Hold Me And Never Let Go
Disclainer: I don't own the Teen Titans... sorry.
Please don't hurt me. It was wordless but so evident, stricken across his face like an eternal mask. He felt the familiar pain rip through his body as he watched her approach. How long had it been since he'd felt this way for anybody? How long had it been since he wanted to hold someone this bad? It was so incredibly amazing to him that his heart could ache so plaintively for someone. Robin hung his head quietly, averting his already hidden gaze from her as she came to stand by his side.
He knew it was stupid, but the intense need he felt to have her by him was almost excruciating. At the exact same moment he wanted to pull her into his embrace and never let go, he wanted to be as far away from her as possible. Within him a tumultuous war raged, that of his selfish and insane love for her and that which told him their duties could never allow a relationship to blossom between them. He also knew, with a sick sensation, that he was undeserving of her affections and completely and utterly unworthy of even being in her presence, let alone having her under his command on the team. And he was definitely unsuited to have her as a friend.
"Do you want me to stay?" she asked quietly. Her voice was weary, broken. Obviously the talks with Galfore were not as she had hoped.
"Star… how can you ask me that?" he asked, a distinct waver in his usually strong voice. Starfire looked down at her hands, seeming to plead with them for some answers. Robin ran a hand through his hair. "I-I just want you to be happy. If… you'll be happier taking the throne of Tamaran, then I'm all for it…" he suppressed a whimper of despair, forcing the words out of himself. "It would be selfish of me to ask you to stay," he murmured. Starfire felt a hot tear burn its way down her cheek.
"I do not know what to do… I-I… Robin, please help me," she whispered, choking on the salty tears that slipped silently down her face. Robin felt an indescribable urge to scream but remained quiet. He heard Starfire give a muffled sob. The Boy Wonder wanted to take her into his arms, wanted to tell her he could make everything better, but at the very same moment he was struggling desperately to regain the hard walls around his heart that had once sheltered him. Robin's eyes squeezed shut with the sudden onslaught of burning saline against his eyelids. No, he couldn't cry. Damn it, he wouldn't cry!
"Starfire…" he managed to strangle the name out of his disobedient lips. She glanced up at him, her cheeks stained with fresh tear paths. He lifted a shaky hand to her cheek and wiped away her tears. Starfire offered a weak smile.
Please don't hurt me. Don't leave me standing here wondering why I gave you my heart. Let me keep you… please, please let me keep you. Robin found himself unable to keep the refrained disposition he'd been striving for, and he flung himself onto her in a rare fit of emotion. Starfire let a loud cry escape her and she sobbed into his chest, burrowing herself as far away from the world as possible. The duty she felt to her planet was immense and yet her heart was so securely held by the titans, by Robin, it was impossible for her to choose. She felt as if she were being ripped in two. If only he would give her more of a reason to stay. If only he would give her more than just friendship.
Robin burrowed his face into the top of her head, taking in the scent of her long auburn hair and wishing he could just die. It was then that he became aware that between her sobs she was laying desperate, feather-light kisses on his chest. He knew in all technicalities he couldn't feel her lips through the fabric of his uniform shirt, but somehow each kiss left a burning sensation rushing through him. Robin took in shuddering breath. "Starfire… tell me you don't wanna go," he pleaded softly. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and imploring.
"I cannot leave you, Robin… I cannot do it…" she whispered quietly, an edge of recklessness in her voice. He understood what it would mean; to give up her birth right would be to alienate herself from her planet and to utterly give up all ties to her home-world. Robin pulled her tightly to himself.
"Star... Starfire. Starfire I-I love you so much…" he gasped for breath, suddenly realizing she was not the only one crying now. He hastily unwound himself from her and tried to wipe away his tears but she grabbed his hands and flung herself back into his arms. Robin wrapped himself around her, holding her with an irrational thought in his mind that she would disappear if he let go. Starfire squeezed her eyes shut.
"Robin, I love you too…" she murmured shakily. They fell to the ground, still wrapped in each other's arms, and then they just lay there on the roof of the tower, utterly exhausted by their pain. Robin brought her chin up so he could see her face and pressed his lips hard against her own, as if he were trying to convince himself she was really his. Starfire clung to him, her eyes closed in a strangely complete peace. Whatever lay ahead… whatever trials were brought on by this decision… they were nothing, nothing at all compared to the strength of their love.
Author's Notes: Ok, I have no clue about what spurred me to write this other than that I heard a song and it invoked this sort of bitter-sweet emotion very strongly... so thus this was born. sort of a slightly dramatic/angsty piece of fluff. Maybe even a little tragic if you picked up on what Starfire is acually giving up. I hope you liked it, it's a tad short and I don't know exactly how I feel about it. Please give me your thoughts in a little review if you are able :)
Love, Princess Starfire of Tamaran