Paces

Summary: Liam's thoughts during the conversation in "The Moth", before Charlie got on the plane, and after Liam learns about the plane crash.

Author's Note: This story was mainly written out of writers' block, but the plot interests me, so I might decide to continue it, if I get enough positive feedback, but I'd have to finish "Trust in Me" first.Otherwise, consider it a one-shot. I LOVE reviews, but I don't accept flames. Constructive criticism is fine, but flames are a no-no. You might try reading my biography for more detail on that. Okay. On to the story, and please remember to review!

Paces -

"It's all lined up, Liam," Charlie insisted, watching his brother push his three-year-old daughter on a swing in Liam's backyard. "Eight weeks on tour opening for some band called MeatCo. Next gig's in Los Angeles. LA, Liam. This is a chance to get back on a label, a real one."

Liam lifted his daughter off the swing and set her down in the sandbox, leading Charlie over to sit at the lawn table a few yards away. Charlie had just appeared that day, all of a sudden desperate to restart DriveSHAFT, their drug-led band that had fallen apart about three years ago. It was strange – Charlie hadn't even called – he had just arrived at Liam's doorstep. He wondered if Charlie really wanted to be in the band again, or if he had just run out of money, and needed a job.

"This is our chance at a comeback," continued Charlie, leaning forward slightly and looking Liam in the eye.

"Charlie," said Liam, deciding the best way to say this was to just come out with it. "I don't want to come back."

Charlie sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Yeah, right. Well, here's the thing. They won't book DriveSHAFT without you. So, I'm asking, as a brother, the way you asked me."

Liam ran his hands over his face. Charlie wasn't going to give up. He was stubborn sometimes, always had been – ever since he had been able to walk and talk, nobody could tell him what to do, except for Liam and his parents, of course. Liam thought back to when they were younger.

Charlie had been so different then. Liam had been able to talk to him about anything – Charlie always knew what to say. When Charlie had a problem, he would always come to Liam for help, but that had stopped a while after Liam started abusing drugs.

A pang of guilt shot through him as he thought about it, the first time he had ever said something that permanently effected his relationship with his brother.

"I am DriveSHAFT! Nobody even knows who the sodding bass player is! This is it Charlie - end of the rainbow. You really think you can walk away? Then what, eh? Face it, if you're not in this band, what the bloody hell use are you?"

He had been high at the time, and when he finally sobered up, he could hardly recall the things he had done. But for some reason, the words he had screamed at Charlie that night, and the hurt expression on his brother's face had stuck in his mind like super-glue. Charlie would hardly look at him for the next month or so, and while the rest of the band knew something was up, they had no idea what, and they had enough sense to stay out of it. Whatever it was, it was something private – something that only the two brothers would ever know about.

"You were with me the night I missed Megan's birth," said Liam, hoping that Charlie would just relent. "You were the one I was stumbling around Dresden with, trying to find a sodding fix."

Charlie looked down slightly, toying with the ring on his middle finger. Liam followed his gaze, and only then did he notice the slight twitching of his brother's hand.

"Oh, man," he said disbelievingly. "You're still using, aren't you?"

"Don't change the subject," said Charlie defensively.

Liam couldn't believe it. All this time, his baby brother had been destroying his body by using drugs, and he hadn't even noticed. After the band fell apart, and Liam got married, Karen got pregnant… Liam had realized that there was more to life than drugs and casual sex. He had just assumed Charlie had made that realization too. Sure, he had called, tried to get Charlie into some rehab program, but he had backed off after a while, and not only because it was his own choice.

"That's why you haven't been returning my calls," said Liam, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, and he had been too dumb to see it.

"Look," said Charlie, started to get agitated. "Are you going to go on tour with us or not?"

Liam knew he was trying to steer the conversation away from himself. He wasn't going to let it happen. "You said you were going to get some help, man," Liam accused.

"I lost your number."

"You're still a junkie," he spat harshly, desperate to get through to his brother.

Now Charlie was angry. "You did this to me!" he exclaimed. "It was about the music! The music, Liam. You took that away from me!"

Again, the pangs of guilt. "Listen, why don't you stay with us for a few weeks. Karen and me, we can get you help. Sydney's got some really good programs…"

Charlie, exasperated, stood up from the table and marched away. He could hear Liam behind him say, "Don't go."

"Thanks for your help, brother," Charlie said spitefully.

"Stay, please," Liam pleaded. He wouldn't let Charlie go off and get himself killed by overdose or something. He couldn't handle that. "I'm just looking out for you."

"You never looked out for me!" Charlie shouted. He took a breath and turned back for the house, desperate to get away from the pressure Liam was putting on him. "I have a plane to catch," he said, and then was gone.

Liam sat at the table with his head in his hands. After a moment, Karen appeared in the backyard, carrying a tray with lemonade on it.

"Where'd Charlie go?" she asked, setting the tray on the table. "I made lemonade."

"He's gone," Liam replied, his voice low and depressed.

"Liam, what's wrong?" said Karen, concern evident in her voice.

"Charlie's still using," Liam admitted after a moment.

"I thought he said he was going to get help. I take it he didn't."

"No, and I just don't understand why he's being so stubborn. I went through what he's going through. I know what it's like, what he's feeling. I quit because I found what life is about. I need him to do that too, Karen. I can't stay here while he's out there, getting high three times a day. One of these times he's going to overdose, and then it'll be too late. Can't he see that?"

"I think he knows the dangers of using drugs, Liam. He'll find something to hang on to, just like you did. He'll be fine, I know he will be. But this is a choice he needs to make on his own. You can always be there to support him, but he needs to make it through this by himself. He's strong. He's got a whole life ahead of him, and I know Heroin is not going to be his end."

Two days later, the news reached Liam and his family.

OCEANIC FLIGHT CRASHES!

PLANE NOT FOUND

One day ago, Oceanic flight 815 took off from Sydney, Australia, bound for Los Angeles, California, USA. While the plane flew across the Pacific Ocean, an unknown accident occurred, causing the back section of the plane to be completely severed from the rest of the plane. Most of the third-class passengers were killed during the crash.

Investigators are searching for the remains of the plane, but have so far found nothing near the estimated landing point. Insiders have said that it is possible that the plane soared, engineless, over 500 miles off-course.

Below is the passenger list, acquired from the airport in Sydney, from which Oceanic flight 815 began it's journey.

Acker, Joanna

Auden, Gregory

Barter, Kirsten

Bent, Eliza

Bent, Terrence

Burley, Howard

Caller, Yvette

Liam skipped down the list, praying with everything he had that he wouldn't find his brother's name on the list.

Locke, John

Marker, Steven

Nark, Frances

Pace, Charlie

The names went onto the next page, but Liam didn't read them. The newspaper slid slowly from his hands, landing on the floor with the quiet sound of shuffling papers. He slid further down on the couch in the living room, his heart pounding so loudly in his chest he was sure Karen or Megan would wake up just because of the noise it was making.

As he felt himself going catatonic, he thought about the reality of the situation. His brother – his baby brother – had been in a plane crash, on a plane that Liam could have kept him from boarding in the first place. It was despair like Liam had never felt before. Like that old saying, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone".

Charlie could have been dead, and the last time they had talked, their words had been full of anger, and Charlie had left. He had gotten on a plane, and now he might be gone forever.

As he thought that possibility over, he felt himself slipping to the side and falling onto the soft cushions of the sofa. He had never felt so helpless in his life. It was torture, knowing that his baby brother was either dead or wandering somewhere, alone, without Liam there to support him. That's what big brother's are for, after all. They keep their baby brothers safe, and Liam couldn't help feeling he had failed, and that he might not ever get the chance to make it up to Charlie, his responsibility, his brother, his best friend.