Mary Sue Hunters

Case # 2: Chaotic Casey (Part I)

The Mary Sue Hunters are an elite, yet comical team of fighter against the Mary Sue phenomenon. Lead by their mysterious commander, HungrySano, Ren Kusanagi and Rika Kanzaki fight against the B.S. that Mary Sues tend to create in their wake. As they have no special powers to use against these powered up, seemingly perfect beings, they must rely on their wits and character knowledge to defeat their enemies.

The twin suns beamed down upon the sand in the dessert as a sandsteamer made it's way across. Needless to say the temperature outside was set to "Hell" and wasn't going to be changing anytime soon. Upon the sandsteamer, Rika and Ren were casually standing by the railing, looking over the vast desert, as the steamer took them across it.

Ren frowned. "It's hot! This sucks, Rika! We're in a dessert with TWO SUNS! TWO! Why the hell do we need two suns? Damn you, Yasuhiro Nightow!"

Rika's trusted paper fan went crashing down on the blonde's head, which brought him to the floor. "Shut up, ya idiot! Don't go cursing the original creator cuz you're too much of a wimp to stand a little heat! Besides, This universe rocks! Gun slinging bad asses and all the violence a girl could ever wish for!" Tears began to stream down her face at this point. "This universe is truly paradise!"

Ren rolled his eyes. "Riiiight. Er, anyways, where are we going?"

Rika sighed. "For the fourth time, numbskull, we're going to The city of May. It seems that the Mary Sue won't let the main characters leave for some reason, with the acception of Meryl Strife. Apparently she's been missing for days and no one's seen her, either."

Ren asked, "She's the love interest of the main character for Trigun, right?"

Rika nodded. "Bingo. The only thing is, the boss checked the 'No Plot Zone' and she was nowhere to be found."

Ren turned his head toward the readers. "Hey, Rika-chan. I don't think they know what the 'No Plot Zone' is. Should we explain?"

Rika then looked at the readers and blinked. "Oh, yeah. Them..."

Suddenly, the scene switches to a classroom with both super deformed Ren and Rika dressed up in teacher attire. Rika pulls out a wooden pointer, and then pulls down a blank white chart. Smacking the chart with the pointer, she explains, "This is the 'No Plot Zone'! We call it that for obvious reasons. It is were a character is sent during a fanfic when they are removed from the main plot. Many stories you read involve a charater being sent to this place. Whenever you read that a character is convieniently away for an extended period of time, this is where they general are for said duration of time. And because of those reasons, we call it, the 'No Plot Zone'!"

"Zone...zone...zone...zone..."

Rika turns around and whacks Ren in the head with her pointer. "I didn't ask for an echo!"

Ren whines, "I was just trying to help you sound cool! Meanie!"

Returning back to the sandsteamer scene Rika sighed. "Okay, back to the main plot. Hey, we're back in past tense writing, I see."

Ren nodded. "Yeah, it seems present tense is only used when we talk to the readers."

Rika shrugged. "Meh. Well, anyways, since Meryl wasn't in the 'No Plot Zone', anything could have happened to her. We need to find some leads on where she could be."

Ren raised an eyebrow at his partner. "But, wait a sec. If we destroy the Mary Sue, wouldn't that put the story back to normal and Meryl would just show up?"

Rika shook her head. "Unfortunaely, no. If she were in the No Plot Zone, we could just take out the Mary Sue and it would be over. However, in this case, we have to find and rescue Meryl. With the Mary Sue gone, it wouldn't change the fact that she's trapped somewhere. We need to find Vash and the others to help find her, though. Vash is good at finding people, apparently. We'll take out the Mary Sue and find Meryl, in that order."

Ren sighed at he sat down with his back against the railing. "I dunno, Rika. For some reason, I don't think it will be that simple. You know how these Marys and Garys work. Enough power to destroy a small solor system and persistant as hell when it comes to pairing up with certain people. Pairings can be scary."

Rika snorted. "If you wanna see scary, you should scan the first part of this trashy fic. Legato, Knives and Midvalley were having a brutally graphic orgy. Just reading it made me feel dirty. I've never read something the involved such massive amounts of bodily fluids before." Rika held back her urge to vomit.

Just then, the sandsteamer pulled into the station within May City. As the pair left the steamer, in the crowd, Ren saw a teenage girl with a long, black coat, blue eyes and black shades resting at the top of her head. He boots were steel plated and black, and she also happened to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Bingo. He found the Mary Sue. At least, until she vanished into the crowd as quickly as she appeared. Ren disregarded the sighting and continued to follow Rika. He had a feeling that she would show up again sooner or later.

"I'm back!" The beautiful blonde in blue chirped as she entered the Trigun crew's room at the inn. In her hands was an extra large box of donuts, which she promptly handed to Vash, who in turn devoured them quickly. She smiled lovingly at him as Wolfwood and Milly paid more attention to each other, since they were making out. It's not that they didn't want to go look for Meryl, who's been missing for three days, but they figured that Meryl couldn't be in TOO much trouble, so they could stay put for a little while longer before setting out to search for her.

Vash smiled at his new and stunningly beautiful companion. "Casey...I think I'm starting to fall in love with you."

A giggle. "Oh, Vash! I'm so happy you said that! I love you, too!" She immediately kissed him on the lips, triggering a kiss-fest between the two. Theystopped before things heated up, however, as there WERE two other people in the room. Casey wasn't shameless, you know. Vash, on the other hand was so intoxicated by her beauty that he began kissing her again. He couldn't get enough of it! Her smooth, sikly skin, her perfectly slender frame, her full, bouncy bust, and her deep, purple (for the moment) eyes. She was like an angel sent down from heaven. She appeared right after Meryl went missing. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe Meryl didn't WANT to be found and fate was placing this perfect woman in his life, as if making up for all the terrible things that happened in Vash's life. Vash the Stampede was finally completely content.

Casey was also a plant, like Vash. She also had the angel arm, but had complete control over it. She was also an expert in hand-to-hand combat, gunmanship, swordsmanship, gunsmithing, driving, thomas riding, architecture, modeling, writing, cooking, and cleaning. She could also fly and predict the future. She was alone most of her life, but there was a short period of time that she was with the Gung Ho Guns. She met Vash while on a mission to kill him, but couldn't do it. She fell in love with him instead and swore to protect him from his genocidal brother. After defeating Knives and all the Gung Ho Guns with ease, she made them promise to leave Vash alone, under the penalty that she would finish them all off at the next confrontation.

This was only yesterday. A couple days ago when she did work for Knives, she killed a woman. Meryl Strife of Bernardeli Insurance Company. Why? Because she was getting close to blowing Casey's cover at the time. But now, since there's nothing Casey can do about that, she decided that becoming Vash's love would be a way to repent for Meryl's death. Milly would get over it since she had Wolfwood and since Casey knew what was going to happen to him in the future, she could easily prevent it since the Gung Ho Guns were scared to death of her. Things would be peaceful from now on.

Ren, lead by Rika walked through the town, using the trust Mary Sue tracking device given to them by their oh, so intelligent boss. The device bleeped faster and faster as they found themselves headed into the area where an inn happened to be. Looking up into one of the windows with a pair of binoculars, Ren reported, "I see Vash, Wolfwood, Milly and some hot, sexy, and goddess-like blonde chick that I don't recognize."

Rika nodded. "Sounds like a Mary Sue all right. Since Vash is most likely under control of the Mary Sue's plot, he going to protect her if we attack. There's even a chance he could get out of character and try to take us out. We need to get her alone."

Ren asked, "How will we do that?"

Rika smirked. "Simple. I read this piece o' crap story before we came here. She really protective of Vash, so we set her up by pretending to be after him. Naturally, she'll show up alone and BOOYA! Her ass is charcoal!"

Ren smiled. "Wow, that's clever. Rika-chan, you're a genius!"

Rika beamed proudly. "Of course I am! Now, let's go."

Soon, the plan was put into action. Rika wrote a fake note that stated that if Casey didn't come to the desert area outside of town alone, her armies upon armies of evil mutants with the power to crush the Gung Ho Guns by sneezing on them would attack the town and all come down on Vash the Stampede like an avalanche of certain death. As silly as this was, she ended up falling for it. Ren couldn't believe that worked. He supposed Casey had seen some powerful sneezes in her day.

Rika supposed, despite the character's description, this Mary Sue was pretty dense.

The sun was setting as Casey arrived on the scene to face off against Ren and Rika. He eyes shone with crimson fury as she stepped toward the two hunters and shouted, "I'll never allow you to hurt MY Vash!"

Rika chuckled. "Dumb ass. We're not here for Vash. We're here for YOU."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "What? Who in the hell are you?" He body began to omit a strange golden glow as she continued to glare at them.

Rika pulled out her pistol and said, "We're the Mary Sue Hunters. And your sorry ass is through. Rewrite b.."

"I don't think so!" Casey exclaimed as her right arm transformed into the Angel Arm almost instantly. "Time for you both to die!"

"HOLY CRAP!" Ren shouted as he and Rika tried to scramble for cover. The Angel Arm went off like an atomic bomb, sweeping the duo away like tiny dust bunnies. Everything went white, but when the light faded, all that was left was a crater. Casey smirked as her arm turned back to normal just as quickly as it transformed. "Who's the dumb ass now? I knew who you were all along, I was just leading you into a false sense of security!" Not realizing that what she had said made no sense, she walked back toward town as if nothing happened.

I was a very strange event, indeed. The blast output of the angel arm should have vaporized them, yet they still remained alive. Well, barely, that is. The daring duo were laid out across the sand, many yarz away from where the blast had taken place. There were only two explanations for them still being alive. The first was that they were extremely lucky. Not very lucky, being that this IS the Mary Sue's fic. The second being that someone had saved them both. Who else could've counter a blast like that?

"Hello, there." Knives smiled down at the two eerily, "It seems that there are some things we must discuss."

Rika gasped a look of extreme fear in her eyes.

Ren immediately begged for his life.

TO BE CONTINUED!