Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Final Fantasy. Although I'll take Vincent, if anyone's offering:waggles eyebrows cheesily:
Fiasco
The First Fiasco: Sephiroth Vs. Aerodynamics
Sephiroth stared at Hojo. The man couldn't possibly be serious…The General took a deep breath, attempting to gain control of the situation.
"So to sum things up, you want me to abandon all of my materia, take off my shirt, jump off of the fourth-floor stairs, and try to fly."
Hojo nodded eagerly, rubbing his hand together in delight.
"Yes, yes, that's right. You see, the Mako in your blood and the balance spells that I've imbued into your wing should-"
"Wait a moment." Sephiroth interrupted sharply, taking a deep breath and lifting one large hand to cover his face in exasperation. "Let's backtrack, shall we? WING. As in, singular. You want me to fly with ONE wing?"
Hojo stared blankly at him. "Yee-eess, that was the general idea. You jump off the balcony and fly."
Sephiroth took a deep breath, his left eyelid beginning to spasm violently. "What happens, if it—say—doesn't WORK?" He bellowed at the madman, snatching the hand covering his face down so that Hojo could feel the full extent of the General's ire.
Hojo paused abruptly in his gleeful crowing, head coming up and brow furrowing as if that possibility had never occurred to him.
"You'll fall, I suppose. Stop being childish- you can handle it."
Sephiroth peered dubiously over the railing and stared into the massive room that the balcony opened into. Below, hundreds of lab employees scurried back and forth, like a bunch of little ants just begging for a malicious 7-year-old with a magnifying glass to come and fry them. It looked like an awfully long way down to him… The general gave in to Hojo's persistent badgering with a sigh, then stripped off his shirt and allowed his cramped fifth limb to explode majestically from his shoulder. He flexed the dark ebony pinions with a small groan as the pain of disuse crept up his muscles. With a last sullen glance over his shoulder and a mutter of, 'If I die, it'll be all your fault,' he launched himself over the balcony and into the empty airspace beyond.
It was euphoria. Sephiroth smirked softly to himself. Perhaps this hadn't been such a bad idea after all… The feeling of weightlessness, drifting effortlessly from one soft gust of air to the other, was the closest that he supposed one like him would ever get to heaven. He could just stay like that forever, caring about nothing, bothered by nothing, all alone in his own peaceful world…
Or at least, he could have, had not the spells holding him aloft given out.
The peace was shattered abruptly as Sephiroth let loose a blood curdling
"Yaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii!" and went plummeting to the ground below. The young man windmilled his arms and wing frantically about him in a last-ditch attempt to save himself from a humiliating death as a splatter upon the boots of the Laboratory workers. He was yanked abruptly out of his headlong descent as one of his hands caught on a large purple curtain that cloaked the large windows to provide the doom-n'-gloom atmosphere that Hojo was so fond of.
Sephiroth clung on with all his might, desperately clawing his way up the plush velvet as his legs kicked uselessly in the air behind him. He began to swear loudly, bellowing insults at Hojo and Shinra and and Cloud and anything else that he could think of at the moment at the top of his lungs.
Then the drapes ripped.
Sephiroth froze in horror at the telltale sound of fabric rending, and then bounced down the wall for the seven yards remaining between him and the floor. His last thought before passing out was 'God, the press are going to have a field day with this…'
Hojo peered owlishly over the railing, biting his lip in bemusement and watching as the Sephiroth's prone form was quickly surrounded by curiously whispering employees.
"That's odd… I was sure that it would work…"
The freakish scientist wandered off down the hall, muttering to himself.
"Ah, no matter. I can always recalibrate and try again…."
Thanks for reading! I found this sitting on my computer. It's a few years old, so figured that I'd post it just to see what people thought. I have a second chapter almost done, with will involve another humorous/humiliating thing happen to the ever-so-dignified Sephy. I may think about doing something for the other members of the Final Fantasy crew, if anyone puts in a request. : D Let me know if you think I should bother continuing, please!