Take Me Away
"Don't give up on me yet, don't forget who I am. I know I'm not there yet, but don't let me stay here alone." -Take Me Away by Lifehouse
Change is inevitable so why try to avoid it? I mean, you've got to be hard-pressed to defy it. Its like the law of gravity; impossible to resist. The fear and excitement people talk about, its all just a hype to make the process easier. Except nothings easy and if you think otherwise you're a fool.
But... Does it make you a fool to wish things could stay the same? Are you really a fool if you do try to defy it? Does that... Does that still make me a child?
It's nearly impossible to comprehend just how much can change in three years, from outward appearances to the very emotions that reside in the human heart. There are, of course, things that either never change or simply can't change. It's those things that are unwilling to change that make life hard... And sometimes unbearable.
Like... My love for Kisa...
As hot as the sun and as lonely as the moon... Even after all these years it still refused to alter in any way and never once has it wavered. It's the one thing that has stayed constant; the one thing defying change. Or maybe... It's me who's refusing to.
I'm still a child. I can't seem to grow up... Still blaming others for my problems and telling them off in order to make myself feel more superior. I hate it, but I can't seem to break the habit and for all the words that fall from my mouth I still can't speak what my true feelings are...
That stupid girl was wrong about me. I couldn't become a valiant prince. I wasn't brave, or charming, or anything that remotely resembled princely attributes. I was just a boy. A stupid, childish boy who couldn't accept change. I didn't want things to change, they were fine the way they were. Even if I couldn't tell Kisa I loved her or confess why it was that I once ignored her, it was okay. She would always be there, smiling for me; accepting me.
It was foolish of me to think that was how it would always be.
Kisa told me she had something she wanted to tell me, something that no one else knew not even that stupid girl. Her usually pale face had been tinted rose, her lips locked in a never-ending smile, and a fountain of giggles caught in her throat. It made me feel awkward. She had been so uncharacteristically bubbly. Nonetheless I agreed to meet her after school at our tree.
Later that day I found myself placidly sitting under our giant sakura tree, though inwardly I was pacing in circles. I found that I was nervous and anxious. Sometime earlier a thought had struck me. What if... What if Kisa finally felt the same way I felt for her? And today she was going to confess to me? The signs from earlier pointed to a girl obviously in love (or so my friends at school said) and then to meet in seclusion? Was it really possible?
A smile had crept onto my lips, heat onto my face. It was... Intense and nice, but still weird and alien and not at all like me. It had made me feel stupid, but I couldn't suppress that idiotic grin.
"Hiro!"
I had turned to see Kisa running over, which forced me to wipe that stupid grin off my face. I unfortunately couldn't stop blushing though, which made me feel like a bigger idiot. I thanked the fact that I was in the shade and hoped that it wasn't noticeable.
"Sorry I'm late," she said a little breathlessly. "I had to change for the movie."
"Movie?" I asked a bit taken off guard, "What movie?"
Kisa had smiled then, a strange far off look in her amber eyes, "Haru said he was going to treat us to a movie today."
I had quirked an eyebrow at this before taking in the way she was dressed. She wore a white sun dress with sunflowers all over it and though her honey-blonde hair was still fairly short, two strands of it had been braided to meet at the back of her head. A silver charm bracelet dangled from her right wrist and on her lips... was that... lip gloss? Her beauty had rendered me speechless for a moment, but I came to my senses fast enough to say, "Aren't you a bit dressed up for a movie?"
She frowned, as if she too had fallen back to earth. "Well..." she bit her lip and then, without prompting she quickly asked, "Hiro, have you ever been in love?"
The question had thrown me and I literally staggered back into the tree, though due to how close I was to it already it had thankfully been hardly noticeable. "Wh-why are you asking me?" a hot blush had risen as I had spat the words out and I tried to regain my composure, "I mean who hasn't? It's not as great as it seems..."
"Oh no, its wonderful!" a smile had lit up her face, before faltering slightly, "But complicated."
I swallowed, anxiety gripping my heart in a painful squeeze.
"I... wanted to tell you before anyone else because you're my best friend, Hiro," she smiled at me.
And I knew.
I knew before she even opened her mouth to utter those horrible words. It wasn't hard to put two and two together, just painful.
"I... I love him... Haru."
She looked up to meet my gaze from fingering her charm bracelet, in fact the same charm bracelet I gave her for getting into the high school of her choice not too long ago. She smiled happily and though I felt sick to my stomach there was nothing I could say or do to change what she had just told me. I was at a loss for words.
"Hiro, are you okay?" Her eyes had filled with concern and she had started to walk closer to me. Involuntarily I had edged further back into the tree.
"Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine," I said in a voice unlike my own.
She stopped, eying me sadly. "You don't approve, do you?"
"Of course not!" I felt like shouting, but I couldn't make the words come. They would not form and I had inwardly cursed. Of all the times for my vicious tongue to fail me it had to be then... So when words and gestures finally did come they were of the blackest lies.
I smiled.
And then I lied.
"If he makes you happy... I'm with you..."
The brightest and prettiest smile graced her features and she lunged at me, wrapping her arms around me in a warm, whole-hearted embrace. She was sure to have scratched her bare arms against the rough groves of the tree, but hadn't seemed to care. I was too numb to return the embrace, to feel, to think... There was only a gross, sick and heart-wrenching misery inside me that had begun to slowly course throughout my body.
After what seemed like an eternity she released me. "We should go find Haru if we're going."
As much as I didn't want her to be with him I didn't think I could bare to be around either of them at the moment. "I have baby-sitting duty, I can't go."
Lies were becoming easier to rapid fire than the truth. This wasn't about feeling important anymore, this was about maintaining my sanity.
"What? No!" Kisa furrowed her eyebrows and in her quiet, but sweet voice chided me, "You promised you'd go!"
"I promised I'd go with you," I blandly stated in my head. "I'm sorry," I had said even though I wasn't in the least, "You better go, he'll be worried and no doubt in need of help finding his way out of his house."
She smiled sadly before turning to go, but after a few paces she turned back with one last attempt, "Are you sure?"
I dumbly nodded, as words were past me then; my throat had constricted itself. She had given me one last gaze of uncertainty before undoubtedly storing it away to brood over later and ran off in search of that stupid cow. Once she was out of sight I had slid to the ground, the tree's bark scratching my back painfully as I did so.
I didn't cry, instead I stared out at nothing. I couldn't think straight and I had felt incredibly numb with the exception of a dull, but painful ache in my chest. The sky had turned a deep violet by the time I headed for home, just as numb and sad as I had been. At home I found dinner a torture so left for bed early. Even then I just laid there, moonlight washing over me, lost.
I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about a week and to the school's relief I haven't told anybody off in about a week either. I've just been moving in some kind of lethargic daze. I still see Kisa every day and I still talk and walk with her every day; it's not like I can ignore her... I don't want to. I just... I just wish things could go back to the way they were. It hurts so much listening to her talk about him, watching her watch him, and all the while he hasn't got a clue.
That stupid cow...
"Hiro? Is something the matter?"
"Huh?" I looked up to see Kisa about three feet ahead of me a look of confusion gracing her perfect features.
"You suddenly stopped..." she said uncertain.
I noticed I was clenching my fists and quickly undid them. "I'm fine," I said with a bit more heat then I intended and took the strides needed to resume our walk home.
I could tell Kisa was being a bit cautious when she began talking again. "Haru wanted to know if you wanted to come with us tomorrow..."
It was the last straw. Somewhere inside me a great, big dam broke and before I could think to stop it from happening everything that had been running through my head the last few days spilled out into the open.
"Haru this, Haru that! I'm sick of hearing about him already! First it was that stupid girl and you couldn't get enough of her and now, NOW it's him!" I shouted vehemently, "Don't you think about anyone besides him? Don't you care about anyone else?"
I couldn't believe, even as I was doing it, that I was viciously attacking the one person I swore I would never hurt again. Even when I saw she was seconds from breaking I couldn't stop. I was possessed. The accusations, the feelings of betrayal, it wouldn't stop. Even when she began backing away, hands over her heart, even when her chin started quivering, even when big, shiny tears began to slip from her eyes and down her cheeks...
"I HATE HIM!" I yelled in one last huff, fists clenched at my sides and then... It, the rage that had possessed me, was gone having had it's say. I was left feeling completely and utterly empty, but only for one blissful moment because after that moment I saw the damage it had left in it's wake.
Kisa was apparently so stunned that she couldn't bring herself to say anything in her defense. All she could do was stare, back against the stone wall, softly sobbing with a hiccup here and there. The fog cleared, reality swam back into view, and an incredible, terrible weight fell unceremoniously onto my shoulders.
"Kisa," I took a step towards her at a loss, outstretching my hand to her. She stared at me with fear for one brief second before running off, leaving her school bag behind.
I lowered my hand to my side and watched her run until all I could see before me was the blue horizon. I was at a loss of what to do now. How could I undo what I just did? How could I make it right?
"You can't," I whispered, a new anger finding it's way to the surface. I clenched my fist and with all the strength I could muster I punched the stone wall in front of me. I let out a gasp of pain and immediately cradled my hand. My eyes blurred slightly, but I forced the tears back.
The knuckles were a little bloody and I had a feeling I broke it. I cursed, but knew I deserved much more pain than this. With my working hand I picked up Kisa's bag and began the long journey home.
The sun had long since set allowing twilight to take over and after what felt like forever I found myself at Hatori's. The pain from my hand had surpassed unbearable not too long ago and I wasn't sure how much longer I could go without transforming. Weakly, I dropped Kisa's school bag and knocked on the door, resting my head against it as I waited for admittance. Though I was relieved when the door slid open I was a little disgruntled when I almost tumbled in head first.
"Hiro?" the older man questioned with a hint of surprise in his monotonous voice. He then stepped aside allowing me entrance. He slid the door shut behind us and I sat in the first chair I saw and cradled my throbbing hand.
The doctor wasted no time with idle chat and immediately began to tend to my injury. He was a fairly respectable man which lead me to question how it was that he put up with the idiotic duo, Shigure and Ayame.
"Its surprisingly not broken, but severely sprained," he told me as he tightly and securely wrapped it in an ace bandage. "You'd do well not to use it for at least a week, and then only light exercises and activities for about four weeks. Two ibuprofen every four hours should numb the pain, but it should subside altogether in a couple of days."
"Now," he pressed, "How did this happen? I'd expect injuries like this from Kyo or Hatsuharu, but you're not like them..."
"Who'd want to be like them is beyond me," I stated bitterly. The doctor quirked a smile, but it vanished quickly. Too tired to fight with him I hurriedly mumbled I got angry and punched a wall. He nodded, most likely knowing it wasn't the whole story, but he didn't question me further for which I was thankful.
"Natsuki is probably worried, you should go," Hatori said leading me to the door.
"Hey," I said noticing Kisa's bag when he slid the door open, "Is the rabbit around?" The barest traces of a frown graced his face at the term 'rabbit,' but he nodded. "Could you ask him to drop off Kisa's school bag for me?"
I waited for him to question me on why I couldn't drop it off, or why I had it to begin with, but he didn't. All he said was, "Sure," and sent me on my way.
As Hatori predicted my mother fussed over me, demanding why I was so late getting home and what happened to my hand, and blah, blah, blah, but then she abruptly stopped with her demands. Maybe it was the absence of my defiance through all her huffs and puffs that unnerved her.
"Hiro?" she cupped my chin, concern etched all over her face. "Are you all right?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I barked, turning away from her to head back outside. "Will everyone leave me alone if I say 'No, I'm not!' Maybe I'm just tired, maybe I'm just annoyed, or maybe I happen to be in pain!" I shouted, turning back around to thrust my injured hand in her face, "Have you seen my hand? Ever think THAT could be the problem?" I demanded angrily.
Mom didn't frown and tears didn't well up her eyes like I thought they would, instead she started laughing. She cupped her hands over my hurt one softly and smiled warmly. "Fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said, "But I'm here if you want to talk."
I relaxed slightly, but felt guilty. I mean, mom didn't deserve that, she was just worried. And Kisa... Kisa most certainly didn't deserve that. "Thanks," I mumbled, eyes downcast.
She laughed again, ruffled my hair before pulling me into a one armed half-hug, and kissed the top of my forehead. "Mom!" I hissed, breaking free of her with a glare. She laughed again and went to go tend to the toddler leaving me to my own devices.
Not particularly hungry or in the mood for 'talking,' I left the house. I found the sky to be overcast, but even the clouds couldn't block out the light of the luminous moon. I soon found myself at the pond in the center of one of the estate's gardens. Kisa liked to come here. When we were younger we used to often play here... Sometimes with that stupid cow and the rabbit.
I sat down on one of the logs used for a bench and stared out at the water. With the help of the pond's reflection of the moon I found the giant rock we used to play 'King of the Pond' on. That stupid cow used to beat us every time because of his height and force. He used to pick Kisa up and throw her from the rock and she'd giggle and laugh, encouraging him to do it again. I then began to wonder... When was it that Kisa started seeing him with such admiration?
Was it something that just happened to always be there much like my love for her? Did I just never notice it before? Did she, like I've accused her of needing me to do, have to spell it out?
I lowered my head into my good hand, frustrated, and trying very hard not clench the other in a fist.
"Hey."
Startled, I looked up to see that stupid cow, hands in his pockets, staring out towards the pond. I glared up at him, straightening my back so I was at full posture.
He looked down at me with his dull, gray eyes with something that resembled intrigue before turning his gaze back to the pond. He did not attempt to initiate any more conversation and seeing as I would rather die then spend any more time in his company I got up to leave. I'd find somewhere else to continue my self-loathing.
"What happened between you and Kisa today?" he asked in his unemotional voice.
"None of your damn business," I spat walking past him to head back up the pathway.
"She made this my business," he declared, clasping a hand uncomfortably on my shoulder.
I shrugged it off and turned to face him. "And why should you care?" I demanded.
I could feel the anger boiling inside of me, my hate growing steadily. His cool and calm demeanor showed he was unaffected by my outburst and he merely continued to gaze at me with intent. Seeing how he could be so emotionally unattached when I was so full of grief and self-hate only added to my fury.
"Just because you say its your business doesn't make it 'your business' and how do you know if anything happened between us? Maybe we're perfectly fine, and even if we weren't what's it matter to you?"
"I used to be like you," the quiet, but firm statement caught me off guard. Before I could make up my mind whether I wanted to ask what he meant or continue with rapid fire insults, he began to speak again. "Hating someone so much and having no idea how to control that hatred... So, you take it out on others..."
"Spare me your sympathy," I ordered. The corners of his mouth twitched into a smirk and his eyes turned icy as he stared down at me.
"Then let me give you some advice," he compromised, an underlying dangerous tone in his voice. "If you're going to say you hate someone, say it to the person that you hate; not innocent bystanders."
He watched me for a moment as if waiting for me to deny what he obviously already knew. When I kept silent he started his way up the path as if leaving me to mull over what he just said, but I couldn't let him have the last say. Not when Kisa was in love with someone who could only look at her as a younger sister.
"You shouldn't lead her on!" I yelled at his retreating back. I expected him to stop and refute my claim, to tell me that Kisa only saw him as an older brother, but he didn't.
"Neither should you," was his nonchalant reply.
It was clear who had had the last say.
A week later I still couldn't face Kisa. I didn't know how to. I had let her down and it pained me every time I thought of her. All I could see was her tear stained face and the echo of fear that I had seen in her amber eyes. I didn't want to see her like that ever again and it hurt me so much to know that I had been the cause of it.
A week later had also brought me to a check up with Hatori on my sprained hand. As I walked up the steps to his office I heard a booming laugh which could only belong to...
Without hesitation I whipped around and marched back the way I came. I was NOT going to endure an already painful check-up with that obnoxious, idiotic snake. I would just go back later, long after he'd gone. Though, as fate would seem, I wasn't going to be able to escape every idiot in this family...
Not too far down the road, fighting over a piece of fabric with a cat, was the cursed monkey.
"I'm sorry!" I cringed at the high-pitch wail. "Please let go, I'm supposed to give this to Ayame!"
I stood still for a minute debating whether to quickly cross the yards into the woods without a trace or actually help him. The more distressed he got the shriller his voice became and the more inclined I was to leave. I started to until I noticed one of the Main House windows open...
I glared. It was Akito's window.
Sighing, I turned my direction and made my way over to the moron fighting with the cat. It would be a far worse fate to have to watch him have a row with Akito than helping the buffoon. I was almost there when I saw Kisa...
She also seemed to have picked up on the fool's distress for she quickly went over to him and picked up the small, brown cat, disentangling its claws from the monkey's red velvet cloth.
"Oh, Kisa, hello," the idiot responded meekly, rolling the velvet up and placing it in his basket. Her return smile was a bit forced as she was seeming to have immense difficulty holding on to the feisty cat.
I nervously swallowed. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew that I couldn't avoid her forever... Before I knew what was happening my feet were making my way towards them. Kisa looked up at me, but she quickly adverted her eyes to the struggling cat in her arms, whispering to it, "Hold still!" The cat didn't listen and broke free from her grasp, running off into the nearby wood.
"Aren't you even going to say 'thank you' to her?" I demanded of the monkey as I approached them.
Startled, he jumped back, dropping his basket and all it's contents. I mentally rolled my eyes at his klutziness.
"I'm sorry!" I cringed once again at the high-pitched wail that disturbed the solitude. "I apologize to you--- to the whole world!"
Before the idiot could continue forcing his apologies down our throats Kisa began gathering his fallen things with a polite, "Its okay."
"Oh, thank you," Ritsu said meekly. "Oh, and Hiro, hello!"
"Yeah, hi," I shot, looking disdainfully at his stuff that Kisa was so kindly picking up for him. I mean, couldn't he at least help pick up his stuff? "Are you going to make her pick up your entire mess?"
"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!" The pathetic excuse for a man quickly fell to his hands and knees and began scrambling for the now dirty fabrics and assorted fruit.
"Hiro..." Kisa warned while staring intently at the ground. I inwardly winced at her tone with me, but shrugged, not feeling the least bit guilty for putting him in his place. I mean, how can he call himself a man? It was almost sickening to watch...
"Here you go," Kisa handed the monkey back his basket with a kind smile. He smiled slightly at her, eyes flickering from her to me with a sense of anxiety. Apparently noticing his discomfort Kisa vainly tried to start a conversation, "So... Where are you going?"
"Oh, I'm on my way to Ayame's, well Hatori's first as that's where Ayame said he'd be, but maybe he's already left and then I'll be imposing myself on Hatori and---"
"He's there. I saw him go in just a few minutes ago," I replied. It was close enough to the truth.
He visibly relaxed, but I could feel the awkward tension between Kisa and I growing. I couldn't pretend like nothing had happened... I had to apologize to her, but the words were stuck in my throat. I couldn't get them to come out.
"Just say it!" I mentally berated myself, getting angry, "Its not like things can get any worse!"
With that the words came up like vomit; in a rush and hurried.
"Kisa, I'm sor---"
"Oh, its Haru!" Kisa interjected, looking down the road, ignoring me completely. I shut my mouth looking for the cow that ruined everything, but before I had spotted him Kisa was already backing away from the two of us.
"It was nice seeing you," she smiled up at Ritsu who smiled back and gave me a slight nod without meeting my eyes before quickly walking off.
I could feel the anger boiling inside me, my hate growing steadily. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!
"Is something wrong, Hiro?" Ritsu nervously asked. I glared up at him and he tensed back slightly.
Looking like he was on the verge of belting out apologies again I silenced him with a curt, "No."
He was quiet while I silently fumed and then he said, a smile in his voice, "You know, I got a letter from Tohru yesterday."
I looked up at him with a quizzical look. Why did he think I would I care if he got a letter from that stupid girl?
"She was wondering if you had become Kisa's prince yet," he smiled.
"And why would she care?" I snapped. He flinched, holding his basket closer to his chest.
"W-well, its just you two seemed uncomfortable with each other just a minute ago and I was wondering if perhaps you two had a lover's quarrel, though its none of my business if you did---"
"You're right, its not," I barked.
His lip quivered and then the inevitable came.
"I'M SORRY! It was wrong of such a worthless person such as I to pry into your life! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I apologize to the world! To the whole universe!"
"Ritsu? What on Earth are you doing dear boy?" came a dramatic voice from behind me. I groaned as the silver haired man that could only make the situation worse came into view.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I disturb you?" the monkey meekly responded, having regained his composure.
"How could you not? With all that racket I half expected to come outside and find a massacre to have taken place," Ayame shamelessly replied.
"I'm sorry."
"Will you stop saying sorry already?" I yelled at the idiot.
"SORRY!" was his return wail.
Exasperated and too tired to continue the vicious cycle I turned to leave the two idiots to themselves. If Akito got mad at them it would be there own fault. I had done my civic duty to others for the day. Now I had to concentrate on what to do about Kisa and myself... If I could ever face her again.
"And where do you think you're going young man?" Ayame demanded.
"Away obviously," I replied irritated.
He frowned, "You could be bit nicer you know, especially to poor Ritsu here," he gestured to the younger man next to him who still clutched his basket of goods to his chest.
"You're a fine one to talk," I mumbled, but the comment went unnoticed as the man began to boast about himself in a proud, pompous tone.
"And you could at least listen to what he has to say, like I do, and be kind to him, like I am---"
"Ayame," a deep, monotonous voice interjected suddenly, "Shut up."
"Right away!" smiled the eccentric idiot.
"Hiro, what are you doing here?" the doctor asked me. If there was one person I thought I was going to get some slack from, I thought it would've been him. Irritated, I went on my old rapid fire insults habit.
"Do I need a reason to be here? Maybe I was just passing through when these idiots---"
"Now that's just rude!" Ayame huffed.
"---decided to stop me and give me a headache. Maybe I'm just---"
But Hatori held up his hand cutting me off, lines of exhaustion breaking apart his usually impregnable mask, "I merely meant to find out why you weren't at my office. You're late for your check up."
"Oh," I dumbly replied.
"Ayame, you and Ritsu should get going," Hatori said looking over to the two fools. Ritsu meekly smiled and Ayame saluted him with a cheery grin before leading the other man down the road in a whirl of red and silver.
I sighed a sigh of relief. Ironically, Hatori seemed to have done the same. I looked up at him slightly surprised and he gave the smallest of smiles before gesturing to his office up ahead.
"You do realize you were in dangerous territory just then?" Hatori stated more than asked, "It would not have been well if Akito had noticed."
"Its that idiot's own fault for prying into my personal life," I replied as we walked, "Who knows, maybe an encounter with the devil would straighten him out."
"I know you don't mean that," Hatori responded staring straight ahead.
He was right and we said no more on the matter.
After a few minutes of blessed silence he asked, "How is your wrist feeling?"
"It still hurts, but not as bad."
He nodded and opened the door to his office for me before directing me to the patient's room.
As I walked into the other room I briefly saw the rabbit happily cleaning up the living room, humming to himself. I sat down and heard murmuring in the other room. I figured Hatori was talking to the blonde and dismissed it.
A few minutes later someone came in. I had expected it to have been Hatori, but it wasn't. The rabbit looked down at me for a moment, a vacant expression on his usually sickeningly cheerful face, before he took a seat on the floor in front of me. He propped his face on his hand and stared up at me, his vacant expression replaced with that of questioning and intrigue. I merely stared back.
"You know, Kisa's worried about you," he said, pausing for a few moments as if waiting to see my reaction, but I wasn't going to play along. "Why are you mad at her?"
"I'm not," was my curt response.
"Oh, I see..." a small smirk played on his lips. "You're jealous."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
The blonde then stood up and clapped his hands together before twisting them so his palms were in my face, stretching. All the while he continued to stare at me with an amused, smirking look. I looked to the entranceway. Where was Hatori?
"You know, if you had told Kisa the way you felt none of this would've happened," he stated, his brown eyes reflecting something like pity for me.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled, standing up. "Why do you care anyway?"
"Why won't you let anyone?" he coolly responded, his eyes slightly narrowed.
The question caught me off guard and after a moment I opened my mouth to refute him, but shut it finding nothing to argue. Why did I push everyone away? I sat back down and began to question myself, pondering different things over the last couple of weeks. Did I really think being the 'tragic hero' was going to help me any?
"Hiro, why don't you just try telling Kisa?" Momiji suggested, squatting in front of me, drawing a circle on the floor with his index finger. He looked up at me with a genuine smile and went on to say, "It might clear a lot of things up. And even if she doesn't return you're feelings... You'll still have her as a friend, right? And isn't that the thing that's most important? Friendship?"
This was true... But I couldn't tell him that.
He grinned up at me knowing without my agreement that he was right.
"Momiji, I thought I told you to---"
"I was just leaving Hari," Momiji responded to the older man in the doorway. He smiled at me before getting up and exiting the room with a nod to the doctor.
That night I found myself restless and unable to sleep. It was another clear night and bright moon, even if it was only a slither in the sky. Sighing, I got out of bed quietly and threw a sweatshirt on. Maybe a walk would clear my head; wear me out... Anything to keep me from thinking of Kisa. All I wanted at that moment was to sleep and sleep had denied me.
I tip-toed past the toddler's room and down the stairs in the pitch black. All the curtains had been drawn and I only prayed I didn't trip over any discarded toys during my inability to see. Successfully I made my way to the door and fumbled with the lock momentarily before exiting into the night air. The air was crisp, but refreshing all the same. I jammed my hands into my sweater's pocket and let my feet wander. I wasn't surprised to my find myself staring at a large sakura tree.
I was surprised, however, to see Kisa sitting underneath it.
"Kisa?"
Through the patches of light and darkness I saw her start, quickly turning to look at me. When she registered it was me she seemed to relax, but only slightly.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked, inching closer to see her properly. I saw her rub her eyes hastily as I came closer. I frowned at this and then I heard her sniffle.
I felt my heart constrict. It wasn't hard to put two and two together.
"Kisa?" Gingerly, I took a seat beside her concerned. "What's wrong?"
She didn't say anything. She brought her knees further back and buried her face into her arms, muffled cries and sniffles escaping ever so often.
"Kisa, come on..." I softly chided.
"Go away, Hiro," she hiccuped.
I froze. That had hurt. That had hurt a lot. Had I really let things get this bad between us? What had happened to me being her friend and confident? Had my selfish desire to have her for myself, and myself alone, ruin the one thing I thought I'd have no matter what? Had my wounded pride cost me her friendship, the one thing I was truly thankful for?
I stared at her sadly, my own angst engulfing me as she cried. And then I realized something. I would have to sacrifice if I really loved her. And when you love someone... You want them to be happy no matter what.
Even if that means letting them go.
"I know I haven't been a good friend to you lately and I shouldn't have yelled at you... It wasn't your fault... I was just being selfish... Its just... I..."
I stopped. I couldn't tell her that, I was supposed to let those feelings go. Frustrated with myself and the situation, I ran a hand through my hair.
"Look, I'm sorry, okay? That stupid co--- I mean, Hatsuharu, is a player, and a perverted one at that. He gets angry so easily; say the wrong thing and he'll blow up at you! Once he goes black he'll hurt anyone who comes within a foot of him and who's to say he won't hurt you? And even if he's not in a foul mood he's dull and monotonous..."
I could feel a blush rising as the words leapt from my mouth... Because what I was really trying to say was...
"Its just... Its just... I'm worried about you, Kisa."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw her move. Guardedly, I stole a glance at her to see big, tear stained amber eyes staring at me, the expression on her face dumbfounded.
"H...Hiro...?"
"I'm sorry," I mumbled standing up. I wanted to be able to sacrifice my feelings for her, really I did. I wanted her to be happy, but I couldn't do it. It was too hard and painful to give her up so easily--- and to such a despicable guy. The stupid cow didn't have any feelings beyond brotherly affection for her and still he would lead her on? Was I really supposed to let her go to a guy like that? Even if it was for the sake of her happiness?
I turned to go, my thoughts were as muddled and confused as before. I needed time to think clearly. Should I lock away my feelings and see if I could pretend to be happy for her even if I felt it was the wrong thing to do? Was 'the wrong thing to do' just my perception of the whole thing because of my jealousy and insecurity? Was there any chance in making things work between us?
"Wait!" Kisa grabbed my hand yanking me back to the ground.
I cursed at the sudden grip on my hurt hand and at the hard fall to the ground, but when I felt a pair of soft lips on my own the pain just seemed to melt away. It only lasted a few seconds, but those few seconds seemed like an eternity. She pulled away and regarded me with questioning eyes, tear tracks still on her face. All I could do was stare.
"I had a talk with Haru today," she said quietly, but her gaze never wavered from my own. She seemed determined. "He told me a few things... About himself and Rin... And about you," she paused, biting her lip for a couple seconds.
I swallowed realizing just how vulnerable a position I was in. My heart was racing unusually fast and I tried to order it to slow down, but it was no use. It was apparent I had absolutely no control. Maybe I never did.
"Kisa, I..."
"Do you love me?"
"What?" I asked, flabbergasted from the inquisition.
"Do you love me?" she repeated. She gazed at me, looking me over, contemplating.
I knew what she was wondering. She wanted to know if she had made a mistake, if she had been wrong, or misinformed. I could see her boldness starting to diminish, but her stare still pierced me, bringing forth a deep blush. It made me feel uncomfortable... I had absolutely no control. I licked my lips--- the same lips she had kissed a moment ago--- and tried to bring forth the words I had wanted to say for so long... And the ones she wanted to hear now.
"Hiro Sohma," she shakily demanded, "I'm going to ask you one more time..."
Her head was starting to bow in her usual docile way, her piercing stare began to falter, and a deeper blush than the pink one she had now began to settle on her tear stained cheeks. She was losing confidence and with it my chance... I tried to say the words, but it was as if I was a deer in headlights. I felt like that stupid girl, so flustered and tongue-tied all the time...
"Don't give up on me yet," I silently prayed. "Oh, please God... One little word, just one little word..."
"Do you love me?"
Say it! Just say it you stupid idiot!
"Y-yes," a raspy voice uttered.
After a moment of awkward silence I was afraid maybe I didn't say anything at all, but then Kisa's small, petite voice whispered in disbelief, "What did you say?"
"I said 'yes,'" I replied just as quietly, staring intently into her amber colored eyes. I smiled with new found confidence, placing a strand of her honey blonde hair behind her ear. "I said 'yes, I love you Kisa.'"
I watched as a few new tears made to slide down her face. I wiped them away softly.
I had finally said it. After all these years I had finally done it. All my insecurities, doubts, anger... They all just seemed to vanish. For the first time in what might have been forever I knew the true meaning of being content. I could see it reflected in her eyes. Everything else just seemed to disappear.
Without realizing it, I found myself encircling her with my arms. Her head nestled itself under my chin and I noted her hair smelt like flowers. It felt so right. I had waited so long to be able to do this; dreamed about it so much... I was afraid I'd awaken any minute now to find none of it to be real... It was so warm, so comforting...
"The sky is getting lighter," Kisa noted after a few minutes, starting to sit up. "We should go."
"No," I protested, tightening my hold on her. "Let's watch the sun rise."
Even though I couldn't really see, I knew she was biting her lip uncertainly. After a moment though she quietly agreed and nestled herself against me.
"Hiro?" she shyly prompted.
"Hm?"
"I love you."
I grinned like an idiot and for the first time ever was unabashed by it. Kisa had no idea how much control she had over me. She was the only person who could strip me of all my defenses--- and she didn't even have to lift a finger. But, I couldn't tell her that. At least, not yet. I lightly laughed to myself. I still had some growing up to do, but one day, I would become that valiant prince Kisa deserved.
Just you watch.
The End
Author's Note:
I hope everyone enjoyed this fic. It's only taken me nearly eight months to complete it. I had a severe bout of writer's block with any type of writing, which is mainly why this fic wasn't completed earlier. I started writing it in response to two mailing list challenges back in August, but as I wrote it I found I really wanted to complete it, even if the challenges had become void (although I did incorporate them in there anyway).
It was a little difficult to write, since it was with character's I'm unfamiliar with writing. I hope I did Hiro's character justice and that the ending didn't seem too out of character. I plan to do a couple fan art drawing for it, so if you're interested in seeing the artwork e-mail me and I'll e-mail the link to them as soon as I finish.
As I already said, I hope you all enjoyed this piece of work. I've done a couple other Fruits Basket works (all one-shots and one songfic (which can be found atmy website Fruitloops)), if you care to check those out. Mainly angst, since that's my specialty . Undying Love, Somewhere I Belong, Butterflies, How?, and Realizations In A Whirl of Cherry Blossoms. I've got some upcoming chapter fics in the works. Be on the look out for To Die For, a Kyo-centric angst fest, and Memoirs (title subject to change), a series of memories of the Sohma's pasts, some serious, some not.
Now, save an author! Review!
UPDATE: Take Me Away was originally published 3/13/05 and received some minor changes (the ending mainly) on 3/7/06 and 3/21/06. Thanks for reading!
Eraya