Don't Wanna Think About You
By KaKaVegeGurl
Author's Note:
I was actually considering discontinuing this fanfic fer a while, but I think I've decided against it fer the time being. So I hope you lot enjoy this chapter!
Have a nice steaming cup of yaoi, and enjoy!
KaKaVegeGurl
To the Reviewers:
To BadBloodwllout: "Aww thank you! I'm glad you like it! Well, here's Chapter 3, hope yer still reading!"
Chapter 3 – Shield In Front Of Emotions
I am Draco Malfoy. The only heir of Lucius Malfoy, and the one expected to continue the line.
My duties are not only that however.
But to follow in my father's foot steps, to be respected by others, and to be great; that is what is expected of me. I can not fail at anything I work hard toward; simply because I am a Malfoy.
That is what being a Malfoy is about.
Malfoys do not fail, Malfoys do not show weakness, and Malfoys are strong willed and determined. That is what makes us who we are.
And I am a Malfoy.
Despite the fact that I have lived with my mother and father my entire life, and seen them go through many phases, name could I not a time that my father or my mother had failed in something they were determined to achieve. I have never experienced seeing my father become weak, or even my mother. They were both always polite and professional. Even with their son.
You simply never saw them tending to me in a motherly or fatherly manner. Because that was not Malfoy-like.
Growing up in that house with them and being expected to be like them was possibly the hardest thing I've went through in my entire life.
When a child is first born its instinct, when they don't get what they want, or they are hurt, is to cry. But I was expected to cast that instinct aside, and ignore it.
That is how I grew up. Learning to cast aside emotion, and defeat feelings such as sympathy and guilt.
But I was hoping that one day someone would save me from that life, accept me for the person I truly was, and I could finally feel.
But even then there was a problem with that.
As no one has, or would ever, seen the real me. It was impossible for them to simply want to get to know me thinking that I was the rude, snobby, selfish boy they had always seen before.
I hoped that Potter would be that person, the person so free me from my imprisonment.
But that was false hope.
I had made him bitter towards me through two years of insults and jeers. And I still continued to do it to this day.
How could I possibly show him that I wasn't really like that without blowing my cover completely?
Draco stared across the Great Hall; he had always drifted off that way whenever he was upset, or needed to muffle the area around him; he seeked refuge in the amusement the Gryffindors gave him. Staring out at the Golden Trio as they talked and laughed, it confused him sometimes at how different their tables were, as none of the Slytherins were like that. The green table was quite quiet in comparison, fellow Slytherins would talk to each other about news in the Prophet, but they never joked or had fun.
Draco half wished he was at the Gryffindor table, grinning wide and laughing at whatever it was they were laughing at, not worrying if the person next to him was antagonizing him, or questioning him.
Never before had any of them noticed he was staring their way until today, it was interesting when Harry Potter turned his head and stared directly at him, grin wide before fading, not into a scowl, but just lips. Draco's brows rose in response before he decided this was his moment, being a Malfoy who controlled there emotions he decided to drop the façade.
He felt his face relax immediately, eyebrows rising slowly and eyes becoming glassy. An expression known as pain and sadness swelled over his usually handsome, sneering features before he stood, returning to normal Malfoy and walking out of the Great Hall.
He remembered just before he turned away, the shock that had engulfed the raven-haired Gryffindor that was watching him, mouth open in speechlessness, but Draco saw no more as he pushed through one of the large doors.
He had originally planned to just go back to the Slytherin dormitories and get his stuff ready for class, but that wasn't what happened.
Instead, just as he started walking down the hallway, the Great Hall doors opened once more.
"Malfoy!"
Draco whipped around quickly to stare in complete shock as Harry Potter stood there, wand in hand, his cloak blowing lightly in the wind. The Slytherin stared at him for a moment before nodding in response and saying in an interested and curious voice; "Yes?"
Harry walked slowly up to him and stared still, "What was that for?"
Draco looked around slowly like he didn't understand what Harry was asking from him, "What are you talking about Potter?"
"Don't you even play dumb with me," Harry said, now glaring at him, "That expression you gave me, did you just do that to get me to come out here?"
Draco cocked a brow at him, "You ever maybe think that it isn't illegal to express emotion through your face?"
Harry stopped for a moment before backing up, "It just seemed like you were asking for something. Attention maybe?"
"I get plenty of attention Potter." Before Harry turned away, Draco let the expression on his face slip again, almost too much, he felt a tear slide down his cheek and hit the floor.
Draco smiled sadly and looked down at his feet where it had dropped, "But perhaps not enough."
Harry's eyes were wide in shock once more, "Malfoy?"
The Slytherin felt his lips shake for a moment before he realized he'd let too much get out, he hardened his face immediately, staring back up at Harry before turning around and walking away, "It's funny when people watch you so much, but they never really see you."
Harry stared after him in disbelief. Had he actually just seen that?
His eyes traveled back down to the fallen tear splattered wide on the sidewalk before turning around, of course he had seen it, and set off back into the Great Hall.
Draco noticed the unusual attention immediately that day, there was no way Harry would stop staring at him.
Perhaps he was waiting for a sign of that raw emotion from before. He had watched Draco all through out Potions and Transfiguration before the Slytherin finally decided to give him a heads up.
Just as they were leaving classes for a free period, Harry still with his eyes completely on Draco as the entire class vacated the room, save them two, Draco stopped and stood to stare at Harry.
He turned around and left the room, the Gryffindor hot on his tail. Finally when Draco felt they were far enough away from any form of human presence, he turned and grabbed Harry by the collar of his cloak and threw him up against the wall.
"You better have a good reason for staring at me all day." He sneered.
Harry gasped at the pressure against the crook of his neck as Draco's grip tightened; he glared at the boy in front of him, "I-I don't understand-"
"You didn't bother to hide the fact that you were staring at me, so what's wrong?" The Slytherin glared at him hard.
Harry grabbed Draco's hand with his left and removed it from his cloak before pushing the blond boy away completely. They stared at each other for a minute or two before Harry finally answered.
"I guess I was just waiting to see it again."
"See what?" Draco asked, even though he already knew what Harry was talking about.
Harry seemed to be struggling in his mind for the right words before he responded, "What I'm guessing is… The emotions you try to hide the-"
"Wrong." Draco interrupted him and stood up straight, his hand was at his wand as he stared out at the grounds, "You didn't see anything. Because there is nothing to see."
He had to keep himself calm, he had to still be a Malfoy, maybe Harry would realize just what he was implying.
The Golden Boy stared at him in confusion, "If it wasn't emotions that you normally hide from everyone, that you were showing me, then what was it?"
Before he knew anything more he was pushed back up against the wall and Draco was holding his wand to the Gryffindors chin, sneering once more.
In a whispered voice he hissed between his teeth, "It wasn't emotions. It was me."
Harry's eyes widened in shock at the Parseltongue that spilled from the Slytherin's lips, but more at the severe closeness of the boy pressed against him.
"It was Draco Malfoy." He hissed softly, he was so close that their lips were brushing featherly against each other as he spoke.
Before anything more could be said the Slytherin pushed away from him and ran down the hall way.
Harry crashed down to the floor as his knees refused to support him.
What was that?
Ending Notes:
Woo! Alright lemme get a few things clear, you lot are all prolly a lil confused atm.
Draco's emotions are easy to spill out once he drops this so called "shield", and it's obviously scaring the shit out of Harry.
You'll soon come to find out that there are a lot more then just emotions that Draco is hiding.
Something along the lines of an alternate personality; in the making.
Lemme see if I can explain this…
Draco has suppressed his feelings for so long that there are now two Dracos. Sort of like a second person in him. You have the real Draco, that's been fighting to get out but has been too weak to get out, and the Draco that you see almost all the time that wants Harry to accept him.
The outer Draco we see all the time is trying to put down his guards to let the real Draco in, but it's hard, and they're fighting, so while Draco can appear cold and nasty, the real, sweet Draco can say things you wouldn't normally hear coming out of a face full of loathing.
This isn't too much of a problem considering that they both love Harry equally, they both are Draco of course, but it's like two Dracos. The real Draco, and the Malfoy Draco that wants his family to accept him as that.
The Malfoy Draco is the Draco that while he does have feelings for Harry, he wants people to respect him just as much.
You'll find out more about the two as this goes one but I'll say this now…
The two Draco's weren't even two separate minds back in the chapter before this; it's the decision to let Harry know about the real him that is making this alternate Draco. His own want to show Harry him is what is making his mind split into two separate personalities.
KaKaVegeGurl