Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

Chapter 1 - prologue

I felt dirty, a dirtiness that I would never get rid of. A dirtiness that would scar me for the rest of my life. No amount of scrubbing and cleaning of all the crevices, would rid me of this dirt. In time I might grow used to the dirt on me, but I would never forget that it was there. Other people might not know it was there straight away, but they soon would. It wasn't something you could see outwardly, unless you really took a good look.

It was like a scar, and like any scar, it was there forever, and only I was to blame. With time, people may forget, but I never would. The pain may dull, but it would always be as vicious in my memory as the day it happened. A memory, I wish could be erased, as easily as a computer document, though my computer wasn't meant to function that way. My computer saved every last smidgen of memories, some may get lost in the hidden depths, but this one was impossible to lose.

When people found out, which was inevitable, I knew they'd say I had it coming, or I deserved it, or they weren't surprised. I do however beg to differ. Nobody deserves this, the pain, the uncontrollable agony, the loss. I had lost everything – my self respect, my trust, my whole life had been thrown in the gutter, along with my body.

How was I ever meant to go back to the way things were, knowing that everyone knew, hearing the whispers behind my back, the looks of disbelief, the looks of pity, and even worse the looks that told me I was different from them. Dirty. Some may even say it was a blessing in disguise, to teach me the error of my ways.

Now, or have I never been a reckless person. Yes I admit to the fact I was a wild child, fun loving, game for a laugh. Who wouldn't be if they'd had my child hood. I don't however wish to blame my misfortune on my early years. I was a normal, young college student, with everything to look forward to. A caring boyfriend, whom I loved and he loved me, friends who had stuck around through thick and thin and a future full of possibilities.

I didn't stay out too late, and if I did, I was never alone. I never really put myself in dangerous situations, well I hadn't until now. I had always thought I was pretty careful, never dressed, provocatively, never lead guys on, in fact other than my friends and boyfriend, I rarely had anything to do with them.

But even if I acted recklessly, dressed provocatively, flirted with the opposite sex and partied till early doors, I didn't deserve this. No-one, no matter how they act, deserves this. I don't care what anyone says, no-one, simply asks for this, because if they did, it wouldn't be what it is. It wouldn't be rape.

So, I know this a little out there, probably hitting a few nerves, but I don't know, I felt it about time, I wrote something about issues that happen EVERY day. PLEASE R&R!