Is My Life Worth Living For?
Rinny Leonheart
Disclaimers: I don't own Final Fantasy Eight, and I never will.
I could kill a person just for looking at me
I am a danger to others and myself
I unwillingly accepted powers I am afraid to use
I ended up driving you away
You asked too much of me
And in the end I had had enough
Your constant invites to missions I'd end up killing in
I can't use my powers to kill people
Not anymore
These missions were yours
I'm not a mercenary like you
I was not trained for this sort of thing
Is my life worth living for?
You didn't want anymore to do with me when I snapped at you
All I can say is, I'm sorry
I'm nothing like you
I don't kill because it's my job
For survival maybe, but never for work
If I were in a situation where I had no choice, I would fight
But never again
I nearly lost you
I have lost you now
It's all my fault
If I'd agreed to fight, I'd still have you
But I couldn't do it
I kill people and hurt those I love
I'll put an end to it all
Is my life worth living for?
My pinwheel is in my hand, I begin to feel weak
My wrist has slices through the veins
I have begun the cycle
It can't be stopped now
The blood is everywhere
On my clothes, on my hands, on my blade
My head is spinning as I write you this final letter
It won't be long before my life slips away
Like the way it began
I still remember your eyes from when we first met
Confusion flowed through them like rivers
But I saw something else which has gone now
Love
I put you through so much hardship
You won't have anymore to put up with
You don't seem to care what I'm doing to myself
All you care for now is Quistis
I can see why you eventually chose her
She likes to see things bleed, like you do
All I think about, my life draining from my body, is your face when you see what I've done
Will you smile? Or will you cry?
But I hope you think about this:
Is my life worth living for?
Life is so precious: you need to make the most of it
I once said that no-one can predict the future
You know what?
I knew this would happen
You would go to Quistis
When you finished with me
I had to let you follow your heart
Like I am with mine
Which is fading with each passing moment
I dreamt that we'd be together forever
We'd marry, live in Winhill, with three children
Live together, and die together as old people
I'm not old: I'm eighteen
And broken-hearted
Is my life worth living for?
I gave you my heart, and you gave it back
I was dying when you did that
The pain isn't so bad now; a gentle numbness is caressing my body
My handwriting must be all over the place
I can barely see now
My eyelids are becoming heavy with fatigue
The end is near, I can feel it
I can see the stain of blood, soaking into the pale blue carpet
You always hated the colour of the carpet
Said it was nearly white and why would the Garden choose it for the dorms
You're in her room now, aren't you?
I feel it deep down inside
My heart is breaking in two
You won't care about what I've done until it's too late
You can't save me now
No-one can
Is my life worth living for?
The fatigue perseveres; it's nearly time to lie down
So I'll make this last part brief
Squall, my love, I'm sorry
I was scared of losing control, like I did in space
Ultimecia was within me, but I knew what I was doing
I knew I was throwing you against those walls
It could have been worse: I could have killed you
But you killed me
This is my farewell, my darling
I'll see you in heaven
Live your life to the full
I am your guardian angel
I'll watch over you
Promise you won't try and follow me
I love you forever and a day
Always with you
Is my life worth living for?
I guess not now, I look back now and see that it wasn't worth beginning
I had nothing special until you
And now Quistis has you
She deserves you
I didn't ever deserve you
I love you Squall, so much
Farewell, my knight, farewell…
Author's Note: Sorry to all Squinoa fans, I killed her! Forgive me! I just came up with it, I'm SO sorry. Don't kill me! Tell me what you think instead.
Rinny Leonheart