Trading Spaces

Chapter 1 : Go to the Flower Shop and Kitty in the West

"Aaaahhh...Sanzo! I'm starving! When're we gonna get there?"

"Give it a rest monkey! We've only been on the road for two hours. And you just ate 45 minutes ago!"

"Don't call me a monkey you stupid perverted kappa! And maybe I wouldn't be so hungry if you didn't eat my last two meat buns!"

"You damn brat, I didn't see your name written on 'em!"

"They were in my bag you stupid roach!"

"Who the hell're you callin' roach you filthy monkey?"

"At least I'm not a pervert you perverted kappa!"

"You wanna put your fists where your mouth is you damn ape?"

"Bring it you pink-haired roach!"

"It's red! RED! You goddamn little shit!"

"Sure it is, you–"

BANG BANG!

"If the two of you don't sit down and shut the hell up you're both gonna be a nice, blood red."

"My, my, what wonderful weather we're having..."

Gojyo and Goku sank down into their respective seats warily as Sanzo slowly and meaningfully lowered his gun and placed it back within his sleeve. Silence reigned, although for how long could be anyone's guess. Sanzo knew it was only a matter of time before the two idiots in the back found something else to fight over, and he was wondering, as he massaged the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ward off an oncoming headache, if the three aspects would be too terribly angry if just killed the both of them now and left their bodies behind for the crows to feast on. The thought was very tempting indeed, no matter what his mission was.

A sharp pain lanced through his skull, beginning at the occipital base and raking around to his temples and then his forehead, and Sanzo grunted, falling forward a bit against the sensation. It felt like something was trying to pry him apart and slip inside. For lack of a better description, it felt almost like some sort of entity was trying to force it's way into his brain. The blond man silently contemplated what was left of his sanity, trying to calculate how much further his decent into madness had been taken thanks to the stupidity he was forced to endure day by day.

"Sanzo. Are you feeling alright? You aren't getting sick again, are you?" Hakkai asked softly from beside him. Sanzo grunted, not bothering to look-up.

"I'll be fine if those two idiots in the back lay off." he growled.

"Naa, Sanzo. You're sick?" Goku's worried voice piped up suddenly, forcing the pounding in Sanzo's head to start throbbing double time.

"Headache. So shut the hell up, stupid monkey." the monk replied, massaging his forehead with his fingertips slightly.

To tell the truth, this wasn't the first of these headaches Sanzo had been experiencing during the past few days. It was one of many. What was different about this one, however, is that it was far more severe, and that sensation of something trying to pry his head apart had hardly been present previously. This time it had demanded his attention, and gave him slight cause for worry. He already had enough on his plate to deal with without having to worry about something like body possession. From somewhere above him, the monk thought he heard an amused cackle. "Rot in hell, you old hag." he grumbled under his breath, somehow just knowing that she had something to do with this, and the laughter had been real. And if Kanzeon Bosatsu had something to do with this, then Sanzo knew he was in big trouble. He groaned once more, this time, with feeling. He felt more than saw Hakkai's worried gaze flicker over his form even as Goku's hand became a slight pressure on his shoulder.

"You gonna be ok, Sanzo?" the youth persisted. A vein began pulsing dangerously on the monk's forehead.

"A-heh. Goku, I think Sanzo just needs a little quiet. Why don't we let him rest?" the healer edged in softly, trying to stop another war before it could get started. Wisely, Goku nodded, sitting back.

"Okay. Feel better Sanzo." Sanzo grunted in reply, closing his eyes and attempting to catch a bit of a nap.

"You perverted kappa! Gimme back my dumpling!"

"Again with the my! You stupid monkey, how many times to I have to tell you that your name ain't on it!"

"It was on my plate, you filthy cockroach!"

"Like that matters you little shit!"

"It does so matter you pink-haired perv!"

"If you call my hair pink one more time..."

"What're you gonna do about it, pink-head?"

"Alright, that's it– you're goin' down little monkey!"

"Little? Any time you'd like to try you pervy kappa!"

"Bring it on!"

"Fi—"

THWACK THWACK!

"The two of you give it a GODDAMN rest before I kick both your asses!"

"Sanzo, what was that for?"

"You friggin' corrupt monk, that hurt!"

"Good, maybe you'll remember the pain the next time you try to do something stupid..."

"My, my, isn't this dinner delicious?"

"I've lost my appetite."

"Ooh! Can I have your noodles then Sanzo?"

THWACK!

"Back off monkey."

"Ow! Sanzo! I was just askin'! Unlike some people who just steal it without sayin' nothin'!"

"You tryin' ta say somethin' little monkey boy?"

"Stop callin' me a little monkey! You damn perverted cockroach!"

"I call 'em like I see 'em, baby ape."

"You wanna say that to my face you pink-haired perv?"

"I am sayin' it to your face you stupid monkey! And for the last time, my hair ain't –"

BANG!

"Shutting up now."

The table fell into silence as everyone finished their meal. Once he had eaten as much as he could make himself, Sanzo rose slowly, his head feeling as if it would fall off at any moment.

"I'm going upstairs for some peace from these two idiots. Don't bother me until breakfast tomorrow." Hakkai nodded as Sanzo left, his usual smile turned thoughtful. Across from him, Gojyo and Goku were already arguing over Sanzo's leftovers like a pair of rabid vultures.

"Don't you two think that's odd?" the healer asked, hoping to distract them.

"Think what's odd?" Gojyo grunted, trying to dislodge his hair from Goku's grip and still hold on to the precious gyoza he'd managed to grab.

"Sanzo just leaving like that. He didn't even finish eating." the brunet continued.

" So? He's got a headache or somethin', right? More food for us. God dammit Goku, LET GO!" Gojyo gave a mighty tug and wound up losing a handful of crimson silk to Goku's incredible grip. But he did come away with three gyoza.

"You little shit! You just pulled out my hair! What, are ya tryin' ta make me bald?"

"Hah! It'd be an improvement you damn pervy roach! Serves you right for takin' my food!"

"For the last time you stupid ape, it ain't your food! When're you gonna learn this shit?"

"It's not your food either! It's Sanzo's!

Both monkey and kappa turned simultaneously, forgetting Sanzo had already left, their faces immediately going blank as they registered the blond man's absence.

"Where the hell is that corrupt monk anyways?" Gojyo mumbled, contentedly chewing on his hard-earned gyoza. Goku, face full of lo-mein already, shrugged.

"Mmbbffff ggmmff mmmoo." he replied. Across from him, Hakkai's smile turned a mix of disbelieving and exasperated as Gojyo smacked Goku upside the back of the head.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth. It's disgusting you damn animal." Just as Goku was taking a deep breath to begin what would undoubtedly become the hundreth battle of the day, Hakkai cut in quickly.

"Something's wrong with Sanzo." Both occupants across the table from him froze mid-quarrel, and stared at him. It was a rather funny pose, and Hakkai might have laughed if the situation hadn't been so serious. Instead he ignored it, behaving as if they were sitting up straight and sober, facing him. Waiting a beat, he pressed on.

"I've been noticing that he's been getting these headaches more and more frequently recently. He doesn't say anything about them, but I have a feeling they aren't normal. Both men across from him frowned thoughtfully, battle forgotten, and the healer breathed an inward sigh of releif. Three heads were better than one, after all, and Hakkai knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate if he was refereeing the battles between those two.

"Well, what do you think we should do about it?" Gojyo began. "It's not like he'd ever admit it, and if it is serious, then we need to find out what's going on." Hakkai nodded.

"I propose we simply keep an eye on him for now, and try to deduce what the possible problem could be. It shouldn't be too hard to spot something; he's already behaving less and less like himself." Gojyo and Goku nodded. The meal concluded in thoughtful silence and the group rose as one and acended the stairs to bed. At the top, Hakkai turned to Goku.

"Goku, you're rooming with him, so be sure to be on the look out for anything odd. Come get me if you notice something." the teen nodded, and turned down the left side of the hall. Hakkai and Gojyo turned right.

"Got any theories?" Gojyo prodded casually.

"None yet. The ideas I'm getting aren't very promising though."

"Sounds like a barrel of laughs. The last thing we need is a constantly pissed off monk. He's bad enough as it is." was the sarcastic reply. Hakkai nodded thoughtfully and closed the door behind them.

"I would have to agree with you there my friend. I hope the problem resolves itself. But somehow, I have a feeling it won't be so easy..." the healer replied. Gojyo groaned, flopping down on his bed, and Hakkai chuckled.

"Just what we friggin' need right now." Hakkai could not agree more as he turned off the light.

OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO

"Aya-kun, can you take care of this order? I've got to make the deliveries and Yohji-kun is still sleeping."

Fujimiya Aya felt his eyebrow twitch dangerously in warning at the mention of a certain lazy playboy still sleeping while he was awake and the victim of a pounding headache. He nodded mutely, turning towards the customers in question and flinched ever so slightly as they squealed in delight. Oh Gods, this was going to be a long day...

"Omi. When is Ken going to be in?" Omi smiled at Ran sympathetically.

"Not until at least 3pm I'm afraid. He's coaching the kids this afternoon through their first neighborhood game. That means he'll be there an extra hour or so." the youth replied. "I'm really sorry Aya-kun. I'll try my best to wake Yohji-kun before I head out."

"Hn." was his response. Aya knew it wasn't Omi's fault, but he couldn't prevent his short temper in the face of yet another migraine today. It was at least his fourth or fifth this week, and it was only Wednesday for crying out loud. Ken had told him to see a doctor, and as much as Aya hated doctors, he was tempted to do just that.

"Ja ne, Aya-kun!" and with a spunky wave, Omi darted out the back and towards their apartments before heading out for deliveries. At least he was going to try and wake Kudo again. That way when Aya carved him up into little peices later he'd have no excuse to escape his fate.

With a heavy head, the stoic man turned and began ringing up orders as best he could, trying his hardest not to keep one hand on his temple as he did so.

He was well into tidying-up what remained of that morning's school-girl stampede, enjoying the silence, when he suddenly found his hands full of a rather tasty-looking bento.

"I closed up so we could eat together. You look like you could use a break, and I know I need one..." a smooth, warm voice murmured in his ear. Aya turned, showing deep brown eyes a grateful smile in his own violet ones. "C'mon." Ken said softly, beckoning him towards the kitchenette in back. He nodded, following.

Ken headed for the fridge and pulled out a sports drink, stopping by the stove to put the kettle on and get a tea-cup out of the cabinet above. He set it on the counter. "Err...not sure what sort of tea you want." was the explanation he offered as he set his own bento down on the table and began unwrapping it enthusiastically. Aya measured a small amount of black tea into a disposable tea bag and closed it, dropping it into the cup. He turned around, leaning his rear against the counter as he watched Ken attack the contents of his bento with gusto. He raised an eyebrow, amused.

"That good, huh?" Ken paused, a light blush staining his cheeks as he looked up.

"I guess. Just hungry." was the reply. Ken went back to eating.

"Omi said you wouldn't be back until 3." Aya continued, turning at the whistle of the kettle and pouring hot water into his mug. He felt more than saw Ken's shrug.

"Nah, finished early. We creamed 'em." the red-head didn't have to be facing Ken to pick up on the pride in that sentiment.

"Glad to hear it." he murmured, unable to resist finally massaging his temple with his fingers idly as he sat down. He was understandably surprised when calloused fingers suddenly replaced his own, gently massaging both temples. Aya's eyes fell closed in relief, a sigh escaping his lips. They sat in silence for a little while longer, Ken standing behind Aya and massaging while Aya simply let him massage, grateful at the reprieve from what had been an intense pain.

"You know what? Take a nap. You need it. I'll take over the rest of your shift." the athlete said at length. Aya sighed, but his eyes remained blissfully closed.

"Ken, that's a double shift. Aren't you tired from soccer?" the stoic man replied softly, so as not to agitate the pounding in his head.

"Ran, I'll be fine. I doubt you're going to get much work done like this anyways, and you're probably scaring away customers." the brunet joked. Aya scowled, although the face was softened by his relaxed state. Talented hands moved onto his neck and the red head sighed blissfully, head falling forward. Behind him, Ken chuckled.

"See? You need some rest." suddenly the massage stopped and Aya cracked his eyes open to see Ken crouching before him, concerned. "Are you even hungry?" the stoic man sighed again.

"Not really, no." he admitted. Ken's face pulled into a frown.

"You're going to the doctor's tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts about it." Aya tried for another scowl, but failed miserably, and went back to massaging his temples. Ken's fingers brushed his aside gently and worked their magic once more. If there was anything Ken knew, medicinal massage was among the best. Being a major-athlete had many advantages. Many advantages. Aya's headache dissipated momentarily at the thought of Ken naked and squirming on his bed. Ohh. Very nice. Sighing, he opened his eyes and tried to fix the brunet with his best death-glare. Ken only chuckled.

"Sorry, not gonna work. Even if you were at full power, I'm not swaying on this. It's for your own good Ran." the athlete's voice softened and a calloused, sun-kissed hand slid down gently to cup a pale cheek. Ken leaned forward and planted a chaste, loving kiss on the stoic man's forehead. "Please?" he murmured, sincerity in his voice. Aya made the mistake of looking into deep brown eyes and found himself stuck. With a heavy sigh, he conceded.

"Fine. We'll go. But he isn't going to tell me anything I don't already know." the red-head grumped. Ken chuckled.

"Of course. Now go take a nap." he replied flippantly. Aya had the good sense to glare the back of the laughing man's head into oblivion even as he was trudging up the stairs to their apartments, relief at the idea of a good long rest; time spent with his eyes closed in darkness. Maybe the day wouldn't be so bad after all.

Boy, did he ever get it wrong...

OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO

With a groan, Genjo sanzo opened his eyes and blinked at his surroundings blearily. His headache, he realized immediately, was gone. Not just retreated, but gone. In fact, he felt oddly–sated. With a small smile, the monk stretched, sitting up in bed and looking about him for his cigarettes. Early morning light and cheery bird-song flitted through the window, and for once, Sanzo wasn't disgruntled by it. But where the hell were his cigarettes?

A quick glance at the night-stand gave him pause. Wait a minute– The Tragedy of King Lear? Was he in Hakkai's room? Frowning, Sanzo glanced around. No. He was...where the hell was he! There was only one bed for starters and it was...oh shit. Sanzo cast a hasty glance down at the body he suddenly realized was reposing beside him. Brown hair...Goku? But he'd remembered their being two beds? Had they traded rooms in the night? Had the monkey decided the risk to bodily harm was worth it to sleep in a bed? Sanzo felt it would be prudent to peek first before blowing up and thrashing the teen within an inch of his life for invasion of personal space without permission; he had a sinking feeling he was missing something really, really important. Holding his breath, the monk peeled the blanket away from the form lying beside him very, very carefully.

Oh.

Not Goku. A brunet he'd never seen before, in fact. Sanzo heard laughter, distinct and female, echoing through his shock, and one vital piece clicked into place: he didn't know where he was, he was lying in bed next to a man–a naked man he'd never met before, and Kanzeon Bosatsu was laughing loud enough for him to hear.

And just like that, Sanzo knew, he was most likely very, very screwed. He lifted the blankets again carefully, so as not to wake the form reposing beside him, and looked down at himself.

Oh boy. That definitely wasn't his. You function with something for over twenty years and you pretty much know the ins and outs of it at about twelve. There was nothing familiar about what he was staring at. At all. With the exception of maybe size, which came as somewhat of a relief. Hands less bony and calloused in different places held the covers away from skin decidedly more pale than his own. Shit. With a sigh, Sanzo ran an unfamiliar hand up into his hair and started slightly as red strands fell into his view; the texture a bit more silken than he was used to, and certainly not the kind of hair that had been traveling in a topless jeep through all kinds of weather.

He was in someone else's body.

Sanzo pinched himself. It hurt. He did it harder. It hurt more.

Not dreaming. Double shit. And to complete Sanzo's morning from hell, the form beside him stirred, grumbling sleepily and smaking his lips.

"Koi?" a groggy voice called. "It's 6 in the frigging morning. What the hell're you doing up? G'back t' bed." Sanzo let loose another heavy sigh, and cursed inwardly and quite fluidly as he heard delighted female laughter bouncing off the walls around him once again.

Fucking Hell.

Why couldn't life ever be simple?

OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO

Fujimiya Aya stirred groggily, groaning and rolling over, his hand connecting with an empty bed beside him. With a soft grumble, the stoic man cracked an eye open, searching for his bed partner, and finding the bed startlingly not only empty, but rather unruffled. And it looked like–an inn bed? What?

"Naaa Sanzo! Are you awake! I'm starving, can we eat breakfast now?" a loud, obnoxious voice called close to his ear. An unfamiliar voice. Aya jumped a mile high and blinked somewhat scared violet eyes at the form bouncing on the floor beside the bed he was sleeping in; which he had decided was in fact not any bed he'd ever slept in until this moment. At the sight of the shocked, confused expression facing him, the teen in front of him abruptly stopped bouncing.

"Sanzo, you still feeling funky? You need something?" the youth prompted. Aya blinked and asked the first thing that came to mind, mouth and brain not working up to speed in his shocked state.

"Who's Sanzo?" the teen in front of him fell back as if struck. Giving him an odd, worried look, the youth hurried out of the room and down the hall, bellowing what sounded like "HAKKAI!" Aya followed the youth out, in search of a bathroom.

He found one without incident, never mind the robes on his lower half, and let himself in, turning on the light. It was when he caught sight of himself in the mirror that he froze.

OOOoooOOOoooOOO

Hakkai was wrenched from sleep abruptly by the combined sounds of enthusiastic pounding on the door as Goku bellowed his name from the other side and Gojyo cursing and insulting the monkey beneath his breath. Leave it to Gojyo to wake-up cursing, the healer thought with an inward chuckle. With a sigh, he pulled himself from bed and answered the door, stepping to the side as Goku fell face-first into the room. Gojyo had stopped cursing and was leaning up on one elbow, watching with a mild, half-asleep amusement. Goku brought himself up, spluttering.

"Hakkai, HAKKAI!" the healer winced and heard Gojyo curse again at the loud voice. Hakuryu 'kyuu'ed softly from Hakkai's neglected bed.

"Goku, what on earth is the matter? You're going to wake the whole inn." the brunet admonished softly. Goku simply shook his head.

"You remember what you said, 'bout Sanzo?" the teen panted frantically. Hakkai waited patiently for the boy to continue. When he didn't, pausing to catch his breath, the healer prodded him gently.

"What about Sanzo?" Goku looked up, and took a deep breath. Hakkai prepared himself for a stream of fast-moving words without properly placed breaks.

"Well this morning he's—" Goku was abruptly cut off by the sound of a loud, hoarse, masculine scream. Sanzo's scream to be exact. Coming from the bathroom.

Oh, shit.

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There you have it. The start of something fun, I hope. What does everyone think? Let me know! Ja na minna!