A very OOC fanfic by SSJ2 PikaFlash, full of Vitamins and Minerals
Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, cast, crew, ideas, blackouts and bashings belong to their respective owners...
It was a fine morning at the Hinata Dorm, Shinobu Maeha was carrying a tray of breakfast towards the manager/landlord's room...
"Senior, I know today is an important day for you, so I decided to bring you breakfast. I can leave it out in the front of your room if you want, but I'm afraid that it could get cold if I leave it out here."
Silence...
"Senior, if its alright with you, can I come in and put your breakfast in your room? I'll take your silence as a yes."
Still more silence, so Shinobu entered the room.
"Senior, it is time to get up. If its about leaving breakfast outside your door, it was only a small joke."
Shinobu looks at Keitaro's body, but there was no signs of life. Shinobu checks the pulse...nothing. Then, she put her finger infront of Keitaro's nose to check if Keitaro is breathing. After a few seconds, Shinobu relised what is going on...
"HOLY PIKACHU!" Shinobu quickly grabs a stick (the Monkey King's weaponprop used in the Journey of the West play)and knocks on a hole in the ceiling.
A voice called out from the room above. "Keitaro, do you want me? I know its early, but I need my sleep"
"It's me, Naru!"
"I know who you are, but who am I?" Naru Narusegawa called back.
"It's me, Shinobu!"
"Very funny, but I think your impression of me is better, Keitaro."
"Please just get down here, Naru."
Naru opens the secret passage from above, puts her head down and sees Shinobu.
"Shinobu? What are you doing in Keitaro's room? Was it you doing my voice? I hope he didn't hear your or you'll end up paying extra rent this month."
"Not likely, look at that." Shinobu points at Keitaro. Naru sees the dead body...
"HOLY PIKACHU!"
"That's exactly what I said." Shinobu said, looking at the corspe. "I think he's dead."
"But that's not possible. He was able to survive after flying over 50 feet into the air."
Naru drops down into the room,moves herself to the corpse, checks Keitaro's pulse, puts her head on his chest to listen for a heartbeat, then comes to the conclusion...
"He's dead."
"Not yet, we may have only one hope. Call Mutsumi!"
Naru took some coins from Keitaro's wallet and threw it at the Hinata Teahouse window next door.
"That should get her attention," Naru said. Then, she looked back at the body. "How could it have happened? He's only just proposed to me last night. I mean he was in a good mood, probably because of your impersonations."
"He did promise to lower the rent this month." Shinobu looks at the sake cup next to Keitaro and sniffs it. "Looks like he drank Sake last night."
"What about the book he was reading?"
Shinobu pulls the book off Keitaro's hands. "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix..."
Naru snatched the book from Shinobu. "That's my book!" Naru opens the book and shows the name of the owner of the book. "See, that pervert rubbed off my name and put his own over it.
"Our landlord lies dead in his room while you are thinking about a book he borrowed?"
"Stole," Naru corrected.
"Whatever, when is Mutsumi going to get here..."
Another newcomer was justoutside Keitaro's room. "Urashima, are you awake? I have come to issue you a challenge."
"Come on in." Shinobu opened the door and Motoko Aoyoma walked into the room.
"What are you doing here? Did you do Urashima's voice, Shinobu? It sounds almost like him. But don't let him here you or he'll increase the rent for this month."
"Not likely, Motoko. Look," Naru said as she points at Keitaro.
Motoko looked around and sees Keitaro's corpse. "What's going on?"
"What does it look like?" Shinobu said with sarcasm.
"What it looks like and what it is are just two seperate things. Let me check him." Motoko checks Keitaro's pulse, felt Keitaro's nostrils for breath, check his heartbeat by listening to his chest, then she walked out of the room...running back into the room, letting out her usual battle cry of "Die Urashima!" as she was about to swing her sword at Keitaro, but she stopped for a distance to see a reaction. Nothing came from Keitaro even though the battle cry startled Naru and Shinobu. Motoko came up with her conclusion. "He's dead."
"Well, duh!" Naru said. "But we need Mutsumi and Su to prove that he's really dead. After all, Mutsumi always almost died on us lots of times and you, Su and I constantly attack Keitaro and he still lives. If his body survives our combined attacks, he would be alive."
"And what if he's dead?" Motoko asked.
"Just get Su and Mutsumi," Naru said.
Motoko walked out of the room, leaving Naru and Shinobu to kill some time. Then, Shinobu said, "What if he's knocked out and he was just about to come to and we knock him out again?"
Naru stared at Shinobu. "Wa?"
"I mean, if that happens, we would assume that he's dead and the next thing you'll know, he'll be buried alive..."
"No, Shinobu. I don't intend to kill him, just to land a few free pot shots on him, nothing too hard."
Motoko returned...
"Well?" Naru asked.
Motoko looked at Naru. "What?"
"Where's Su and Mutsumi?"
"Su's just left for Momol and Mutsumi's has just arrived at Okinawa. It will be another week before they come back," Motoko said.
"Alright, if that is the case," Shinobu looks at Naru and raised out her hand. "Naru, lend me your book."
"Huh? Why?"
"I'm going to hit him on the head with it"
At that instant, Naru protested. "What! You can't simply hit Keitaro with my personal property!"
"You're right, Naru." Shinobu then looks at Motoko. "Motoko, your sword."
Naru stopped Shinobu. "Wait, can't you just let me knock on his head? Just to see his reaction..."
"Did you get that idea from an American Cartoon, Naru?" Motoko said. "Because if it is, don't expect Keitaro's eyes to open and have the words 'Closed for 5 minutes'."
"Oh Pika..." Shinobu mumbled, then walked towards the exit. "I'll be back."
Motoko and Naru deided to kill some time.
"Come to think of it, wouldn't you have also called Kitsune?" Naru asked.
"Oh yeah...we forgot about her. Well, she didn't say that she was on holiday..."
Shinobu returned with a box and dumps in onto Keitaro's stomach. Shinobu opened the box and pulls out a ray gun. "I think we could use this."
At that instant, Naru and Motoko had horrified looks on their faces.
"Are you crazy!" Naru quickly takes the ray gun away from Shinobu. "Who know what that thing is or what it can do? You might kill him with it."
"Not if he's dead," Shinobu points out. "And if it does kill him, then it will prove that he was alive. And I can pretend to be Su if I get a tan and put on a wig."
Motoko steps in. "Maybe we should just use a stick. Like this one." Motoko picks up the red pole (The one used by the Monkey King in the Journey to the West Play) from a cupboard. "We just need to get a reaction from Urashima and nothing more. We do not want the situation to be much more worst than it is."
"But how do we test it out?" Naru asked.
Shinobu opens a cupboard and rolls out a round watermelon. "This could be useful. I kinda wish that Mutsumi was here so that she would have honor of hitting this watermelon."
Naru picks up the stick and was about to hit it when Shinobu suddenly said, "What would Senior say if he was alive."
Naru and Motoko facefaulted, then got back up. "We wouldn't be doing this if he was still alive, Shinobu."
"It just doesn't feel right, Naru." Shinobu said. "It doesn't look like him."
Naru takes out a marker from Keitaro's drawer and draws a face on the Watermelon.
"How do you like that, girl?"
"Urashima wears glasses."
Naru draws two square boxes and connected them with lines, making it look like glasses. Motoko, Naru and Shinobu looks at the watermelon.
"Its perfect," Shinobu said. "All we need are his usual clothes. And we need room to work with here."
Shinobu picks up the watermelon and Keitaro clothes while Naru and Motoko picked up the dead Keitaro off the floor.
"Man, he's like a piece of dead weight," Motoko said.
"You think?"
"So, where?"
"In that locker that just happens to be in the corner."
Naru and Motoko carried the body to a locker. Naru opened it and Motoko puts Keitaro into the locker and closes it.
"Good thing we pulled a leaf off Metal Gear Solid," Naru said.
The two walked back to Shinobu, where she was putting the watermelon on the pillow and putting the clothes in front of the watermelon, giving the impression that the watermelon is Keitaro. The three girls looked at the sight.
"Something's missing," Shinobu said. "I think he needs legs."
"How about using my sword and the Liddo-kun?" Motoko suggested.
"That will make Keitaro look like a pirate with a Liddo-Kun shaped leg and a sword for a leg." Naru sighed. "I bet the Pocket Monsters characters didn't have this problem finding a double for Kenji after they killed him."
Shinobu picks up a cell phone. "I could call Puppetmon. I've got his number from Taichi Kamiya."
Naru shakes her head. "I don't think you would ask for legs from an enemy of Taichi Kamiya."
"Wait." Motoko pulls out a pair of robotic legs out of Su's box. "What about these?"
Motoko puts the legs into Keitaro's pants.
"It fits right well. How about the arms?" Shinobu asked.
"I've got a better idea..." Shinobu whispers into Naru's ear.
"If you say so." Naru leaves the room.
"What's she getting?" Motoko asked Shinobu.
"Its a surprise," Shinobu said.
Naru returned to the room with a canister holding a brain...
"I think this is getting a little bit out of hand," Motoko said.
"Come to think of it, where did you get the brain from? The science lab at Todai?" Shinobu asked.
"Su's room," Naru said. "But I think its best if we do not use it. We don't want another Keitaro, anyway." Naru puts the brain away and picks up the red stick (For the third time, the Monkey King's weapon Prop from the play) and raises it over the watermelon, but Naru could not bring herself to hit the watermelon...it looks too much like Keitaro.
"What's the problem, Naru?" Motoko asked.
"I can't do it. He looks too peaceful and innocent," Naru said. "Plus he's not doing any perverted stuff to any of us. So, you do it."
Motoko quickly protested. "I can't just simply attack a defenceless watermelon!"
"Alright, Shinobu?" Naru looks at Shinobu.
"If this was summer at the beach, I would have no objections, and its still Spring and we're in Senior's room. Wouldn't it be easier if the watermelon would have touched Motoko's breast?"
"I give up." Naru looks at the computer screen. "Ok, you, the fanfic reader with the blonde hair. Yeah, you."
The fanfic reader is pulled into the fanfic scene and Naru gives the red stick to the reader. "All you need to do is to beat the crap out of the watermelon."
The reader started to smash the hell out of the watermelon. After a few minutes, the fanfic reader stops and was sent encouraged off the scene.
"Keitaro, are you dead?" Naru asked.
"Yeah, Urashima, are you dead?" Motoko asked.
"We would cry if you are dead, Senior," Shinobu said.
A voice from the locker cried out, "Yes, I am!"
"At least we got that finally settled," Shinobu said.
Meanwhile, outside the inn, a camper van stopped right at the entrance, in it with Seta, Haruka, Sarah, Su, Kanako, Kitsune, Mutsumi, Shirai, Haitani and Grandma Hina. Seta had a few problems with the ignition, but he finally restarted the van and drove off. You were not supposed to see this but it does put the characters in the fanfic and use up the extra space with more words to make it look like an over 2000 words average one shot.
Note: Its not interactive as it appears...its there for the lame cheap humor.