
Terradaina: Don't be sad, my dear. Jack and Andie are bound to be together again. Trust me.
RunawayPirate: Thanks for all your compliments, I truly appreciate them.
LoLoMo: I think the last chapter is one of my favorites as well. That, and the first chapter. I'm glad you don't think Loyal is a bad guy. I didn't mean for him to be, although I think he did come off as somewhat of a jerk.. He's just trying to protect her.
AJ-Sparrow: Glad you liked that sentimental moment as well, because it's probably one of favorite moments in the entire story.
Doctress: You have my word to update soon.
Genevra: Aw, you're such a sweetheart! Thanks for everything. I know Loyal came off as somewhat of an asshole, but I didn't really mean for him to. His opinion for what's good for Andie may be different, but he's just trying to protect her. And I will tell you this: his name does hold some significance. Keep that in mind.
Dreadlockedpencil: I can't wait for the sequel either :)
Lyra Potter: I'm so happy that everyone loved that scene between Andie and Jack. It's sort of difficult writing sentimental moments with characters who are so quick to hide that side of themselves. I have to be honest, I was a bit nervous about it, but now I feel much more confident.
Supermonkey289: I hope you're having fun in Hawaii! God, I wish I was there! I hope you weren't disappointed with this chapter, considering you hoped to like it the best. By the way, my dad loves JFK and when you quoted him, my dad's birthday was right around the corner. It was just perfect timing. Have fun in the sun and the sand, dear!
EverVengeful: That is wonderful praise! Thank you!
ComfortablyNumb89: I can't wait either! Hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much as the last.
Anaknusan: Of course you can live in my story! I love to get so involved in something that I can't stop thinking of it, and this story has done exactly that for me. I'm always wanted to write it and come up with new things. I wish I was Andie! Does that make me strange? Haha. And yes, there will be a sequel, as I've said a million times :)