Sentiment

A/N: Quick one shot, due to writer's block. This is a Mmy/Nny….one sided. I'm not really into the whole writing slash or nothing', though I read it anyway, so sorry if this fic kinda/really sucks.

WARNING: Plenty of OOC-ness for all, more than likely. This story really, really REALLY sucks. I have no idea what point I was trying to make in this, but bear with me, 'kay? Really, I've written better.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. It all belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, with the exception of the strange weird poem-y thingy.

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Things I meant to do and say

But plans I make don't stay that way

The door was unlocked. It didn't surprise him in the least. Who would be dumb enough to venture into an insane man's home, reeking of death and murder, dried and fresh blood falling and spattering the walls? The house smelled of disease; not of the contagious sort, nor of the STD variety. It was the disease of the mind, and it was all Johnny's.

Really? Who would be dumb enough to enter such a foul ruin? Why, Jimmy of course. The fanatic, the stalker, he who attempts to carry all of his love's despair and hatred as if they were his own. It was he who ventured in, without care for his own safety. He held nothing of any value to himself, and possibly to any other being. His only care was for the entrancing beauty that lay within the confines of decay.

I want to show you that I'm true

Once upon a time when I loved you

He moved in, quickly catching sight of the other, lying on the filthy couch of the house, sleeping. Jimmy's eyes almost feel out of their sockets. Sleeping? No, it couldn't be…? He thought a moment, still bug-eyed in wonder, but a smile soon presented itself against his face.

Johnny was so cute when he slept.

Must've gotten exhausted from all the killing and running around. Came in Jimmy's thoughts, tearing up the silence that had been lying about in his mind for some time. The sound of his own thoughts caused him to jump and he almost dove across the room in fear, but his mind continued and he realized that it was nothing more than just that. Silently swearing at his own idiocy, he exhaled and resumed to feast his eyes upon Johnny.

He moved closer, watching Johnny breath deeply in the darkness. No one knows what you go through, but I do. He whispered, hoping not to awaken the skinny man, "They all think you're so ugly, but I alone see passed it, Nny. I could never think of you as ugly. No, you're so beautiful…."

You sleep in peace, a soft warm sigh

In your hair lay ribbons I tie

A hand reached out; it took a minute for Jimmy to realize that it was his own, caressing sleeping Johnny's cheek with the back of two fingers. Johnny bit his lip at the touch and promptly moved his head upwards a little.

Jimmy readied himself to run; Johnny could wake up at any moment, and pounce upon him. Now was not the time to die. Not when he had so much to say and do, and with so little time to do it in. Jimmy couldn't afford to die now, not when he'd gotten so far. He had actually made it this far into the house without dying and without interrupting his love's once in a lifetime chance to endure rest.

Johnny moaned suddenly, almost sending his fan to the point of horrific screaming, but Jimmy quickly clasped a hand over his own mouth and jumped back in one swift movement. He regretted that action almost immediately, as his landing was less than soft. However, the other only shifted in his dreams, moaned once more, and then, aside from breathing heaves, remained still as death.

Jimmy edged closer again.

For a moment, he forgot to breath. Just the sight of such the wondrous creature sent Jimmy's heart pounding at a mile a minute, and his body shuddered in a frighteningly pleasant convulsion. He tried to suppress it, as well as the muffled groan that follow, but to no avail.

My breath is scarce, but yours are too

Once upon a time when I loved you

Johnny moved again, but this time, he shifted almost total position. Once lying on his side, he now lay on his stomach, arms draped over the arm of the couch as a rogue spring dug into his side. To this sharp pain, he groaned and shifted a little more. The spring forced itself into a patch of naked skin, on Johnny's side where his shirt had crinkled up into itself and the man hissed in pain, incoherently reaching down and yanking the spring out of the furniture completely.

He tossed it aside, smacking Jimmy square in the jaw.

Jimmy didn't seem to notice at all. Not the spring and most definitely not the pain. His eyes were fixed on that small, naked patch; it was really the only part of dear Johnny's sickly skin that he had seen besides the hands and face. Another shudder trailed its way up his spine and he closed his eyes in slight ecstasy.

My body's numb, my mind's aflame

But it is you I ache to tame

His hand fell upon that skin and for a moment (and what was the first and last time), he was in absolute heaven. It was as if he were touching the skin of an angel, and this angel was delivering upon him a sort of energy that most would describe as the sort rejected by some drug. But there was nothing like that. This angel, this energy, this drug, was all Johnny. And Jimmy wanted nothing more than to taste this drug and devour all its profound greatness.

But wait…..he could have this drug. He could inject it into himself, swallow it, feel it. He could do anything he wanted with it. Sure, it would be of the illegal kind; forbidden fruit. But that would make it all the sweeter.

If you only knew what I go through

Once upon a time when I loved you

Jimmy knelt down next to the object of all his desires, and ran his palm against the side of his face. What do I do? What the hell do I do? I want him so much….. Sweat drizzled down his oily features, and he wiped it away with the sleeve of his shirt, slowly, not sure what he was doing at all.

The first thing he turned his foul attention to was the last thing he thought he'd ever bother to look at, but his eyes were there nonetheless. For someone so skinny, Nny has a nice butt. He immediately blushed at the thought and a rather dorky grin spread across his face. He had never thought to even gaze upon another man's rear end, but it didn't disturb him as much as he thought it would. No, in fact, it was rather wonderful.

Grinning like a love-struck moron, he turned back to Johnny's face. A sweet, innocent face that no one could tell held the slightest bit of evil. One could never tell that his mind held little more than bad thoughts and decay.

"You're so pretty…"

I tried to keep you fast asleep

But you awoke to find me creep

Johnny groaned again, shifting once more. Jimmy could see it; it was a nightmare, as he probably had every time he slept. This maniac before wasn't the type to have blessed dreams of bliss and delightful images. Hell, not even Jimmy had nice dreams; dreams that made him want to sleep. The reason wasn't because he couldn't; it was because the nightmares kept him awake.

The man's body twisted in complete position: he was on his back now, body quivering, pitiful whimpers escaping his throat. Jimmy understood the terror brought on by sleep; he could sympathize with the pain and readiness to scream, until a peculiar word smuggled its way into the sounds.

"D-Devi…."

A sharp twinge of pain locked itself at the base of Jimmy's spine and his cheeks sparked a deep, burning red. Devi…..he could remember….that bitch…broke Johnny's already cracked heart. And yet, he still wanted her. He dreamed about her. He waited for her….How could Jimmy of all people compete with THAT?

He didn't know, but now was not a time for harsh thoughts. This wasn't about Devi, it was about Johnny, and Jimmy as well. Johnny wanted someone to love. Well, Jimmy loved him, more than life itself. Johnny would just have to figure it out.

Johnny grunted in his sleep, the nightmare apparently dying down in his head and a look of content spilled over his once beaten expression. He muttered something unintelligible and licked his lips, his eyelids fluttering as if he were about to wake up. But Jimmy wasn't finished, not yet anyway. He couldn't allow him to snap out of sleep with so much left to think about. He wanted to know exactly what to say when his love awoke and what to do as well. But most of all, he wanted only to transfer all of his emotions, every last one of them through Johnny's lips and hold him in his arms. If he didn't do it now, then he'd never get another chance. Who knew when Johnny would let his guard down next. It could be months.

He didn't have months.

Young Jimmy didn't have time to think things through, and through all of his love's whimpering, he loomed over him, wanting this so much. He bent down, almost magnetically, and his chapped lips embraced Johnny's. He found himself unable to tear away, as if he would ever try.

Johnny tasted good, the other young man noted, enjoying every moment of what he had yearned to commit. But….it just wasn't complete, and Jimmy knew why. He hadn't completed it yet. He parted Johnny's lips to seal the kiss with his own passion for taste.

Johnny C.'s eyes snapped open.

There's no choice for what I do

Once upon when I loved you

There was a moment, one of absolute silence and confusion. Johnny's partly incoherent stare pierced into Jimmy's shocked and dazed eyes. They felt one another quiver and shake and both were running on delayed reactions. However, it was Jimmy who snapped out of it all first.

"Nuh-Nny…."

He grabbed both of Johnny's twig-like wrists, forcing them down upon the couch and eliciting a disgruntling grunt from his victim. Johnny narrowed his eyes dangerously and slipped a hand from the young man's grip where he directed it at his chin.

It was a vicious hit, but Jimmy took it, unrelinquishing the other appendage. Blood flowed from his mouth and he leered down pleadingly at Johnny.

"Nny! Nny, please calm down!" came Jimmy's pathetic cries as he struggled to keep the other man still. Johnny proved to be quite strong, but his position made him exceedingly vulnerable; Jimmy had the upper hand, and somewhere inside, they both knew it. The youth cried again, losing what little control he held over the other, "Please, I won't hurt you! I swear!"

Johnny growled, his eyes flashing a brilliant red. "Hurt me! You deluded fuck! Do you honestly believe that I of all people would fear a grotesque creature such as yourself? This isn't fear, you psychotic shit!" He jerked upward suddenly, foreseeing Jimmy's positioning himself to sit on him. It didn't work and Jimmy had quickly straddled him, still holding his wrists and the odd fear in his body.

Johnny sneered at him, "I know your kind, you miserable pest. A rapist of the worst sort. So controlled by the addiction of controlling others, you break into peoples' houses and tear their pride and self respect away from them. You little bastard. How unfortunate you had the idiocy to slither into my home!" Within the instant, he brought his leg up, kneeing young Jimmy square in the back.

Jimmy screeched, falling forward enough to the point where Johnny could bring up his head and smack skulls. He did such a thing and Jimmy gasped, rolling off of him and the couch in general. He lay there on floor, gripping his head in horrid agony and a slur of whimpers spilling out from his mouth like spit.

Johnny stood, looking like Death himself and glared down at the pitiful thing lying in a dry river of blood and splintered wood. "Nothing but trash in this home of mine, and your presence adds nothing to it. Nothing but more trash." He wiped his lips off with back of his hand, a disgusting, haunting taste lingering in his mouth. He began to pace around the sniveling 'trash' in a circle, hands entwined around one another behind his back. A thoughtful expression had worked its way onto his face as well as a rather large cut on his forehead which spewed a small stream of blood down his face like baby vomit.

The skinny man sighed depressingly. "Oh well," he muttered, back turned. "I guess it can't be helped. I know you can't help that you're stupid and needy. It's not your fault…" He slowly turned back around, finding Jimmy sitting up, a twin cut upon his head. He sighed again.

"However…." Jimmy gulped, suddenly seeing the blade in Johnny's hand.

"You are responsible for what you did. Regardless of whether you are stupid or not, you did ignore any contradicting thought in that small brain of yours NOT to come in. And that's your mistake. Do not blame it on the stupidity."

There was a long pause; uncomfortable. Jimmy's eyes scanned the room, then closed totally. He moved his mouth in sudden, involuntary prayer to someone who would likely not hear, and then dove at Johnny.

The two spilled backwards and a very surprised Johnny released the knife, sending it flying into the air and landing somewhere unseen. They fell back against the floor and neither moved.

Your eyes are so pleading

Your wounds won't stop bleeding

On your beauty, I'm feeding

Can't tear my hands away

It felt like forever before Jimmy gained the lost courage to open his eyes. He had been lying there with eyes clenched to the point of tears, and his arms wrapped around Johnny's waist. His head rested against the man's chest….

There was a problem. Jimmy hadn't noticed it until then…everything seemed still, too still. The world itself had died, ready to cave in on itself…a panicked cry escaped the young man's throat as he pushed himself up on his arms and stared down.

Johnny was no longer breathing.

It's no desire I'm treating

Its true love I'm force-feeding

Misconceptions are leading

Take my breath away

"N-Nny…."a breath barely escaped. "Nny….please, please. I beg you. Wake up…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" A sob worked its way into his words. He lowered his head and tears drifted down his reddened face falling from his chin to Johnny's body.

He suddenly grabbed at Johnny's shoulders, attempting to shake him into awareness. "Johnny! Please, wake up! I'm sorry! But you have to wake up! I didn't mean to do it! I just didn't want you to stab me, not before I got to tell you! I just wanted to tell you! I love you….!" More choking sobs came from him and he yanked Johnny upright, into his arms. He cradled the corpse into his chest, running his hands against the back of his half shaven head.

You sleep in peace, a soft dead stare

And I touch your face, your chest, and hair

"God, Nny, I love you. I have since the moment I saw you…I always wanted to be with you….And…and you would've wanted to be with me to. I know you would have." He leaned in again, caressing the body's lips with his own, tears still erupting from his eyes. Cries strangulated him and he fell on the corpse of dear, beloved Johnny C., still lost in the kiss.

I touch your lips; they're turning blue

Once upon a time when I loved you

He cried and cried, not wanting to ever leave the comfort that Johnny's body gave him. He never wanted to stand and leave, or crawl away to his own home and dwell in sorrow. No, he only wanted to die. Mucus coated words sank out from his mouth once he left the postmortem kiss; he caressed Johnny's cheek with his hand once more, trying to sniff away the tears and snot leaking from his face.

"I'm sorry, Nny. I wish I would've just let you kill me. I would do anything for you…"

A sharp stinging blow exploded at his side. Jimmy opened his mouth to scream, but the pain prevented him from doing so. He clutched at his aching side as a rush of blood moved outward, comparable to a sprinkler system.

The agonizing pain was enough to jolt Jimmy off of Johnny C.'s body, and he rolled over to his where he curled up into a tiny, pathetic ball. He ripped at his wound, feeling a rush of angry blood gush out from between his fingers, seemingly endless. A slur of whimpers escaped his mind through chapped lips and clenched teeth.

The jagged wound was burning; it was a searing, throbbing ache that beckoned him to howl, but he lacked the energy to do so. Instead he remained curled, whimpering and crying and grabbing at the blood. He glanced back at Johnny, eyes red and swollen.

Jimmy's eyes bulged. The body….? Where could it have gone to…? How? Could it? Disappear? A realization struck his body like a cinderblock and the sound of a demon's voice soon followed.

A dark shadow fell over him and he stared up into the eyes of none other than the tormented Johnny C. In the skinny man's hand, he held the very same blade accidentally discarded earlier, now stained with fresh Jimmy-blood.

Before he had the chance to utter a single word, the knife came down into him, slicing into his side, just above the other cut. Jimmy shrieked and wailed on the floor as more blood seeped from his ripped flesh. He could feel, beneath his hand, hot fluid burning his palm, cooking everything it made contact with, and he screamed again and again.

Johnny stared through red eyes at the disgusting creature writhing on the floor. "Is this how you 'love' someone?" his dark mouth-sound came as he leered at the boy. "Love," he snorted as if the word meant nothing; was nothing more than a disgusting piece of pornography that had already been used to the point of meaninglessness and torn pictures. "You do not know what love is. Your only emotions consist of fear and lust, self-pity and panic. Truly, you cannot bear the weight of anyone else's burdens but your own, because you do not know the burdens of anyone but yourself."

He leant in dangerously, grabbing Jimmy's chin in his free hand and forcing the youth to look at him. There was fear and pain in this one's eyes. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before; no, he saw this in all of THEM. How he hated THEM.

"A kiss is all of what you have achieved here tonight, that brings about compelling thoughts of something good. But a kiss is all it was. None of that means anything to me." Johnny sneered. He raised the knife up to the side of Jimmy's face and caressed the skin gracefully with the sharp edge. A thin line of blood trailed down the cheek and Jimmy shuddered, clenching his eyes shut, eyebrows knitted together in trepidation.

The maniac stood up again, playing with the knife in his grip. "You've broken into my house, placed your filthy mouth against mine, and tried to render me unconscious. Hm, why does this sound like something of an attempted rape?" He brought up his arm to the opposite side of his head and swung downward, cutting open Jimmy's scrawny arm.

Jimmy opened his mouth, awaiting sound to erupt from his vocal unit, but none came. For a split second, between the burst of pain, he thought he'd gone deaf, but the shrill giggle of his attacker proved him wrong.

Johnny giggled once more, his right eye twitching madly. "Oh, I know why. Because that's what you tried to do!" He brought the blade down again and proceeded to continue, ripping through every limb that swung out in defense, screaming. "You were going to rape me! The one night I'm forced into natural sedation and you have the fucking gall to break in and straddle me as if you're on horseback! And you actually inserted that maniacal toy you call a tongue into my mouth!" He stopped, taking a moment to catch his breath, watching as Jimmy lay in a puddle of staining redness that only grew larger around him.

It had come to the point where Jimmy was no longer able to move, and Johnny could see that. He would be dead soon from lack of blood.

"You can actually manage to spout out that obnoxious drivel about love. Your love for me. Your willingness to remain beside me and help to ease the stress of burdens from my shoulders." Johnny shuddered in anger, his body shaking. "You're stupid. So very stupid. So I shall release from the pain you have brought me, but more importantly, yourself. No longer will your stupid, meaningless emotions cause you such agony. I promise."

We could've had it all, you know

With no more hate, no sinking low

"Wait….."Jimmy strained to speak, his body convulsing and hemorrhaging beneath his 'savior.' "Puh-please…Nny, I, I luh-love you….together, we could….we could be together. We-we could be hap-hap-happy. Juh-just you and me….I love you."

Johnny stared, fear leaking into his eyes. Maybe…..maybe…..? He quickly closed his eyes, pulling the knife up into the air one last time. A lump in his throat, he swallowed, and replied solemnly, "No….no you don't." He drove the knife down into Jimmy's neck, blood spaying out, and Jimmy jolted in his spot. He twitched and convulsed and gurgled. It was all Johnny would hear for five whole minutes, until finally, Jimmy stopped.

A hand fell upon the doorknob and it made the move to turn it, when a voice rose from the depths of the silent house.

"Hey, where ya going?"

Johnny grimaced at the sound of Meat's voice, the hair's prickling up on the back of his neck. Biting his lip in frustration, he answered cheerfully, "Out. I'm gonna go get a brainfreezy." the cheerful tone faded into a coldness. "Why the hell do you have to know where I'm going every time I make a gesture that insinuates I'm leaving?"

Meat shrugged mentally, but Johnny knew he had. "Are you searching for another pathetic love to bring home?" the porcelain figure pointed to the torn corpse on the floor. "Or maybe you really are getting a drink. Either way, get me a pack of Twinkies. I'm famished."

Johnny rolled his eyes and left, slamming the door behind him. His thoughts were confusing. What could possibly compel a boy like that to move into an obviously dangerous decaying house, attempt to take a strange man, who, for all the boy could've known, might've had some STD or something, and then claim to love him…? How? Why would someone do that?

Could it be, his mind chattered, that he really did love Johnny? Johnny stopped and stared. Perhaps… maybe… not that it mattered now. Nothing mattered now. All that could possibly be cared for was the brainfreezy…. It was all he had.

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"So, and get this, I wake up and this kid is just…KISSING me! Oh God, ya know. Who wants to wake up to find something like that? And then! And then, this degenerate sits on the floor and confesses all these emotions that mean absolutely nothing at all! And then, this is great, he tackles me and comes to the conclusion that I'm dead, so that makes him freak out even more! All you have to do is lie there for a few measly minutes as people fly about in a panic, and suddenly, you're 'dead.'"

The other man stared, confusion in his face as plain as the moon in the sky. He raised a hand to interject, but the storyteller was not yet done with his screaming of 'fiction' and such.

"So, he's freaking out and that's when he tells me he loves me. He loves ME, of all people in the world. You break into someone's home, commit and try to commit vile acts upon them, and then claim to feel something strong in your heart for this person you don't even know! I don't know if he was just waiting for me to say something that sounded like 'I love you too,' but since he's dead now, it doesn't matter. But, really, that stuff….That just doesn't happen in real life, does it! I mean, was I dreaming? I had a lot of sugar before I was knocked unconscious by my own traitorous, worn out body/mind….so maybe….I was….dreaming…?"

The clerk raised an eyebrow, eyes wide. He was clearly confused, but his current, and only, customer, didn't seem to realize that fact, ranting and raving, and throwing his hands into the air like a maniac. "Um….?"

Johnny stopped, leaning against the counter, Brainfreezy in hand, along with a small pack of Twinkies that had become mashed and crushed, regurgitating all creamy substances into the plastic baggy that held them. "Do you think it could've been a dream?"

The clerk paled noticeably and nervously shrugged. Johnny too shrugged back, though a bit more relaxed than the other man, pulling a couple bills from his concealed pocket and handing the bloodstained papers to the man. The clerk jerked back, reluctant to take it from him, but Johnny didn't seem to notice, placed the money upon the countertop and promptly began to head for the exit.

"Keep the change." he replied, slurping his drink. He headed down the street towards home, his only thoughts of the boy lying on the floor of his living room, and wondered what the hell he could've been thinking. A thought crossed his mind. He couldn't stop thinking of this-this one. He was stuck inside of his head; a gum-ish probe in his brain. It wouldn't leave….and he couldn't let it go.

"Fuck," came his voice as he stopped in the middle of street, the moonlight dropping down on him like a motionless bomb; his eyes latched onto the ground, large and startled by what was going on in his own mind. "Fuck it all…"

But I will always think of you

Once upon a time when I loved you

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A/N: Argh! That was so horribly written, but I just really needed something to write before what was left of my tiny brain snapped. God, that was so completely cheesy and sappy and pointless. … I think I'll rewrite the ending before I post it…ya know. Make it readable. Yes, I'd like a beer, thanks.

…

Now that I've rewritten that terrible, terrible ending into a better terrible, terrible ending, I will fly away.

I'm unhappy that Jimmy had to die, because he was a pretty neat character…minus the whole rape thing. Maybe I'll continue it someday, where he comes back from the dead for some reason, but since I suck, that probably won't happen. Anyhow, I think its funny that Johnny seems to regret it for some strange, mysterious reason…

Laters for now.