Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, Batman, DC comics, Hamlet or the MTA so if you do please be nice and don't sue me.

It all started in the main room of the tower. "Guys," Robin said, "we've been destroying way too many buildings lately and the money adds up, the government isn't willing to pay for this and tax payers are not very happy."

"And now you're gonna tell us we need to make money?" Raven asked.

"Yes," Robin said, "Any ideas?"

"I have one!" Starfire said, "We could hold the Tamaran Games here on Earth! And have a Tamaran culture festival! With Tamaranian folk songs and food and dances! And the best event the toss of the caberkorf."

"Any one else have an idea?"

"I know! Remember when the Game Station wasn't working?" he shivered in fear, "Well I found one of Raven's big books and I started reading it-"

"So that's what happened to my copy of Hamlet?" Raven glared at him, "You're actually literate?"

"Yeah, but I didn't understand it so I read the spark notes and it seemed really cool! It's about this guy Hamlet who has a major beef with his uncle and then he kills his girlfriend's dad and she's all "lalalala" then she's all "blubblubblub" then Hamlet is all "cool skull!" then he's all "GRRR!" and her brother is all "GRRR!" then the queen was all "AH!" then the king was all "CRAP!" then Laertes wall all "Dang it!" and Hamlet was all "bye." And they all died! There was a very long pause; everyone was staring at Beast Boy wide eyed. "Wouldn't it be awesome if we performed it in modern English?"

"Any more ideas?" Robin asked, nobody could think of anything. "All in favor of the Tamaran festival?" Starfire raised her hand happily, "All in favor of Hamlet?" Beast Boy raised his hand, so did Cyborg everybody stared.

"All that violence sounds awesome!" Cyborg told them.

"I guess we're putting on a play."

"We have a problem there are eight major characters and four of you." Raven said.

"Raven, you're in this too. Exactly how much money do you owe the MTA for destroying buses? And multiple insurance companies for destroying cars and buildings?"

"Damnit, just let me help with the casting so this doesn't turn into a piece of crap."

Auditions------------

They're in their huge backyard, Robin and Raven are the casting directors, being the only two people who didn't just leave their copy of Hamlet in their locker and read the spark notes.

"Can I be Hamlet? Please!" Beast Boy begged.

"No," Raven said.

"I'd be a great Hamlet!"

"Does your mind have the capacity to memorize all of his lines?"

"Oh this too, too solid flesh, words, words, words, to be or not to be? The rest is silence. I have 'em memorized."

"What about his many long fits of insanity yelling at himself? The rest of the soliloquies you mentioned? Other soliloquies you haven't heard of yet?" she held up the book and turned to many pages where no one but Hamlet was speaking.

"Um, maybe I could be Laertes instead or someone with no lines?"

"You're Horatio; you have almost no lines and a very important one at the end. Screw us over and you will suffer. You are also the only one who lives."

"Cool!"

"Next."

"Would you mind telling me about these "plays" you speak of and the "parts" in them?" Starfire asked, then Robin answered her questions. "Oh, tell me of the parts meant for women."

"There's Hamlet's girlfriend Ophelia and his mother Queen Gertrude." Robin told her.

"Ophelia is a pretty name, yes? May I act as her?"

"Well Ophelia is freakishly perky after she goes crazy." Raven said to Robin, "Sure."

"This is most magnificent!"

"Ok. That makes me Gertrude, next." Slade walked up, Robin attempted to jump him and Slade just flipped him over. Then he held up a skull and began to speak,

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times, and now-"

"So you're not trying to kill us?" Raven asked.

"Not now, I've always wanted to be in Hamlet. I begged them in high school but they were doing Much Ado About Nothing… and it being a one gender school, and performing it the way Shakespeare would've, I was Beatrice." All of the Titans except Raven were holding in their laughter with all of their strength.

"You'll make a good Claudius." Raven said. Slade looked pissed off and walked away cursing under his breath. "Next."

"I wanna die! Death parts are awesome! Gimmie the part of someone who gets stabbed!" Cyborg asked.

"Polonius gets stabbed, wanna be him?" Robin asked.

"Boo-yah! This is gonna rock!"

"Next." Robin said then Speedy walked up. He and Robin immediately started talking about their weapons and other stuff, Raven marked him down as Laertes and said, "Next." Then Batman walked up tapped Robin on the shoulder.

"Robin, I can't keep lending you money every time you mess up the city. I'm not a bank." Yes he is, Batman never had special powers just money and a lot of free time.

"Yeah about that," Robin said nervously, "We're actually raising money to pay off our debt, would you be interested in helping us?"

"What do I have to do?"

"Act. We're performing Hamlet."

"Can I be Hamlet?"

"Um, no."

"Why?" Robin didn't answer, and then Batman realized why, "Hamlet and Ophelia never kiss." He thought again for a minute about Act 3 Scene 2, "Give me whatever part you have left, keep Shakespeare's perverted jokes to yourself."

A/N: Next Chappie the play starts! Here's a list of the cast!

Robin - Hamlet

Starfire - Ophelia (Hamlet's girlfriend)

Raven - Gertrude (Hamlet's mom)

Slade - Claudius (Hamlet's evil uncle)

Speedy - Laertes (Ophelia's brother)

Cyborg - Polonius (Laertes and Ophelia's dad)

Batman - Ghost (Hamlet's father)

Beast Boy - Horatio (Hamlet's best friend)

Narrator - me until somebody dies, then they'll take over

A/N: NOW REWIEW! All flames will somehow be used as weapons in later chapters.