Title: The Beauty of Sadness
Author: CocoBeans
Rating: PG13
Summary: Legolas/Aragorn – Legolas' thoughts as he sails to Valinor; thoughts of Aragorn's death and the feelings that he has been wanting to reveal for so long.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor the settings they are the sole property of J.R.R. Tolkien, however the overall "plot" if it can be called a plot, and everything else, belongs to me.
A/N: I know everything's not completely 100 accurate, I also understand that there are a lack of descriptions other than Legolas' feelings, so don't kill me. Just as a little background info, the reason Legolas knows when Aragorn is going to die is because "assuming" that Aragorn followed tradition, the day his son, Eldarion turned 90 years of age, he was to give up his throne and more or less give up his life (as I've come to understand it). First slash fic. Bad influence from... AHEM. coughstephaniecough Constructive criticism adored!
There is a certain beauty in sadness that is unlike any other in this world. It differs from the radiant beauty of happiness for its glory is not within the joy, but in the sheer tragedy of itself. The beauty of sadness is an endless waltz under the pale glow of the midnight stars; it is the grace that the once glorious rose retains as it slowly sheds its darkened petals. Sadness is the glistening tear that trickles graciously to the ground in its song of cries. That is the beauty, the beauty of pain and tragedy's horrific dance of intertwining threads.
Yet surprisingly, there was to be a time when I thought that sadness was merely an emotion.
I had been counting down to that tragic day, the day when your son, Eldarion would claim his right to the throne. Perhaps you thought that I had forgotten, as you looked longingly into the great distant canvas. Perhaps you believed that I was harried along the way and was unable to attend. Perhaps you thought I did not care. Whatever justifications may have passed your mind I sincerely hope that they were able to quell your troubled thoughts in the last hours of your eminent rule. For truly, dear Aragorn, I did love you more than you could possibly know, and that was why I did come immediately.
As the first drops of sunlight slowly trickled upon the trees in Ithilien, I stood by my horse ready to leave for Minas Tirith. My mind was scattered, distraught; I could not go through with the day. The winds held your voice, the streams sang your name; you were all I could think of. The prospect of losing you forever, unable to ride to your consol, those thoughts perturbed my whole being.
'Aragorn... Elessar…'
I began to think of the times we spent together as the crisp breeze playfully fluttered my garments. I had smiled briefly at the golden trees of Ithilien that morning, thinking I was at long last able to share with you my feelings; to confess the love that I had hidden for so long, too long. Yet during this brief period of freedom, of pure happiness, there was a slight feeling of doubt. 'What good was to come of this?' I pondered at length. 'Who, other than myself, would benefit from this?' More importantly, I was afraid of your reaction. I imagined myself slowly advancing towards you through the dimly lit halls; everything is bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun. We are alone and you smile as I trot up to you, the intricate carpet enveloping my footsteps. 'Aragorn…' I breathe.
'Legolas, melon nin, it is good to see you once more.' You beam, your tenor voice trickling sweetly from your lips like silver bells. Your eyes are so full of love and caring.
I melt, unable to withstand the pain any longer. I raise my hand to gently brush away a stray strand of hair, yet find myself caressing your cheek instead. You seem surprised at first, but then a sense of understanding and humour lighten your face. I can tell you still do not fully understand my intentions, however I cannot hold back the flame that I've kept so deep within myself. No words can express what I feel for you… Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Elessar… Estel…
I find myself moving closer, able to feel the tender warmth of your body. My eyes glimpse a brief look of surprise before flickering shut, waiting in anticipation for your sweet lips. Our kiss lasts an eternity as I feel a surge of warm and pleasure embrace my body, though I could feel your fear and hesitation.
I wanted that moment to last forever so I broke from my reverie, afraid to imagine what would happen next, a look of terror, betrayal, or worse, of disgust? The sharp sting of tears sprung to my eyes. Aragorn, what was I do to? I wanted to tell you, so badly that my body ached with grief, and yet… I knew that I could not, should not, though the idea of seeing you and unable to tell you presented me with greater sorrow. So you see, my love, there was much turmoil in my heart and thus I did not come to visit you one last time before you departed to the next plain of being. I did not say good-bye, did not hold you in one last embrace before we were torn apart forever.
Spending the rest of the day afraid to face others I took to the solace of the woods, seeking solitude among trees I so dearly cherish. I wandered for long periods of time, singing songs and speaking to whoever would listen though they did little to satisfy the ache in my heart.
When I returned home that evening, much to everyone's surprise, I had long decided that I would sail to Valinor for I felt there was nothing left for me in Middle Earth.
Months passed, and with it came at last the completion of my ship. However, I had felt something missing, and deep in my heart I knew what it was. I paid your Kingdom one last visit. Greeted Eldarion kindly before making my way to your resting place. The sun shown brightly, innocent and pure, reflected gracefully from my hair that twirled with the song of the winds. Equally pure, were the snow-white flowers that I held in my hand, their silky petals littering the courtyard. As I came within view of your resting place, my body stiffened. Estel…hope…
I cried for you that day. Wept the tears that were welled so stubbornly within me; I wept freely and shamelessly as the innocent fragile petals of my flowers rained lightly upon your stone coffin. There I was finally able to tell you that I loved you, and there I left my gift of flowers. Taking in one last glance at their purity I realized how beautiful they were, and yet, they emitted an eminent amount of sorrow. With that I departed, finally understanding the beauty of sadness.
Now as I sail towards Valinor I hold a piece of that sadness, of that beauty within myself. It is a sadness that dwells so deeply within my heart that no amount of words or tears can express. It dwells so deeply that I've accepted and acknowledged that it will never go away as long as I live. For the hope of its departure, my hope of regaining happiness once more was left behind. Behind on that lonely continent of men, resting peacefully within a stone coffin showered in snow-white petals.
A/N: Remember, constructive criticism is welcomed and adored!