Emotions

T'Pol was in her quarters, meditating, concentrating on the hot flame of the candle and centering herself. Vulcan's had to do this regularly to keep their emotions under control. Most Vulcan's did it once a day, but T'Pol had started doing it whenever she had the time alone and was off-duty.

Ever since last week, T'Pol was having trouble focusing on what she was doing and seemed to have wandering thoughts about Commander Tucker. It was serious, her thoughts only lasted a couple seconds, but it wasn't normal either. Most of the time it wasn't an issue, but rarely, he entered her thoughts for no logical reason.

A few weeks ago, the Commander had been badly injured in Engineering. Doctor Phlox could find no way to cure him except to grow a clone of Commander Tucker in order to use its tissue to replace the Commander's. The clone, Sim as it was called, had been working for the Enterprise until it was Commander Tucker's age to keep himself busy. T'Pol had recognised what was called by humans as a 'crush' in Sim's teenage years. She thought nothing more of it until he had confessed his love for her when he knew he wasn't going to live long. In the heat of the moment, T'Pol had kissed Sim, which was now turning out to be a huge mistake. Now, when she looked at Commander Tucker, she saw Sim and was reminded of her intimate moment with him. Of course, Commander Tucker knew nothing of it. So that was T'Pol's huge problem.

For the last week, since Commander Tucker had regained consciousness, she had been meditating more and had told Commander Tucker that she couldn't participate in the neuropressure sessions anymore. He seemed disappointed and had asked why, but she just blamed it on too much work piling up and he seemed to have accepted it. Sometimes she missed Trip's inappropriate sense of humour and his deep blue human eyes, but she couldn't be near him until she had stopped these feelings. Interrupting her meditation, her front door buzzed.

"Come." Came her dry reply and blinked for the first time in what seemed like ages. She stood up and stretched her legs. After her meditation, she felt more centered and in control of her slightly off emotions.

"Hey T'Pol." Came Trip's cheery voice. Suddenly all those thoughts of kissing Sim came flooding back to her. She hadn't seen Trip in days and felt a sense of happiness and frustration at seeing him. However, she fought for a neutral face and greeted him.

"Commander." T'Pol nodded. "Is there something I can do for you?" Trip looked around her room and saw T'Pol's meditation candle glowing brightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm interrupting. I'll come back another time." He turned to leave.

"No, it's quite alright." T'Pol automatically said. Trip had a surprised look plastered across his face. T'Pol never wanted anyone to come to her when she was meditating, unless it was an emergency. If T'Pol had noticed his surprised look, she hadn't said anything, so Trip moved on.

"I have those new warp core schematics you wanted to take a look at." Trip said, handing her the pad of information.

"Thank you. I'll look over them shortly." As T'Pol reached for the pad, her skin touched his for only a moment, but she got a tingly feeling. Panicked, she grabbed the pad from his hand quickly.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Trip asked softly.

"Doing what?" T'Pol looking up from the pad and kept her face blank.

"Avoiding me. Yesterday you saw me come around the corner and you turned around." Trip said, a bit frustrated. T'Pol stared at him for a moment.

"I realised I forgot something and needed to get it." T'Pol explained, still with a neutral look on her face.

"Ok. Then why did you cancel our neuropressure sessions?" Trip's voice getting slightly louder.

"I believe I have explained that to you-" T'Pol began.

"And don't give me that 'piling up of work' crap, ok? I didn't argue before cos I figured something came up and you couldn't tell me, and if that's the case then say so, but I haven't seen or heard from you in like a week. Why?" Trip seemed really concerned.

"You seem agitated, Commander." T'Pol concluded as if she'd just been deaf through his entire speech.

"Yeah, a little. Don't change the subject. Why are you all jumpy around me?" Trip questioned, feeling like he was talking to a brick wall, except you'd get more from a wall.

"I am not 'all jumpy' as you put it." T'Pol replied calmly.

"Oh yeah?" Trip took out his hand to put on her shoulder and she instinctively stepped back. Trip gave T'Pol a look as if to say 'Yeah, then what was that?'

T'Pol looked to the floor for a moment to consider what she was going to say.

"I'm sorry Commander, but I should really read those schematics." T'Pol walked to the door to usher him out. Instead Trip just stood there, crossing him arms and leaning against her wall.

"Oh no, you're not getting rid of me that easy." T'Pol sighed and moved away from the door, which closed it. Without realising it, she'd moved closer to him. "You're going to tell me what I've done to make you like this."

"That would be illogical since you haven't done anything and I have no problem." T'Pol countered, quickly looking at his lips and then refocusing on the issue at hand.

"Don't bring up the logic card." Trip said, more loudly than intended. T'Pol raised her eyebrow, questioning his outburst.

"Commander-"

"Look T'Pol," He cut her off. T'Pol wondered why the Commander used her name instead of rank so frequently, and then realised that she had been detecting his habits, which was another sign of her problem. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on."

"There is nothing that I'm aware of that would make me look at you differently. Now would you please leave." T'Pol said it as more of an order than a question.

"Nope." Trip grinned and T'Pol was sure it was just to make her annoyed. Well, it worked. T'Pol took a few menacing steps towards Trip and her mood was close to breaking.

"I can't tell you, so leave it!" T'Pol shouted. Trip was surprised at her outburst. He wasn't sure whether to run scared or congratulate himself for making T'Pol show emotion.

"No, you can tell me, you just won't." Trip said gently, standing up so that, once again, he looked down at her.

"Get out." T'Pol threatened through clenched teeth.

"Why?" Trip asked, moving closer to her. T'Pol kept walking back, refusing to answer his question. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No." She defied, stopping herself from moving any further back.

"Than why are you avoiding me, not talking to me, or whatever you wanna call it?" Trip shouted. They were standing very close together and shouting angrily at each other.

"Because you're making me lose my Vulcan control!" T'Pol blurted loudly.

Trip looked at her, totally surprised and confused. T'Pol instantly regretted her words.

"If you're not going, I will." T'Pol muttered and head for the door. Trip grabbed her arm and pulled her around.

"Let me go." T'Pol said in a low, threatening voice.

Trip maintained a steady look and said, "I think we need to talk."

"I don't think there's anything to talk about." T'Pol answered and twisted herself out of his hold and went back for the door. Trip grabbed her again and she resisted, both of them ending up toppling over onto the bed. Trip had secured her arms so that she wouldn't hit him and they were facing each other, inches apart.

"This is not the T'Pol I know. Your emotions are taking over. Not that I'm complainin'." Trip joked. T'Pol was not amused.

"I know, that's why I've been meditating more, trying to control myself and…"

"Avoiding me." Trip filled in. "But why? Before last week, you were fine around me. What changed? I was in a coma, I couldn't have…" Trip's face fell as he was hit with realisation. Doctor Phlox had informed him about Sim after he had been cured. A look of utter shock and dismay ran across his face as he looked at T'Pol.

"Did he do something to you?" Trip looked angry.

"He didn't hurt me if that's what you mean." T'Pol said so quietly that Trip barely heard her.

"Then what happened?" Trip asked. He was getting tired of not knowing. T'Pol looked into his blue eyes and once again her mind replayed her and Sim's kiss.

"He said that he was in love with me." T'Pol answered. Trip said nothing and in that instant T'Pol wished she knew what was Trip was thinking. "And then I kissed him." T'Pol had seen almost all the human emotions now, so it surprised her to see a lot of shock, embarrassment and perhaps jealously all at once.

"Wow." Trip took a moment to process this information and released T'Pol from his hold, allowing them both to sit up.

"He also said that he didn't know if these emotions were his or…"

"Mine." Trip finished. He looked up at T'Pol and she seemed a little self-conscious. Trip didn't really know that Vulcan's felt anything, let alone showed it when they did. T'Pol looked at him to search for the answer to her unasked question.

"Well, how good did he kiss?" Trip smiled, only half joking. Once again, T'Pol did the Vulcan equivalent to blushing.

"Commander, I really don't think-" T'Pol started.

"Trip." He corrected.

"Not while we're on duty." T'Pol said. Trip checked his watch.

"Not on duty anymore." Trip grinned and tapped his watch annoyingly. "Hang on a minute, if you kissed Sim, then why was I the one that screwed up your Vulcan control?"

"Well, Sim was technically, you. Also, I've been experiencing some minor emotions that I should contain inside of me." T'Pol answered.

"What kind of emotions?" Trip asked, his arms crossed. T'Pol couldn't help but inhale Trip's natural scent that seemed to make her temporarily dizzy with delight. Emotions like that, she thought to herself.

"Emotions I shouldn't have." She replied, not keeping her eyes off him. Trip grinned at her cryptic answer. He could almost taste the scent of her. It was so unlike anything he's ever smelt. She was so unlike any woman he'd ever met.

Suddenly, T'Pol had pushed herself up on him, touching her lips with his. Trip, although a little surprised, kissed her back passionately. Almost as suddenly as the kiss started, T'Pol pulled back. Now Trip was totally confused.

"I'm sorry," T'Pol looked to the floor and then regained her professional stance. "I should not have done that and I would appreciate it if you would forget about it and everything I've said here." T'Pol apologised. When she regained eye contact with Trip, he was smiling and swore his eye sparkled like they did in those old human movies that trip made her sit through.

"T'Pol, having these feelings aren't a bad thing. Heck, it might even be good for you to experience them." Trip suggested. He wasn't sure when it started, but over the past few years, Trip had come to respect, admire and even love T'Pol. Knowing she liked him as well was a load off his mind. Or was it more on his mind? This relationship was already confusing and it hadn't even begun.

"It is not Vulcan custom to show emotions. It only makes one weaker." T'Pol argued.

"T'Pol, you're the strongest person I know. Emotions have nothing to do with it." Once more, Trip got close to her, for just one more chance to touch her. T'Pol had always seemed very self confident and sure, but now she seemed like a shy, self conscious woman.

"I wouldn't expect a human to understand-" T'Pol started gently, but was cut off by Trip's outburst of affection. T'Pol had never experienced the human way of mating, but it seemed very similar to the Vulcan way. T'Pol left all thoughts of logic and reason behind as Trip embraced her passionately and fiercely. They slowly moved to the bed, removing their clothes as they went.