Disclaimer: (applies for all preceding chapters as well) I own plot. JKR owns the rest. Yup yup.

Full Summary: Fred and George are ordered to repeat their seventh year properly, and neither of them is happy about this. With more pranks up their sleeves because of their booming business, they come to school reeking havoc everywhere and angering quite a few. When Hermione threatens to stop their antics, she ends up in the line of fire on many of their pranks! Now, its revenge and mayhem in store for sure…and of course one must remember that all is fair in love and war!

A/N: I know this is highly unlikely, but I figured Mrs. Weasley would be quite angry with the two of them - enough so to do this. Also, I'm ignoring the Voldemort aspect in the time frame - I'll leave that to JKR's book that comes out in July. Sorry if this bothers anyone, I really just wanted to write a romantic comedy with lots of twists and melodramatic angst that will make anyone laugh. Please read, enjoy, and review! Thanks!

Love and War

Chapter One: Mother Knows Best

"But mum!"

"You can't do this!"

"Oh yes I can!" screamed Mrs. Weasley at her twin sons. The three of them were in the kitchen where the shouting match had started not two minutes ago. The other occupants of the Burrow were all huddled in a big bunch on the rickety staircase nearest to the kitchen door.

"But the joke shop -" one of the twins began to say, but a loud "Ow!" ended it. The people on the staircase assumed she'd hit them with her cooking spoon.

"Dropping out of school to start that retched business, I can't believe you!" she all but screeched. They heard more clattering pots and pans and a few spells cast as she started breakfast. "I thought that retched nonsense would be out of your heads by now. You didn't even take your N.E.W.T.S.!"

"What's the point of taking them?" one of the twins replied.

"It's associated with the Ministry," the other said. "You really want us taking an exam that's part of the Ministry?"

"That's not the point!" Mrs. Weasley yelled. "Those exams matter! And you will repeat your seventh year and take those exams or I'll have both your heads! I can't believe your gall! Flying away on broomsticks and opening a joke shop! Where in Merlin's name did you find the money for such a thing?"

Back on the staircase, Ron looked over his shoulder at Harry, who was sitting behind him. Harry blushed, and felt immediately guilty about giving the twins that money, but what Ron said next changed that. "I don't think they ever told mum about you giving them that gold," he whispered to Harry. "I mean, we all would've heard her bellowing about it if they had."

Hermione, who was sitting next to Ron, looked to her left at him, then back at Harry, and said nothing, although she did shake her head at their talk.

Ginny, who was sitting next to Harry, asked, "Do you think they'll stop fighting if we come down to breakfast?"

Ron looked up at her, thought about what she'd said for a moment and then nodded. So one by one the four of them headed quietly down the stairs. The only voice now coming from the kitchen was the continuation of Mrs. Weasley's bantering. She was still talking aloud about the twins, who were sitting at the kitchen table as far from their mother as possible.

When the four of them walked in, they quietly said hello to Mrs. Weasley. Fred and George glared at their mother, and, deciding to be safe, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny sat a number of seats away from them.

"Where's Dad?" asked Ginny bravely. She took a piece of toast from the plate her mother had just put on the table and buttered it.

"He had to leave for work early," she said quickly. "Raids everywhere, as usual." She came bustling back to the table and placed a heaping plate of eggs and bacon before them. With a wave of her wand she directed a single plate towards the far end of the table that had burned bacon and watery-looking eggs on it.

Tension began to settle as Mrs. Weasley continued with her kitchen chores and Fred and George stabbed at the horrid food they'd been given. While Mrs. Weasley's back was to them, Harry suddenly watched as four pieces of toast flew by his nose towards the twins. Next went equal amounts of bacon, and without a word Fred and George left the kitchen with simultaneous cracks! at which all but Mrs. Weasley jumped. She turned around at the sound of the noise, and with a swish of her wand, Fred and George's plates zoomed over to her and cleaned themselves at the sink.

When the four of them had finished, they all headed back up to Ron's room. As they climbed the stairs, they passed by Fred and George's door, and faint murmuring could be heard on the other side.

"What do you think they're up to?" Ginny asked, trying to keep her voice down.

"Probably some hair-brained scheme that'll have mom ready to skin them alive," Ron remarked.

"Honestly," Hermione huffed, "they're always wreaking havoc wherever they go. I wouldn't be surprised if they managed expulsion this year."

At this, the twin's bedroom door was hurled open so that it almost flew off the hinges. Harry, Hermione and Ron all jumped back, and Ginny ducked behind Harry and Ron. Hermione was still the closest one to the door.

The twins were standing side by side in the door frame. They were also beaming down at Hermione in such a maniacal way that she was wary they'd try to hurt her.

"We love your faith in us Hermione, dear," one of them said - Hermione wasn't sure which one was which.

"Yeah," the other twin replied. "We'd try for expulsion, trust us. The thought has crossed our minds."

"But we actually have to obey mum's orders this time," the other replied angrily.

"And why's that?" Ron asked. Ginny poked her nose out from behind his shoulder.

"Apparently you can't own a joke shop unless you have a certificate of graduation," the first twin replied.

"I didn't know that," Hermione replied, sounding somewhat surprised by the news.

The twins both turned to look at her. "What? Were you thinking of running away from Hogwarts and starting a joke shop too?"

"We could handle the competition you know -"

"- But you might find it hard to get the funds -"

"- Although I think that you're certainly clever enough to try, no doubt."

Hermione huffed. "I was not thinking about such a thing! I just figured that since you're both legal wizards that such a thing as needing a 'certificate of graduation' would be utterly pointless."

"Of course not, they want to be sure that you have schooling. They don't want a couple of nutters owning a business!"

Ginny let out a slight snort and ducked back behind Ron and Harry.

Hermione huffed again. "If you two cause any mayhem this year, I will report you," she declared. The twins merely exchanged smiles at this. But Hermione's next words knocked those smirks away. "Reporting you to the Headmaster might not do the trick, but I'm sure reports to your mother would!"

"You didn't tell her anything the last time you tried that line on us!" Fred cried indignantly.

George nodded. "You're bluffing."

Hermione folded her arms across her chest. "Oh, am I?" she replied angrily. Harry and Ron backed away slightly, shuffling Ginny along with them. "Then go ahead and try and find out the hard way. I dare you. Put one toe out of line with me and your mum would be sure to hear about it."

"Then we'll be sure to not cross paths with you, won't we Fred?" said George.

"Certainly, George," answered Fred. With a flourish, they had walked back into their room and had slammed it shut behind them.

Hermione, still furious with the twins antics, marched right passed Ron, Harry and Ginny on the stairs and headed up to Ron's room.

"They must have death wishes to attempt to get her knickers in a twist," Ron murmured.

Harry merely nodded. Slowly, they followed Hermione upstairs, glancing one last time at Fred and George's closed bedroom door.

"Hermione won't know what hit her if the twins do something drastic to her. She's a target to them now, all because she's trying to defy them like mum is," Ginny said.

"Yeah, well Fred and George won't know what hit them either, if they succeed in harassing Hermione," Ron replied. "She'll knock them both silly! Remember when that Skeeter woman tried to do her in? Hermione went and stuffed her in a jar and blackmailed her! Or what she did to Umbridge?"

"Hermione can be amazing when she's angry," Ginny declared, and the two boys nodded in agreement.

A/N: Please Review! I'll love you forever, I swear! Thanks so much! Next chapter up soon!